Sexless Marriages

[Draven_Crow13]

50M here. Been about a year. More like roommates no playfulness always initiating everything so just like pulling teeth and too much work to enjoy

 

[xt600e]

Wow, I can’t believe I found this thread and so many people just like me! 45 with a crazy sex drive and a husband that isn’t interested in me at all. I just want to be needed and craved by someone. I’ve had so many conversations with him about it and he is not interested in me at all. I’ve gained some weight recently due to some health issues and I feel like he doesn’t find me attractive. We are roommates, living under the same roof and not having a real relationship. 21 years of marriage so it’s hard to walk away.

I so know how you feel. It's been 20 years for me now. Seperate bedrooms for all that time too. No physical contact of any kind. I desperately crave even thebtiniest bit of intimacy.
Guess it will have to be in the next life.

 

[Bummy4]

Hey there it's joel. Same here with me love sex but not happening

 

[rocketrick]

Wow, I can’t believe I found this thread and so many people just like me! 45 with a crazy sex drive and a husband that isn’t interested in me at all. I just want to be needed and craved by someone. I’ve had so many conversations with him about it and he is not interested in me at all. I’ve gained some weight recently due to some health issues and I feel like he doesn’t find me attractive. We are roommates, living under the same roof and not having a real relationship. 21 years of marriage so it’s hard to walk away.

I totally relate to this. I feel my life is stuck and I have no way to release the pressure.

 

[pntyhseluvr]

Wow, I can’t believe I found this thread and so many people just like me! 45 with a crazy sex drive and a husband that isn’t interested in me at all. I just want to be needed and craved by someone. I’ve had so many conversations with him about it and he is not interested in me at all. I’ve gained some weight recently due to some health issues and I feel like he doesn’t find me attractive. We are roommates, living under the same roof and not having a real relationship. 21 years of marriage so it’s hard to walk away.

Glad to know it isn’t just guys in that position. 28 years and still in love but zero sex. I need relief and find it here. If I can help you in anyway way feel free to PM.

 

[Bummy4]

Yea at this point I would take anything. How hard is a blowjob really

 

[KinkyFetishGuy]

Wow almost the same situation. She has gained weight, I still find her extremely sexy and attractive, but she "does not see herself how I see her". So it does not matter what I need and want. Plain old vanilla sex would be amazing at this point. Sigh.

 

[stephen88]

Wow, I can’t believe I found this thread and so many people just like me! 45 with a crazy sex drive and a husband that isn’t interested in me at all. I just want to be needed and craved by someone. I’ve had so many conversations with him about it and he is not interested in me at all. I’ve gained some weight recently due to some health issues and I feel like he doesn’t find me attractive. We are roommates, living under the same roof and not having a real relationship. 21 years of marriage so it’s hard to walk away.

That's quite sad. What are you thinking about doing? 21 years is a long time. But you have needs. Not just physical, but mental and emotional. What will be your course of action?

 

[LatinaCarmen1980]

Wow, I can’t believe I found this thread and so many people just like me! 45 with a crazy sex drive and a husband that isn’t interested in me at all. I just want to be needed and craved by someone. I’ve had so many conversations with him about it and he is not interested in me at all. I’ve gained some weight recently due to some health issues and I feel like he doesn’t find me attractive. We are roommates, living under the same roof and not having a real relationship. 21 years of marriage so it’s hard to walk away.

We sort of went through something like that a while ago (years). It was hard. We had a lot of things going on (health, career, kids, family issues) that was driving this wedge. For a while, he had no interest. Then, I had no interest.

Like you said, we were roommates for a good long while. He gained weight, I gained weight - he lost weight, I lost weight; it didn't matter. We were so far off sync that I started having thoughts that maybe divorce was the answer.

I'll make this reply short, but we found ourselves, found each other and we're so incredibly happy now. Yeah, yeah, I'm here but that's another story!

I will say this - physical attraction isn't even half the problem. I would highly suggest marriage counseling, marriage enrichment, and individual counseling - It saved my marriage.

 

[TemptationTango]

Wow, I can’t believe I found this thread and so many people just like me! 45 with a crazy sex drive and a husband that isn’t interested in me at all. I just want to be needed and craved by someone. I’ve had so many conversations with him about it and he is not interested in me at all. I’ve gained some weight recently due to some health issues and I feel like he doesn’t find me attractive. We are roommates, living under the same roof and not having a real relationship. 21 years of marriage so it’s hard to walk away.

I doubt it's the weight. My wife has added about 50lbs in 20 years, and I am still wildly attracted to her. On the flip side, I think her weight affects her libido, so it's a combination of zero hormones(90%) and body shame(10%).

If your husband has no desire to fuck you, then he is just not interested in you period. That's on him, not you. If you hang around here on Lit often, you will find a bunch of non-judgmental guys and gals.

Just today, she was changing in the bedroom when I walked in, Top off, back to me and I could not resist(no sex in almost 2 years). I came up behind her, my hands wrapped around her and cupped her large breasts, nipples went hard instantly as I fondled them while kissing her neck and gently biting her back. She got goose bumps and almost lost her balance. Then she gently slid away and put on her top. It is so frustrating to see and feel her body respond, yet still get shot down. Maybe my FWB is right...."Maybe she just isn't into you anymore".

Good luck on your quest for intimacy, when you find it, the pent up frustration will have a most positive effect when you do get laid...it's like the 4th of July!

Tango

 

[Hopeful1972]

3 years into my second marriage, her libido just dropped off the cliff (personally, even at 52 I'd still happily fuck more than once a day).
Initially I put it down to the stress of her job, but even on holidays (vacation), but it persisted for months, then years.
Finally, she took a good friend's advice and got HRT, I thought "amazing, the libido is going to come back..."
3 years later and I am still waiting to see anything of it.
"Sex isn't important" is all I get when I ask her about it.
Much as I appreciate seeing fellow men and women in such similar problems, I sadly see no end for it for me.

For those that do seem to get action in their situations, I am so very pleased for you.

However, for me, I fear the misery will go on.

 

[stephen88]

I have often pondered. We should get the lot of us together and have an orgy. Regret is difficult to live with.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

It's a hell that a lot of us suffer through

 

[Cumswallowing]

It’s me! I feel it’s all my fault! She doesn’t want me! Been many years. She has zero interest in sex. Dream of it, tried talking to her, and get a hand job once a month. Crazy about my wife. Been married 25 plus years. Porn alone is my only outlet. In a few years I will be 60! Been working on my body and attitude. Gave up talking about it with her…. Guilt and shaming is worse than my ideas about sex!

 

[Bummy4]

I gave up caring years ago. I have ventured out to find relief. I don't like doing it , but damn sex. Is good.

 

[LeeKee]

50M here. Been about a year. More like roommates no playfulness always initiating everything so just like pulling teeth and too much work to enjoy

Same here. Total desert. Emotional desert. Robot roommate

 

[Ciceri]

Wow, I can’t believe I found this thread and so many people just like me! 45 with a crazy sex drive and a husband that isn’t interested in me at all. I just want to be needed and craved by someone. I’ve had so many conversations with him about it and he is not interested in me at all. I’ve gained some weight recently due to some health issues and I feel like he doesn’t find me attractive. We are roommates, living under the same roof and not having a real relationship. 21 years of marriage so it’s hard to walk away.

I was in a marriage of convenience. The cost of living makes separation prohibitive - along w all the other factors of life. Your husband could be having a crisis he doesn’t want to share or can’t put into words yet. I’m sure you’re sexy - even w some extra pounds. That weight can come and go. No big deal. I recommend meeting with a counselor (but not a faith-based counselor) and opening up. If all is lost, then at least you know you tried (and maybe you’ll have better insight and not second guess your decision to leave/stay)

 

[lifeis2short2b]

Sexless marriage! I guess the easy answer is ok just leave. But for many there are numerous reasons. How about just going out and having sex ? Again numerous reasons. I often wonder the real reasons why it's sexless or who's bull shitting and telling half truths. I'm not doubting anyone I know people or at least believe people that I know.
Here is an alternative. What if your happily in a relationship with someone. Love being with them, Have a great time when together. You have sex as in getting the deed done. But making love is out of the question. I miss making love.
Do people know the difference between sex and love. Perhaps this is the wrong thread to vent.

 

[Carmina24]

Where the Bed Grows Quiet

There is a silence in some marriages that no one warns you about.
Not the silence of anger, or betrayal, or even indifference.
It is the hush that falls when love is still present, but touch has gone missing.

Nights stretch long. You can hear your own breath, your own pulse. Sometimes, you feel like a ghost in your own life - half of a duet that no longer sings.

We read your words here, and we feel the weight of them. The loneliness that settles between the sheets. The quiet ache of reaching for warmth that never comes.

For those of you living in this silence:
What do you wish your partner knew about the way it feels?
What is the sentence you whisper into the dark that no one has ever heard?

We are listening.
Maybe, if we can share the unspoken,
the quiet will begin to break.

 

[penshockey1983]

Sexless marriage! I guess the easy answer is ok just leave. But for many there are numerous reasons. How about just going out and having sex ? Again numerous reasons. I often wonder the real reasons why it's seamless or who's bull shitting and telling half truths. I'm not doubting anyone I know people or at least believe people that I know.
Here is an alternative. What if your happily in a relationship with someone. Love being with them, Have a great time when together. You have sex as in getting the deed done. But making love is out of the question. I miss making love.
Do people know the difference between sex and love. Perhaps this is the wrong thread to vent.

Lack of sex was one of the reasons I divorced....

 

[lifeis2short2b]

Lack of sex was one of the reasons I divorced....

I give you credit. It's not easy getting divorced. But many people can't go that route. Hopefully it all worked out.

 

[boxman11]

5 years and counting, thank God for good stories on here and Rosey or I wouldn't have any.

 

[Carmina24]

This is very moving. I feel like answering.

What do you wish your partner knew about the way it feels?
What is the sentence you whisper into the dark that no one has ever heard?

I wish she knew the sinking feeling of rejection I got when I spent some time naked in the holiday villa, asking her gently to join me in the bed, and all she was able to say is “why are you spending so much time without your clothes on?”. I got dressed and took a massage with acupuncture in the grounds of the resort and later fantasised about the pretty dutch lady by the pool, who smiled at me so warmly that day.

I wish she knew how affected I was when I offered to put my arms around her and kiss her, only to be told that she felt like she was being “molested”. I didn’t cry, but by then having been in a relationship for 9 years, I recognised the significance of that moment.

I have never tried again… who would? I would rather bear the ethical dilemma of having a sexual relationship elsewhere, than to receive that kind of hurtful rejection from someone who knows me. Fierce like fire when she talks to me, and cold like ice to the touch.

There are reasons for us to still be together… for now.

Passion and physical intimacy are a core human need for many of us and I see how much I’m not alone, even though the reasons are as numerous as there are replies here.

I feel the ache in every word you wrote.

That sinking feeling of rejection - when someone you love and trust looks at your desire not as a gift but as an inconvenience - is a kind of wound that doesn’t bleed but never truly stops hurting. It’s the loneliness that exists even with someone lying just a few feet away.

You’re not alone in this, though I know that doesn’t make the nights easier. Many here have faced that moment when a tender gesture is met with coldness, and something inside quietly breaks. Your choice to bear your pain with dignity, even while holding on to the relationship for other reasons, is a truth more people live than they admit.

I hope you find a way back to being seen and wanted - not just as a partner, but as a human who deserves warmth, touch, and joy. Passion and intimacy aren’t trivial; they are as human as breath.

Thank you for speaking what so many silently endure.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

There is a hollowness that comes from the constant rejection and neglect. Especially for those who rely on physical love. It really feels like a piece of you is missing. But they will just chalk it up to "you only care about sex"

 

[Anononly1992]

There is a hollowness that comes from the constant rejection and neglect. Especially for those who rely on physical love. It really feels like a piece of you is missing. But they will just chalk it up to "you only care about sex"

I get that the whole time from my wife. While it's not a sexless marriage. Any time I touch her leg in bed she thinks all I want to do is fuck her. While I gladly would, I am absolutely seeking a connection with her. Not just and getting my dick wet.