Sex and communication

[lincoln1977]

Ok, I am a 27 yr old virgin and my gf isnt, She is 29 and has some experience but my question is how do you as couples discuss sex and the various wants of sexual gratification. Is it only in the bedroom or anyway wheres its convenient. And how do I bring up the subject of sex. especially at the beginning of our relationship. We havent been together for long but I was wondering how the subject of sex is iniated with a relationship.

I am not looking for bdsm or anal or anything I just want to know how to get the discussion going. I want to take care of her. I want her to know that. She knows I am a virgin but I want to get to know her and her wants and dislikes so that I can fulfill her needs.

Any help would be nice. I really want this to work out.

 

[Jim311]

In most of my relationships, it just starts with a little intimacy. It's rarely discussed beforehand, and it's just something natural that occurs. After we start getting more comfortable with each other we can discus it more freely. You will both know when the right time is.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Bobmi357]

Its hard to talk about sex and sexual needs when you're both suffering from the initial euphoria of a beginning relationship. Everyone goes through this, its a period of time when your brain is flooded with a unique neurochemical which stimulates the sexual side of the relationship. Most people refer to it as the "honeymoon" period and it can last as long as two years before you come down from it or as short as a few months.

For non-problem issues, its ok to talk about it in the bedroom. Its even ok to talk about it while you're doing it. Wanting to please your partner is a natural human response and you can do it very easily just by asking simple questions like "Do you like it better when I do this? (change what your doing) or this?". Asking and talking about it afterwards will set the stage for more open communications about sex. Don't be afraid to express your needs either. But if your partner expresses a reluctance to do as you'd like, wait til you're out of the bedroom and in a safe environment to bring up the topic. Sex is an embarassing topic for many people and it can take you a whole lifetime to learn what makes your partner tick sexually.

You need to both become comfortable with each other before you can begin some of the deeper discussions. Especially if you want to talk about problem areas. You will never sit down and have a discussion covering all aspects of sex and walk away thinking you know all there is to know. If you can stick to one topic at a time, and make progress you're doing good.

Personally I find it hard to talk about sex with my wife. Even after 10 years there are issues unresolved and things unsaid. 20 years from now I'm sure I still won't know all there is to know about her. But we keep having our little talks and exploring. So start your communications, always be honest, even if it means being blunt. The worst thing you could do is hide the truth from your partner.

 

[SweetErika]

Its hard to talk about sex and sexual needs when you're both suffering from the initial euphoria of a beginning relationship. Everyone goes through this, its a period of time when your brain is flooded with a unique neurochemical which stimulates the sexual side of the relationship. Most people refer to it as the "honeymoon" period and it can last as long as two years before you come down from it or as short as a few months.

For non-problem issues, its ok to talk about it in the bedroom. Its even ok to talk about it while you're doing it. Wanting to please your partner is a natural human response and you can do it very easily just by asking simple questions like "Do you like it better when I do this? (change what your doing) or this?". Asking and talking about it afterwards will set the stage for more open communications about sex. Don't be afraid to express your needs either. But if your partner expresses a reluctance to do as you'd like, wait til you're out of the bedroom and in a safe environment to bring up the topic. Sex is an embarassing topic for many people and it can take you a whole lifetime to learn what makes your partner tick sexually.

You need to both become comfortable with each other before you can begin some of the deeper discussions. Especially if you want to talk about problem areas. You will never sit down and have a discussion covering all aspects of sex and walk away thinking you know all there is to know. If you can stick to one topic at a time, and make progress you're doing good.

Personally I find it hard to talk about sex with my wife. Even after 10 years there are issues unresolved and things unsaid. 20 years from now I'm sure I still won't know all there is to know about her. But we keep having our little talks and exploring. So start your communications, always be honest, even if it means being blunt. The worst thing you could do is hide the truth from your partner.

Exactly! I think Bobmi covered just about everything, but I've also found it helpful to use, "I read/heard about..." as a conversation starter very successfully. You can go on to ask your partner what she thinks or if it's something she'd like to try, or if she'd be willing to explore and maybe teach you how she likes it.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I think you are wonderful to be asking such questions NOW - rather than 3 years down the line! You're off to a good start. It IS hard to talk about sex with your SO. Even in a very open and sexually free relationship I still have a hard time.

I like the email suggestion. I still use that a lot with my lover. If I find something that sounds 'interesting' I'll just email the link to him. If he never mentions it I assume it wasn't something he was interested in. But more often than not it has brought something new and fun and exciting to our sex life.