rick_j21
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2002
- Posts
- 12,853
Certainly a thread worth watching.
It's more fun when you do more than watch.
Sub guys community
- Thread starter actorsub
- Start date
It's more fun when you do more than watch.
lilcuriouscatt
Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 4, 2008
- Posts
- 205
I second everything she said. There is a huge difference between role play and entering ing a D/s relationship. Think carefully about what you are really looking for.
Other than the generalization of Dommes wanting the same thing, I agree with all this. As a Domme, there's plenty of offers for random sex and fun hook-ups - chances are, unless you offer something different and are willing to put some thought into it, you wont be choosen as neither a random hook-up nor a long term sub.
SubBiTrucker
Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2012
- Posts
- 57
I don't know what I want, completely.
I do know that scat and serious pain do not interest me.
I know that humiliation, being used and subjugation do.
I know that, even in vanilla sex, my partner's pleasure is more important than mine.
If a Mistess or Master is nearby, within say 90 miles of Topeka, R/T is preferable to online.
I know I'd prefer a Mistress, as I think of myself as between 60/40 and 65/35 more hetero than gay.
Since I've not had the opportunity to explore more, I don't know what more there is, or exactly what I want. I suppose I could prowl around the stories in the BDSM archive saying "I'd like to live this one, maybe that one, this one doesn't do it, and that one is a 'check, please' moment."
Although scat's a hard limit, I'm pee-curious.
I do know that scat and serious pain do not interest me.
I know that humiliation, being used and subjugation do.
I know that, even in vanilla sex, my partner's pleasure is more important than mine.
If a Mistess or Master is nearby, within say 90 miles of Topeka, R/T is preferable to online.
I know I'd prefer a Mistress, as I think of myself as between 60/40 and 65/35 more hetero than gay.
Since I've not had the opportunity to explore more, I don't know what more there is, or exactly what I want. I suppose I could prowl around the stories in the BDSM archive saying "I'd like to live this one, maybe that one, this one doesn't do it, and that one is a 'check, please' moment."
Although scat's a hard limit, I'm pee-curious.
Re: Sub guy
49 y/o wm residing in Las Vegas. Retired from the military last year and now in a civilian career. Finally have time/opportunity to explore those wants/needs/desires that I could not really act on while AD. Sub, bi-curious, have had some experience with female dommes but not nearly enough. Would love to have an on-going, real-time, real world friend to explore with. Not looking for one-time or random, and sex isn't the driver. Like tight bondage and pain play, would love to explore my limits with the right person.
49 y/o wm residing in Las Vegas. Retired from the military last year and now in a civilian career. Finally have time/opportunity to explore those wants/needs/desires that I could not really act on while AD. Sub, bi-curious, have had some experience with female dommes but not nearly enough. Would love to have an on-going, real-time, real world friend to explore with. Not looking for one-time or random, and sex isn't the driver. Like tight bondage and pain play, would love to explore my limits with the right person.
jacklangston
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2012
- Posts
- 304
21/m sub with little experience cause I can't find any real Dommes online. 
21/m sub with little experience cause I can't find any real Dommes online.
Ever considered looking for real Dommes in real life?
jacklangston
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2012
- Posts
- 304
Yup, but I have no idea where to start looking. As far as I know, I don't know any personally.
Looking real life means going to munches and fetish/BDSM parties, not looking at your current friends.
Join Fetlife, look through the local events and go there. If you say there's no Dommes, then it's because you don't open your eyes.
Also, real Dommes are rarely online. I'm one of the exceptions because I'm a geek as well as a Domme.
madbitches69
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2011
- Posts
- 22
25/m here looking for Domme. I have some actuall sexual experience but have been single for a while now. I do have limits and I would be happy to discuss them in a more private setting. I have a graduate degree can write reasonably well as my current job requires it. If intrested please PM me.
madbitches69
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2011
- Posts
- 22
Western PA
There's a group for people from Lit on Fetlife
good to know thanks
OllyBeebee
Virgin
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2012
- Posts
- 1
i totaly agree i'm a sub and usually i like to show a dom my personality through chat before the cams go on
Slaveman1968
Virgin
- Joined
- May 28, 2012
- Posts
- 3
I'd be interested in joining the community, I'm sure there must be dommes in England looking for a submissive. I'm new to all this and I am rather shy but I've known that I am submissive to women for a long time. Limits are important and I'm not up for anything extreme and would like to discuss limits with a potential Mistress before commiting. Then we would both know what we wanted from the relationship and could develop our understanding of each other.
I hope that makes sense.
I hope that makes sense.
reallyunsure
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2012
- Posts
- 104
I won't speak for anyone else, but I'm looking (very slowly, very casually) for someone to do things with via typing (chat, email) with the occasional voice chat. I'm not going to send anyone pictures of me, or video, but the whole idea of doing something entirely and exclusively because it gets someone else off... well, the whole thing gets me hot and bothered. It could be a D/s type relationship, or it could be a non-power-exchangey "okay, so if you did this for me, and just for me, and just because it turned me on, that would get me super hot." The idea of tribute pictures is kind of awesome to me, for example.
I don't lack for actual sex with women. I'm (really happily) involved with a few right now, but they're all submissive. And if I end up dating a woman who's more toppy, I will probably explore with her.
I have three hard limits that I can think of - sending identifiable information (my picture, my address, etc), anything that causes permanent harm, and people who don't understand spelling and grammar. (I'm sorry about that last one, but I just can't get hot and bothered if I'm mentally correcting your typos.)
I'm really interested in this, and unsure how far I want to take it. But I'm open to suggestion.
lilcuriouscatt
Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 4, 2008
- Posts
- 205
If you don't want to share pictures or go on cam, then you can pretty much forget having a strictly online relationship. For me personally, I like to know what a sub looks like, what their body type is, how tall they are, all information that is helpful in designing a scene. Also, if the Domme can't see you, how can she know that you are following instrutions? And don't forget, this isn't all about you, the Domme is in this for pleasure too.
reallyunsure
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2012
- Posts
- 104
Yeah, it's an uphill battle. Feedback is good, though, and knowing what a turnoff my limits are is good incentive for me to look into how strongly I feel about them.
In the meantime, I give good chat, so maybe someone will find it a worthwhile use of their time.
In the meantime, I give good chat, so maybe someone will find it a worthwhile use of their time.
During my four decades of searching, I have noticed this much. Submissive men are least likely to ban together, even for the common cause of finding a dominant woman. I think this attitude of isolation is due for a change. I would like to see something happen to help us find what and who it is that we search for, but I am rather skeptical. Can you be a little more specific as to what you have in mind? Thanks!
How about 40-plus years of searching in real life?
How about 10 years in my local community (munches and play parties)?
How about years of experience with pro-dommes?
How about spending as much time answering ads, writing letters, and making inquiries as it takes to earn a PhD?
And when you do find a domme who is looking for a relationship with a submissive, she is either at least 100 pounds overweight and/or has a huge chip of her shoulder? Maybe the chip accounts for the excess weight, I don't know, but it has been a very uphill climb and, quite frankly, a curse.
And no, I am not ugly. Only frustrated.
Don't give up, guys? Yeah, yeah...I've heard that one before. [sigh]
You might not be ugly but your attitude sounds it.
40 years of searching? Wow... So all those Dommes you must have met have all been overweight and/or have a huge chip of their shoulder, that is rather impressive. In my humble few years in the scene I've met Dommes who were neither.
I've also met a bunch of asshat submissives who haven't realized that Dommes are people with flaws just like themselves and who expects every lifestyler to be like acting and looking like a pro.
Give up if you want, nobody forces you to go through this. However, not trying is the only sure way to not get what you want. Good luck with your search.
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