My girlfriend, whom I love very much, is very very tight. She isn't a virgin, I took that gift from her long ago. She is, however, very tight, and now every time we try to have sex, I can barely even get the head in before she tells me to pull out from pain. I want to take it slowly with her, because I know it will be much better that way. Can I get some tips from guys who've done it and/or girls who've had it done? What can I do to make her more comfortable, relaxed, and wanting?
Sex with a Virgin...sort of
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Aurantica
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Lots of foreplay, make sure she actually wants to have sex with you, finger her if she'll let you, use a few toys, and get her relaxed first. Try to make it comfortable during the initial stages so she won't be tense from worrying about the pain.
NippleMuncher
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Several things come to mind:
She can use varying sizes of toys to loosen/stretch herself so that penetration by you won't be an issue.
Lubrication - the more the better
Relaxation - She needs to be relaxed and willing, not tense. Give her an orgasm first, this should relax her.
Let her be on top and in control, that way she can decide the pace and the depth of penetration as she's comfortable.
She can use varying sizes of toys to loosen/stretch herself so that penetration by you won't be an issue.
Lubrication - the more the better
Relaxation - She needs to be relaxed and willing, not tense. Give her an orgasm first, this should relax her.
Let her be on top and in control, that way she can decide the pace and the depth of penetration as she's comfortable.
Nasty_Deeds
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You are going to have to get her to relax. It sounds like she is afraid of the pain, which makes her even more tense, which makes it hurt even more. There is a medical condition that causes a woman to spasm when having sex, but that is rare. More likely she is just tense from anticipation of the pain. You are the only one who knows her and can understand how to get her to relax and embrace the pleasure instead of anticipate the pain. Whatever you do, it is going to take time and patience.
Think starting your sexual relationship over from the beginning and take your time. She has to learn to let her anticipation of the pleasure override her fear of the pain. Until you get her to relax completely, it isn't going to get any better.
Thanks
These have all been very helpful. I've heard the lube thing a lot, but the thing is, even without a condom on, she says the lube makes it feel almost sticky, and more difficult. I always assumed it was because I was buying cheap stuff. What brands would you suggest?
These have all been very helpful. I've heard the lube thing a lot, but the thing is, even without a condom on, she says the lube makes it feel almost sticky, and more difficult. I always assumed it was because I was buying cheap stuff. What brands would you suggest?
Cameo_Fleur
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There are vaginal dilators which a woman uses daily to stretch the size of the vagina. They're available from medical and adult toy websites and one, which incorporates vibe with dilation, is availabe from Walgreen's website. These really work. After a few weeks of persistent use the vagina can accept much larger objects without discomfort.
qrayze
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I use a water-based lube that's for anal sex because it's thinner and more slick than normal lube, but like all water-based lubes, it does dry out and get sticky eventually. You can try silicone-based lube. It's safe for use with condoms and won't get sticky or dry out.
There are products like Replens that are not inserted just prior to play, but are used on an almost continual basis. Not having the insertion of the lube as part of a "lead up" to sex may allay a little bit of the overall tension, too.
Cameo_Fleur
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I've thought about this today...
Has she had an exam recently? She really should see an ob/gyn for a pelvic exam. The problem could be vaginal dryness. It affects women of all ages, even teenage girls. Getting a doctor's diagnosis would be a good idea.
The symptoms of vaginal dryness are severe tightness and pain on entry of a penis.
Medical treatment is a hormone cream applied inside the vagina a couple/three times a week. Works wonders. Within a couple of weeks a woman can usually accept any size penis without pain or discomfort.
The doctor may also suggest using vaginal dilators.
Hope this is of some help to you.
Has she had an exam recently? She really should see an ob/gyn for a pelvic exam. The problem could be vaginal dryness. It affects women of all ages, even teenage girls. Getting a doctor's diagnosis would be a good idea.
The symptoms of vaginal dryness are severe tightness and pain on entry of a penis.
Medical treatment is a hormone cream applied inside the vagina a couple/three times a week. Works wonders. Within a couple of weeks a woman can usually accept any size penis without pain or discomfort.
The doctor may also suggest using vaginal dilators.
Hope this is of some help to you.
Something to think about
These have actually been very helpful. She has an appointment with the OBGYN on Friday, but she doesn't know what they'll tell her about anything, and since her mom will be in the room I doubt she'll ask. Thanks for all the advice and help
These have actually been very helpful. She has an appointment with the OBGYN on Friday, but she doesn't know what they'll tell her about anything, and since her mom will be in the room I doubt she'll ask. Thanks for all the advice and help
Ex Princess
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Um, yeah. Why would Mommy dearest be there with her? That's a little strange. Is she old enough to be in that sort of relationship?
Ellafun
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Um, yeah. Why would Mommy dearest be there with her? That's a little strange. Is she old enough to be in that sort of relationship?
Well, since the OP just turned 19 (according to one of his posts) I wondered about that, too.
I had the same "problem" when I was not yet old enough to drink legally. Nerves, fear of pregnancy, getting caught, just plain innocence/ignorance and vaginal dryness kept me from enjoying myself until I found an older man who took his time and helped me loosen up, so to speak. Maturity is a wondrous thing...
Nasty_Deeds
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Well, since the OP just turned 19 (according to one of his posts) I wondered about that, too....
She's probably just a scared kid.
Ex Princess
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If she is still a young girl, even if she is of age, she may not be fully ready for sex.
Sex for a woman is extremely mental and emotional. It is not until a strong level of sexual trust (this IS different from regular trust!) is established for a girl to let go and enjoy.
I had to be with my first boyfriend two years before I started letting go and enjoying sex. That's when it became easier for me to get wet, etc.
Before that I had lots of worries around sex too, just like previous posts have mentioned. My worries were around my faith, the acceptance of what I was doing by God, my parents and my community, also was worried about pregnancy, STDs and what would happen if my man left me.
Sex for a woman is extremely mental and emotional. It is not until a strong level of sexual trust (this IS different from regular trust!) is established for a girl to let go and enjoy.
I had to be with my first boyfriend two years before I started letting go and enjoying sex. That's when it became easier for me to get wet, etc.
Before that I had lots of worries around sex too, just like previous posts have mentioned. My worries were around my faith, the acceptance of what I was doing by God, my parents and my community, also was worried about pregnancy, STDs and what would happen if my man left me.
GrimsPet
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OK, I have a very similar problem but mine is caused by scar tissue buildup from a bad infection as a baby, a rape when I was 15, and then being torn a few times trying to take some cock that was a bit bigger than my body would handle at the time because I don't stretch well with all that scar tissue.
This is what I do to try to remedy that problem:
1) I use a vibrator. One that is slightly smaller than Master is. I use it on a fairly regular basis to help that scar tissue stay stretchy. Now and then even using that vibe I bleed and I've come to accept that as a fact of life for me. I take it slowly with the vibe, massaging the opening to my vagina, and slowly insert it, inching it in, then pulling it out and inching it in again till I stretch to accomodate it to the hilt.
2) While I naturally make a lot of my own good lubricant, it doesn't hurt to have some spare lube hanging around to help ease things a bit. Some women don't produce as much as others and if there are hormone fluctuations this can cause less to be made and also cause painful dryness.
3) Have her checked for endometriosis. It's a real medical condition where sex is painful because the uterine lining has decided to migrate to the vagina. Some women have it worse than others. I get checked for this regularly myself by my doctor since I have risk factors for it.
4) I second the other ideas here of using your fingers and getting her really worked up and aroused before you try penetration with your cock. I don't know how big your hand is but if you can get three fingers into her without her being in pain, then you're safe to try your cock.
5) She could have some psychological issues here as well. Something at some point may have made her afraid of sex. I would certainly talk to her about things and see what is going on. If she is afraid, tense or nervous she is going to tighten up and it will be painful.
Hope that helps.
Need to clear some stuff up...
Ok. We met about a year and a half ago. I was a senior in high school, she was a junior. She looks AND behaves as if she was much older. We have played around with other stuff, oral, etc, but we wanted to wait until after our anniversary to have sex. We made it to that landmark, but we have only tried once or twice. I hope that clears everything up and doesn't make you guys hate me.
Ok. We met about a year and a half ago. I was a senior in high school, she was a junior. She looks AND behaves as if she was much older. We have played around with other stuff, oral, etc, but we wanted to wait until after our anniversary to have sex. We made it to that landmark, but we have only tried once or twice. I hope that clears everything up and doesn't make you guys hate me.
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Phantom_Lover
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Physical therapists can specialize in womens health as well, including your girl friend's issue.
North Carolina laws say that age of consent is 16. Of course, those laws don't mean anything if the parents get pissed off
satindesire
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Underage sex isn't something that we're allowed to talk about on this site. On this website, 18 is the age of consent. You'd probably be smart to edit your post before a mod bans you.
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fire_breeze
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Given her age, it's quite possible that she isn't mentally ready for sex.
Yes, you said she is extremely mature for her age, looking and behaving older than she is. However, that does not preclude the fact that she just might not be ready and this is her body's way of letting her know. When I was her age and younger, I was as responsible, if not more so, than any 20 year old (and no, I don't mean partying and drinking), but I was most definitely not ready for sex. The age that you have mentioned is still pretty young, emotionally and mentally (despite what you said), that she just might be able to cope with full on intercourse.
A number of factors may be in play: fear of pregnancy, fear of being caught (and if her mother is still in the room when she visits her gynaecologist, well, it's a very very valid fear), fear of disease, fear of rumours spreading. Fear can close the body, and the physical reaction is a very indicator that there are some unconscious matters that need to be settled.
The age of consent may be lower in that particular state - it doesn't mean that she's ready to fully commit to intercourse. It's something that you need to discuss with her in a non confrontational, honest, and safe environment, without any pressuring. She has the right to back down and say no, despite the fact that you both fully engaged in the horizontal tango.
Yes, you said she is extremely mature for her age, looking and behaving older than she is. However, that does not preclude the fact that she just might not be ready and this is her body's way of letting her know. When I was her age and younger, I was as responsible, if not more so, than any 20 year old (and no, I don't mean partying and drinking), but I was most definitely not ready for sex. The age that you have mentioned is still pretty young, emotionally and mentally (despite what you said), that she just might be able to cope with full on intercourse.
A number of factors may be in play: fear of pregnancy, fear of being caught (and if her mother is still in the room when she visits her gynaecologist, well, it's a very very valid fear), fear of disease, fear of rumours spreading. Fear can close the body, and the physical reaction is a very indicator that there are some unconscious matters that need to be settled.
The age of consent may be lower in that particular state - it doesn't mean that she's ready to fully commit to intercourse. It's something that you need to discuss with her in a non confrontational, honest, and safe environment, without any pressuring. She has the right to back down and say no, despite the fact that you both fully engaged in the horizontal tango.
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Boundlife
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You said you love her very much and you are not much older.
How you see maturity now and in 5yrs... 10yrs...
Pull back and become an expert on the "other stuff". You are putting a lot of pressure on Both of you.
It will pay in the long run
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baphemetis
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That's bullshit. Under age erotic fiction is not allowed on the stories portion of the site. We're allowed to discuss sexual matters in a non-explicit, non-erotic way on the forum. "I'm under 18 and I might have a medical condition," is not erotic fiction.
Read the forum rules (which are different from the submission guidelines) if you think I am mistaken and please show me the rule you are talking about.
