Safe Word

[conservative1]

Safe words are established for a reason. I get that.
Wondering how many have had to use that word. What were the circumstances.
In my mind, I thinking I would never use it, because stretching your limits is one of the reasons we do things.

 

[Someoneagree]

I've never had to use the safe word!

 

[libster50]

Safe words are established for a reason. I get that.
Wondering how many have had to use that word. What were the circumstances.
In my mind, I thinking I would never use it, because stretching your limits is one of the reasons we do things.

Whitby is my safe word

 

[Solsurfer]

Dow Jones Industrial Average

 

[libster50]

Dow Jones Industrial Average

City boy

 

[Solsurfer]

City boy

Is that your safe phrase or are you calling me a city boy?
And no city boy here.
Suburbs for life.
My phrase is from a movie.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I safeworded once, but it was the slow down/stop for a minute and check in word, not stop everything. He stopped, we talked, he adjusted a bit, and we jumped back into the scene.

 

[miccy]

I have never used a safe word with my current partner. Since she knows me intimately and know exactly where my limits are through trial and error. But i have used it in the past. But it's many years ago. When i was still relatively new to the kink community. It was a very intense session, one of the first times with more than one partner and i was overwhelmed.

 

[Kevinjkson]

From the other side, I have had Yellow used by play partners a few times, always on first dates. In theory, negotiating limits solves the problem, but in practice, especially with inexperienced partners, people don't always know what works for them and what doesn't. Never more than once in a single scene though I don't think.

I have had Red used once. The spankee just didn't react well to my quite intense style - and had a very emotional reaction that necessitated stopping the scene. It was the right decision on her part - she had her back to me (her choice), I could not see her face or her eyes - and so the information available to me (to decide how things were going) was quite limited.

I require that any play partner agree, explicitly, to use their safewords if they need to. In my mind they are a critical tool in our consent framework, right up there with clearly articulated limits.

 

[OddLove]

One thing that blew my mind about safe words after talking to several experienced people on Fet is that the most common use of a safe word for many people involves muscle cramps.

Like there will be a super masochistic submissive taking a whipping, or paddling, or a vicious pounding. They love it. Then they get a charley horse in their leg or agonizing toe cramps.

Some of the toughest people in the world taken down by some cramped toes cracks me up. And I'm not judging them, a good cramp will fuck me up. It's just never something I thought about when I first got interested in BDSM.

You never read about a mean charley horse in Erotica, and porn videos cut out all the emergency banana breaks.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

One thing that blew my mind about safe words after talking to several experienced people on Fet is that the most common use of a safe word for many people involves muscle cramps.

Like there will be a super masochistic submissive taking a whipping, or paddling, or a vicious pounding. They love it. Then they get a charley horse in their leg or agonizing toe cramps.

Some of the toughest people in the world taken down by some cramped toes cracks me up. And I'm not judging them, a good cramp will fuck me up. It's just never something I thought about when I first got interested in BDSM.

You never read about a mean charley horse in Erotica, and porn videos cut out all the emergency banana breaks.

Man, the real-life stuff, huh? Yeah, I think “this is really uncomfortable and I just need to shift” and “Ow, ow, my (unintended body part)!” are among the most common reasons people “yellow.” I love thinking about a scenario like this and the shared laughter that’s likely to come later.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I'm sure most safewords are used when something starts hurting in the wrong way! And while kinks seem to be more varied than most of us can possibly imagine, there seems to be a much narrower range of pain that people can find erotic or otherwise satisfying. If only a stubbed toe or generic backache could be eroticised...

As I got more experienced, it became much more useful to create subtle ways to communicate that everything is OK, and the top can keep going - squeezing their finger twice after they squeeze yours, for example.

Thinking about when I've called red in this millennium - there was the time when a gentleman of my acquaintance was skipping between slow, hard whacks, bursts of quick hits, breaks of random duration, and having no rhythm at all. Disoriented me completely, which was manageable up to the point that I couldn't manage my breathing through it. One of many experiments with him that didn't quite work out.

The other two times were psychological. My spouse and my boyfriend wanted to try both topping me at once. Seemed like a good idea. Only one of them gets kinda manic and giggly in dom mode - Frank N Furter. The other goes very very calm and ominously quiet. Both have their charms, but both at once just did my head in!

Or when one of them also had a friend of mine as a sub, and we discussed him playing with both of us at once. Physically we were up for most of the same stuff. But it transpired that the words she wanted with a scene were the total opposite to me - she got off on being told she wasn't good enough, needed punishment, that kind of thing, whereas I needed the reassurance that I was wonderful and good enough, just he was going to hurt me anyway because he wanted to.

Absolutely horrible. I learned not to be in the room with her and a dom, even when I wasn't involved.

 

[Pabiporffor]

I always insist safewords contain a mix of capital and lower case letters, a number, at least one hieroglyph, and a musical note. Don't worry if you forget, just tell me your mother's maiden name and what your first pet was called.

 

[Naughtycouple1234]

Safe words are established for a reason. I get that.
Wondering how many have had to use that word. What were the circumstances.
In my mind, I thinking I would never use it, because stretching your limits is one of the reasons we do things.

I’ve used it a few times. Only when doing anal and my husband was drunk. Sometimes he gets carried away in pleasure I have to use my word

 

[TheSocalBreeder]

I’ve used it a few times. Only when doing anal and my husband was drunk. Sometimes he gets carried away in pleasure I have to use my word

My wife told me her safe word once and then never used it. Then more recently she felt our session was a little more intense and I kept pausing to ask her if was ok and needed her safe word.

She looked at me laughing and said, "I forgot it cuz I never use it!"

That was all I needed to end the session and then reminded her what her safe word was as I kissed her

 

[Naughtycouple1234]

My wife told me her safe word once and then never used it. Then more recently she felt our session was a little more intense and I kept pausing to ask her if was ok and needed her safe word.

She looked at me laughing and said, "I forgot it cuz I never use it!"

That was all I needed to end the session and then reminded her what her safe word was as I kissed her

Very considerate of you! I’ve only really had to use it when my husband is drunk. Other than that not really

 

[libster50]

I love my mouth covered

 

[TheSocalBreeder]

Very considerate of you! I’ve only really had to use it when my husband is drunk. Other than that not really

It was a rare occasion for us too! I think she was just sore which is why it was more uncomfortable for her than usual as while I'm on the bigger side she has never struggled to take me.

I will always listen and observe how my wife reacts cuz it needs to be both of us enjoying our fun. Not just me

 

[Erosfan]

I never needed a safe word with my late wife. We knew each other so well, we just didn't need it. She was great at pushing my limits and keeping me in check when needed.
I would do anything for her and she knew it.

 

[njlauren]

One thing that blew my mind about safe words after talking to several experienced people on Fet is that the most common use of a safe word for many people involves muscle cramps.

Like there will be a super masochistic submissive taking a whipping, or paddling, or a vicious pounding. They love it. Then they get a charley horse in their leg or agonizing toe cramps.

Some of the toughest people in the world taken down by some cramped toes cracks me up. And I'm not judging them, a good cramp will fuck me up. It's just never something I thought about when I first got interested in BDSM.

You never read about a mean charley horse in Erotica, and porn videos cut out all the emergency banana breaks.

It seems weird, but it is not really. Being tied up and whipped is part of the erotic experience, it is someone doing that to you who you either are submissive to or love their style, and you are translating that into erotic pleasure. On the other hand, if you are going to the bathroom in the middle of the night and stub your toe, there is nothing erotic about it. A charley horse or a stomach cramp or arthritis pain shooting through your arms that are tied behind you is just pain, there is no eroticization of it, your brain knows it to be a warning sign and you don't translate it into pleasure.

On the other hand, there was this kind of character years ago on the old alt.sex.bdsm internet relay chat (IRC), Called Phillip the Foole, and his wife (who was his domme) claimed that when he was having chest pains from angina and was in the ER, with every blip on the monitor indicating pain his cock would pulse and he was hard...so go figure (was this true or sardonic? IDK, but I could believe it).

My experience is usually when talking about long time play partners or dom/sub relationships that the safe word kind of disappears. Some people literally agree to a no safe word style (basically the bottom/sub trusts and knows the top/dominant well enough to expect them to read them and know if they are in distess), for some it heightens the experience of literally 'throwing it away'. But in most cases it just kind if disappears, as others have said.

As I have written before, safe words should only be the first line of defense. Subs can go into deep subspace and are being harmed and are too far gone to safeword, and dominants if they see what looks like distress stop things and bring the sub out of subspace and ask if they are okay. I was the subject of some intense anal play, and I was really, really deep in subspace, and I couldn't understand why my domme stopped, was kind of upset, but then when I kind of came out of it I realized there was something wrong and she read it and stopped . Had nothing to do with the play per se, but with the heightened stress of playing there was a bad reaction to a med I was taking at the time.