DannyBoyUK
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I hope that these might bring smiles to a few Lit faces
Some "top eleven" lists
- Thread starter DannyBoyUK
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DannyBoyUK
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Top Ten THINGS CASTRO SAID TO ELIAN upon his return to Cuba!
11. "Damn! You did it! Here's the $50 I bet you."
10. "You wouldn't happen to have your crazy aunt's phone number, would you? She's muy caliente!"
9. "Did you have a good time in America? Yes? Good! Now back to work!"
8. "Did they force you to bleach?"
7. "Sorry you had to leave behind all those Hotwheels and Star Wars action figures. Here's a stick - go crazy!"
6. "So, tell me...how do their brainwashing techniques compare to ours?"
5. "I thought I would never again get the chance to say hello to my little friend!"
4. "What is the deal with that fisherman guy?"
3. "Maybe we don't have no Disney World, but in Havana, you can ride a 1957 DeSoto, with original paint and parts!"
2. "The whores are waaay hotter here, dude!"
1. "Got any Marlboros?"
11. "Damn! You did it! Here's the $50 I bet you."
10. "You wouldn't happen to have your crazy aunt's phone number, would you? She's muy caliente!"
9. "Did you have a good time in America? Yes? Good! Now back to work!"
8. "Did they force you to bleach?"
7. "Sorry you had to leave behind all those Hotwheels and Star Wars action figures. Here's a stick - go crazy!"
6. "So, tell me...how do their brainwashing techniques compare to ours?"
5. "I thought I would never again get the chance to say hello to my little friend!"
4. "What is the deal with that fisherman guy?"
3. "Maybe we don't have no Disney World, but in Havana, you can ride a 1957 DeSoto, with original paint and parts!"
2. "The whores are waaay hotter here, dude!"
1. "Got any Marlboros?"
DannyBoyUK
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ELEVEN OTHER WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER!
11. Tie her up and throw her in the lake, Jake.
10. Drive a steak through her heart, Bart.
9. Push her onto the subway tracks, Max.
8. Cut the breaks on her bike, Mike.
7. Throw her off a cliff, Biff.
6. Run her over with a tank, Frank.
5. Lock her in the basement and let her starve, Marv.
4. Choke her with your nob, Bob.
3. Feed her some tainted pork, Mork.
2. Push her down the steps, Shep.
1. Disembowel her with a spatula, Dracula.
11. Tie her up and throw her in the lake, Jake.
10. Drive a steak through her heart, Bart.
9. Push her onto the subway tracks, Max.
8. Cut the breaks on her bike, Mike.
7. Throw her off a cliff, Biff.
6. Run her over with a tank, Frank.
5. Lock her in the basement and let her starve, Marv.
4. Choke her with your nob, Bob.
3. Feed her some tainted pork, Mork.
2. Push her down the steps, Shep.
1. Disembowel her with a spatula, Dracula.
DannyBoyUK
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LEAST EFFECTIVE MALE CHAT UP LINES
11. "Hey there doll-face, I just got out of prison and screwing a chick sure would be a nice change of pace! Interested?"
10. "I've got kidney stones- think you could help me by sucking them out?"
9. "Cool! I can smell your cunt from here!"
8. "Care to come to my dank, scary basement apartment in the middle of the worst neighborhood in town and peruse my extensive collection of shrunken human heads and pickled fetuses?"
7. "You're just as beautiful in person as you are in that porno you starred in!"
6. "You've got pretty big tits for a Chinese girl!"
5. "I'll fuck you so hard, all your female ancestors will be having multiple orgasms in their cold, dark graves!"
4. "Hey! Wanna find out what pus tastes like?"
3. "Hey, baby, you, me and my sister makes three!"
2. "Wanna come over to my place and help me find out if my penile re-attachment surgery was a success?"
1. "You're so fuckin' beautiful, I'd suck your father's cock and swallow!"
11. "Hey there doll-face, I just got out of prison and screwing a chick sure would be a nice change of pace! Interested?"
10. "I've got kidney stones- think you could help me by sucking them out?"
9. "Cool! I can smell your cunt from here!"
8. "Care to come to my dank, scary basement apartment in the middle of the worst neighborhood in town and peruse my extensive collection of shrunken human heads and pickled fetuses?"
7. "You're just as beautiful in person as you are in that porno you starred in!"
6. "You've got pretty big tits for a Chinese girl!"
5. "I'll fuck you so hard, all your female ancestors will be having multiple orgasms in their cold, dark graves!"
4. "Hey! Wanna find out what pus tastes like?"
3. "Hey, baby, you, me and my sister makes three!"
2. "Wanna come over to my place and help me find out if my penile re-attachment surgery was a success?"
1. "You're so fuckin' beautiful, I'd suck your father's cock and swallow!"
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DannyBoyUK
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LEAST EFFECTIVE FEMALE CHAT UP LINES
11. "Hey! Can you smell my cunt from there?"
10. "Let's french, and if you can guess which guy in this bar I just sucked off, I'll buy you a drink!"
9. "Come back to my place and I'll let you shave me. My back's getting a little stubbly."
8. "My name is Bobbit. Lorena Bobbit."
7. "Hey baby! You, me and my split personality makes 3!"
6. "I'm sure my dog Randy would love to meet you. You can compare penis sizes!"
5. "I keep a collection of penises in jars from guys who follow me home. Wanna come see?"
4. "I can tell a big manly fellow like yourself wouldn't be threatened by my little 'ol fist up his ass."
3. "I'll let you help me clean my dildo collection, but you're gonna have to bring your own steel wool and Comet!"
2. "Yeah, I've got herpes but all your friends fucked me, so whadaya say?"
1. "I like to smear poo all over my body."
11. "Hey! Can you smell my cunt from there?"
10. "Let's french, and if you can guess which guy in this bar I just sucked off, I'll buy you a drink!"
9. "Come back to my place and I'll let you shave me. My back's getting a little stubbly."
8. "My name is Bobbit. Lorena Bobbit."
7. "Hey baby! You, me and my split personality makes 3!"
6. "I'm sure my dog Randy would love to meet you. You can compare penis sizes!"
5. "I keep a collection of penises in jars from guys who follow me home. Wanna come see?"
4. "I can tell a big manly fellow like yourself wouldn't be threatened by my little 'ol fist up his ass."
3. "I'll let you help me clean my dildo collection, but you're gonna have to bring your own steel wool and Comet!"
2. "Yeah, I've got herpes but all your friends fucked me, so whadaya say?"
1. "I like to smear poo all over my body."
DannyBoyUK
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TOP TEN WAYS TO AMUSE YOURSELF IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM!
11. Inquire as to whether your stall-mates feces are sinkers or floaters.
10. Stick your open palm under the stall and say: "Got any cigarettes?"
9. Any time the guy in the stall next to you makes a fart noise, applaud and laugh like a mongoloid.
8. Drop a marble and say: "My glass eye!"
7. Fill a large squeeze bottle with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl. Sigh loudly.
5. Say, "Damn, this water is cold!"
4. Spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall. Then say: "Uh-oh Hey buddy wouldja mind passing that back over to me?"
3. Take a camera into the washroom and wait until someone exits a stall. Quickly enter that stall, take a few pictures, and run!
2. Grunt and strain for 30 seconds, then throw a wet gerbil onto the floor into your neighbor's stall. Yell: "Squeeky! Come back!"
1. Stand up on the seat and aim your pee-stream between your feet. Anybody entering the washroom will think they're watching the tallest man in the world take a leak!
11. Inquire as to whether your stall-mates feces are sinkers or floaters.
10. Stick your open palm under the stall and say: "Got any cigarettes?"
9. Any time the guy in the stall next to you makes a fart noise, applaud and laugh like a mongoloid.
8. Drop a marble and say: "My glass eye!"
7. Fill a large squeeze bottle with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl. Sigh loudly.
5. Say, "Damn, this water is cold!"
4. Spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall. Then say: "Uh-oh Hey buddy wouldja mind passing that back over to me?"
3. Take a camera into the washroom and wait until someone exits a stall. Quickly enter that stall, take a few pictures, and run!
2. Grunt and strain for 30 seconds, then throw a wet gerbil onto the floor into your neighbor's stall. Yell: "Squeeky! Come back!"
1. Stand up on the seat and aim your pee-stream between your feet. Anybody entering the washroom will think they're watching the tallest man in the world take a leak!
DannyBoyUK
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TOP TEN THINGS TO DO WITH DEAD PEOPLE'S LARGE INTESTINES!
11. Eat them.
10. Use them as gigantic jump ropes.
9. Attach tin cans to both ends. Children can then use them as toy telephones.
8. Make a giant slingshot, then bombard the ghetto with watermelons.
7. Use them to hang yourself from the Golden Gate Bridge.
6. Hide your weed in them.
5. Attach them to taps and use them as garden hoses.
4. Roll them around your head and wear them as turbans.
3. Use them as condoms.
2. Anorexic women can wear them as leg-warmers.
1. Sew them to your navel and re-attach yourself to your mother.
11. Eat them.
10. Use them as gigantic jump ropes.
9. Attach tin cans to both ends. Children can then use them as toy telephones.
8. Make a giant slingshot, then bombard the ghetto with watermelons.
7. Use them to hang yourself from the Golden Gate Bridge.
6. Hide your weed in them.
5. Attach them to taps and use them as garden hoses.
4. Roll them around your head and wear them as turbans.
3. Use them as condoms.
2. Anorexic women can wear them as leg-warmers.
1. Sew them to your navel and re-attach yourself to your mother.
DannyBoyUK
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TOP TEN WORST EXHIBITS AT PLANET HOLLYWOOD!
11. John Wayne's colostomy bag, still full of petrified turds!
10. boxer-briefs once worn by Mickey Rourke!
9. the steering wheel from Lady Di's death-car!
8. Jimmy Stewart's cock-ring collection!
7. a lock of hair from the horse that threw Christopher Reeve!
6. a crate-load of "body thetans" extracted from L. Ron Travolta!
5. the bloody tampon from Shirley Temple's first period!
4. Abe Vigoda's death certificate!
3. William Shatner's toupee and girdle!
2. one of Marilyn Monroe's aborted fetuses in a pickle jar! (ya never know it could be a Kennedy!)
1. a pint of Rock Hudson's blood!
11. John Wayne's colostomy bag, still full of petrified turds!
10. boxer-briefs once worn by Mickey Rourke!
9. the steering wheel from Lady Di's death-car!
8. Jimmy Stewart's cock-ring collection!
7. a lock of hair from the horse that threw Christopher Reeve!
6. a crate-load of "body thetans" extracted from L. Ron Travolta!
5. the bloody tampon from Shirley Temple's first period!
4. Abe Vigoda's death certificate!
3. William Shatner's toupee and girdle!
2. one of Marilyn Monroe's aborted fetuses in a pickle jar! (ya never know it could be a Kennedy!)
1. a pint of Rock Hudson's blood!
DannyBoyUK
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TOP TEN WAYS TO AVOID BEING RAPED in JAIL!
11. First and foremost: Don't ever drop the soap!
10. If possible, plan ahead. Eat your Wheaties and work out like crazy BEFORE you go to jail!
9. Keep your lips dry and chapped, so no one can accuse you of having "a purdy mouth."
8. In the yard, while everyone is watching, practice crushing steel bolts with your anus.
7. If asked, always respond: "I don't actually have AIDS, itself, per se..."
6. Cram your rectum full of broken bottles, used syringes and razor blades.
5. Say: "Sorry. No boom-boom with soul brother. Too beaucoup!"
4. In an open, public place, casually pop out one of your eyeballs and swallow it whole!
3. Throw a handfull of cigarettes in the air and yell, "Free smokes!"
2. Look your attacker square in the eye and say: "You got it all wrong, man = I dig chicks!"
1. Four words: Shank to the throat.
11. First and foremost: Don't ever drop the soap!
10. If possible, plan ahead. Eat your Wheaties and work out like crazy BEFORE you go to jail!
9. Keep your lips dry and chapped, so no one can accuse you of having "a purdy mouth."
8. In the yard, while everyone is watching, practice crushing steel bolts with your anus.
7. If asked, always respond: "I don't actually have AIDS, itself, per se..."
6. Cram your rectum full of broken bottles, used syringes and razor blades.
5. Say: "Sorry. No boom-boom with soul brother. Too beaucoup!"
4. In an open, public place, casually pop out one of your eyeballs and swallow it whole!
3. Throw a handfull of cigarettes in the air and yell, "Free smokes!"
2. Look your attacker square in the eye and say: "You got it all wrong, man = I dig chicks!"
1. Four words: Shank to the throat.
DannyBoyUK
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TOP TEN TIPS FOR WINNING AT "SURVIVOR"
Just 10 this time !
10. If you're a woman, sleep with everybody - the guys will do everything in their power to make sure the "easy lay" stays on the island.
9. Learn to love the taste of your own urine. That way, a gallon of water will last for weeks!
8. That friendly old lady who looks like your grandma but is always slowing you down during the intra-camp competitions? Kill her.
7. Smuggle in three pounds of beef jerky by stuffing it up your ass. Later, you can use it to buy loyalty or bring down your enemies.
6. Offer the other contestants poison ivy to wipe their butts with. They'll be begging to be let off the island in no time.
5. The gynecologist with a nipple ring who didn't like the soup you spent all day cooking and is always giving you dirty looks? Kill him.
4. Get other people kicked off the island by falsely accusing them of trying to rape you in the night.
3. If you're a fat lazy homo who beats his kid, don't let anybody find out.
2. Train your body to survive on a diet of air, salt-water and sand.
1. Come to think of it, seeing as death equals disqualification why not just go ahead and kill everybody? Prison isn't so bad if you've got a million bucks to spread around!
Just 10 this time !
10. If you're a woman, sleep with everybody - the guys will do everything in their power to make sure the "easy lay" stays on the island.
9. Learn to love the taste of your own urine. That way, a gallon of water will last for weeks!
8. That friendly old lady who looks like your grandma but is always slowing you down during the intra-camp competitions? Kill her.
7. Smuggle in three pounds of beef jerky by stuffing it up your ass. Later, you can use it to buy loyalty or bring down your enemies.
6. Offer the other contestants poison ivy to wipe their butts with. They'll be begging to be let off the island in no time.
5. The gynecologist with a nipple ring who didn't like the soup you spent all day cooking and is always giving you dirty looks? Kill him.
4. Get other people kicked off the island by falsely accusing them of trying to rape you in the night.
3. If you're a fat lazy homo who beats his kid, don't let anybody find out.
2. Train your body to survive on a diet of air, salt-water and sand.
1. Come to think of it, seeing as death equals disqualification why not just go ahead and kill everybody? Prison isn't so bad if you've got a million bucks to spread around!
Starblayde
5pointboy
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Mine goes all the way up to eleven...
don't touch it!
don't touch it!
DannyBoyUK
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TOP TEN SECRETS STOLEN FROM LOS ALAMOS!
11. The identities of our next ten Presidents.
10. J. Edgar Hoover's measurements.
9. A detailed map of the tunnel network connecting McDonald's restaurants in the former USSR.
8. How to get your whites whiter, your brights brighter.
7. The original recipe for Nieman-Marcus' infamous $500 cookie.
6. 100 gigabytes of images and video files from the "All JapScat Shit-fest 91-99"
5. The exact number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie roll Tootsie pop.
4. The formula for a cure for AIDS.
3. The formula for AIDS.
2. Current e-mail addresses for Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis.
1. A digital video file of vintage Kennedy assassination footage... from an angle you've never seen before.
11. The identities of our next ten Presidents.
10. J. Edgar Hoover's measurements.
9. A detailed map of the tunnel network connecting McDonald's restaurants in the former USSR.
8. How to get your whites whiter, your brights brighter.
7. The original recipe for Nieman-Marcus' infamous $500 cookie.
6. 100 gigabytes of images and video files from the "All JapScat Shit-fest 91-99"
5. The exact number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie roll Tootsie pop.
4. The formula for a cure for AIDS.
3. The formula for AIDS.
2. Current e-mail addresses for Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis.
1. A digital video file of vintage Kennedy assassination footage... from an angle you've never seen before.
DannyBoyUK
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THE TEN DUMBEST THINGS I DID TO GET READY FOR Y2K!
10. Nothing caught me more offguard this year then when I realized those 200 cases of sardines I bought for my bunker were all extra-spicy. I fuckin' HATE extra-spicy!
9. Sold my priceless Magic, the Gathering card collection to buy a bunch of ammunition I probably won't ever get to use, dammit!
8. Wasted all that money on a lifetime subsciption to Looter's Digest.
7. Got my dates mixed up and headed to the bunker a week early.
6. Paid some computer geek 300 bucks to make sure my mattress and box-spring were Y2K-compliant.
5. Converted all my stocks and bonds into cans of Carnation condensed milk, figuring I'd corner the market.
4. Three words: solar powered flashlight.
3. Habituated myself to the taste of my own urine by drinking five frothy mugfulls a day.
2. Converted to Islam, cuz it's only 1420 for those guys.
1. Called up my loan-shark and told him I would no longer be making payments, unless he agreed to suck the dingle-berries out of my fat, hairy ass.
10. Nothing caught me more offguard this year then when I realized those 200 cases of sardines I bought for my bunker were all extra-spicy. I fuckin' HATE extra-spicy!
9. Sold my priceless Magic, the Gathering card collection to buy a bunch of ammunition I probably won't ever get to use, dammit!
8. Wasted all that money on a lifetime subsciption to Looter's Digest.
7. Got my dates mixed up and headed to the bunker a week early.
6. Paid some computer geek 300 bucks to make sure my mattress and box-spring were Y2K-compliant.
5. Converted all my stocks and bonds into cans of Carnation condensed milk, figuring I'd corner the market.
4. Three words: solar powered flashlight.
3. Habituated myself to the taste of my own urine by drinking five frothy mugfulls a day.
2. Converted to Islam, cuz it's only 1420 for those guys.
1. Called up my loan-shark and told him I would no longer be making payments, unless he agreed to suck the dingle-berries out of my fat, hairy ass.
DannyBoyUK
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TOP TEN OTHER RETARDED DUBYA NICKNAMES
for WORLD LEADERS!
11. Australian Prime Minister John Howard becomes Howard Johnson (nyuk-nyuk!)
10. Israel's Ariel Sharon becomes Muh-muh-muh-my Sharonah
9. Dutch Prime Minister Wim Kok becomes the Kokky-Kok
8. British Prime Minister Tony Blair becomes Tone Loke
7. Chinese President Jiang Zemin becomes Ying Yang
6. Canada's Jean Chretien becomes Creepy-Creep
5. Pakistani dictator Pervez Musharraf becomes the Mushy Perv
4. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi becomes Silver Boy
3. Indian Prime Minister Shri Atal Bihari Vajpayee becomes Vee-Jay
2. Germany's Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder becomes Shredder Dog
1. Pope John Paul II becomes Poopy-Poop
for WORLD LEADERS!
11. Australian Prime Minister John Howard becomes Howard Johnson (nyuk-nyuk!)
10. Israel's Ariel Sharon becomes Muh-muh-muh-my Sharonah
9. Dutch Prime Minister Wim Kok becomes the Kokky-Kok
8. British Prime Minister Tony Blair becomes Tone Loke
7. Chinese President Jiang Zemin becomes Ying Yang
6. Canada's Jean Chretien becomes Creepy-Creep
5. Pakistani dictator Pervez Musharraf becomes the Mushy Perv
4. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi becomes Silver Boy
3. Indian Prime Minister Shri Atal Bihari Vajpayee becomes Vee-Jay
2. Germany's Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder becomes Shredder Dog
1. Pope John Paul II becomes Poopy-Poop
DannyBoyUK
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TOP TEN EVENTS AND ATTRACTIONS
AT TERROR-CON 2002!
11. The sneak peak at next year's Suicide Bombers Illustrated Swimsuit Edition - featuring way hot pics of the 72 Virgins you get to sleep with after blowing yourself up for Allah - was well attended, as usual.
10. The Transforming Mass-Transit Vehicles into Weapons of Mass Destruction Workshop. This event was sparsely attended, as many attendees declared such tactics to be "so September 10th!"
9. Autograph Alley! Once again, this event was a big success this year, with collectors lining up to get their albums signed by the likes of Mullah Omar, Abu Nidal, Idi Amin, and Nichelle Nichols. A bargain at five bucks a pop!
8. The Little Miss Taliban Beauty Contest. Careful with the hemlines on those burquas, girls! Showing off a little ankle can cost you an arm and a leg!
7. The Pin the Blame on the Hostage booth. Featuring a real live hostage! And real pins!
6. The Red Crescent Blood Drive. They needed as much of the red stuff as they could get, so they can print that "special edition" of Saddam Hussein's latest historical romance novel.
5. A marathon session of Magic: The Gathering. It lasted all weekend, and resulted in quite a few less deaths than last year! Congrats on keeping it civil, guys!
4. The Sandcastle Contest! A big, big hit.
3. The crowds around the Blow Yourself Up for Allah sign-up table were pretty small, but very enthusiastic!
2. A Very Special Evening with Ted Raimi! Better known as Joxer from Xena, Warrior Princess, Ted shared anecdotes about what Xena is really like, filming in New Zealand, and having to wear a harness for all those fight scenes. He even stuck around a while to answer audience questions! He was so much cooler than you might expect.
1. The Yasser Arafat Look-alike Contest! Always Terror-con's most popular event, this year it was won by a greasy tablecloth upon which somebody sneakily took a giant shit… not that we're pointing fingers at anybody, right, Ahmed?!
AT TERROR-CON 2002!
11. The sneak peak at next year's Suicide Bombers Illustrated Swimsuit Edition - featuring way hot pics of the 72 Virgins you get to sleep with after blowing yourself up for Allah - was well attended, as usual.
10. The Transforming Mass-Transit Vehicles into Weapons of Mass Destruction Workshop. This event was sparsely attended, as many attendees declared such tactics to be "so September 10th!"
9. Autograph Alley! Once again, this event was a big success this year, with collectors lining up to get their albums signed by the likes of Mullah Omar, Abu Nidal, Idi Amin, and Nichelle Nichols. A bargain at five bucks a pop!
8. The Little Miss Taliban Beauty Contest. Careful with the hemlines on those burquas, girls! Showing off a little ankle can cost you an arm and a leg!
7. The Pin the Blame on the Hostage booth. Featuring a real live hostage! And real pins!
6. The Red Crescent Blood Drive. They needed as much of the red stuff as they could get, so they can print that "special edition" of Saddam Hussein's latest historical romance novel.
5. A marathon session of Magic: The Gathering. It lasted all weekend, and resulted in quite a few less deaths than last year! Congrats on keeping it civil, guys!
4. The Sandcastle Contest! A big, big hit.
3. The crowds around the Blow Yourself Up for Allah sign-up table were pretty small, but very enthusiastic!
2. A Very Special Evening with Ted Raimi! Better known as Joxer from Xena, Warrior Princess, Ted shared anecdotes about what Xena is really like, filming in New Zealand, and having to wear a harness for all those fight scenes. He even stuck around a while to answer audience questions! He was so much cooler than you might expect.
1. The Yasser Arafat Look-alike Contest! Always Terror-con's most popular event, this year it was won by a greasy tablecloth upon which somebody sneakily took a giant shit… not that we're pointing fingers at anybody, right, Ahmed?!
DannyBoyUK
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TOP 10 REASONS TO STUDY ECONOMICS
1. Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."
2. Economists can supply it on demand.
3. You can talk about money without every having to make any.
4. You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face.
5. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.
6. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
7. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
8. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.
9. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.
10. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something to talk about.
1. Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."
2. Economists can supply it on demand.
3. You can talk about money without every having to make any.
4. You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face.
5. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.
6. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
7. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
8. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.
9. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.
10. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something to talk about.
DannyBoyUK
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TOP TEN ECONOMIST VALENTINES
10. YOU RAISE MY INTEREST RATE THIRTY BASIS POINTS WITHOUT A CORRESPONDING DROPOFF IN CONSUMER ENTHUSIASM
9. DESPITE A DECADE OF INFLATION, I STILL DIG YOUR SUPPLY CURVE
8. WHAT DO YOU SAY WE REMEASURE OUR CROSS-ELASTICITY
7. YOU BRING THE BUTTER, I'LL BRING THE GUN
6. LET'S RAISE HOUSING STARTS TOGETHER
5. FURTHER STIMULUS COULD RESULT IN UNCONTROLLED EXPANSION
4. TELL ME WHETHER MY EXPECTATIONS ARE RATIONAL
3. LET'S ASSUME A RITZY HOTEL ROOM AND A BOTTLE OF DOM
2. YOU STOKE THE ANIMAL SPIRITS OF MY MARKET
1. A LOAF OF BREAD, A JUG OF WINE, AND THOU BESIDE ME WATCHING RUKEYSER
10. YOU RAISE MY INTEREST RATE THIRTY BASIS POINTS WITHOUT A CORRESPONDING DROPOFF IN CONSUMER ENTHUSIASM
9. DESPITE A DECADE OF INFLATION, I STILL DIG YOUR SUPPLY CURVE
8. WHAT DO YOU SAY WE REMEASURE OUR CROSS-ELASTICITY
7. YOU BRING THE BUTTER, I'LL BRING THE GUN
6. LET'S RAISE HOUSING STARTS TOGETHER
5. FURTHER STIMULUS COULD RESULT IN UNCONTROLLED EXPANSION
4. TELL ME WHETHER MY EXPECTATIONS ARE RATIONAL
3. LET'S ASSUME A RITZY HOTEL ROOM AND A BOTTLE OF DOM
2. YOU STOKE THE ANIMAL SPIRITS OF MY MARKET
1. A LOAF OF BREAD, A JUG OF WINE, AND THOU BESIDE ME WATCHING RUKEYSER
DannyBoyUK
Permanently Exhausted
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2001
- Posts
- 7,977
TEN THINGS TO DO WITH A GRADUATE ECONOMICS TEXTBOOK
1. Press pretty flowers.
2. Press pretty insects.
3. Use it as paper weight on your already overcluttered desk.
4. Leave out in obvious places to impress uninformed undergraduates.
5. Mail to the White House as an intimidation tactic.
6. Give it a walk-on part in a boring European existentialist play.
7. Just throw the damn thing away.
8. Leave out for the rain and other forces of nature to reckon with.
9. Read it (ha ha ha), and weep.
10. Get a refund from bookstore so you can buy weekend's beer supply.
1. Press pretty flowers.
2. Press pretty insects.
3. Use it as paper weight on your already overcluttered desk.
4. Leave out in obvious places to impress uninformed undergraduates.
5. Mail to the White House as an intimidation tactic.
6. Give it a walk-on part in a boring European existentialist play.
7. Just throw the damn thing away.
8. Leave out for the rain and other forces of nature to reckon with.
9. Read it (ha ha ha), and weep.
10. Get a refund from bookstore so you can buy weekend's beer supply.
DannyBoyUK
Permanently Exhausted
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2001
- Posts
- 7,977
TOP TEN THINGS FOUND ON KARL ROVE'S DISKETTE!
11. A list of potential terrorist Worst Case Scenarios, with a corresponding file explaining in detail exactly What Would Jesus Do?
10. Passionate love letters to Tom Selleck, which have yet to be mailed.
9. Tetris.
8. A seven hundred page text file that simply says "All work and no play make Karl a dull boy," over and over and over and over again.
7. Links to a private, Washington-insiders-only discussion board where pictures of dead babies are traded like baseball cards.
6. A jpeg of a snapshot of Dubya and his daddy, smiling like goons in the Skull and Bones building at Yale, standing next to a display case featuring a vital piece of equipment from JFK Jr's plane.
5. Yer old pal Jerky's FBI file.
4. The formula for a cure for AIDS.
3. The formula for AIDS.
2. Osama Bin Laden's cell phone number.
1. The names of our next four Presidents.
11. A list of potential terrorist Worst Case Scenarios, with a corresponding file explaining in detail exactly What Would Jesus Do?
10. Passionate love letters to Tom Selleck, which have yet to be mailed.
9. Tetris.
8. A seven hundred page text file that simply says "All work and no play make Karl a dull boy," over and over and over and over again.
7. Links to a private, Washington-insiders-only discussion board where pictures of dead babies are traded like baseball cards.
6. A jpeg of a snapshot of Dubya and his daddy, smiling like goons in the Skull and Bones building at Yale, standing next to a display case featuring a vital piece of equipment from JFK Jr's plane.
5. Yer old pal Jerky's FBI file.
4. The formula for a cure for AIDS.
3. The formula for AIDS.
2. Osama Bin Laden's cell phone number.
1. The names of our next four Presidents.
DannyBoyUK
Permanently Exhausted
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2001
- Posts
- 7,977
TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR "IN SEARCH OF" EPISODES!
11. In Search of the Loch Ness Monster Truck!
10. In Search of Mice!
9. In Search of Smallfoot!
8. Star Trek 3: In Search of Spock!
7. In Search of Jesus' Foreskin!
6. In Search of Stonehedge, Shrub of Mystery!
5. In Search of the Bermuda Rectangle!
4. In Search of a Decent Restaurant in Scotland!
3. In Search of the Lost City of Atlanta!
2. ScoreQuest: In Search of Marijuana!
1. In Search of Leonard Nimoy's Car Keys!
11. In Search of the Loch Ness Monster Truck!
10. In Search of Mice!
9. In Search of Smallfoot!
8. Star Trek 3: In Search of Spock!
7. In Search of Jesus' Foreskin!
6. In Search of Stonehedge, Shrub of Mystery!
5. In Search of the Bermuda Rectangle!
4. In Search of a Decent Restaurant in Scotland!
3. In Search of the Lost City of Atlanta!
2. ScoreQuest: In Search of Marijuana!
1. In Search of Leonard Nimoy's Car Keys!
G
Guest
Guest
LMAO! You should never over-excel in the first post. I'm scared to read the rest. You might kill me with laughter.
DannyBoyUK
Permanently Exhausted
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2001
- Posts
- 7,977
Top Ten reasons that you know somebody is Iranian
10) Insists that he/she is Persian, not Iranian
9) Engineer, looks dark, but too light to be an Indian
8) Never drives an American car
7) Claims all civilization and major inventions are linked to Iran or an Iranian
6) You wonder why this Italian guy likes rice more than pasta
5) Keeps vodka in the freezer
4) Tells you that his/her father rubbed elbows with the Shah
3) Believes all major world events are caused by conspiracies behind which stand England and the US
2) Burp emits nostalgic scents of "Caspian"
1) Cannot speak 2 sentences in Farsi without using English words
10) Insists that he/she is Persian, not Iranian
9) Engineer, looks dark, but too light to be an Indian
8) Never drives an American car
7) Claims all civilization and major inventions are linked to Iran or an Iranian
6) You wonder why this Italian guy likes rice more than pasta
5) Keeps vodka in the freezer
4) Tells you that his/her father rubbed elbows with the Shah
3) Believes all major world events are caused by conspiracies behind which stand England and the US
2) Burp emits nostalgic scents of "Caspian"
1) Cannot speak 2 sentences in Farsi without using English words
DannyBoyUK
Permanently Exhausted
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2001
- Posts
- 7,977
TOP TEN THINGS YOU'D RATHER NOT HEAR FROM AN IRAN AIR COCKPIT
10. "Are we in there yet?"
9. "This plane is insured by Hazrat e Abass."
8. "This is my first flight, I just graduated from Hezbollah flight school."
7. "Hey, do you remember how we got to Israel the last time?"
6. "Fasten your seat belts, we will be back as soon as our Namaz is over."
5. "Flight school is for donkeys!"
4. "Wow, we're sure a lot lighter now that we dropped that second American engine!"
3. "Only 500 more flight hours, and I'll get my license."
2. "Ummm, wonder what happens if I pull this?"
1. "TODAY WE ALL DIE FOR ALLAH!"
10. "Are we in there yet?"
9. "This plane is insured by Hazrat e Abass."
8. "This is my first flight, I just graduated from Hezbollah flight school."
7. "Hey, do you remember how we got to Israel the last time?"
6. "Fasten your seat belts, we will be back as soon as our Namaz is over."
5. "Flight school is for donkeys!"
4. "Wow, we're sure a lot lighter now that we dropped that second American engine!"
3. "Only 500 more flight hours, and I'll get my license."
2. "Ummm, wonder what happens if I pull this?"
1. "TODAY WE ALL DIE FOR ALLAH!"
