Sexless Marriages

[KeenVoyeur]

Touche’ . Mine has been sexless 28 out of the 30 yrs together. One day I decided ENOUGH, I’ve been faithful but I need what I need. I had very little guilt in the beginning but no longer.

I need to move to Texas ...

 

[Doug55]

Has he seen a doc about anything like ed or drop in libido?

In my case its my wife so tell me do you cheat on him I cheat on my wife
but I have a very hi sex drive

 

[LonelyDaddyIE]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

I need to find a unicorn like that!

 

[LonelyDaddyIE]

Been married almost 30 years and the last 10 have been close to sexless, once every 2+ months or so. We used to enjoy watching erotica and playing with each other all the time. Things just aren’t looking good. Probably on our way to a divorce in our current situation. I’ve been on and off this site for a long, long time. Finally decided to truly join in. Nice to see I’m not alone even though it sucks for all of us.

 

[jays78]

I’m 65 and female and I absolutely love sex !

Hope my wife is like you. 46 and things are still good.

 

[CarrieJohnson]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

Sexless marriages do not sound fun at all.

 

[Tom_Brown]

Sexless marriages do not sound fun at all.

Sexless marriages are not fun! (Coming from a man in a 10 year sexless marriage).

 

[Abeona1]

Hurray there are others like me
BUT doesn't it make you mad, I am a sexual being, near 60. More like a horny 18yr old with experience and I know what I like and I'm not afraid to tell you. I have an alpha male, with the attitude of 1950's man, he is to me sexy as hell. He doesn't want to know, he won't talk about it. We have a few date nights were there is kissing and touching and going down on each other very rarely, but otherwise I have to beg for affection.
Are we all wasting our time, shouldn't we leave them and find some one who wants the same. I'm fed up with d.i.y

 

[Abeona1]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

know the feeling, Act like a horny teenager around men half my age. Have the confidence now that I didn't have then, and men are still developing much better looking that blokes from the 70's . Feel like a kid in a candy shop. Nice to know I'm not the only one.

 

[expertlinguist]

know the feeling, Act like a horny teenager around men half my age. Have the confidence now that I didn't have then, and men are still developing much better looking that blokes from the 70's . Feel like a kid in a candy shop. Nice to know I'm not the only one.

Hurray there are others like me
BUT doesn't it make you mad, I am a sexual being, near 60. More like a horny 18yr old with experience and I know what I like and I'm not afraid to tell you. I have an alpha male, with the attitude of 1950's man, he is to me sexy as hell. He doesn't want to know, he won't talk about it. We have a few date nights were there is kissing and touching and going down on each other very rarely, but otherwise I have to beg for affection.
Are we all wasting our time, shouldn't we leave them and find some one who wants the same. I'm fed up with d.i.y

I think that both you and DD Busty should take up the cougar lifestyle!

 

[nothingatall27]

Sexless marriages do not sound fun at all.

They aren't

 

[blulilacgrl]

I went from a sexless marriage to unsatisfying sex. He's just not into it. He's trying. He's taking care of himself and has started taking supplements to help with hormone levels. But sex is simply no longer his drive. Which in turn makes it so deeply unsatisfying. Its not just that I want sex and intimacy, I want him to enjoy it as much as I do. In every other respect our relationship is wonderful. He's an amazing man andI love him. But I'm so tired of feeling ugly and like there is something wrong with me.

So what do you do when you see them trying but it just isn't working? I feel like I'm pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do and its beginning to make me physically ill.

 

[cadman7777]

I went from a sexless marriage to unsatisfying sex. He's just not into it. He's trying. He's taking care of himself and has started taking supplements to help with hormone levels. But sex is simply no longer his drive. Which in turn makes it so deeply unsatisfying. Its not just that I want sex and intimacy, I want him to enjoy it as much as I do. In every other respect our relationship is wonderful. He's an amazing man andI love him. But I'm so tired of feeling ugly and like there is something wrong with me.

So what do you do when you see them trying but it just isn't working? I feel like I'm pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do and its beginning to make me physically ill.

similar situation

 

[spawnofdavey]

I went from a sexless marriage to unsatisfying sex. He's just not into it. He's trying. He's taking care of himself and has started taking supplements to help with hormone levels. But sex is simply no longer his drive. Which in turn makes it so deeply unsatisfying. Its not just that I want sex and intimacy, I want him to enjoy it as much as I do. In every other respect our relationship is wonderful. He's an amazing man andI love him. But I'm so tired of feeling ugly and like there is something wrong with me.

So what do you do when you see them trying but it just isn't working? I feel like I'm pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do and its beginning to make me physically ill.

My sex life was never prolific, but we would have enjoyable if not kinky sex. Then more recently my wife got COVID, which turned into Long COVID, so now it's very rarely that she'll have the energy for any kind of sex, nevermind energetic, passionate sex.

I feel like I'm putting undue pressure on her if I bring it up, which leads to me not wanting to try to initiate anything as I feel like I'm pressuring her for sex. On the flip side, she thinks I'm not interested in her anymore because I'm not asking her for sex. It's frustrating for both of us in different ways.

 

[PMarky2]

Does anyone have experience with a chronically ill partner? I'm trying to figure out why I'm in a sexless marriage. I know part is stress. But I'm trying to understand why he all of a sudden just doesn't want to. Technically not all of a sudden at this point. He's not seeing anyone on the side, we've been through that. I try to be affectionate with him, he literally tells me to stop. I'm the chronically ill person. I have lupus and was taken off birth control. I know that was part of it for a while. But now it's just like roommates and I'm starving for affection.

Yes. My wife has auto-immune issues, and has had several surgeries which make intercourse uncomfortable or painful for her. Because of the autoimmune issues she is chronically tired which leads to her being grumpy, whiney, and/or nasty. He need for affection varies. Sometimes she needs lots of hugs and reassurance, and at other times she all but pushes me away. It took me a long time to figure out it wasn't me, but the shit she was going through. Once in a while she feels well enough for me to go down on her - which usually puts her in a good mood for about three days - but once she has had an orgasm, she looses interest. If I am lucky I might get a little bit of oral, penetration is off the menu, which leaves me feeling stranded.

Men have a reputation for being permanently up for it, but actually some of us are as finicky as women when it comes down to it. Stress is the big one for me. Mildly stressed and I am horny most of time because I find sex releases the stress. Majorly stressed - I am still getting erections but I cannot get into the right headspace for sex no matter how hard I try. Diabetes and a bunch of other conditions affect the sex drive and can lead to ED, but very often the culprit is falling testosterone levels and middle-aged ennui. Then, of course, knowing one has a problem and wanting to fix it are two different things.

 

[13Fantasies]

I went from a sexless marriage to unsatisfying sex. He's just not into it. He's trying. He's taking care of himself and has started taking supplements to help with hormone levels. But sex is simply no longer his drive. Which in turn makes it so deeply unsatisfying. Its not just that I want sex and intimacy, I want him to enjoy it as much as I do. In every other respect our relationship is wonderful. He's an amazing man andI love him. But I'm so tired of feeling ugly and like there is something wrong with me.

So what do you do when you see them trying but it just isn't working? I feel like I'm pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do and its beginning to make me physically ill.

I'm sorry.

At least your partner is trying. It might be unsatisfactory in results, but at least the effort is there.

Hopefully he turns it around, for your sake as much as his

 

[13Fantasies]

Yes. My wife has auto-immune issues, and has had several surgeries which make intercourse uncomfortable or painful for her. Because of the autoimmune issues she is chronically tired which leads to her being grumpy, whiney, and/or nasty. He need for affection varies. Sometimes she needs lots of hugs and reassurance, and at other times she all but pushes me away. It took me a long time to figure out it wasn't me, but the shit she was going through. Once in a while she feels well enough for me to go down on her - which usually puts her in a good mood for about three days - but once she has had an orgasm, she looses interest. If I am lucky I might get a little bit of oral, penetration is off the menu, which leaves me feeling stranded.

Men have a reputation for being permanently up for it, but actually some of us are as finicky as women when it comes down to it. Stress is the big one for me. Mildly stressed and I am horny most of time because I find sex releases the stress. Majorly stressed - I am still getting erections but I cannot get into the right headspace for sex no matter how hard I try. Diabetes and a bunch of other conditions affect the sex drive and can lead to ED, but very often the culprit is falling testosterone levels and middle-aged ennui. Then, of course, knowing one has a problem and wanting to fix it are two different things.

My wife is the victim of autoimmune diseases too.

 

[PMarky2]

My wife is the victim of autoimmune diseases too.

Today has been pretty typical. She slept until almost 10am, she had breakfast and dressed, and we went to her PT appointment. After PT we had lunch out, and did the grocery shopping, which involves me pushing her around the store in a wheelchair. We then went home arriving at 2:30pm and now she is in her recliner asleep. She'll probably sleep for a couple of hours.

 

[13Fantasies]

Today has been pretty typical. She slept until almost 10am, she had breakfast and dressed, and we went to her PT appointment. After PT we had lunch out, and did the grocery shopping, which involves me pushing her around the store in a wheelchair. We then went home arriving at 2:30pm and now she is in her recliner asleep. She'll probably sleep for a couple of hours.

My wife is younger and has had autoimmune for the last fifteen plus years. There are exhausting days, but we push on with work, kids,etc. Definitely a reason we lack intimacy though

 

[blulilacgrl]

I'm sorry.

At least your partner is trying. It might be unsatisfactory in results, but at least the effort is there.

Hopefully he turns it around, for your sake as much as his

And I appreciate him trying but I'm beginning to feel like I'm pressuring him into it. And that feels so disgusting. No one should be pressured into sex. No one should feel like they have to have sex if they don't want to. And yet, denying a partner sexual intimacy is bad too. And it's even worse that I don't want to be with anyone else. I love him. At times it feels absolutely hopeless.

 

[13Fantasies]

And I appreciate him trying but I'm beginning to feel like I'm pressuring him into it. And that feels so disgusting. No one should be pressured into sex. No one should feel like they have to have sex if they don't want to. And yet, denying a partner sexual intimacy is bad too. And it's even worse that I don't want to be with anyone else. I love him. At times it feels absolutely hopeless.

I know what you mean. I've been hands off and I've tried encouragement that felt pressuring.

At the moment, it's absolutely hopeless in that regard for me too

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

Hurray there are others like me
BUT doesn't it make you mad, I am a sexual being, near 60. More like a horny 18yr old with experience and I know what I like and I'm not afraid to tell you. I have an alpha male, with the attitude of 1950's man, he is to me sexy as hell. He doesn't want to know, he won't talk about it. We have a few date nights were there is kissing and touching and going down on each other very rarely, but otherwise I have to beg for affection.
Are we all wasting our time, shouldn't we leave them and find some one who wants the same. I'm fed up with d.i.y

Older men don't leave marriages. I remember years ago asking someone on here, who seemed really down about his marriage, why he didn't leave, his reply was, "he wasn't losing his boat house". Sex is important but not that important .

 

[eye_see_me]

Older men don't leave marriages. I remember years ago asking someone on here, who seemed really down about his marriage, why he didn't leave, his reply was, "he wasn't losing his boat house". Sex is important but not that important .

A lot of truth to this, of course there are exceptions. I was in a sexless marriage, the last five years was completely sexless. Leaving up to that time there way about ten years where it was extremely rare to have sex, once every few months. I didn't leave, not because of money, it was because of our children, though they were all grown. It really was about not being alone. It was known, even if unfulfilling. It finally ended. I met someone, though it's not an ideal relationship, she's at least sexual.

My advice, get out of the marriage. Though still not emotionally fulfilled in my new relationship it is better than living with a roommate.

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

There'll no doubt be exceptions but they'll be less of them in the older demographic. Stability means more than most things to men and they'll make excuses to stay happily miserable. It's older women who walk out on marriages and although men don't want to hear it, women not wanting sex is usually a symptom of a big problem. It's not 'the' problem. No one gives up something they love, whether it's sex, chocolate or cigarettes.

Sad thing is, there's plenty older single ladies, they join every social group they can but there's very few men cos they're still in unhappy marriages

 

[razor33a]

I'd rather be miserable with stuff than miserable with no stuff, and stuff includes money. Then again I'll probably just check out instead of dealing with all the crap.