Should gay couples raise kids?

[samanthamom]

wow...what a topic...

I have to say, I am bi...I'm a mom (as most of you have guessed)...but in all honesty, I cannot conceive of a reason that a gay couple shouldn't raise a child assuming they have the means and stability.

No I'm not saying (as I've heard argued when having this conversation in r/t) that by saying stability and means, that single parents shouldn't be allowed. In my opinion single parents (at least the good ones) work that much harder to achieve the stability needed to raise kids.

I'm not sure who mentioned it but someone brought up a gay couple conceiving. Well, I happen to know two lesbians who've each brought one child into the world through insemination. It was suggested that one parent is always pretending. That's simply not true. That would suggest that all step parents are pretending too. The love they give the child is no different than the biological parent, so there's no pretending involved. Biology is much less a consideration in who is a parent than the love involved.

I also know a male gay couple who have both contributed sperm to a surrogate to have children of their own. They've got two lovely girls, who by the way (to all those who still incorrectly assume gays will raise gays), are both dating guys.

 

[rogueaj]

Yes why not?

Anyone willing and ready to raise and love children should be allowed to. They'd better get the children prepared to face prejudice all their life however because stupid people just never go away.

 

[CJontherocks]

There was a reference here to the nature of gay relationships that may need addressing.

First, I disagree that gay relationships foster any more promiscuity than straight. I've seen plenty of straight married guys stepping out on their wives, and plenty of straight marred women stepping out on their husbands. Too many to believe that sexuality is a factor in fidelity to a marriage (whether or not it's a marriage accepted by the prevailing government). All men and women--G, L, B, T, H or otherwise--make a choice on whether to be committed to another. There are certainly enough single moms and single dads out there to be proof that heterosexual couples don't have the market cornered on the "perfect family."

I think gay couples absolutely should be allowed to raise children.

Consider this scenario... a married couple has two children (a girl and a boy) but they divorce after being married three years. They go their separate ways, but share custody (at least that's what the law says is supposed to happen). A few months after the divorce, the man discovers he is gay. He begins a long-term relationship with a man who sweeps him off his feet and they move in together to live happily ever after. Tragically, the woman dies after being hit by a bus. Is there a person on this planet who would say he is not fit to raise his children? Well, I guess there probably are, but we're writing in the GLBT forum so you all have to agree with me. So why would we ever even consider that any gay or lesbian couple shouldn't have a family?

There are many reasons why a person or a couple shouldn't raise children. Sexual identity is not one of them.

 

[thetwolezz]

Our family

Anyone willing and ready to raise and love children should be allowed to. They'd better get the children prepared to face prejudice all their life however because stupid people just never go away.

I agree somewhat. I was in a heterosexual marriage previously with four children. After the divorce (because I "came out" mind you), I met a wonderful woman afer some dating (took time for my children first).
Currently myself, my partner, our four children, and the children's father as a family. SO...in reality, not only would our children have to deal with the fact that they have a gay mother, but we were concerned at first how they would react to my ex husband living in the home.

When it came down to it, we decided this was normal for us. He's a good father and a good man that didn't deserve to have his children taken from him. He wanted to wake up and make them breakfast before school and help them with homework and do the family things we always have done. I wanted the very best for our children and decided this was it.

A year later, we're great. The kids are well-adjusted. They call my partner "mom" as well...by their own doing. It was strange to hear them call someone else mom, but I wouldn't change that for the world. To see them hug her and love her like they do me, means the world. To have that extra person in the home helping to love and care for the kids is wonderful.

Do ppl talk? Probably. But we are oblivious. All of us. We live our lives. We enjoy family nights, suffer through homework, go to work, go to school. I'm sure many would want to make this family seem "weird" because we aren't a typical family unit. I wouldn't want it any other way.

 

[John Doe]

wow...what a topic...

I have to say, I am bi...I'm a mom (as most of you have guessed)...but in all honesty, I cannot conceive of a reason that a gay couple shouldn't raise a child assuming they have the means and stability.

No I'm not saying (as I've heard argued when having this conversation in r/t) that by saying stability and means, that single parents shouldn't be allowed. In my opinion single parents (at least the good ones) work that much harder to achieve the stability needed to raise kids.

I'm not sure who mentioned it but someone brought up a gay couple conceiving. Well, I happen to know two lesbians who've each brought one child into the world through insemination. It was suggested that one parent is always pretending. That's simply not true. That would suggest that all step parents are pretending too. The love they give the child is no different than the biological parent, so there's no pretending involved. Biology is much less a consideration in who is a parent than the love involved.

I also know a male gay couple who have both contributed sperm to a surrogate to have children of their own. They've got two lovely girls, who by the way (to all those who still incorrectly assume gays will raise gays), are both dating guys.

The gender of who they're dating doesn't prove anything.

 

[John Doe]

There was a reference here to the nature of gay relationships that may need addressing.

First, I disagree that gay relationships foster any more promiscuity than straight. I've seen plenty of straight married guys stepping out on their wives, and plenty of straight marred women stepping out on their husbands. Too many to believe that sexuality is a factor in fidelity to a marriage (whether or not it's a marriage accepted by the prevailing government). All men and women--G, L, B, T, H or otherwise--make a choice on whether to be committed to another. There are certainly enough single moms and single dads out there to be proof that heterosexual couples don't have the market cornered on the "perfect family."

I think gay couples absolutely should be allowed to raise children.

Consider this scenario... a married couple has two children (a girl and a boy) but they divorce after being married three years. They go their separate ways, but share custody (at least that's what the law says is supposed to happen). A few months after the divorce, the man discovers he is gay. He begins a long-term relationship with a man who sweeps him off his feet and they move in together to live happily ever after. Tragically, the woman dies after being hit by a bus. Is there a person on this planet who would say he is not fit to raise his children? Well, I guess there probably are, but we're writing in the GLBT forum so you all have to agree with me. So why would we ever even consider that any gay or lesbian couple shouldn't have a family?

There are many reasons why a person or a couple shouldn't raise children. Sexual identity is not one of them.

But it's a reason why they should?

 

[CJontherocks]

But it's a reason why they should?

Not at all. Sexual identity is irrelevant.

To say that certain people, based on whatever discriminatory criteria you desire to dream up, is akin to saying nobody with a social security number ending in 8, or no one born on the second day of the month, can be allowed to raise children (and the same goes for reverse discrimination, in my opinion).

 

[John Doe]

Not at all. Sexual identity is irrelevant.

To say that certain people, based on whatever discriminatory criteria you desire to dream up, is akin to saying nobody with a social security number ending in 8, or no one born on the second day of the month, can be allowed to raise children (and the same goes for reverse discrimination, in my opinion).

I think it's reckless and negligent to say that we shouldn't discriminate when it comes to parenting. That sort of thinking leads to situations where foster parents are as abusive (or more so) as their original parents.

It's just as ignorant and prejudiced to say that homosexual people absolutely should be allowed to raise kids as the flipside of the same coin, that they absolutely should not. It's a double-standard to believe that homosexuals are any more likely to be fit parents than heterosexuals.

 

[HardNightDay]

wow...what a topic...

I have to say, I am bi...I'm a mom (as most of you have guessed)...but in all honesty, I cannot conceive of a reason that a gay couple shouldn't raise a child assuming they have the means and stability.

No I'm not saying (as I've heard argued when having this conversation in r/t) that by saying stability and means, that single parents shouldn't be allowed. In my opinion single parents (at least the good ones) work that much harder to achieve the stability needed to raise kids.

I'm not sure who mentioned it but someone brought up a gay couple conceiving. Well, I happen to know two lesbians who've each brought one child into the world through insemination. It was suggested that one parent is always pretending. That's simply not true. That would suggest that all step parents are pretending too. The love they give the child is no different than the biological parent, so there's no pretending involved. Biology is much less a consideration in who is a parent than the love involved.

I also know a male gay couple who have both contributed sperm to a surrogate to have children of their own. They've got two lovely girls, who by the way (to all those who still incorrectly assume gays will raise gays), are both dating guys.

I think you hit the nail on the head Samantha. I think stability is the key. I've personally witnessed plenty of heterosexual couples who've made a mess out of raising kids. In a world where help and support sometimes seems in short supply, my hat's off to any parent that wants to take on the responsibility of raising a healthy capable child.

 

[HardNightDay]

wow...what a topic...

I have to say, I am bi...I'm a mom (as most of you have guessed)...but in all honesty, I cannot conceive of a reason that a gay couple shouldn't raise a child assuming they have the means and stability.

No I'm not saying (as I've heard argued when having this conversation in r/t) that by saying stability and means, that single parents shouldn't be allowed. In my opinion single parents (at least the good ones) work that much harder to achieve the stability needed to raise kids.

I'm not sure who mentioned it but someone brought up a gay couple conceiving. Well, I happen to know two lesbians who've each brought one child into the world through insemination. It was suggested that one parent is always pretending. That's simply not true. That would suggest that all step parents are pretending too. The love they give the child is no different than the biological parent, so there's no pretending involved. Biology is much less a consideration in who is a parent than the love involved.

I also know a male gay couple who have both contributed sperm to a surrogate to have children of their own. They've got two lovely girls, who by the way (to all those who still incorrectly assume gays will raise gays), are both dating guys.

But it's a reason why they should?

The reason that they should is that they have the drive and desire to be good parents. That and the ability to generate a little income is what is most important

 

[HardNightDay]

I think it's reckless and negligent to say that we shouldn't discriminate when it comes to parenting. That sort of thinking leads to situations where foster parents are as abusive (or more so) as their original parents.

It's just as ignorant and prejudiced to say that homosexual people absolutely should be allowed to raise kids as the flipside of the same coin, that they absolutely should not. It's a double-standard to believe that homosexuals are any more likely to be fit parents than heterosexuals.

The above argument is just plain illogical. You have taken the statements above and twisted them around asserting that others made statements that they did not. You should consider writing campaign ads for TV; I feel you would do well.

There are no legal requirements on "heterosexual" couples. They may have children when they decide to procreate naturally, or via artificial insemination, or by adopting. Children are only denied when the parents prove themselves significantly unfit to carry out the basic responsibilities of being a parent, such as clothing, feeding a child, etc. No one discriminates against them for any that you have mentioned above. Gays and lesbians should have the same human right. There is logical reason for denying them

Now, if it were up to me it there would be a lot of people not procreating, including people who quote long dead warriors whose great claim to fame is "training" a harem of 360 concubines.

 

[John Doe]

The above argument is just plain illogical. You have taken the statements above and twisted them around asserting that others made statements that they did not. You should consider writing campaign ads for TV; I feel you would do well.

The above argument that homosexuals should absolutely be allowed to raise children is what's illogical. A conclusion I might add that you seemed to agree with (and correct me if I'm wrong) in the comment that homosexuals have the drive and desire to be good parents? That is not necessarily true.

If you don't agree with my comments, that's fine, but the insults aren't necessary, are they? Nowhere have I put words in anyone's mouth or asserted that others made statements they have not. Perhaps you should read my comments in context and a little more carefully.

There are no legal requirements on "heterosexual" couples. They may have children when they decide to procreate naturally, or via artificial insemination, or by adopting. Children are only denied when the parents prove themselves significantly unfit to carry out the basic responsibilities of being a parent, such as clothing, feeding a child, etc. No one discriminates against them for any that you have mentioned above. Gays and lesbians should have the same human right. There is logical reason for denying them

I think you mean there is no logical...oops, I'm putting words in your mouth!

I also think what you say about the double-standard is true, but nowhere have I indicated that I support or agree with it. On the contrary, I've expressed numerous times that I'm a proponent of eugenics, and not to weed out the gays or liberals or the "inty-lekshals" or accomplish any other, similar silliness either.

Now, if it were up to me it there would be a lot of people not procreating, including people who quote long dead warriors whose great claim to fame is "training" a harem of 360 concubines.

A dig at my sigline? That's how you chose to insult me? I grant you, the implication that I should be sterilized (or otherwise prohibited from breeding) based solely on the content of my signature line is rather dramatic, but not very original in this context. How about my avatar or profile picture? Perhaps my username or post count?

I know you can do better.

 

[thetwolezz]

This thread...

First of all...this thread could be taken anywhere, considering the vague "should gay couples raise kids?"...

There are numerous developments that could lead to a "good" or "bad" parent. I don't believe your sexual orientation is one of them, although the treatment of the parent and/or child BECAUSE of the orientation might have some input. *shrugs*
You need to consider education, previous experience as a child themselves, social environment, addictions, values and morals, etc...so many things preclude a possible good or bad parent.

 

[John Doe]

First of all...this thread could be taken anywhere, considering the vague "should gay couples raise kids?"...

There are numerous developments that could lead to a "good" or "bad" parent. I don't believe your sexual orientation is one of them, although the treatment of the parent and/or child BECAUSE of the orientation might have some input. *shrugs*
You need to consider education, previous experience as a child themselves, social environment, addictions, values and morals, etc...so many things preclude a possible good or bad parent.

I agree.

I think you made an especially good point about childhood experience. I get the impression that nowadays many people either don't remember what it was like to be a child or don't want to remember.

 

[candiecane76]

As to whether or not gay people should be allowed to raise children, I say hell yes. I don't think they could do worse than straight people, maybe even better because they would probably be more likely to teach tolerance and acceptance to their children. That's not to say that all straight people teach their children intolerance. I'm straight and I have every intention of teaching my future children tolerance, but when I was in high school, which wasn't that long ago, it was disgusting the amount of teens I met who would openly expressed their hatred for the gay community. And I don't think all the fault lies with them, it's their parents who plant these seeds of hate in them.

So in my opinion, children from gay homes are more likely to grow up learning acceptance towards those who are different, because their parents grew up knowing what it was like to be different.

 

[AZChaos]

I completely disagree, and I cannot recall a single text or study that agreed with your point, either. Morals, as important as they are, don't replace a father. And as much as you tout Obama's mother, she didn't teach him that murdering babies was wrong, did she?

Is that the kind of moral rearing you're referring to?

LoL so what studies have you read that compare opposite sex and same sex parents raising children?

Abortion is an individual choice. Almost 10 million children under the age of 5 die every year but where is your bleeding heart for them? I'm glad you can sit comfy in your home with the internet and point fingers when a teen made a mistake because her same sex parents didn't teach her or maybe she learned about abstinence only and not birth control thanks to George W in a public school. But you're right being a single teenage mother with no money to pay for healthcare, education, food for that child is much much better. Glad you're there to help her out!

Lemme guess you think the earth is only 4000 years old and there is no such thing as evolution either? LoL

The sex of the parents does not matter.

 

[sallybaby]

.....

...

What do you think?

Some people like to argue that the child won't have a good time growing up, he or she will be teased or the parents wont be good rolemodels, good parents and stuff.

Any couples that want to start a family have to ask themselves if they can support a child or if they would be good parents and give him or her a stable home. That's not a luxary regular couples dont have to ask themselves right? And if they don't think so then they shouldn't

I have thought of three reasons why!

1) Anything beats growing up in an orphanage

2) Global population, it would slow that down

3) People are more open minded about it now then before and it will get more accepted with time and become less of an issue and focus

,,,,,

 

[HarlotMinx]

Directed more to john doe than anyone.

Would gay couples make abusive parents, walk out on their families, be promiscuous, offer bad environments? Well yeah, but they'd also make loving caring environments for their children and awesome parents. Gay couples realistically are no better or worse at being parents then any couple. They might make for a different environment than a heterosexual couple but then individual heterosexual couples make for different environments. I think we should be discriminating on who can adopt a child as well but i believe that discrimination should not be placed on sexual orientation and more on the actual environment the parents offer. And frankly while I admit that homosexuality changes the environment the child lives in it in of itself isn't a bad factor in the environment.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Directed more to john doe than anyone.

Would gay couples make abusive parents, walk out on their families, be promiscuous, offer bad environments? Well yeah, but they'd also make loving caring environments for their children and awesome parents. Gay couples realistically are no better or worse at being parents then any couple. They might make for a different environment than a heterosexual couple but then individual heterosexual couples make for different environments. I think we should be discriminating on who can adopt a child as well but i believe that discrimination should not be placed on sexual orientation and more on the actual environment the parents offer. And frankly while I admit that homosexuality changes the environment the child lives in it in of itself isn't a bad factor in the environment.

You're about a year late.

 

[John Doe]

Directed more to john doe than anyone.

Would gay couples make abusive parents, walk out on their families, be promiscuous, offer bad environments? Well yeah, but they'd also make loving caring environments for their children and awesome parents. Gay couples realistically are no better or worse at being parents then any couple. They might make for a different environment than a heterosexual couple but then individual heterosexual couples make for different environments. I think we should be discriminating on who can adopt a child as well but i believe that discrimination should not be placed on sexual orientation and more on the actual environment the parents offer. And frankly while I admit that homosexuality changes the environment the child lives in it in of itself isn't a bad factor in the environment.

Indeed.

Thank you for this post. This is essentially what I was trying to say 15 months ago but I wasn't doing a very good job.

 

[HarlotMinx]

Indeed.

Thank you for this post. This is essentially what I was trying to say 15 months ago but I wasn't doing a very good job.

 

[Ike_The_Spike]

After reading many, and skimming the rest, of these posts, I'm stunned at some of them. Not because they agree or disagree, but because of the closed-mindedness of them (on both sides of the issue).

Nobody knows for sure, but my father and his siblings suspect that both of their parents were gay. (My grandfather was gay for sure.) And I can say for sure that they fucked up the lot of them. Not because they were gay though, because they sucked as parents. My father is straight (at least that's the claim) and he definitely sucked as a parent.

While I never met my father's parents, I did see the results. And I personally experienced the 'gentle' hand of my father. I can say without a doubt that people, whether they be gay, straight, bi or quadrisexual, can make lousy parents. However, if a child can be raised in a disciplined environment (don't read this as physical discipline, read this as a constant teaching of appropriate behavior), and loved unconditionally it doesn't matter if the parents are any combination of straight, bi, gay, married, divorced or single.

A good home, doesn't equal one with the right amount of money, or the right 'kind' of parents. A good home equals a loving, safe place that aids and allows the physical, moral and emotional development of the child. I hope I'm able to do that for my kids, and that they can actually contribute to society when they leave my care. Unfortunately, I won't know for sure until they are out there.

 

[gloriann]

I second what iwant... said.

 

[The Lez B Inn]

It's been made obvious straight couples can screw up a child as much as anyone. Why not give a couple of men or couple of women a shot? Can't be much worse than some of the straighter than a ruler parents who raise little delinquent criminals.

 

[Netzach]

Isn't the whole point of the country that you are permitted to go forth, and be a winner or a total fuck up in life the same as the next person?

It would be nice if only GOOD parents were allowed to raise children, but that's not the social contract here. If you like state reproductive control, China is thataway.

As for the rest, if you pass the same criteria as the next person wanting to adopt, if you find a donor or a surrogate and you want a piece of the action, there should not be anything stopping you. Because that is the social contract here - we don't force sterilization on unfit straight people as a matter of routine. Why should gay people be denied the same rights to fuck up marriage and child rearing as badly as everyone else? Either we worry about these things for everyone or we don't.

I personally would LOVE to see fewer people reproducing and more people honest with themselves about their capabilities to provide a good life before squeezing 'em out - but I am not God of The Americans and I don't think forcing people from on high into not reproducing OR reproducing is the right of the state.