Submissive/Slave Haven

[GentleSub_Ivy]

Hello Everyone,

Poking head in also. I'm new (as in never even experimented) to being sub, although now I am realizing patterns all my life that showed I was a natural sub. I am in an online relationship for the time being with a lovely understanding Dom who is helping me get to know this part of myself. I will write more later but I just wanted to say thank you for starting this thread.

Ivy

 

[SweetGigi]

Welcome, Ivy.

Come on in and make yourself at home. We are all here for the same reason.... to help others and to be helped if we need it. It is so important to make friends within the lifestyle (as I am finding) so please feel free to ask any questions and offer any support you think you might be able to give.

 

[SweetGigi]

Hello all I hope every one is doing good =-)

Later

charlotte

Hey, Charlotte, how are you doing??

 

[SweetGigi]

Ok, so while I was talking to a friend yesterday Amato surprised me by arriving back early from His trip. Needless to say I was happy to see Him, but also very nervous. I had planned on making dinner for us and hoped to talk over supper, but that isn't what happened. He came straight in, sat down, kissed me, asked me how my weekend was, turned the TV on, and called in for take away. Basically we sat most of the night just watching TV.

I tried breeching the subject several times, but at one point He just looked at me and said, 'Look, I've had a rough day and I don't want to fight. I just want to sit here and relax.' I don't think He understood how serious this is to me and how much I am starting to realize is really wrong with us. I finally made a decision that we would talk that night at some point or I was going to leave a very clear message for Him in the morning before I left for work.

Towards bedtime, I finally got Him to sit and listen to me and how I feel about these things that have been bothering me. He listened intently and I could feel Him taking it all in. All the crap that has been building up between us just poured out of me and I was able to express my genuine concerns and feelings. I cried a lot and he held my hand. I haven't felt that important to Him in a long time. It was almost as if He could sense the decision I had made in my head earlier and was finally doing His part to rectify this Fischer in our lives.

When I finally came to the end of my rant (30 some odd minutes later) He scooped me up in His arms and apologized. He confessed that so much has been going on with His job and the like for so long that it has taken a precedence over me. He knew that I was unhappy but didn't know what to do to fix it. He explained that He has been going about healing 'us' the wrong way for a long time. He said that He truly loves me and only wants to be happy with me. He said that He feels our D/s relationship has taken on a life of its own and has done more harm to us than good. He feels what began as simple gestures of personalities and nature have become full-on characters He can't live up to any more. He thinks that is why He has allowed me to seek out other lovers... to satisfy a thirst in me to 'be truly dominated'. He feels that we need to step back from being "Amato and poppet" and find M and N again. His biggest fear is that we won't be able to over come the things we have grown apart on and/or that one of us will cling to the lifestyle. He talked to me in ways He hasn't in years. We talked for another 3 hrs. It was beneficial.

So why do I still feel like things aren't good. Yes, we addressed a lot of our issues. Some of which I didn't even realize we have. We talked thru some major fears and concerns, but I don't think we made any sort of progress. I mean I realize that things aren't gonna be 'normal' for a long while, but for some reason I still feel somewhat hopeless. Shouldn't I feel positive and excited for this 'breakthrough'? We did touch on the issue of kids. He still stands firm on not wanting any at this time, but is willing to discuss it further with me. Mebbe that is why I still feel unproductive about all this. I don't know, I just expected to feel something different.... but I basically feel the same.

Any insight, you guys??

 

[BiBunny]

Ok, so while I was talking to a friend yesterday Amato surprised me by arriving back early from His trip. Needless to say I was happy to see Him, but also very nervous. I had planned on making dinner for us and hoped to talk over supper, but that isn't what happened. He came straight in, sat down, kissed me, asked me how my weekend was, turned the TV on, and called in for take away. Basically we sat most of the night just watching TV.

I tried breeching the subject several times, but at one point He just looked at me and said, 'Look, I've had a rough day and I don't want to fight. I just want to sit here and relax.' I don't think He understood how serious this is to me and how much I am starting to realize is really wrong with us. I finally made a decision that we would talk that night at some point or I was going to leave a very clear message for Him in the morning before I left for work.

Towards bedtime, I finally got Him to sit and listen to me and how I feel about these things that have been bothering me. He listened intently and I could feel Him taking it all in. All the crap that has been building up between us just poured out of me and I was able to express my genuine concerns and feelings. I cried a lot and he held my hand. I haven't felt that important to Him in a long time. It was almost as if He could sense the decision I had made in my head earlier and was finally doing His part to rectify this Fischer in our lives.

When I finally came to the end of my rant (30 some odd minutes later) He scooped me up in His arms and apologized. He confessed that so much has been going on with His job and the like for so long that it has taken a precedence over me. He knew that I was unhappy but didn't know what to do to fix it. He explained that He has been going about healing 'us' the wrong way for a long time. He said that He truly loves me and only wants to be happy with me. He said that He feels our D/s relationship has taken on a life of its own and has done more harm to us than good. He feels what began as simple gestures of personalities and nature have become full-on characters He can't live up to any more. He thinks that is why He has allowed me to seek out other lovers... to satisfy a thirst in me to 'be truly dominated'. He feels that we need to step back from being "Amato and poppet" and find M and N again. His biggest fear is that we won't be able to over come the things we have grown apart on and/or that one of us will cling to the lifestyle. He talked to me in ways He hasn't in years. We talked for another 3 hrs. It was beneficial.

So why do I still feel like things aren't good. Yes, we addressed a lot of our issues. Some of which I didn't even realize we have. We talked thru some major fears and concerns, but I don't think we made any sort of progress. I mean I realize that things aren't gonna be 'normal' for a long while, but for some reason I still feel somewhat hopeless. Shouldn't I feel positive and excited for this 'breakthrough'? We did touch on the issue of kids. He still stands firm on not wanting any at this time, but is willing to discuss it further with me. Mebbe that is why I still feel unproductive about all this. I don't know, I just expected to feel something different.... but I basically feel the same.

Any insight, you guys??

I've had this happen to me, too. I think maybe it's that now both of you have acknowledged your problems and perhaps realized that they're bigger than you thought they were. Now you sort of feel overwhelmed and wonder, "Ok, where do we go from here?"

For me, the reason that long talks often don't seem productive is that it seems we can talk it to death if we want, but somebody's still got to do something if we want things to get better. I always feel better knowing that both of us have a plan, rather than me just blindly trying to figure out what to do on my own. My advice is to give yourself (and Amato) a few days to think about what's been said and what the two of you can do, separately and together, to make it better. Once you have some ideas of your own, you can approach him with them. Most likely, he'll have thought of some things, too, and the two of you can combine your ideas and work through things. Best of luck to both of you.

 

[SweetGigi]

Bunny, you don't know how much your being here helping- caring- means to me. We are taking some space between us right now. I guess I can't help but feel betrayed. I feel like my world is falling apart. I also feel like the majority of my life with him has been a lie. I wonder if he has only be placating me all these years and hoping I'd grow out of this 'lifestyle'. He doesn't get that this isn't a game for me.

So what. I'm suppose to walk around pretending that I am not who I know I am inside? I'm suppose to act 'normal' and be vanilla just so I can stay with this man who turns out to not be the man I have loved for seven years? And not only all of this, but I am suppose to also give up the possibility of having children because he doesn't want them? Isn't that a little too much to ask? Is it right for him to ask these things of me to begin with? Should a person expect another to change their very fiber of being just to pretend to be happy?


I really wish some of the Doms/Dommes would chime in here. I'd really like their in put; as well as that of everyone else.

*holds back tears*

 

[BiBunny]

You're quite welcome, SG. Anything I can do, please let me know. Maybe you should start a whole new thread over in the Talk forum about the problems you're having. It might get more of a response.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bunny, you don't know how much your being here helping- caring- means to me. We are taking some space between us right now. I guess I can't help but feel betrayed. I feel like my world is falling apart. I also feel like the majority of my life with him has been a lie. I wonder if he has only be placating me all these years and hoping I'd grow out of this 'lifestyle'. He doesn't get that this isn't a game for me.

So what. I'm suppose to walk around pretending that I am not who I know I am inside? I'm suppose to act 'normal' and be vanilla just so I can stay with this man who turns out to not be the man I have loved for seven years? And not only all of this, but I am suppose to also give up the possibility of having children because he doesn't want them? Isn't that a little too much to ask? Is it right for him to ask these things of me to begin with? Should a person expect another to change their very fiber of being just to pretend to be happy?


I really wish some of the Doms/Dommes would chime in here. I'd really like their in put; as well as that of everyone else.

*holds back tears*

All I can offer is you need to look inside your own heart and decide what is right for you at this moment, and for the future. If D/s is something you cannot imagine living without, you need to acknowledge that to yourself, and then discuss it with him and be careful not to be put off by 'maybe's' or "let's see what happens' if it is meant just to keep you locked in what sounds like a relationship which is missing some fairly major needs for you. It is not going to be easy if you decide you need to part, but it is going to be harder to try and live in a relationship which does not fulfil you, and then maybe in another few years time decide it really is not for you. So many try to survive in relationships which are not meeting their needs, often because they think it is kinder to the one they love/loved...the reality is, if you no longer fulfil each other in the ways which are most important to you, staying out of obligation or guilt is also robbing that partner of a chance to rebuild and find someone they may be able to be happy with long term. To answer your lst question, no-one should ever pretend to be happy if they truly aren't....it only ends up complicating matters more and longer. Take care of you.

Catalina

 

[naxalite0906]

Bunny, you don't know how much your being here helping- caring- means to me. We are taking some space between us right now. I guess I can't help but feel betrayed. I feel like my world is falling apart. I also feel like the majority of my life with him has been a lie. I wonder if he has only be placating me all these years and hoping I'd grow out of this 'lifestyle'. He doesn't get that this isn't a game for me.

So what. I'm suppose to walk around pretending that I am not who I know I am inside? I'm suppose to act 'normal' and be vanilla just so I can stay with this man who turns out to not be the man I have loved for seven years? And not only all of this, but I am suppose to also give up the possibility of having children because he doesn't want them? Isn't that a little too much to ask? Is it right for him to ask these things of me to begin with? Should a person expect another to change their very fiber of being just to pretend to be happy?


I really wish some of the Doms/Dommes would chime in here. I'd really like their in put; as well as that of everyone else.

*holds back tears*

How I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I really am so sorry to hear what is going on.. If we ever do cross paths, I am always here to listen and talk. I just wish I could offer some useful advice I guess. Of course, I have never experienced what you are going through right now, but I have recently come out of a relationship that lasted 6 years. The one thing I did learn is that even though you have put 6 years of your life into something (which for me at the time was over 1/4 of my life!), it is better to get away from it rather than continue trying with something because you feel it is a waste to throw it all away. We were going down hill and because of the time I had put into the relationship, I was desperate to save it because I thought it would be a waste too, but this lead to so much more hurt. Yes, sure, I was hurt afterwards, and still am to an extent, but I guess in the long run the idea is I will find someone else and will be much happier. I suppose the thing you need to ask is how much you want the D/s aspect of a relationship and how much you want children, and it seems like both are very important. Are you willing to compromise those desires to be with a man you have loved for some time, but can't offer these things as much as you want them? Will you still be happy with M even without these others things in your life. I really wouldn't wish a decision like that upon anybody, but sometimes you have to face things like this and move forward in the best way you can.

I hope this made some sort of sense and helped in some way. It may not of been what you wanted to hear, but I just wanted to tell you what I have experienced and hope that it helps as you deserve to be happy

 

[nh23]

Just popping in to say Hello

 

[Phirefly]

Just popping in for a little squee!

My boyfriend, who has a dominant personality, but doesn't always feel comfortable enforcing it, went out as a surprise and bought some silk rope and a riding crop the other day!

I could not believe how excited/happy I was to feel the sting of the crop all over my body. And I'm one of those unlucky women who doesn't have orgasms from penetration, but when he was inside of me using the crop on the underside of my thighs and my belly and nipples... I got closer than I ever have before!

Squee! Please please please tie me up and spank me again!

 

[SweetGigi]

Just popping in for a little squee!

My boyfriend, who has a dominant personality, but doesn't always feel comfortable enforcing it, went out as a surprise and bought some silk rope and a riding crop the other day!

I could not believe how excited/happy I was to feel the sting of the crop all over my body. And I'm one of those unlucky women who doesn't have orgasms from penetration, but when he was inside of me using the crop on the underside of my thighs and my belly and nipples... I got closer than I ever have before!

Squee! Please please please tie me up and spank me again!

sounds like a great time!! you should take photos next time he ties you up and show yourself off!!

 

[naxalite0906]

A big hug for you gigi... I hope you are ok

 

[wenchhh]

Hi all,
It's another question from me, the newbie. Are you all sick of hearing them yet? I need to get a perspective of another sub, who has a dom, AND a husband, that are not one and the same. Just gotta run some things by someone who has been there, done that. Help!!! PS send me a pm if you don't mind?

 

[nh23]

I'm in the same situation.... what would you like to know?

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Hi all,
It's another question from me, the newbie. Are you all sick of hearing them yet? I need to get a perspective of another sub, who has a dom, AND a husband, that are not one and the same. Just gotta run some things by someone who has been there, done that. Help!!! PS send me a pm if you don't mind?

My first long term BDSM relationship was like that... I was the Dom in the equation. Ask away if you want info from my perspective...

Ooops! I don't think I'm supposed to be here.... *sneaks out again...*

 

[SweetGigi]

*grabs Geoff by the collar*



you are always welcome. there is nothing wrong with you all being here. Please feel free to answer what ever you'd like.

 

[minx1]

*grabs Geoff by the collar*



you are always welcome. there is nothing wrong with you all being here. Please feel free to answer what ever you'd like.

You got Geoff in a collar??!!! Yikes!

My, what a topsy turvy world

 

[SweetGigi]

eeerr,



I TOTALLY meant a shirt collar. Really. Seriously.


Really.



I swear.





*slinks away*

 

[minx1]

eeerr,



I TOTALLY meant a shirt collar. Really. Seriously.


Really.



I swear.





*slinks away*

*sniggers mischievously*

 

[Evil_Geoff]

minx... yer stirring up trouble, girl! What, you want a spanking?

Of course you do! But you've been naughty so, no spanking for you!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

eeerr,
I TOTALLY meant a shirt collar. Really. Seriously.
Really.
I swear.
*slinks away*

Uhhhh huh... No grabby the DomlyDom!

 

[SweetGigi]

*pouty mouth*


*innocent look*


*lick*


*straightens halo*

 

[intothewoods]

minx... yer stirring up trouble, girl! What, you want a spanking?

Of course you do! But you've been naughty so, no spanking for you!

Oh damn. Doms are getting too smart for us subbies, I think.

 

[minx1]

minx... yer stirring up trouble, girl! What, you want a spanking?

Moi sir??! Nooooooooooooooooo!
http://www.worldvillage.com/wv/cafe/download/mutlylaf.wav