Sexless Marriages

[Noor]

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

It seems normal to me and if your hormones die down, add bio identical ones!

 

[blulilacgrl]

Update... first a quick thank you to everyone who understood and could commiserate with what I was struggling with. While I appreciate the offers to alleviate my frustration, I want my husband.

After reading your replies and some messages, I got my courage up and really talked to him at our next check in (once a week we dedicate an hour to discussing our relationship). This meeting was really emotional but I'm hoping we got to place where we at least understand where each other is coming from.

For my part, I love sex. I love everything about it. The teasing beforehand, the actual act, the after cuddling. All of it. I also have really low fucking self esteem when it comes to how I look. Rejection is a huge issue for me. Combine that with a sex drive that is considered out of the ordinary for a 50+ year old woman and it can be a bit much to handle at times. (I'm assuming it's out of the ordinary because when I mentioned my increase in libido over the past 10 years, my OB/GYN was a little shocked. )

On his part, Hubby gets bogged down in responsibilities and to an extent viewing it as a bedroom only activity. He often misses cues or he gets them but views them as things to revisit when we go to bed. Not things to engage in outside of the bedroom.

So compromise... I'm going to make more of an effort to take on some of his household duties (maybe next time I'll mow the freaking yard!) and he is going to work on moving the teasing/touching foreplay part to outside of the bedroom. He also wants to make sure we devote at least 15-30 minutes to talking about sex (how we are feeling and maybe things we want to explore) during our weekly check ins.

So wish us luck. I don't think the issue is resolved but I am hoping we are on the right track to figuring out a solution.

 

[PrettynPetite]

I went from a sexless marriage to unsatisfying sex. He's just not into it. He's trying. He's taking care of himself and has started taking supplements to help with hormone levels. But sex is simply no longer his drive. Which in turn makes it so deeply unsatisfying. Its not just that I want sex and intimacy, I want him to enjoy it as much as I do. In every other respect our relationship is wonderful. He's an amazing man andI love him. But I'm so tired of feeling ugly and like there is something wrong with me.

So what do you do when you see them trying but it just isn't working? I feel like I'm pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do and its beginning to make me physically ill.

Ughh....God, samesies...

 

[high_drive_husband_UK]

Update... first a quick thank you to everyone who understood and could commiserate with what I was struggling with. While I appreciate the offers to alleviate my frustration, I want my husband.

After reading your replies and some messages, I got my courage up and really talked to him at our next check in (once a week we dedicate an hour to discussing our relationship). This meeting was really emotional but I'm hoping we got to place where we at least understand where each other is coming from.

For my part, I love sex. I love everything about it. The teasing beforehand, the actual act, the after cuddling. All of it. I also have really low fucking self esteem when it comes to how I look. Rejection is a huge issue for me. Combine that with a sex drive that is considered out of the ordinary for a 50+ year old woman and it can be a bit much to handle at times. (I'm assuming it's out of the ordinary because when I mentioned my increase in libido over the past 10 years, my OB/GYN was a little shocked. )

On his part, Hubby gets bogged down in responsibilities and to an extent viewing it as a bedroom only activity. He often misses cues or he gets them but views them as things to revisit when we go to bed. Not things to engage in outside of the bedroom.

So compromise... I'm going to make more of an effort to take on some of his household duties (maybe next time I'll mow the freaking yard!) and he is going to work on moving the teasing/touching foreplay part to outside of the bedroom. He also wants to make sure we devote at least 15-30 minutes to talking about sex (how we are feeling and maybe things we want to explore) during our weekly check ins.

So wish us luck. I don't think the issue is resolved but I am hoping we are on the right track to figuring out a solution.

Wishing you the very best of luck, me and my wife have been talking a lot and working on balancing our sex drives but it’s very hard and frustrating, (we’ve been together for 18 years - married 10) I don’t have anyone really to talk to and share things with apart from her so that’s part of the issue from my end.

We have a young family which understandably makes things hard in this area. I can be patient and hopeful that things will improve but I also have a feeling of real jealousy towards people who have more liberal boundaries within their marriages, it would be really encouraging to hear from anyone who has navigated this kind of situation and has a positive outcome to report…

PMs open if anyone wants a chance to share or needs some support or just a chance to put thoughts in writing …

 

[LustyScribe]

I wish all of you the best. I think I'm getting close to the end of my capacity to hope or hold on. We, or rather I, have talked until I'm Smurf-blue in the face. Empty promises and, lately, just complete indifference are all I get. Ready to go play in traffic.

 

[stephen88]

I wish all of you the best. I think I'm getting close to the end of my capacity to hope or hold on. We, or rather I, have talked until I'm Smurf-blue in the face. Empty promises and, lately, just complete indifference are all I get. Ready to go play in traffic.

Go! Find someone that wants you! Needs you!! Go take care of you!!!

 

[PMarky2]

I find myself in the position where the old girl gives it a go once in a while, but PIV is strictly off the menu thanks to medical issues, so it is eat pussy, half-hearted blowjob (I make her jaw ache), and finish as best I can. Better than nothing... sort of... She's trooper, but I am so frustrated at times that I could hump a pile of rocks if I thought there was a snake under it. I wish I had the courage to ask her to turn a blind eye to the occasional indiscretion provided I give her a good tongue lashing as required. She has implied that might be the case, but she has not given explicit permission. Frustrating.

 

[Abeona1]

O M G I want to scream after reading about all of us in sexless relationships. Going to rant here. We have to be understanding of their feelings. But they are getting their own way. I'm scared to hurt his feelings/ injure his pride. 60 Yr old alpha male. (Think it's broken. ) But he is not mine. Horny as hell nearly 60 with sex drive of 18yr old. Always wet even during menopause. Fancy the pants off him. Threatened to look elsewhere. Always suggestive, praise his male ego. Offer to rub anything he wants. If rejection was love he would be obsessed with me.
Not even sex just some affection wouldn't go a miss. So life isn't fair. The irony of all of us in sexless relationships. Do you think our partners are on another Web site. Congratulationing themselves that they do not have to have sex again. Rant over. Still frustrated

 

[Spongo]

Even worse when your partner used to be so horny that they wanted it all the time and just stopped. pm me some of the good time and we can maybe get off together.

 

[Abeona1]

Even worse when your partner used to be so horny that they wanted it all the time and just stopped. pm me some of the good time and we can maybe get off together.

Sounds like a plan

 

[Ceemeo]

Yes you are crazy, you should have called your neighbor over to fuck you from behind while you watch your husband mow from a window

 

[ChicagoR85]

O M G I want to scream after reading about all of us in sexless relationships. Going to rant here. We have to be understanding of their feelings. But they are getting their own way. I'm scared to hurt his feelings/ injure his pride. 60 Yr old alpha male. (Think it's broken. ) But he is not mine. Horny as hell nearly 60 with sex drive of 18yr old. Always wet even during menopause. Fancy the pants off him. Threatened to look elsewhere. Always suggestive, praise his male ego. Offer to rub anything he wants. If rejection was love he would be obsessed with me.
Not even sex just some affection wouldn't go a miss. So life isn't fair. The irony of all of us in sexless relationships. Do you think our partners are on another Web site. Congratulationing themselves that they do not have to have sex again. Rant over. Still frustrated

@Abeona1 These partners are other websites…. Trust me they are, men are either on the golf course or playing with the man toys ( for example cars and bikes )…..

On the other end…. The Ladies have their interests too… they are into their hobbies too…. I am a man so I don’t know which ones to list for the ladies

And kudos to you for still exploring!!! Age is just a number ! May menopause not pause you ever !

 

[Lemmetri]

O M G I want to scream after reading about all of us in sexless relationships. Going to rant here. We have to be understanding of their feelings. But they are getting their own way. I'm scared to hurt his feelings/ injure his pride. 60 Yr old alpha male. (Think it's broken. ) But he is not mine. Horny as hell nearly 60 with sex drive of 18yr old. Always wet even during menopause. Fancy the pants off him. Threatened to look elsewhere. Always suggestive, praise his male ego. Offer to rub anything he wants. If rejection was love he would be obsessed with me.
Not even sex just some affection wouldn't go a miss. So life isn't fair. The irony of all of us in sexless relationships. Do you think our partners are on another Web site. Congratulationing themselves that they do not have to have sex again. Rant over. Still frustrated

I would love to help you out!

 

[PMarky2]

The biggest rub for me is that my wife tends to work on the assumption that if she cannot do it, I should not want it. Case in point, she cannot cope with penetration as it is too painful, so the other day she suggests that she should get me a pocket pussy. Now, on the face of it this is perfectly reasonable suggestion to the male mind. After all, if you loose an arm or a leg you get a prothesis. However, 25 years of practice have taught me to listen very carefully to how things are phrased because my wife can be an emotional minefield. I heard the trap being set, and I managed to step out of it.

 

[stephen88]

The biggest rub for me is that my wife tends to work on the assumption that if she cannot do it, I should not want it. Case in point, she cannot cope with penetration as it is too painful, so the other day she suggests that she should get me a pocket pussy. Now, on the face of it this is perfectly reasonable suggestion to the male mind. After all, if you loose an arm or a leg you get a prothesis. However, 25 years of practice have taught me to listen very carefully to how things are phrased because my wife can be an emotional minefield. I heard the trap being set, and I managed to step out of it.

Her line of reasoning sounds very familiar. “I can’t or won’t. So neither will you.”

 

[Imagine33]

Its nice to see I’m not alone; sexless marriage for past 8 years, husband is older and no longer wants sex.
I still get moments when I feel sad & lonely, I come here and its comforting in some way to read about others coping with the same.

 

[stephen88]

And yet……here we all are. Men and Women, missing what was once a grand part of our lives. Life offers twists we never would have imagined!

 

[nsa3006]

It is a constant stab in the guts for me knowing that my wife is not interested in anything sexual - and so I cannot have the lifestyle I want (eg. spontaneous sex with the wife in the house, enjoying each other sexually daily) when your significant is suppose to be the “morally accepted” source of this enjoyment

 

[LeeKee]

It is a constant stab in the guts for me knowing that my wife is not interested in anything sexual - and so I cannot have the lifestyle I want (eg. spontaneous sex with the wife in the house, enjoying each other sexually daily) when your significant is suppose to be the “morally accepted” source of this enjoyment

Yup. Get used to it. Your body, her choice kind of situation.

 

[stephen88]

Again, it is not as though we are sex "crazed" lunatics, maurading the home for any opportunity to have sex. Although once upon a time, it was welcomed, "at least in my home."

As many have commented, we still have the desire. And for many that desire still centers on their partner. The partner we chose for life. I understand the physiology for both sides and both sexes. Having been an educator for decades, research and study have been the answers to life's many quandaries. It remains my chosen style of learning.

Understanding does not change the fact of what happens. Being informed that you are not desired in "that way", is a blow to ones ego, self esteem and general outlook. Male or female, we needed our partners to want us as they did. For me, it a part of my emotional stability. Sexual intimacy is not the only aspect in a relationship. There is also day to day conversation, engaging in like activities, and sharing of lives. I found that these also, have begun to wane. Hence, I am left alone with my thoughts, desires and questions of how to retrieve what is now absent.

I have been told on many occasions by those in like situations. "That's just the way it is." If I had listened to those types of voices when I was younger, I never would have accomplished much in my life. I'm a fighter and don't take no for an answer. And yet, this situation wearies me. I have lost more than just, "sex."

Those of us in this situation have occasionally been referred to as "whiners". I believe those that say such are uninformed and ignorant. If I may draw a parallel. I am a lifelong musician and teacher. If the ability to play my music was taken from my life, where would this leave me? Indeed, that would be tragic wouldn't it? Would you make the comment, "that's the way it is."?

We are whole individuals. Until the parts are slowly taken away. For each of that visits here, we have lost a part. I understand what many of you feel. You have my empathy and that of the many others that dwell here. I encourage you. Rage on, cry, lament, express, and whatever else you feel inclined to do. There many shoulders to lean on here.

 

[Greytruck]

Again, it is not as though we are sex "crazed" lunatics, maurading the home for any opportunity to have sex. Although once upon a time, it was welcomed, "at least in my home."

As many have commented, we still have the desire. And for many that desire still centers on their partner. The partner we chose for life. I understand the physiology for both sides and both sexes. Having been an educator for decades, research and study have been the anwers to life's many quandries. It remains my chosen style of learning.

Understanding does not change the fact of what happens. Being informed that you are not desired in "that way", is a blow to ones ego, self esteem and general outlook. Male or female, we needed our partners to want us as they did. For me, it a part of my emotional stability. Sexual intimacy is not the only aspect in a relationship. There is also day to day conversation, engaging in like activities, and sharing of lives. I found that these also, have begun to wane. Hence, I am left alone with my thoughts, desires and questions of how to retrieve what is now absent.

I have been told on many occasions by those in like situations. "That's just the way it is." If I had listened to those types of voices when I was younger, I never would have accomplished much in my life. I'm a fighter and don't take no for an answer. And yet, this situation wearies me. I have lost more than just, "sex."

Those of us in this situation have occasionally been referred to as "whiners". I believe those that say such are uniformed and ignorant. If I may draw a parallel. I am a lifelong musician and teacher. If the ability to play my music was taken from my life, where would this leave me? Indeed, that would be tragic wouldn't it? Would you make the comment, "that's the way it is."?

We are whole individuals. Until the parts are slowly taken away. For each of that visits here, we have lost a part. I understand what many of you feel. You have my empathy and that of the many others that dwell here. I encourage you. Rage on, cry, lament, express, and whatever else you feel inclined to do. There many shoulders to lean on here.

To not be wanted by our spouse is a big blow to our ego.
I think my ED issues stem from her rejection of me.
And she dosent feel that way.. menopause was not kind to her.
I’m willing to take whatever I can get and I feel like a beggar somtimes

 

[PMarky2]

Her line of reasoning sounds very familiar. “I can’t or won’t. So neither will you.”

My consolation is that it is 'cannot' not 'will not.' The 'will nots' came out when we were first exploring 25 or so years ago.

 

[flameinsidesoul]

Sometimes, the loudest silence in a marriage isn’t about sex..it’s about vanishing. (or mentally not here with us..that hurts) I used to think I was starving for touch. later I realized: I was starving for witness.

But here’s the irony..…even in absence, I’ve found presence. Loneliness taught me how to make love to my life, not just a lover.

If you’re here feeling hollow, please know...you are not broken. You are blooming in unexpected soil. its not just about sex we lost, but the selves we are finding.

 

[Jackdoll1972]

I am 73 and my wife is 69. We have been married since 1977. She was a good Catholic girl when I met her, and of course a virgin. I had been with several women before her and slowly got her to become a very sexy woman. It took a year, first I got her to show me her sweet 34a tits in a dark parked car. Then a few weeks later her lovely hairy pussy. And finally we did the deed. She claims I am the only one to fuck her, or for that matter play with her tits and pussy, but a few years ago she said we were too old to have sex. I watch porn at least once a day and stroke till I cum. I would love to have a woman on the side for sexual activities, kissing, breast play, oral sex, or fucking. I have thoughts about a stroke buddy, as I do sometimes like to watch gay porn or shemales. Time to go I need to stroke.

 

[PMarky2]

Sometimes, the loudest silence in a marriage isn’t about sex..it’s about vanishing. (or mentally not here with us..that hurts) I used to think I was starving for touch. later I realized: I was starving for witness.

But here’s the irony..…even in absence, I’ve found presence. Loneliness taught me how to make love to my life, not just a lover.

If you’re here feeling hollow, please know...you are not broken. You are blooming in unexpected soil. its not just about sex we lost, but the selves we are finding.

That is a big part of the pain at my end. No nookie is irritating, but the lack of interest in my doings and interests is worse. Of course, one of my worst faults is that I am a autie chatterbox who craves an audience, so it does not help that one of the things which is missing from my life is something that I really need.