Story Plot reveals itself at the end

[BlackSnake]

But you can still add how she observes the son. You don't have to show his thoughts...but when she calls him into the room maybe a, he looked like the time I scoled him when I caught him doing {fill in the blank} wrong when he was younger.

Something that lets the reader know a little more about what's going on around her without leaving her presepective.

I agree, it could describe what she sees and feels to show more about her son.

Expounding on this from the begining:
She had become accustomed to the eyes that peered at her just beyond the light of her bedroom. She thought that maybe he would get board with seeing her night after night, but he was consistent.

How did she feel the first time?
How long has it been going on?
"night after night"

I've been thing of these things. When I started to write this, I was thinking that she was feeling neglected by her husband, and at least one person in her life found her interesting.

Her loneliness and horniness leds her to take him into her bed.

She could feel him tremble, which shows a lot.

make a short story good...

 

[LadiDarkMoon]

Most definately!

Just one more of your stories I am just in love with

 

[BlackSnake]

I've edited it a little more. I do fear giving to much away. It would take away from anything that follows.

Part 1 - (first edit) approx. 1274 words

When Lauren heard the creaking of her bedroom door, she did not flinch or look up, even though she was naked except for the towel that wrapped her wet hair. She had become accustomed to the eyes that peered at her just beyond the light of her bedroom. She adored him as she felt he adored her. He had always been good and attentive to the things she expected of him. He was the best thing in her life. She felt she could allow him this one naughty little vice. She thought that maybe he would get board with seeing her night after night, but he was loyal.

Lauren could not imagine why he found her so fascinating. She was old. The once firm shapes of her hips and legs had grown loose and soft. Even her breasts had fallen a few inches, and not to mention kangaroo sack that seemed to have come from nowhere.

Lauren sighed continuing to trim her toenails sitting with one leg dangling off the side of the bed. A thought flashed before her of him wanting to have sex with her. She felt the pulsation of her crotch. She wrinkled her brow in a frown at her wicked thought. She began to examine her own actions. Why was her bedroom door left partially open? Why had she not deviated from her normal routine? Was it his desire to see her, or was it her desire to be seen? Had she become desperate for attention? She shook her head in self-denial.

Lauren finished her toenails, stood beside her bed, and began to apply lotion to her skin. She massaged the white cream into her breasts, seeing and feeling the hardness of her nipples. She caught them between her forefinger and thumb, and twisted them feeling the release flow through her body. Her heart began to pound louder in her head. She applied more lotion her stomach, moving her hand to her butt-cheeks, and then lifted one of her legs to the bed. She spilled the loose cream over her thigh and spread it down to her lower leg. She massaged it in slowly moving up and down her leg. Her finger brushed over her swollen cunt as she spread the moisturizing cream to her inner thigh. She applied more to her hands and worked it between her butt-cheeks and over her throbbing mound. She gave her cunt a little more attention as her pussy lips swelled. She ran a finger between her moist pussy lips and then up to her clit. She pressed against it. She gasped. Blinking hard to catch her breath, she removed her hand. She switched legs applying the lotion and going back to her aching cunt. She slipped her finger into her wet cunt as far as she could and thrust it slowly before sliding it out and pulling against her clit.

Lauren sat the lotion down and looked at her bed. Her tits and cunt felt as if they were on fire. She turned back the covers, and fixed the pillows as she heard her bedroom door creak open wider. Her heart felt like it was going to jump out of her chest.

Lauren looked at her reflection in the dresser mirror. She sighed with a bit more satisfaction than she conceived in her mind. Her breast rose and fell with her heavy breath. Though her body had gone soft, it had more of a womanly shape. She moved her hands over her hips resigning herself to the fact that she was no longer a teenager. Her looked to her as if it was moving as the throbbing intensified.

Lauren looked to her bedroom door and locked her eyes on her son, Jeffery’s eyes. “Come here,” she said in a soft soothing tone.

Jeffery walked to her slowly with his head slightly bowed as he looked to the floor. His hands were by his side twisting the legs of his boxers, as he did when he was anxious.

“Raise your arms,” she said in almost a whisper.

He obeyed. She watched his eyes lock on her naked tits.

Lauren lifted his t-shirt off over his head and let it fall to the floor. His torso looked beautifully smooth. She could see the quivering of his stomach. She stretched boxers out with her fingers and pulled them down to his ankles holding them for him to step out, which he did. His cock sprung out nearly hitting her in the face. She felt the little eye staring as pre-cum glistened around it. She turned applying lotion to her hands and then began to rub the cream along the thick shaft and his balls. The length and girth of his cock contrasted with his frame. She though he must be proud of his organ, and probably would have been had he known that he far out measured his father.

She sighed with satisfaction as she measured it wrapping her fingers around it. He was very well developed for a man of any age. A trait she attributed to her own gene pool.

“Get on top of me,” she said as she moved onto the bed and spread her soft legs wide.

Lauren felt Jeffery tremble as he claimed over her. She took hold of his manhood and guided it into her wet maternal canal. “Ahhh,” she moaned softly moving her hands to his tight butt-cheek to pull him in deeper.

His warm timid breath on her neck made her nipples harden even more. She closed her eyes feeling the head of her son’s cock reach a spot inside of her that had been neglected for months. She began moving her hips up on his cock.

She felt Jeffery slid his hands under her shoulders and pull down on them as he pushed his rod as far as he could inside of her aching cunt. She felt the strain of his body, and his tentativeness flee.

“Mmmm,” Lauren moaned again loving how wide her canal was being stretched. She felt him match her motion with harder and harder thrusts. His breath brushed her ear, hard and steady.

Her toes curled and her body stiffened. She felt his body jerked slightly out of control as he filled her with his seed. She held him tight and deep.

When their breaths returned close to normal, Lauren reached over and turned off the lamp on her nightstand causing it to become instantly dark in the room. She felt his wet mouth on one of her nipples and his fingers closing down on the other. She pulled the covers over the both of them and held the full weight of his body on top of hers.

Lauren woke her son in her bed at the normal time for him to get ready for school. She showered quickly and made herself ready for work. She made a light breakfast for Jeffery, which he ate in silence stealing glances that aroused her.

Richard, Lauren’s husband came home as she stood in the kitchen checking her purse and preparing to leave. She watched Jeffery and Richard looked at each other with the acknowledgment of strangers. Richard kissed Lauren on the cheek as he went to their bedroom.

Lauren wondered if the owner of the perfume Richard was bathed in was someone that she knew. She glanced over to Jeffery and felt the pressure from the thrusting he had given her during the night. She sighed in an attempt to hide the smirk on her face, and left with Jeffery without saying goodbye to her husband.

 

[BlackSnake]

I'm now feeling that the protagonist, Lauren has washed her hands of her husband in favor of her son.

I feel that she needs to teach him how to be a good "husband figure".

 

[BlackSnake]

Thoughts on first edit?

 

[BlackSnake]

I've made my final changes to the story and submitted it. The title is "Husband Figure" look for it.