Rock Star Sees Old Flame Backstage

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders, aka Blackjack Chuck of the Blackjack Aces, took a double take and had to catch his breath before singing the next hit single "Devil May Care" to the crowd of hardcore fans. There she was....damn that girl.....the girl who tore his heart into pieces ages ago.

Nicki. Damn her. Nicki was in the crowd. Nicki with her short, frosted hair and gray-green eyes. She didn't look a day older than she did eight years ago, the last time he saw her. She had to be forty, but he didn't care. She could still put a lump in his throat and butterflies in his stomach.

Charles buckled down and went ahead into his song. Only "Crazy Ivan", his drummer and best friend, caught on to it. Ivan cared too much about Charles not to see the pain and he remembered what Charles told him about Nicki. He knew the whole damn story.

Charles had a decision to make. To give her a backstage pass or not. Not for the usual, "groupie" stuff necessarily, though sex with Nicki would beat the normal groupie sex by a country mile. No, he WOULD give her a backstage pass, if for no better reason than to talk to her again and see what happened to her. Not to rub it in. That wasn't his style. He didn't want to hurt Nicki. He couldn't hurt her.

Even she hadn't hurt him on purpose. She just couldn't go with him where he wanted to go. They were too different and they wanted too many different things, but he still hungered for her....fiercely. He still loved her, damn it.

Yeah, I'll see her again, just this twice. Nothing will come of it but another memory. She couldn't do it before. She can't now. I still don't really know how she feels about me, all these years later. She just turned me down for her own reasons. The timing was wrong, she said. The circumstances. It wasn't against me in principle. Or so she said. It still stung. It still hurt me. But I can't stay mad at her. I never could. She never meant me harm. Of course, if she knew the real me, she'd have other reasons to say "no". Reasons founded in what mothers told their daughters that "nice girls don't do" and social conventions insisting that "respectable" women must expect of men. Either way, nothing would come of this. We would walk away from each other as before. Yeah, that's what will happen.

 

[sexy_curves]

Nicki Abrams stood in the front row, immediately in front of the man she once had thoughts of spending her life with. Her body moved to the music with the rest of the crowd, but unlike everyone around her, including a close friend she had come to the concert with, she was not lost in the music. Nicki was lost in thoughts of Chuck and the past she had with him.

It had been eight years since the last time they were together, and that last night had been painful. It was the night she had finally made her choice not to join Charles and his band, the Blackjack Aces when they went out on the road. She was still in school and she wanted to finish her art therapy degree.

She had left his apartment that night knowing that their lives would forever be different, that they were both starting anew without one another. She loved him, there was no doubt, but her greatest fear in life was living forever in her famous man’s shadow.

Since that night eight years ago, she had been in relationships, and she had been happy, nothing had panned out to last long term, and she was happy being on her own. She was 40, but she was not in a hurry to settle down. She worked as an art therapist to support her passion of photography. She was accomplished enough to have had two gallery shows that had done rather well.

Occasionally, Nicki wondered what life would be like if she had gone with Charles. Would she have been able to pursue photography or would she have been cooped up on a tour bus and hotel rooms week after week? It was a risk she wasn’t willing to make at the time.

She had to wonder if he would invite her back stage after the show, to talk, to catch up. Or, if he would walk off the stage and not look back, if the wounds, even after eight years, were still too fresh. She hurt him badly when she left him, of that she was fully aware, and that was something she had lived with for eight years.

When she finally refocused on the present, the audience was in an a sea of applause, cheers and cameras flashing. She wrapped her fingers around her own camera and shot a picture of Charles on her digital SLR camera, everything around him blurry, but Charles himself sharp and in focus.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders aka Blackjack Chuck

"Alright, buddy, you did even better than your usual best," Jade, Charles's bass guitarist, told him as the show ended. A butch lesbian, she often seemed just one of the guys in many ways.

Charles even gave her a manly arm shake and turned to his stage manager. Dave Curtis was a longtime professional who'd gotten them this far. Charles's leaned in to give him a message.

"That girl in the short, frosted hair. See her? Give her a backstage pass," he told Dave.

"The older girl? Didn't think that was your scene, but sure, why not? Just hope that the cougar don't have claws. Then again, maybe you hope that she does. Seriously, I'll give her the pass for you. Want me to hand it to her personally?" Dave grinned like the cad that he was....a likeable cad, of course.

"It would be a personal favor, so, yes. I can't explain, but there is more to it than the usual groupie deal," Charles informed the manager, "and there's nothing wrong with an older woman. I'm no spring chicken myself these days, as you know. Thanks, man."

"Hey, you're welcome. I'm not about to cock-block any guy, no matter how soft and mushy he might suddenly become," Dave slapped Charles on his shoulder in a friendly way before walking over to Nicki.

"Our friend the lead singer would like a word with you backstage. Care to take a pass and join him?" he still grinned, clearly not believing Charles about the man's intentions. Charles rolled his eyes. Some guys never learn. At least Ivan got it. Groupies were nice, but this was much better, even if nothing horizontal happened. This was an old flame that had to be put out at last, one way or the other. It didn't matter what he learned, he had to know it, after all of these years. The truth might hurt, but the suspense of not knowing was worse.

 

[sexy_curves]

As the band left the stage, Nicki cheered loudly with the rest of the crowd before packing her camera back into her messenger back and talking to her friend Erin about how great the concert had been. She waited for another minute or two, hoping to see Charles. She and Erin turned to leave when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Her heart jumped into her throat, expecting it to be Charles when she turned back to look who it was.

When she turned around, it was someone she hadn’t met before the band left to tour those eight long years ago. He had a laminated pass in his hand, and wore one around his own neck that said “manager”. She bit her bottom lip, not certain exactly what emotions she was feeling; excitement, fear? What was she afraid of?

“Of course, I’d love to see him again,” she replied, turning towards Erin for a moment. She reached into her bag and grabbed her car keys, handing them to her longtime friend. “Here” she said, her heart racing at the thought that she’d be talking to Charles in a few minutes. “Take my car; I’ll catch a cab when I’m ready to leave. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She had told Erin that she had been friends with Charles, but didn’t share just how deep their relationship had been.

She hugged Erin before taking the pass that the band’s manager offered him, and followed him back stage. She couldn’t help but notice the smirk on his face. He lead her into a lounge back stage where the entire band was, people she had once countless hours with, some of her closest friends until she decided not to go on the road with them.

There he was, standing near the bar with his closest friend, Ivan. She had felt confident until now, but when she saw him, as he turned around and his eyes aligned with hers, she felt like she was in middle school, meeting her crush. She managed a warm smile, but couldn’t will her body to move towards him. She felt the other band members look at her, and she had never considered what they thought of her, what they thought about the way she ended things with Charles.

Finally she found her body and walked towards him.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders aka Blackjack Chuck

"Don't worry. I won't do anything but talk to you, unless we both decide otherwise. You'll have to excuse Dave. He's my manager, but he still thinks that this is a groupie deal, despite my statements to the contrary," Charles told Nicki in a lower voice, both for privacy and because his vocal cords were tired.

"How have you been, Nicki? The last time we saw each other, you wanted to be photographer, as I recall. From what I've seen of your work, I'd say that you did well for yourself in your career. How is everything else, though?" Charles got closer to the questions that he really wanted to ask her.

Of course, the real question in his mind was this,"Do you still have feelings for me, as I do for you? Do you think that you and I could ever make it work out after all of these years?"

Not to mention,"Do you have a husband or boyfriend?" He wasn't ready to ask those questions yet, but they were very present in his thoughts.

Part of him hoped that she would volunteer that information. His gut clenched as he remembered their last conversation, the one where she told him goodbye, that it couldn't work out, that the timing and circumstances were wrong, that their different dreams would necessarily take them different places. He also knew that at the time, she was probably right about it. That didn't make it hurt any less for being true. If anything, quite the opposite, and he couldn't blame her or be angry at her, even now.

Charles's stomach churned, but he took a swig from his energy drink. He wished it were whiskey at this point, but he never drank on tour. It was an agreed rule of the band: no booze on the tour bus. They had to be at their best shape for gigs. Oh, well, the tour ended tonight. Then he could drink.....after Nicki told him the rest of the story.

He didn't hold out much hope of anything happening between them.....but he still wanted it to....he just hoped that she didn't see that his eyes still honed in on her and his heart still beat faster for her. That Eric Carmen song, "Hungry Eyes" somehow came to mind. He was normally more of a grunge rock type, which was the type he recorded, but that didn't mean that he failed to appreciate other music forms. That song probably reflected the truth about him, what might show in his eyes, at least at the moment, seeing Nicki again.

 

[sexy_curves]

Being shorter than he was, Nicki looked up as he spoke, the two of them finally close enough to talk. She smirked slightly when he assured her he wouldn’t do anything but talk unless more was consensual. “I’m not worried, Charles,” she replied, his low voice as he explained about Dave was familiar, the way he sounded after a gig still resonating with her, bringing her memories into a more vivid light.

She leaned her back against the bar, which she noticed held no alcohol as they spoke, her eyes wavering from his only occasionally, and very briefly as they spoke.

His comment about her photography momentarily stunned her. He’d followed her work? The nervous excitement pulsing through her body increased to an even greater level. “I’ve poured my heart and soul into photography and art therapy” she told him, taking a breath to calm down and regain her composure before she continued. How was he so calm while she was just a ball of adrenaline?

“I’ve been good, my career lets me continue with my photography. Just focusing on my work, living life and doing what makes me happy, in a much more understated manner than you, of course,” she said smiling, touching his forearm lightly with her hand. “I’ve followed your success, Charles, I’m happy that you’ve accomplished all that you have.

Nicki looked around quickly, many of the others in the room focused on a few people who had entered the room after she had. Groupies. “To be honest, I’m surprised you sent Dave out for me, when you could have your pick of any willing groupie” she said with a playful smile on her lips, a very subtle twinkle in her eyes.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders aka Blackjack Chuck

The smile on Nicki's face reminded him of old times, of the things that they used to do together....of how much fun she always was in general, and not just in bed, though that was certainly a significant part of it. She always had that quality to her, which he completely adored.

"Yeah, I could have done that. But I wasn't about to miss my chance to see you again for a groupie who just wants a night with a singer. I missed talking to you and wanted to see what you honestly thought and felt about me. I might not ever get this chance again, for all I know. I had to find out. And if something else happened, too, that would be a bonus. A pleasant surprise is the best way to put it.

"Thank you for your compliments on my career. Yes, I've paid attention to yours. I wanted you to succeed, since that would make you happy with your life. I wanted you to know that I didn't blame you for your decision. You did want you had to do, just as I did. I just hoped that it was the only reason. I wasn't honestly sure if it was. That's what it comes down to for me. I wanted to know if you cared as much for me as I did for you.

"I had to settle it once and for all in my mind and my heart. If I'm going to move forward with my life and let go of the past, I had to resolve those doubts. Huh, here I am, spilling everything, and without the excuse of alcohol. What kind of guy does that? One who still has a bit of love left over, I suppose," Charles told her, hoping that the truth didn't sound corny, stupid, or weird.

He had no way to gauge Nicki would take this news.

 

[sexy_curves]

A slight pink blush moved across her cheeks with what Charles said about wanting to talk to her over spending the night with a groupie. She nodded at his comments about catching up, it was like he was taking the words right out of her mouth.

“My career has made me so happy, being able to help others through art, and being able to explore my own talents with my pictures have given my life so much meaning. I’m still so sorry that I hurt you when I walked from us that night, Charles. My career was the only reason, there wasn’t anyone else, it was just that I needed to find who I was, and what my purpose was,” she said to him, brushing her bangs out of her eyes.

“If it was eight years ago and I had to do it all over again, I would still do what I did. But if I had to choose again now, where I am in life, I’m not sure I would walk away, I’ve always lived with some regret, wondering what would might have been, wondering about how things would have gone for the last eight years,” She looked up at him, resting her arm on the bar.

She really didn’t know what she would say if she was presented with the option again at this point in her life. With digital cameras, she could still focus on her passion. She’d have to give up her art therapy, but the other therapists in her office were more than capable of taking over her handful of patients.

She shook her head and inhaled deeply. Why am I even worrying about this, we haven’t been with each other in almost a decade, and I was the one that ended the relationship so many years ago. Why would he put himself out there and risk his heart again? she thought to herself.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders aka Blackjack Chuck

"I'm not asking you to choose. I travel for work, anyway. I wouldn't mind trying again. If it doesn't work out, then we can both walk away with our heads high and no regrets. That's where I stand. I'm not asking you to marry me. That's a little hasty. But if you wanted to be my girlfriend, I would be thrilled. There, I said it. I still care about you that way.

"I know that there are a lot of pitfalls and we could very well end up breaking up for good. I can live with that. I know that I have fidelity issues, so that's a very real danger. On the other hand, I'm getting tired of the groupies and who else would really tempt me anymore? I don't know if we can last. I just know that I want to try it," Charles finally got it off his chest. He was tired of holding it in.

He was fully prepared to see her walk away again, especially given his candor about his difficulty being faithful. Of course, there were also his kinks, but that was generally a lesser issue from his experience than his wandering eye.

 

[sexy_curves]

Nicki nodded, contemplating his idea. She knew about his wandering eye, they had minor conflicts with it in the past. She also knew that she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life wondering what would have or what could have happened, especially not when they had this second chance. It was obvious that Charles still had strong feelings for her, and while she had kept her feelings hidden for the majority of the last eight years, she still loved him.

He was doing that thing where he could just about read her mind just by looking into her eyes, reassuring her he wasn’t looking for marriage, not soon anyways. And it was clear that they were both willing to risk even more heartache to give it another chance.

“I think we should try again, Charles,” she said softly, her heart pounding rapidly against her ribcage. “I think we owe that to ourselves seeing the opportunity has presented itself.”

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders aka Blackjack Chuck

"Yes, we do. It won't be easy, but I'll do my best. I just know that I couldn't simply watch you leave without trying again this once," Charles told Nicki, his breath growing short from his asthma. A couple of puffs on his inhaler and he was much better. It was a closely guarded secret, but he was sure that Nicki knew already. He had suffered it for some twenty years. Anxiety and his career were both rough on his lungs, not to mention the second-hand smoke of some of the crew and the groupies.

"Did you want to go somewhere and eat?" he asked her, once he recovered sufficiently.

Small steps, he told himself. Don't rush anything. A date would be nice. Charles didn't go on blind dates anymore, because they were phony, but this was different. This was a reunion date with the woman that he still loved after eight years.

 

[sexy_curves]

Nicki looked at Charles with concern when his breath grew short, remembering that he’d had asthma years before. She couldn’t imagine that his career was easy on his lungs, and she also wondered if their conversations were causing the same nervous anxiety for him that it was for her. She waited quietly as he pulled out his inhaler, glad to see he was still taking care of himself.

The truth was that she wasn’t really hungry, her stomach had been full of butterflies all night during the concert and even now, but she was more than happy to go somewhere with him if it was what he wanted to do.

“Sure, that sounds great,” she answered, picking her bag up off of the bar and putting the strap over her shoulder so it went across her body. “Where did you have in mind?” she asked him.

She never would have expected tonight to happen. Of course she had bought tickets to the concert, but that didn’t mean she was expecting him to invite her back stage, or for him to be available or even willing to give their relationship another try.

Slow, she told herself, knowing how easy it might be for them to step exactly back to where they had been before she walked out on him. Eight years had passed though, they had both grown and changed as individuals and they needed to take it slow, as if they were starting a brand new relationship.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders aka Blackjack Chuck

"I know a quiet little cafe just across the street. They serve a lot of comfort food and stew. I visit there often whenever I just want to escape after concerts. I discovered it quite by accident," Charles suggested.

"If you're not very hungry, there's a few lighter items that won't be so hard on your stomach. I just think that we need a little date of sorts. Kind of like a first date, though not quite the same thing," he added.

"My treat, of course. It's my first chance to do something for you in ages. We can see how the night goes afterward."

Charles wanted to send the signal that there was absolutely no pressure. Things would have to happen naturally. While he knew Nicki from the past, she had changed and he didn't totally know this Nicki. She could be very different in some ways from the old one. He was interested in getting to find out.

"What do you say? Want to ditch this place?"

 

[sexy_curves]

“That sounds great,” she agreed. “It’ll be nice to catch up and get reacquainted,” she added. She smirked to herself when he read her thoughts just be looking into her eyes again before mentioning that it would be his treat.

Nicki felt something with Charles that she never felt with other guys that she had dated, and while she wasn’t aware of it, she had compared them to him, and none of them ever made the mark.

“I’m game if you are,” she said, smiling warmly up at him in response to his question. She glanced around as they walked through the room and she blushed slightly when she saw a couple getting hot and heavy on a couch in the corner. She wondered how often Charles could be found in a similar situation after a concert.

They walked outside through the stage door and down the block to the café that Charles had suggested.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders aka Blackjack Chuck

When they reached the cafe, Charles, of course, opened the front door of the cafe for Nicki. He was determined to be kind to her and prove that there were no hard feelings. He did his best to avoid making his bulge obvious. If things went that far, it would be nice, but he didn't make any assumptions.

Small steps. No pressure on either of us. It's awkward enough, given our history. The last thing that either of us need is any stress or sense of obligation. Let's just do what comes naturally to us.

They were seated rather quickly, as it wasn't the busiest night of the week. The waitress was also the owner's daughter, so there was no awkwardness there. Charles knew them fairly well as acquaintances and they were always discreet about dealing with his celebrity status.

Charles decided rather quickly what he wanted, since he had been there before, but he wanted to give Nicki plenty of time to examine it. For the moment, he simply asked for coffee. It wasn't the best thing for his voice, but the tour was now over, so he could recover. He would have plenty of time to spend with Nicki, too, if things went well.

He also made sure that she saw the dessert menu, in case she had a sweet tooth.

 

[sexy_curves]

Nicki smiled and ducked into the café when Charles held the door for her. She was quiet as he spoke to the waitress who led them to a booth in the corner of the restaurant. She ordered green tea, her usual drink of choice, when the waitress took their beverage order.

She felt herself relax some, maybe it was getting out of the eyes of the rest of the band and the groupies that had joined them back stage, maybe it was the fact that they were on a normal date. She really wasn’t sure, but her back relaxed against the booth and her heart stopped racing for the first time all night.

The café was quiet, it was later in the evening, and Nicki was glad that Charles wasn’t being mobbed by fans. It was nice to have a normal date, especially for their first date, even with his celebrity status, something new from when they dated eight years ago.

Nicki looked over the menu, and realized while she was in the process of doing so, that Charles had closed his menu already, and was patiently waiting for her to decide. She put her menu down and returned her attention to the man sitting near her in the booth. He was so familiar, but also a stranger at the same time. It was a sensation she would never be able to put into words, but she was glad for the opportunity to be here with him tonight.

The waitress had delivered their drinks while she was mulling over the menu, so Nicki squeezed the wedge of lemon into her tea and added just a sprinkle of sugar, stirring it before taking a sip, savoring the hot tea as it slid down her throat.

“Are you glad the tour’s over?” she asked, realizing too late that her question made her sound something like a groupie.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders aka Blackjack Chuck

"Well, it was fun while it lasted, but it was also a lot of hard work. People have no idea just how many days and weeks are spent touring, sleeping on buses, preparing for concerts, rehearsing until you're hoarse, etc. I go through tons of water just keeping my throat from parching. When I'm on tour, I go the old 'honeyed tea' route for my voice, too. All of the usual tricks that work for my vocation. So it will be nice to be off the clock for a good while," Charles admitted.

"How about you and your latest exhibit? Not to mention I recall reading that you do art therapy as well. That's two jobs. Busy girl," he praised her sincerely.

Charles wanted to make sure that the conversation didn't focus on him exclusively. He wanted to engage Nicki in things that interested her as well. He hoped to get a little further acquainted before Jamie, the waitress, came back for their orders.

He got the impression that she was more relaxed, at least. For that, he was very glad. The less tension the better on this "first" date.

 

[sexy_curves]

Nicki listened to him attentively. He took his work seriously; he always had, even when he was just starting out playing in local bars. Even back then he made sure to protect his voice, it was what his career was based on.

She was glad that he was looking forward to his time off as well though, she remembered how wrapped up in his work he used to get, and how he sometimes needed to be reminded to take a break.

She nodded and toyed with the tag on the end of her tea bag. “My last gallery show went unbelievable well. Nearly everything I displayed sold, and a couple of the pieces went after bidding wars that ended in much higher prices than I ever would have expected. Art therapy is what pays for my photography, especially before I started using digital media. Renting dark room time was and still is ungodly expensive, and I didn’t have space in my apartment to convert into a dark room. Taking a handful of sessions every week covers my living expenses and covers my photography costs, especially in the beginning. I could probably walk away from the art therapy at this point and be comfortable, but this way photography stays my hobby and I can have exhibit when I’m ready, there’s no pressure to meet deadlines, my work stays true to me this way,”

“How’s everyone in the band? I’ve missed them all too,” she asked, remembering how alone she was for a while when she had walked away.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders aka Blackjack Chuck

Nicki listened to him attentively. He took his work seriously; he always had, even when he was just starting out playing in local bars. Even back then he made sure to protect his voice, it was what his career was based on.

She was glad that he was looking forward to his time off as well though, she remembered how wrapped up in his work he used to get, and how he sometimes needed to be reminded to take a break.

She nodded and toyed with the tag on the end of her tea bag. “My last gallery show went unbelievable well. Nearly everything I displayed sold, and a couple of the pieces went after bidding wars that ended in much higher prices than I ever would have expected. Art therapy is what pays for my photography, especially before I started using digital media. Renting dark room time was and still is ungodly expensive, and I didn’t have space in my apartment to convert into a dark room. Taking a handful of sessions every week covers my living expenses and covers my photography costs, especially in the beginning. I could probably walk away from the art therapy at this point and be comfortable, but this way photography stays my hobby and I can have exhibit when I’m ready, there’s no pressure to meet deadlines, my work stays true to me this way,”

“How’s everyone in the band? I’ve missed them all too,” she asked, remembering how alone she was for a while when she had walked away.

"Glad to hear that it's gone so well for you. I remember how excited and enthusiastic you've always been about your art. I always thought that you had the persistence as well as the talent. I'm glad to know that I'm right about your fortitude. Congrats on your last exhibit, then.

"Jade is doing really well. She and her girlfriend are tying the knot soon. It's a new girl, not Carlie. Mindy is her name. Really nice. A roadie with our crew, in fact. A tomboy, but still femme enough for Jade's liking. Heart of gold.

"Ivan is still 'Crazy Ivan', of course. Always the ladies' man and a bit wild as ever. I've talked him about possibly going to AA, though, since he seems to binge a bit much for his age and work. So far, however, he still functions, even when a bit buzzed. He's loyal as a beagle, of course. We always have each others' back.

"Quinn hasn't changed, either. Beth and he will have their tenth anniversary soon. She turns a blind eye to his groupies, but that's her deal. Whatever their arrangement is, it works for them.

"And then you may have noticed the new guy, Alex. He's shy at first, but a bit political. Gotta watch him around pot, too, but he's not lazy. Quite the opposite. He has a girlfriend, but what she knows or doesn't know about him, he hasn't told me, yet. Met her yesterday. A bit of a motormouth, but otherwise a pleasant woman. Somewhat older than him. I think that she used to babysit him, in fact. It's a running joke with those two, at least.

"Well, now you're up to date. Except, Dave, who is a genius and a bit jaded, but I owed much of my success to him. Sorry that he assumed the wrong thing about you. I tried to correct him impression," Charles rambled as he got her up to date.

"Didn't mean to go on so long," he said, before turning to give Jamie his order.

"What would you like, Nicki? Money is no object here."

 

[sexy_curves]

Nicki loved hearing about the band, and was happy that everyone seemed well. Sure some of them had their flaws, but who doesn’t?

She smiled when Charles apologized for Dave’s assumption. “No apology needed, It was almost flattering that he would think you’d pick me out of all of the possible women to spend the night with. And I’m glad to hear about everyone, and that they all seem to be doing well,” she said, hoping that none of them held her choice from eight years against her.

The air between them had relaxed, the awkward beginning to the night fading away as they grew more comfortable and relaxed in the presence of one another.

Jamie was back to take their orders. “I’ll have the chicken stew” she decided, her appetite returning as they both relaxed.

Once they ordered, Nicki returned her attention to her date. “It really is wonderful to reconnect with you, Charles.”

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders aka Blackjack Chuck

"Meatloaf with mashed potatoes and gravy. Broccoli," he ordered.

Charles was relieved that Nicki didn't take offense, but then she often surprised him and could be very open-minded at times.

"The feeling is mutual. I've missed you, Nicki. I had no idea how much. You've always been a fun-loving, free-spirited type, as far back as I remember. I told myself often that if given the chance to see you again, I should do so.

"How is your family doing?" he probed deeper into her life, his eyes admiring her as they waited for their plates to arrive.

Truth be told, if she had been a groupie, he'd have still been drawn to her. She had that kind of cheerful, friendly, easygoing vibe to her. "Young at heart" was the phrase from that old crooner's song. It fit Nicki completely. Maybe that was just his imagination, but that's how Charles saw it.

 

[sexy_curves]

Nicki was so glad that he had the same feelings about them reconnecting. She wasn’t really aware that she had those feelings until tonight, when she saw him again, and the energy between them felt so comfortingly familiar.

“They’re all doing well. My parents have moved to Florida to enjoy their twilight years in year round sunshine so I don’t see them as often, but having a reason to go to Florida in the winter is always nice. They come back for two months each summer to spend time with the family.

My sister Grace married Ethan, I think you met him, they’ve been together for about forever, six years ago. They have three gorgeous kids, Jackson, Lilly and Nicole. I was so honored when they named her after me, and they asked me to be her godmother, it was so humbling.

Brian just finished college and he’s currently job hunting, I've been paying him to organize my pictures and handle my publicity to give him something to support himself while he's looking for something full time. After my parents moved, I kind of took him under my wing. He was an adult and in college, of course, but he’s still the baby of the family, and it was nice to grow closer to him. I was 16 when he was born and I moved out when I was 18, so we and while we were siblings, we never had a really strong relationship until these last couple years.”

She took a sip of her tea and sat back against the booth, enjoying his company.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders aka Blackjack Chuck

"Well, wish Brian good luck for me, congratulate your sister and her husband for me, and tell your folks I said hello. I always liked your mother. She was very nice to me.

"My own family did about as well as can be expected, given my parents' divorce. I have a considerably younger half-sister from Mom and my stepfather and an even younger one from Dad and his current wife.

"He's on number six by now, I think. Remarkably, he only has three kids from that many marriages, counting Moira. She's twenty-five now and just passed the bar exam. She clerks for a judge or something like that. She's engaged now, too.

"Dad retired a while back, as did Mom. I think that only Dad's new wife works out of the whole lot of them now. She's an accountant, a real CPA.

"So, did I surprise you by wanting to start over? I didn't honestly know what you expected or planned, but I knew what I wanted if I could get it. Namely, you. I hope that doesn't sound weird. I really missed you over the years and wondered what happened to you in the love department. I have to admit that the idea of you marrying another man really bothered me. As much as I thought that I'd get over you, I never did.

"I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. I hope that you don't think that I'm some obsessed loon. I had casual flings, but nothing real or serious in that time. I just couldn't do that to myself. I couldn't give up completely on my dream of being with you, if it happened. I thought that I could, but when the time came, I just couldn't go through with it.

"I'm sorry if that puts any pressure on you. That's not my intention. I just wanted to be totally candid with you about what I've felt all this time. That Blue Oyster Cult song 'In Thee' summed up my feelings pretty well, where it said, 'I wrap myself in strangers' arms, but I wish I could wrap myself in thee'.

"I'm simply saying this because if we're to try again, I want to do so from a place of total honesty. I told you far too many lies in the past and I regret that deeply. I want no secrets between us.

"If you're to love me, you should love more than an image. If you walk out on me in the future, at least it will be on the real me and for the right reasons. I have flaws, but I never lied about how I felt about you. That was always true and it never changed.

"There, I said what I really meant to say. I told you everything that matters. Oh, and I'm sterile. Sorry. I don't want to hide that relevant fact from you, in case it matters a great deal. The doctors told me that it was due to a sickness when I was fourteen. I wanted to be open with you about things that you deserve to know," Charles unburdened himself, hoping that it didn't scare her away.

He really thought that Nicki needed to know the real Charles Sanders, so that this first date didn't start with lies. Far too many dates involved lies from what he recalled. Charles wanted to try the opposite: complete frankness, so that whatever decisions they made were based on the facts and no one felt duped.

 

[sexy_curves]

“I’ll be sure to do that, My mom always talked about how wonderful you were and how I was a fool to let you get away. I agreed with her, but I couldn’t explain that to her, she never would have understood the bit about my following my own dreams.”

She was so happy to hear his family was doing well, despite his parent’s divorce.

“To be honest, it was a surprise, albeit very pleasant. When I came back stage I wasn’t sure what to expect, and the option hadn’t really crossed my mind. I haven’t let myself fully realize just how much I missed you, I always threw myself full force into my work and my photography, afraid to let myself feel.

I’ve had casual relationships, but nothing ever went beyond a handful of dates, I guess I was always comparing them to what we had, and nothing came close to just how good we were together,” she said to him.

She respected so much the idea that he wanted to start over with complete honesty. While their relationship was good eight years ago, there were rocky times, dishonesty being the culprit behind most of them.

“I respect that more than you could ever understand, Charles,” she said softly, her eyes growing serious, the twinkle still there, but her age showing for just a moment. His hand was resting on the table so she moved her fingers over his, her eyes locked with her.

“Our past wasn’t perfect, we were young and in love, but it was far from perfect, and I do think we have both romanticized it some since then, wanting the memories to be greater than they actually were. Starting fresh, with openness and honesty is absolutely crucial. I’ve never even thought about having kids, I love them, but I don’t think being a parent is for me, besides I’m forty,” she blushed slightly. “I don’t think I would want to start a family at this point in my life,” she added.

“It’ll be a challenge at first, but we need to try to start totally anew, and not base this time on what we had. It was years ago and we have both changed. Much of who we are is still fully the same, but we need to see one another for now, not the fond memories of what we used to be,” she said, smiling softly at him.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders aka Blackjack Chuck

"I couldn't have said it better myself. We are in some ways two different people than we once were. We should give each other a clean slate based upon finding out who we are now. I was most worried about revealing my sterility, more than anything else, but I had to do it. You deserved to know the truth.

"I think that we've both matured and I look forward to getting to know the woman that you are at this point in your life. You're right that I romanticized you at times, but I'm eager to learn the difference, to see what you're really like now.

"To be honest, our lifestyle is such that it wouldn't be fair to the kids, anyway. They need full-time parents. I should have told you back then about my problem, but I didn't, and I apologize for that. I appreciate that you can understand how hard that is for me. No guy likes to admit to any flaws, both in terms of character and regarding issues that are not his fault.

"I guess that we made a lot of typical mistakes for lovers of our age, as you said. I don't think that we did any worse than average. Just the normal issues for a thirty-something couple who'd never married. I think that we can do a lot better for each other in the future.

"I want us to learn to trust each other more than we could have back then. I want to earn that trust, though it won't be easy. I understand that completely. For my part, I trust you a lot more, because you've never given me a reason not to trust you, but getting to know you better will help in any case," Charles responded between bites of his meatloaf, potatoes, and broccoli.

"For the record, though, you really do look younger than forty. Since we're being honest, you should know that I mean it sincerely," he smiled as he praised her. He wasn't lying and he hoped that she could tell. Nicki had such a vital, vivacious quality to her that belied her age, except in rare moments of stress or sadness.