Story Bloat

[gloomyMoron]

I was continuing to write the Conception challenge entry (I know, I know... I procrastinated a ton) and have reached an accidental point where something funny/dramatic could happen but throwing that wrench into the works would significantly lengthen and complicate the story. And I'm already ~2800 words in and nothing especially sexual has happened. It's already been a slow burn... I feel like any more complications would just drag that out (though, considering the context, a slow burn is necessary). Actually, it's probably easier to just outline the problem I'm having.

Rough synopsis: Dude gets a text from younger cousin saying she needs a place to stay so she can do some college stuff. He agrees, leaves work early, and heads home. He showers and while he's showering she, unbeknownst to him, enters his apartment. He leaves the bathroom buck naked, she sees him, he panics. He gets dressed and after a little bit of awkwardness they start talking about why she couldn't stay somewhere else. She admits that her plans were concrete and that the friend she thought she was gonna stay with had her boyfriend over. Older cousin basically chastises her and she is sorry. They hug and hold each other, and now there is pounding on his door (they had ordered pizza before the conversation started).

Now I could do the expected thing and having it just be the pizza deliver, the dramatic thing and have it be his Aunt (the cousin's mom) who wouldn't approve of her being there (due to nebulous past history that I've not fleshed out but have ideas for), or the funny thing and have it be his ex-girlfriend (looking for a hook up or something) that causes his cousin to, teasingly, pretend to be his new girlfriend.

I'm actually at a loss of what to do... because all three options are equally valid.

How do you avoid story bloat?

 

[AStrangeDesire]

As someone who has a hard time writing short stories, 'bloat' really depends on whether your plot is moving forward and engaging the reader.

For example, I went back and checked my latest story, the first kiss happens at 9,900 words. I wouldn't recommend that, and had serious concerns that people would appreciate the story, but it's done very well. And nobody complained about pacing or length (so far anyway).

I did put a warning right at the start, to be fair, so that probably deterred people looking for something else.

My point is, it depends on what audience you're trying to engage with and if the story is moving forward and keeping people interested.

 

[Writer61]

Obviously, which option you choose is up to you.

As for bloat: allow the story to be as long as it needs to be, and no more.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

And I'm already ~2800 words in and nothing especially sexual has happened.

2800 is not a slow burn. You've barely started. There can't possibly be a bloat issue yet based on word count alone.

 

[gloomyMoron]

2800 is not a slow burn. You've barely started. There can't possibly be a bloat issue yet based on word count alone.

Even for a short story that I intended to be under 9k words and expected to probably be in the 6-7k range? This wasn't supposed to be a 15k word story. And I certainly won't make it before the deadline for the Challenge if it was. Word count is one thing, but progression and intent are another.

Maybe I'm just projecting to far forward in where the options might take the story. But once I take one of the unintended branches, I can't easily foresee all the places the story could go until I continue writing it. It isn't bloated yet, per se, but I'm concerned it could get that way.

 

[Britva415]

"What should I do / who's at the door" is a completely separate question from "how to avoid bloat." 2800 words to establish the situation you described doesn't sound bloated to me at all, unless:

Was it "slow burn?" Or was it "no burn at all?"

There are two ways to consider "burn:" The in-character way and the out-of-character way. A story that just takes a long time to get to the point might look like a slow burn, but, are the characters experiencing "burn" themselves?

If they aren't, it's probably no-burn rather than slow burn.

And maybe that's good news! It would mean you could trim / delete a lot, and get the story down to the size you wanted.

If there's a good reason to. Why does there have to be a size limit? If stuff is happening already, if feelings and desires are kindling and smoldering, if stakes are being established and the reader is becoming invested, why couldn't you hold their interest for 15000 words? That's barely 4 Literotica story pages.

 

[gloomyMoron]

"What should I do / who's at the door" is a completely separate question from "how to avoid bloat." 2800 words to establish the situation you described doesn't sound bloated to me at all, unless:

Fair. I guess I'm just trying to look too far ahead in the story, and it's messing with me. Maybe because I've been writing/editing pretty much nonstop for several hours.

Was it "slow burn?" Or was it "no burn at all?"

I just got to the barest hints of 'burn', at least from the male MC's perspective. It hasn't come out in the story, but female MC has always had a bit of a crush on him, not that she expects anything to come from it. But he's in a much more "protective" headspace than a "provocative" one. Last time he saw her was 7-8 years ago when she was a young girl, he's having some difficulties separating that from the young woman she's become.

 

[ClintonBrooks]

How do you avoid story bloat?

I've been told (ie: I'm not sure that I do this...so I may be a hypocrite) that a writer should only include the parts of the story that drive the plot forward. So anything else would be bloat.

 

[crookedletter]

There's a big difference between "bloat" and the needs of the story dictating that it be longer than you originally planned. "Bloat" suggests there are things you can cut that are bogging the story down, where removing them actually improves the story. Avoiding that is relatively straightforward: write it, then cut it.

As far as wrinkles arriving through the writing process that add unforeseen complexity to a story, that's not bloat. Those have the potential to improve your story.

 

[Writer61]

Even for a short story that I intended to be under 9k words and expected to probably be in the 6-7k range? This wasn't supposed to be a 15k word story. And I certainly won't make it before the deadline for the Challenge if it was. Word count is one thing, but progression and intent are another.

If it's not ready for this year, save it for next. Getting the story right is better than compromising to hit a deadline

 

[sistemic]

Dashiell Hammett was once asked what he does if he gets writers' block. He said "I have a knock at the door. It's a beautiful woman with a smoking gun".

Bloat is not when the plot gets interesting, it's when there is no plot.

 

[sirhugs]

2800 is not a slow burn. You've barely started. There can't possibly be a bloat issue yet based on word count alone.

bloat is different from holding the reader's attention. Based soley on my own experience, I theorize that a typical one handed reader expects something sexual within approximately the first thousand words. Of course, I may be totally out to lunch.

 

[Actingup]

My advice would be to not too worry about length, but to focus on what brings value. I’m not as brutal about driving the plot forward, because most erotic story and romance plots are predictable. Focus on what makes the journey rewarding. For example, every scene I write now, I have a little voice in my head saying ‘yes but what was she wearing?’ (thanks @PennyThompson ), which is probably more important than describing her breast size when she’s wearing nothing, but also definitely adds to the thrill of the eventual reveal. Similarly, when your characters leap into each other’s arms, if we understand what’s in their complicated heads first, the payoff is far greater.

 

[sirhugs]

My advice would be to not too worry about length, but to focus on what brings value. I’m not as brutal about driving the plot forward, because most erotic story and romance plots are predictable. Focus on what makes the journey rewarding. For example, every scene I write now, I have a little voice in my head saying ‘yes but what was she wearing?’ (thanks @PennyThompson ), which is probably more important than describing her breast size when she’s wearing nothing, but also definitely adds to the thrill of the eventual reveal. Similarly, when your characters leap into each other’s arms, if we understand what’s in their complicated heads first, the payoff is far greater.

@PennyThompson is always intelligent.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Even for a short story that I intended to be under 9k words and expected to probably be in the 6-7k range? This wasn't supposed to be a 15k word story. And I certainly won't make it before the deadline for the Challenge if it was. Word count is one thing, but progression and intent are another.

Maybe I'm just projecting to far forward in where the options might take the story. But once I take one of the unintended branches, I can't easily foresee all the places the story could go until I continue writing it. It isn't bloated yet, per se, but I'm concerned it could get that way.

So you are planning this to be about 2 lit pages. It is always difficult to plan the length of a story. I am terrible at it myself. Stuff that I figure will be about 5k, ends up being 12k and stuff that I figure will be about 20k ends up being 50-60k. : P But even if it ends up longer than you thought and runs maybe 3 full lit pages, nothing steamy happening in the first 3/4s of a page is usually fine depending on what else you are using to hold the reader's interest. If you are still worried about this, try putting something steamy right in the opening, even if it is a mid plot scene, then drop back to the beginning and start telling how they 'got there'.

As for bloat, word count alone, you're fine, but if your 2800 words is a bunch of exposition backstory then maybe you're not fine. You'll probably want to do something immersive in those first 1000-2000 words to grab the reader's interest.

 

[Bazzle]

I'm writing a weight gain fetish story...my word count is bloating at a similar rate to my MFC and I'm at 12k words...2800 is my character describing their breakfast and their mid meal snack.

 

[Britva415]

bloat is different from holding the reader's attention

You have a gift for understatement! I'd go as far as to say, that's what defines bloat. It's the stuff a reader sighs over and wants to just skip.

 

[Britva415]

I'm writing a weight gain fetish story...my word count is bloating at a similar rate to my MFC and I'm at 12k words...2800 is my character describing their breakfast and their mid meal snack.

Heh. Almost like it's a deliberate device.

 

[FromManyOne]

The door slams open! Men in red robes pile in.

The cousin says, "I wasn't expecting a sort of Spanish Inquisition!"






Sorry, sorry.

 

[Writer61]

The door slams open! Men in red robes pile in.

The cousin says, "I wasn't expecting a sort of Spanish Inquisition!"






Sorry, sorry.

IRL, my German manager and I were waiting for another British colleague. The chap arrived looking a bit worried. The boss said, "Don't worry, it's not the Spanish Inquisition", and was baffled when the two of us dissolved into laughter.

 

[gloomyMoron]

Sorry, sorry.

Don’t give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!

Oh, you're here for an argument? Sorry, this is Abuse.

Jokes aside, I decided on a way forward. Though I still worry about whether it is paced adequately. I just have to finish writing it, let the person I asked to read it look it over, and tweak it. Maybe I should look into getting an editor/beta reader here to take a look at it.

Back to discussing bloat and ways to spot it.

I often tend to be a loquacious literary-fop, prone to flights of fancy and paragraphs of prose most purple. I also swing from overly detailed to probably not detailed enough. I like to think I've gotten better at curbing those habits, but it's still a concern.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Were it me writing/reading, I think I'd enjoy the ex girlfriend scenario the most. Gives the ability for them to be playful, say things that're 'only for the pretense' that plant the seeds of 'but maybe I really meant that' and such. Pizza guy would just be "okay, now their food's here" and Aunt would probably get lost in the weeds a little too much for a story whose scope you're aiming for (not that it couldn't also make for a good story, just it would be a somewhat deeper, heavier one than it sounds like you're aiming for). Then again, what do I know? I keep getting stuck on more and more WIPs because I keep wanting to make them more realistic... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[anthrodisiac]

To me, bloat is basically any plotline or scene that, if you were to remove it, changes nothing in the story. I'd consider that different than overwriting, which is adding too much to a scene, such that if you were to cut it, you aren't losing the intent, voice, or vibe of what you're trying to portray. It's a matter of scale.

I often tend to be a loquacious literary-fop, prone to flights of fancy and paragraphs of prose most purple. I also swing from overly detailed to probably not detailed enough. I like to think I've gotten better at curbing those habits, but it's still a concern.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with flights of fancy or purple prose. If it fits the voice and vibe of the story/scene, then it's as intrinsic and important as anything else. You just don't want to bore the reader, that's the true crime of most asides and purple prose — the reader loses interest. If you can have those things and still keep a reader engaged, you're solid as far as I'm concerned.

My personal philosophy is to avoid purple prose and literariness because I'm more concerned with immersing the reader in the story to the point they aren't consciously consuming the words, and don't much care to show off and have them admire a particular turn of phrase or beautifully constructed sentence.* But that's just for me, I know other people have different objectives and styles and voices, so, like anything to do with writing, almost nothing is absolute or prescriptive. It should be considered within the scope of the particular story, and doing what's best for that story.

*Well, usually more concerned with that. I've gone literary when the vibe of the story made that type of voice and style fit well.