Sexless Marriages

[razor33a]

I'd rather be miserable with stuff than miserable with no stuff, and stuff includes money. Then again I'll probably just check out instead of dealing with all the crap.

 

[Waiter519123]

Older men don't leave marriages. I remember years ago asking someone on here, who seemed really down about his marriage, why he didn't leave, his reply was, "he wasn't losing his boat house". Sex is important but not that important .

Well said

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

I'd rather be miserable with stuff than miserable with no stuff, and stuff includes money. Then again I'll probably just check out instead of dealing with all the crap.

But would you not prefer the idea of being happy with half ya stuff. We all have an awful lot of stuff we don't need and it all needs dusting!

 

[paul__2345]

I have been sexless marriage along time but appart from lack of sex my wife is a good mother she works hard and I get on well with her. But I never pushed anyone into doing something they don't want try not to put any pressure and it's not just about me and her there's kids lives too. So for me to live things out in my mind not hurt anyone else and do what I need to survive me that seems the better option to me.when kids are older I don't know if I would ever leave but to me there lives and happiness is more important then mine

 

[razor33a]

Approaching retirement and the amount of resources it consumes not to mention end of life years, not a fun thought in best of times. Not many women are going to be looking for old guys, if they're even interested in sex at least from looking around; that may be why more guys in later years hook up with guys? I'm sure there are exceptions.

 

[Tom_Brown]

I have been in a sexless marriage for well over 10 years (probably closer to 13). Prior to that, the sex was probably once every few months (at best) for around 3 years.

For our first 15 years, we had sex consistently for probably 4-5 times a week. I’d always wanted her to have sex with other men and for 15 years I asked her to. She finally agreed and had sex with a guy that we both picked out from Adult Friend Finder. They did everything sexual (except anal). We met with him twice and they had repeated sex for multiple hours. Afterwards, she felt it was wrong and refused to fuck anyone else. We returned to sex every couple of days, but then after around a year, it started to be less often.

At first, (honestly) I wasn’t into her sexually because we constantly fought (about other things). I’ve worked away from home M-F and we’d argue whenever I was home (on Saturday & Sunday).

Then, I was too busy and accustomed to not having sex, to actually miss it. Don’t get me wrong, she is still beautiful and has an amazing body, but I kinda hated her for her attitude and the way she constantly bitched at me. (There was definitely mutual hatred between us).

https://ibb.co/Q8k6ZHQ

We stayed together because of the kids, with me living in a separate room when I was home.

I guess a lot of not leaving also had a lot to do with familiarity and being accustomed to a lifestyle. We’re not well off and the thought of having two separate living expenses was a huge factor in staying in the same house.

Now, there’s still no sex or romance, but we tolerate each other and don’t expect much from each other.

We’ve got a routine, where I leave on Monday, return on Friday (sometimes Saturday) and when I’m home, I take care of home shit, without having to have any kind of romantic relationship with each other.

On a side note, there was a time when she was in her sexual peak and complained that she need to get fucked. She knew that I always encouraged her to fuck other men, but she wouldn’t (or if she did, she wouldn’t satisfy my wants with letting me know).

I’m assuming that she did have other lovers, but didn’t want to give me the thrill or satisfaction of knowing or hearing about her sexually exploits with other men.

I can (and do) fantasize that other men have enjoyed her amazing body!

https://ibb.co/MPj028M

 

[stephen88]

I find i sad to hear that others experience this sadness and lack of intimacy. There is a degree of comfort in this. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all meet for coffee and discuss our woes together? Personally, I have reached a point where I need to find someone. I am tired of the lack of physical touch. The weather, being warmer now, allows me extended periods of time outdoors working the yard and garden. This gives me a sense of accomplishment. Watching the garden produce. The house and grounds were manicured. And yet, that constant ache. I want to be with someone that wants me too.
Alas, the morning coffee is finished. Time to dress. The yard and shovel call. Be well all.

 

[RoperTrace]

I find i sad to hear that others experience this sadness and lack of intimacy. There is a degree of comfort in this. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all meet for coffee and discuss our woes together? Personally, I have reached a point where I need to find someone. I am tired of the lack of physical touch. The weather, being warmer now, allows me extended periods of time outdoors working the yard and garden. This gives me a sense of accomplishment. Watching the garden produce. The house and grounds were manicured. And yet, that constant ache. I want to be with someone that wants me too.
Alas, the morning coffee is finished. Time to dress. The yard and shovel call. Be well all.

Wishing you well, Stephen88. If you're in the neighborhood, my yard boy(new this year) hasn't shown up for over a week, and my recently fed lawn is very long. I've taken care of it myself for decades, but both of my mowers are broken. Just kidding on the request. Just for the record, not making light of your situation, I've known the same for too long. Wouldn't we all be a sad lot sitting together in some coffee shop commiserating over our situations? This isn't the kind of thing that we(men) ever share with our close friends, too painful it seems. I have no idea if women are able to do that either.

 

[zysmith]

I’m 65 and female and I absolutely love sex !

Where have you been all my life. lol. I am 62, enjoy sex but it's been, 13 years now? I have lost count. Married 40ish years.

 

[penshockey1983]

Just wanted to offer myself up if anyone needs to talk, even guys. I was in a sexless marriage until I got divorced and it's hell. It always helps to have someone to talk to I think.

 

[blulilacgrl]

I need an objective call on this

So we arrive home after spending the day with family. I'm horny as all get out but he decides that he needs to mow the yard because rain is in the forecast. Fine.

I looked at him and said directly "I am horny as all fuck right now. I need to know if this is something you will address after or if I should go have some private me time while you do yard work."

He responded with "I got you just let me get this done."

I go in and keep myself busy while he does his yard stuff. When he does come in, I see he's a little tired. No biggie. He wants to sit and watch some TV. All good. I can wait for him to rest up. After a little while, he goes to the bathroom. When he returns, I lie back, kick one leg up along the back of the couch and smile at him. He took my leg off the back of the couch, sat down, pulled both legs across his lap, and continued to watch his show.

So serious question....was I being too subtle? He said the reason he did that was his back was hurting a little and he didn't want to sit with my leg behind him. Was the invitation to lay between my legs not blatantly obvious? Seriously. Am I fucking crazy?

 

[Winchester3030]

I need an objective call on this

So we arrive home after spending the day with family. I'm horny as all get out but he decides that he needs to mow the yard because rain is in the forecast. Fine.

I looked at him and said directly "I am horny as all fuck right now. I need to know if this is something you will address after or if I should go have some private me time while you do yard work."

He responded with "I got you just let me get this done."

I go in and keep myself busy while he does his yard stuff. When he does come in, I see he's a little tired. No biggie. He wants to sit and watch some TV. All good. I can wait for him to rest up. After a little while, he goes to the bathroom. When he returns, I lie back, kick one leg up along the back of the couch and smile at him. He took my leg off the back of the couch, sat down, pulled both legs across his lap, and continued to watch his show.

So serious question....was I being too subtle? He said the reason he did that was his back was hurting a little and he didn't want to sit with my leg behind him. Was the invitation to lay between my legs not blatantly obvious? Seriously. Am I fucking crazy?

You are good! he is just fukin stupid!!! Personally I would have skipped the mowing!!!! I only wish my wife would be like you!

 

[stephen88]

I need an objective call on this

So we arrive home after spending the day with family. I'm horny as all get out but he decides that he needs to mow the yard because rain is in the forecast. Fine.

I looked at him and said directly "I am horny as all fuck right now. I need to know if this is something you will address after or if I should go have some private me time while you do yard work."

He responded with "I got you just let me get this done."

I go in and keep myself busy while he does his yard stuff. When he does come in, I see he's a little tired. No biggie. He wants to sit and watch some TV. All good. I can wait for him to rest up. After a little while, he goes to the bathroom. When he returns, I lie back, kick one leg up along the back of the couch and smile at him. He took my leg off the back of the couch, sat down, pulled both legs across his lap, and continued to watch his show.

So serious question....was I being too subtle? He said the reason he did that was his back was hurting a little and he didn't want to sit with my leg behind him. Was the invitation to lay between my legs not blatantly obvious? Seriously. Am I fucking crazy?

Would have jumped you in seconds!!! Then made a long session of it. You would be satisfied!!!!

 

[KeenVoyeur]

I need an objective call on this

So we arrive home after spending the day with family. I'm horny as all get out but he decides that he needs to mow the yard because rain is in the forecast. Fine.

I looked at him and said directly "I am horny as all fuck right now. I need to know if this is something you will address after or if I should go have some private me time while you do yard work."

He responded with "I got you just let me get this done."

I go in and keep myself busy while he does his yard stuff. When he does come in, I see he's a little tired. No biggie. He wants to sit and watch some TV. All good. I can wait for him to rest up. After a little while, he goes to the bathroom. When he returns, I lie back, kick one leg up along the back of the couch and smile at him. He took my leg off the back of the couch, sat down, pulled both legs across his lap, and continued to watch his show.

So serious question....was I being too subtle? He said the reason he did that was his back was hurting a little and he didn't want to sit with my leg behind him. Was the invitation to lay between my legs not blatantly obvious? Seriously. Am I fucking crazy?

Mow the fucking lawn afterwards ... then come back in, tack a shower together and have a second round of pussy fun!

Shame you're probably too far away - I'd be happy to drop by and keep you entertained while he does his chores

 

[RoperTrace]

I need an objective call on this

So we arrive home after spending the day with family. I'm horny as all get out but he decides that he needs to mow the yard because rain is in the forecast. Fine.

I looked at him and said directly "I am horny as all fuck right now. I need to know if this is something you will address after or if I should go have some private me time while you do yard work."

He responded with "I got you just let me get this done."

I go in and keep myself busy while he does his yard stuff. When he does come in, I see he's a little tired. No biggie. He wants to sit and watch some TV. All good. I can wait for him to rest up. After a little while, he goes to the bathroom. When he returns, I lie back, kick one leg up along the back of the couch and smile at him. He took my leg off the back of the couch, sat down, pulled both legs across his lap, and continued to watch his show.

So serious question....was I being too subtle? He said the reason he did that was his back was hurting a little and he didn't want to sit with my leg behind him. Was the invitation to lay between my legs not blatantly obvious? Seriously. Am I fucking crazy?

No not crazy at all. I don't get this attitude from men supposedly in loving relationships, or maybe I should just say marriages. I know it happens, but it's difficult to get my brain around doing that. I know women usually get the 'bad rap' of not being interested in bedroom activities, and have lived with that myself over the last two decades. I'm just thankful for the active three decades before that started.

As a writer, here on Lit, that lack of affection in my own case has made my writing dry up as well. I still start a fair amount of stories, but have trouble bringing them to conclusion. I've even hired guys to do my lawn work the last several years, not that mowing would ever take priority over an open bedroom invitation.

 

[Highlander36]

I need an objective call on this

So we arrive home after spending the day with family. I'm horny as all get out but he decides that he needs to mow the yard because rain is in the forecast. Fine.

I looked at him and said directly "I am horny as all fuck right now. I need to know if this is something you will address after or if I should go have some private me time while you do yard work."

He responded with "I got you just let me get this done."

I go in and keep myself busy while he does his yard stuff. When he does come in, I see he's a little tired. No biggie. He wants to sit and watch some TV. All good. I can wait for him to rest up. After a little while, he goes to the bathroom. When he returns, I lie back, kick one leg up along the back of the couch and smile at him. He took my leg off the back of the couch, sat down, pulled both legs across his lap, and continued to watch his show.

So serious question....was I being too subtle? He said the reason he did that was his back was hurting a little and he didn't want to sit with my leg behind him. Was the invitation to lay between my legs not blatantly obvious? Seriously. Am I fucking crazy?

He's obviously not interested in sex, which is fine for him i suppose.

You've made it pretty clear and he's avoiding it.

 

[Capcanuck]

I need an objective call on this

So we arrive home after spending the day with family. I'm horny as all get out but he decides that he needs to mow the yard because rain is in the forecast. Fine.

I looked at him and said directly "I am horny as all fuck right now. I need to know if this is something you will address after or if I should go have some private me time while you do yard work."

He responded with "I got you just let me get this done."

I go in and keep myself busy while he does his yard stuff. When he does come in, I see he's a little tired. No biggie. He wants to sit and watch some TV. All good. I can wait for him to rest up. After a little while, he goes to the bathroom. When he returns, I lie back, kick one leg up along the back of the couch and smile at him. He took my leg off the back of the couch, sat down, pulled both legs across his lap, and continued to watch his show.

So serious question....was I being too subtle? He said the reason he did that was his back was hurting a little and he didn't want to sit with my leg behind him. Was the invitation to lay between my legs not blatantly obvious? Seriously. Am I fucking crazy?

Sorry that happened to you. I can relate. I went to my partner late at night, huge erection, she was watching tv. I took her hand and put it around my cock. She stroked it a couple of times and went back to her show. I feel you.

 

[13Fantasies]

I need an objective call on this

So we arrive home after spending the day with family. I'm horny as all get out but he decides that he needs to mow the yard because rain is in the forecast. Fine.

I looked at him and said directly "I am horny as all fuck right now. I need to know if this is something you will address after or if I should go have some private me time while you do yard work."

He responded with "I got you just let me get this done."

I go in and keep myself busy while he does his yard stuff. When he does come in, I see he's a little tired. No biggie. He wants to sit and watch some TV. All good. I can wait for him to rest up. After a little while, he goes to the bathroom. When he returns, I lie back, kick one leg up along the back of the couch and smile at him. He took my leg off the back of the couch, sat down, pulled both legs across his lap, and continued to watch his show.

So serious question....was I being too subtle? He said the reason he did that was his back was hurting a little and he didn't want to sit with my leg behind him. Was the invitation to lay between my legs not blatantly obvious? Seriously. Am I fucking crazy?

I think he decided that he could put you off and you wouldn't press the issue. Does this happen often when you are clear in your desires?

I don't even try subtle. I just randomly ask my wife "Do you want to make love to me?" I get a No and go on with my day. After nearly seven sexless years, I'm not surprised, but I might as well be obvious to her.

 

[Cuddlycarebear]

He's obviously not interested in sex, which is fine for him i suppose.

You've made it pretty clear and he's avoiding it.

Very sad. My wife does have a bad back so we seldom have sex, but she has a good excuse. I would enjoy texting with you if you are interested.

 

[TCLuvs2692407]

I’m a 63 year old male in the same situation

 

[annmsguy]

Lying here in the dark, alone with my thoughts, listening to her sleep while scenes of what should be happening playing in my head.

 

[mayxes69]

Wow and I thought I was only one in a sexless marriage. Been years with no sex

 

[Kennyskunk]

There is entirely too many of us in sexless marraiges...3 plus years now

 

[Noor]

Sorry that happened to you. I can relate. I went to my partner late at night, huge erection, she was watching tv. I took her hand and put it around my cock. She stroked it a couple of times and went back to her show. I feel you.

Has that ever worked in the past?

 

[LeSabreur]

And I appreciate him trying but I'm beginning to feel like I'm pressuring him into it. And that feels so disgusting. No one should be pressured into sex. No one should feel like they have to have sex if they don't want to. And yet, denying a partner sexual intimacy is bad too. And it's even worse that I don't want to be with anyone else. I love him. At times it feels absolutely hopeless.

I read your later post about making it plain to your spouse that you were in the mood for sex, and this resonates so strongly with many of us of both/all genders.

You characterize it perfectly above. I LOVE my wife. I adore her. She's the love of my life. I want to grow old with her, spend the rest of my life as her loving husband. As I've written about in other threads, putting pressure on her for sex is the very last thing I want to do; coercing her into it several years ago was a mistake I made that horrified me and made me feel like a terrible person.

We were talking to a marriage counselor several years ago about our mismatched (since menopause) libido situation. This was a female therapist that my wife had chosen because I know her well enough to know that SHE needs to feel in control, needs to feel comfortable when things are somewhat fraught. The therapist was clearly surprised that my wife didn't seem to want to make any effort, and told her that a healthy sexual life was an important part of a relationship. Yes, it is, but...you can't force it. You can't MAKE someone feel things that they don't feel.

The great irony for us is that we originally got together over sex! We were hot and heavy, wild and adventuresome for years, playing with others, enjoying all sorts of sexual excitement. Then...menopause. We've talked about it at length, of course, as we enjoy very open communication. She has tried, bless her, working with her gyne doc and taking hormones, but it just doesn't work for her. If she doesn't initiate it...maybe once or twice a year...it won't happen, and I've learned that hinting about my arousal just turns her off and then we both feel guilty.

And now here I am, in my early 60s, sexual appetite as strong as ever, sexual attitudes and interests wider than ever, and, frighteningly, feeling my mortality. I think about the years of life I have left...when they are done, existence is over, the universe winks out forever. Is it fair that I cannot enjoy a sexual relationship for the rest of all existence? Of course it isn't, but expecting fairness in life is folly. Do I seek it outside the marriage? Well, that certainly isn't fair to the woman I love, isn't fair to our marriage. Yet I do not judge others who make that decision...this is powerful, existential stuff.

I feel for all of you who face similar dilemmas. This is hard.