Submissive/Slave Haven

[rick_j21]

hiya there, sweets?? How is your weekend shaping up?

It's going beautifully well so far. I have to go help a friend move this afternoon but otherwise a great day.

 

[SweetGigi]

where in N CA are you, hun? I have a friend in Redding, CA. Any where near there?

 

[rick_j21]

where in N CA are you, hun? I have a friend in Redding, CA. Any where near there?

I am about 2 hours from there. San Fran here.

 

[SweetGigi]

I've been thinking about going out there as a surprise (to him) but I'm afraid of being left high and dry if the surprise doesn't go well. (not sure if that makes sense)

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

You have very pretty eyes, Gigi. And "happy weekend" to everyone.

Master wanted me to have the blinds open all the time too. But after I pointed out to him how the police would feel about that, especially as I live in an apartment building with the walkway RIGHT outside my BIG living room window, I don't have to. Thank goodness. I live on the 2nd floor though, so I have to have the two back windows' blinds open. And just be careful to not flash anyone. <blushes profusely> Especially as the neighbor behind the building has little kids! But Master seems to WANT the guy across the alley rebuilding his 2nd level to see me. <sighs> He said if that guy (adult) notices me that I'm not allowed to hide. I wish I dared go against that order. But I've been lucky so far. Thank goodness! I don't want some weird stranger seeing me. Geez.

 

[Brandii]

Just wanted to say hi to everyone. It's a lovely autumn day here on the Gold Coast: clear blue sky, very little wind. I don't have anything of mind blowing importance to add to this post, so I'll just keep reading and learning through everyone elses thoughts and experiences.

 

[WriterDom]

Just wanted to say hi to everyone. It's a lovely autumn day here on the Gold Coast: clear blue sky, very little wind. I don't have anything of mind blowing importance to add to this post, so I'll just keep reading and learning through everyone elses thoughts and experiences.

hi to you

 

[SweetGigi]

OK so I have an issue that I'd like to get some insight on from those that will understand this more than others.

As most of you know, Amato and I have been together for just shy of seven years. What you may not know is Amato is almost 14 yrs older than me. He was once married and has a 17 yr old daughter who has nothing to do with Him. (not because of anything He did/has done) Through the years we have talked about children and my deep desire to want a family, of my own, with Him. We have always agreed that we would eventually have kids after we got married; we got engaged this past December. All seemed like it was on the right path.

Then the other day we were talking about our future and some of the things I hope we can have and accomplish for our family. When I started talking about children, though, He shut down. I mean completely. I finally got Him to talk to me and He confessed that He had been hoping I'd grow out of wanting children. That He really isn't interested in having more kids and that the idea of sharing me with some 'brat' isn't all that appealing. He admitted that 'yes, its a selfish notion', but also reminded me that 'He's a selfish man'.

I was completely and utterly shocked. I've since tried to talk to Him about this several times, but He won't discuss it with me. I am at a cross road. I don't know what to do. How do I talk to Him when He won't talk to me? This is soooo important to me. I want children sooo badly, but I love Him and want to be with Him. Should I have to choose?? Is it possible I've wasted nearly 7 yrs of my life??

Help me please.

 

[BiBunny]

OK so I have an issue that I'd like to get some insight on from those that will understand this more than others.

As most of you know, Amato and I have been together for just shy of seven years. What you may not know is Amato is almost 14 yrs older than me. He was once married and has a 17 yr old daughter who has nothing to do with Him. (not because of anything He did/has done) Through the years we have talked about children and my deep desire to want a family, of my own, with Him. We have always agreed that we would eventually have kids after we got married; we got engaged this past December. All seemed like it was on the right path.

Then the other day we were talking about our future and some of the things I hope we can have and accomplish for our family. When I started talking about children, though, He shut down. I mean completely. I finally got Him to talk to me and He confessed that He had been hoping I'd grow out of wanting children. That He really isn't interested in having more kids and that the idea of sharing me with some 'brat' isn't all that appealing. He admitted that 'yes, its a selfish notion', but also reminded me that 'He's a selfish man'.

I was completely and utterly shocked. I've since tried to talk to Him about this several times, but He won't discuss it with me. I am at a cross road. I don't know what to do. How do I talk to Him when He won't talk to me? This is soooo important to me. I want children sooo badly, but I love Him and want to be with Him. Should I have to choose?? Is it possible I've wasted nearly 7 yrs of my life??

Help me please.

I can sympathize with you, SG, but I also know exactly where Amato's coming from. I've never wanted children and probably never will. I dated a guy who wanted to marry me (I'm not entirely convinced I want to get married, either) and have children. His exact comment was, "I want to continue my bloodline." To which I replied, "What the fuck are you? A racehorse?"

The absolute worst thing you can do is push it. I may have changed my mind for this guy eventually if he hadn't worried me to death about it. If he fancied himself a racehorse, I had no desire to become his broodmare, you know what I mean? The decision to have or not have children is a deeply personal one and not one that should be made because of someone else's feelings.

He knows how you feel about it. Let it go for the time being. (And don't try to bring him 'round to your way of thinking by using veiled comments, either. That'll only make him resentful, trust me.) Give him time to think about it himself. I assure you that he will.

On the other hand, you have to consider what you'll do if he doesn't come 'round to your way of thinking. Don't throw any ultimatums his way. Ultimatums usually only serve to piss people off. They rarely accomplish what you want to accomplish, and even if they do, he'll wind up resenting you. Just give him time to think and give yourself time to think about what's most important, your desire for children or your desire to be with him, if it ever comes down to it (and I hope it doesn't).

Best of luck to you, SG.

 

[intothewoods]

Just popping in here for the first time. <waves hello>

I totally agree with BiBunny, SG. You can't push it. I also agree it would be worthwhile to think about what you want, and then go from there.

My own experience has been that, even though I'm extremely indenepent, when it came to parenting, I wanted it to be a team effort. That wouldn't work with someone who doesn't want kids. Just something to think about.

 

[SweetGigi]

I understand, y'all.


I'll ride it out. I'll keep you all in the loop and let you know what happens and what I decide.


*swallows hard*


this is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. keep me in your thoughts guys. Thanks.

 

[minx1]

OK so I have an issue that I'd like to get some insight on from those that will understand this more than others.

As most of you know, Amato and I have been together for just shy of seven years. What you may not know is Amato is almost 14 yrs older than me. He was once married and has a 17 yr old daughter who has nothing to do with Him. (not because of anything He did/has done) Through the years we have talked about children and my deep desire to want a family, of my own, with Him. We have always agreed that we would eventually have kids after we got married; we got engaged this past December. All seemed like it was on the right path.

Then the other day we were talking about our future and some of the things I hope we can have and accomplish for our family. When I started talking about children, though, He shut down. I mean completely. I finally got Him to talk to me and He confessed that He had been hoping I'd grow out of wanting children. That He really isn't interested in having more kids and that the idea of sharing me with some 'brat' isn't all that appealing. He admitted that 'yes, its a selfish notion', but also reminded me that 'He's a selfish man'.

I was completely and utterly shocked. I've since tried to talk to Him about this several times, but He won't discuss it with me. I am at a cross road. I don't know what to do. How do I talk to Him when He won't talk to me? This is soooo important to me. I want children sooo badly, but I love Him and want to be with Him. Should I have to choose?? Is it possible I've wasted nearly 7 yrs of my life??

Help me please.

Hey SG

I agree with the other points that people have made about you having to decide what is important to you, especially if having a family is fundamental to your longterm happiness.

For me though something stood out from your conversation with Amato...and that was when he said he didn't want to think about having to share you with some brat.
Obviously I don't know about his previous marriage or why he is estranged from his daughter , but presumably if it were a bad experience this would go some way to making him reluctant to having a 'repeat performance'.

My initial reaction to what you wrote is that he perhaps he is a little frightened as to how having a baby would effect the status quo in your relationship. How it may prevent you from serving him as you have done and how it may have a negative impact on your D/s setup.

Perhaps if you haven't already, talk to him about how you see it working on a practical level and hopefully that may answer some of his concerns. I think its right not to push or issue ultimatums, however i do think its important you discuss it and try and get to the crux of the matter.
Its difficult when someone refuses to talk to you about an issue. Its almost like ostrich syndrome and that if you ignore the issue long enough, it might just go away. Personally though as its not going to go away and its something that is upsetting you...I would look to raise it, in a 'non confrontational' way, possibly in a letter.

If he is adamant he doesn't want children I am afraid you are left with an extremely tough decision.

I hope you can resolve it....good luck

 

[thesan]

I finally got Him to talk to me and He confessed that He had been hoping I'd grow out of wanting children. That He really isn't interested in having more kids and that the idea of sharing me with some 'brat' isn't all that appealing. He admitted that 'yes, its a selfish notion', but also reminded me that 'He's a selfish man'.

He has been hoping over the last seven years that you will change. From what I have read in your post, you are now hoping he will change.

I can tell you from experience, that hoping someone will change is pretty much useless. Either they want it or they don't. Either you want to change your wanting of a family or you don't. If you think that you might not want a family and are willing to change, then I guess the possibility exists that he will want to change. I just wouldn't hold my breath...for either of you wanting to change for the other person.

Think about this, what if he initially decides to change and then later regrets it. Now you have a child. It would be really sad.

I don't mean to be such a pessimist but... in my opinion, and like assholes every one has one, you should take his words at face value. Period. This isn't a game. And quite frankly, he seems to be really clear that he does not want children. Its like the person saying no to sex when they yes. Or yes to sex when they mean no. Mean what you say and say what you mean. If you can live by this standard then you will not wade too far in murky waters. Once gain, he does not want children. Was there any ambiguity in this? He has been hoping for the last seven years that you would stop wanting children. Seven years. He has been firm in his conviction of not wanting children. What is there not to understand? Seven years and he hasn't wavered. That is a lot of time to be firm in one's conviction.

Maybe I am wrong. I hope that I am.

Is it possible I've wasted nearly 7 yrs of my life??
Help me please.

Have they really been wasted? Haven't they been years that you have learned more about yourself, the world around you and the nature of relationships? If you find a partner, current or in the future, you will be a better parent for having those seven years of life experiences to draw upon. Being a parent is not unlike being a sub. Your needs are subsumed by your childs. You get to serve, teach and protect. Aren't you better adapted today then you were seven years ago?

thesan

 

[SweetGigi]

Ok, mebbe I need to be a little more clear.


We have ALWAYS agreed that once we got married we would have children eventually. (think I stated that in my post) It has only been recently (within two weeks or so) that He has 'seemed' different. When He finally confessed that he had been hoping I'd out grown wanting children, it seemed to me that this was a decision that had been made just recently. I can't imagine that he has been stringing me along... telling me that we would have children all this time... if He really didn't want them. My point is this: this is all news to me.

I talked to a good friend last night in depth about all this and I think things are a little more clear as to what I need to do. I am going to make dinner tonight and sit Him down and talk to Him about this. He needs to know He isn't making this situation any easier or better by refusing to talk to me about what I need/want versus what He needs/wants. There are too many what if's out there to hash out... and there is no need to let them hang in the air.

Simply put: I love this man. I want to be with Him and I want to be His wife. But for me, part of being a family is having children. I know that isn't the case for everyone, but it is for me. I feel it is in my path of life to be a wife AND mother. To deviate from that path in my mind would mean to not fulfill my destiny and in essence feel empty. My choice will have to be if I am willing, or not, to risk feeling that emptiness all my life if I stay with a man that doesn't want children.

And just to be clear: I don't want to force His hand. I don't want Him to compromise Himself just to make me happy. I would never want to make this man a father if He didn't want to be so. But just as I don't want Him to compromise Himself, I can't be expected to do the same. As you can see, there is much to discuss.

Just pray for us. We need it ever so much.

(also, after much thought and many tears, I have realized that no, I haven't wasted seven years. I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world.)

 

[intothewoods]

SG - I completely understand what you're saying. And I think it's normal that you feel a little pissed and betrayed that he's telling you now that he doesn't want to have kids. I think you are right to say that you two should have this discussion as well. The issue isn't going to go away. Good luck.

 

[HottieMama]

Gigi...you're in my thoughts. i hope your talk goes well, and that you have some sort of peace with the outcome.

As for me, after 4 days of no contact with "Daddy," i finally got some offline messages this morning. Apparantly, i should have been more supportive...it's been a bad week for Him....blah, blah,blah. While i'm sorry for some of the language i used in the message i sent him, i'm not sorry for sending it. He needed to know exactly how i felt. What this means for us now? Ehh..who knows. All i do know is that i could never see Him as "Daddy" again...and that's a vital piece of the puzzle for me. (So perhaps there's the answer in and of itself.)

 

[SweetGigi]

My goodness, HM, I had no idea that you were having problems. If you need any support of any kind, please let us know. Gosh I don't know where I'd be right now if it weren't for the folks here and their support. I came here because of my loneliness in the lifestyle. I am so glad I found this place. Thank you all so very much for your kind thoughts and words. HM, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[HottieMama]

My goodness, HM, I had no idea that you were having problems. If you need any support of any kind, please let us know. Gosh I don't know where I'd be right now if it weren't for the folks here and their support. I came here because of my loneliness in the lifestyle. I am so glad I found this place. Thank you all so very much for your kind thoughts and words. HM, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks Gigi. i'm just at the point where i am really confused. Is it possible for us to rebuild a relationship...where i'm not sure if i can ever see him as Daddy again? Is that fair to either one of us? i care about him. The past four days of feeling like total shit proved that to me. i felt safe with him and protected. That safety left when he told me i "wasn't worth it." In that moment all of my insecurity and fear came back again. i don't know if i can make it go away and "feel safe in his arms" again. Furthermore, i don't know if i really want to. Perhaps i need to take the "lessons" i learned from this relationship...and move on.

UGH..i'm rambling...

 

[SweetGigi]

No, no.... you aren't rambling. You need to express your feelings openly and in a way so that you aren't judged for them. There is nothing wrong with you rambling here. This is MY thread; I created it for such rambles. Never did I think that I would have my own ramblings here- like this- but regardless, here I am. And I'm glad I have it to come to. Please feel free to ramble on and on.

 

[CutieMouse]

Gigi...you're in my thoughts. i hope your talk goes well, and that you have some sort of peace with the outcome.

As for me, after 4 days of no contact with "Daddy," i finally got some offline messages this morning. Apparantly, i should have been more supportive...it's been a bad week for Him....blah, blah,blah. While i'm sorry for some of the language i used in the message i sent him, i'm not sorry for sending it. He needed to know exactly how i felt. What this means for us now? Ehh..who knows. All i do know is that i could never see Him as "Daddy" again...and that's a vital piece of the puzzle for me. (So perhaps there's the answer in and of itself.)

You jumped through hoops, rearranged your life, moved several states with a family in tow, expressed some stress over that sitation, were told you "weren't worth it", were cut off for four days, and *YOU* should have been more understanding that he'd had a rough week?

Ya know, if we're discussing "rough week" on the level of a family member being in the hospital dying, or a quarter million dollar tax bill due without enough funds in the bank, I can understand hearing "this isn't worth it" if you were (habitally) dumping your smaller (in the grand scheme of things) shit on his plate. (BTDT)

I can not understand the emphasis of YOU not being worth it, nor can I understand being unwilling to provide some sort of civilized comfort along the lines of - Babe I'm so sorry, but XYZ is on my plate, and I can't deal with this right now. Love ya, believe in ya, I know you're strong enough to deal with everythign being thrown at you- I promise I'll be able to help you with this next Monday, fter XYZ hell is out of my life. I can't understand breaking off contact, unless the guy was really ready to rationally risk you not coming back.

You deserve respect. Set your boundaries, and stick to them- regardless of his being "Daddy" again, or not.

 

[wenchhh]

Blackboard list...

Thought all of you could appreciate this, if you didn't see it on the other thread:


A subbie's blackboard lessons
( a la Bart Simpson)

i will not carve the flogger handles

i will not spank others

i will not aim for Master's head

i will not yell safeword in the grocery store

i will not sell the names on my newsgroup list to the National Enquirer

i will not read and giggle at Master's logs from the Dom Forum

i will not yell fire everytime Master lights a candle

funny noises are not funny

i will not slap Master with my bra

Punishment is not boring or pointless

i will not call Master Dr. Death

i will not defame the Eugenspeil Society

i will not put laxatives in the candy bowl before Master's D/s party

i will not hide the newbies or send them snipe Dom hunting

i will not bring sheep to the subbie forum

a burp is not an appropriate response to Master

i will not eat all Master's m & m's while he is at work

i will not yell she's tied up at the subbie forum

Master's gags are not to be used to keep the children quiet

i will not call Master spud head, butt head, or any kind of head

Masters ARE perfect

Mud is not an acceptable side dish for dinner for Master

i will NOT wear panties

i will not sell snake oil or tiger balm at Master's D/s parties

i will not peek out of the blindfold

there is no such thing as "slave immunity"

i will not sneak in the bathroom when i don't have permission

i did not win an emmy for my last session

i will not hide all Master's toys

all play and no work does not a good slave make

i will not say "oh Master you're the bestest and biggest" just to get a spanking

i can not fire Master

my last assignment was not stolen by one armed net hackers

i will not scare the newbies by telling them ALL REAL subs like bullwhips

i will not perform breast implant surgery on the newbies

i will refrain from saying "Hail Satan!" when i don't like Master's orders

i will not remind Master daily of our 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 yr. anniversary

i will not waste wax by playing with it or putting it on all Master's clamps

i will not use Master's bondage table for a skateboard ramp or a slide into the pool

i will not wear Master's underwear on my head

Master's dog does not stink

i will not torment the newbies with the violet wand

....and last but not least

i will not use the pages from Master's Dom Handbook to start the grill...

 

[intothewoods]

Lol - I needed a laugh about now. That was great!

 

[wenchhh]

well there ya go hon! Aim to please! (hugs!)

 

[Bandit58]

i will not peek out of the blindfold

I did this once.....only to notice that He was about to put one of those skirt hangers with the nasty clips on my nipples.....Oh dear I wished I hadn't tried to wriggle away.....

 

[charliegirl0404]

Hello all I hope every one is doing good =-)

Later

charlotte