Tell me about your transition from monogamy to non-monogamy or straight to bisexuality as a married/partnered couple.

[Britva415]

I bought up the subject during pillow talk, after sex with my husband. Mind you, not comprehensive sex, but sex for us, such as it was/is. And for further contex, this was after we'd gone through a period of sexless years, which I eventually took the bull by the horns to address. I learned the reason my husband lost interest was because he had developed ED.
Sooo, back to the pillow talk scene, out of the blue, I asked my husband, "How would you feel if I fucked another man?" Uh huh, I'm a pretty blunt person... & my long-term loving husband is accustomed to, & accepting of that. My husband's reply, "You're gonna do what you're gonna do." Hmmm, he knows me so well.
All my life, I felt I was monogamous, & mostly I was.... I was entirely monogamous with each of 2 husbands, & a live-in lover.
I wanted to be with just 1 lover. And my current husband always trusted me. I'm a very straight forward & honest person. He never questioned where I went or with who. I always had some male friends & project buddies, but he was never jealous or concerned.
Then suddenly I wasn't feeling monogamous anymore, because I was sexually unsatisfied, & I realized, no matter how hard I tried, it wasn't going to change... but at least we did regain & improve our physical & emotional intimacy.
A few weeks went by, & my mind was on cheating. Not for a thrill that cheating may bring some people. And then I did, & I did again, & a 3rd time. At which point I was resolved that I needed to follow-up on this with my husband. I was very tempted to tell him about my cheating, but I didn't, & looks like I won't... not unless he asks.
Discussing with my husband about our sexlife.
Hubby: "I'm sorry, there's nothing more I can do for you."
Me: "You could grant me open marriage."
Hubby: doesn't respond.
Couple weeks later, I bring it up again.
Me: "You didn't respond when I suggested you grant me open marriage."
Hubby: "I thought I did. And I that you would. And that I said it was ok."
Me: "No, you definitely did not tell me that. But you're telling me that now? You're ok with me dating, having extramarital sex, sleeping around?
Hubby: "Well, yes... if that's what you need to do."

Congratulations on having the courage to talk about it. And on having a spouse who can handle hearing it.

 

[LookN2Talk]

"It works because we do love each other and don't want to break up and don't blame each other for the sexlessness."

I like what you said here. That is an enormous key! All that rolled up into one.

We attempted this, and it didn't work. I couldn't enjoy the one-sided, empty "sex," so I finally told her I wasn't even going to do it with her anymore. (This did not upset her, go figure)

It took almost another year before she finally recognized that open marriage was the way. I didn't twist her arm into it, she figured it out for herself.

And it was just in time. She didn't know it, but I was this close to calling lawyers when she said she had reconsidered saying "no" to that.

Whew that was close. I felt that way but also knew without a doubt she was/is my best friend. Better than anyone ever before, not even a close second. I could see growing up with her as best buddies from day one and somehow wind up finding out we had best marry each other.

I assure you, I'm a wonderful wife. And honestly, his libido never matched mine. After he granted me open marriage, I think he felt relieved... or for whatever reason, he was noticeably more happy. We need to be open with each other. He loves me dearly, & he wants me to be satisfied & happy. And I estimate he received about 90 bjs over the past 6 months.

Thank you for the addition. THAT is so awesome to hear. Amazing that he seemed relieved. Another Whew! Happier, daaaannggggg, that's crazy. I grew up think there is No Way we'd ever go outside or marriage, unthinkable, but darn if it doesn't make a huge amount of sense for many. To bad libidos seldom match up or stay matched up. We should all have a knob for leveling it out. Lol

90??? Holy moly batman/woman/girl, that's the one, Batgirl! Holy moly Batgirl! So he does want and enjoy sex with you. Only not as often as you. Makes sense and sounds so much better, Whew! Wow so many whews lately.

 

[Britva415]

I felt that way but also knew without a doubt she was/is my best friend

I mean, me too, but expecting me to be celibate just wasn't acceptable.

I'm convinced we could have divorced amicably. "Best friend" afterwards? Probably not, but

 

[GoodnessO]

"It works because we do love each other and don't want to break up and don't blame each other for the sexlessness."

I like what you said here. That is an enormous key! All that rolled up into one.



Whew that was close. I felt that way but also knew without a doubt she was/is my best friend. Better than anyone ever before, not even a close second. I could see growing up with her as best buddies from day one and somehow wind up finding out we had best marry each other.


Thank you for the addition. THAT is so awesome to hear. Amazing that he seemed relieved. Another Whew! Happier, daaaannggggg, that's crazy. I grew up think there is No Way we'd ever go outside or marriage, unthinkable, but darn if it doesn't make a huge amount of sense for many. To bad libidos seldom match up or stay matched up. We should all have a knob for leveling it out. Lol

90??? Holy moly batman/woman/girl, that's the one, Batgirl! Holy moly Batgirl! So he does want and enjoy sex with you. Only not as often as you. Makes sense and sounds so much better, Whew! Wow so many whews lately.

My husband has ED, but he's not dead... LOL.

 

[abvt75]

I assure you, I'm a wonderful wife. And honestly, his libido never matched mine. After he granted me open marriage, I think he felt relieved... or for whatever reason, he was noticeably more happy. We need to be open with each other. He loves me dearly, & he wants me to be satisfied & happy. And I estimate he received about 90 bjs over the past 6 months.

@GoodnessO 180/90……… every two days

 

[GoodnessO]

@GoodnessO 180/90……… every two days

Yeah, whatever... you're looking for a sub.

 

[abvt75]

Yeah, whatever... you're looking for a sub.

@GoodnessO The right way to say it would be a willing submissive. Submission has to be by choice, its not the deal breaker.

 

[GoodnessO]

@GoodnessO The right way to say it would be a willing submissive. Submission has to be by choice, its not the deal breaker.

Uh huh. Like I said, yeah, whatever.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I assure you, I'm a wonderful wife. And honestly, his libido never matched mine. After he granted me open marriage, I think he felt relieved... or for whatever reason, he was noticeably more happy. We need to be open with each other. He loves me dearly, & he wants me to be satisfied & happy. And I estimate he received about 90 bjs over the past 6 months.

That’s about 180days, so, a bj ever second day, more or less!

I love the idea of open relationships, but this, if definitively an added benefit!

May you forever be sexually satiated.

 

[BiWifeMyrtleBeach]

In our case, I was already bisexual when my husband Jon and I met. I made a mistake in my previous relationship by hiding the fact from my then boyfriend and when I told him to say he "flipped out" was an understatement. Needless to say things ended quickly.

I determined that if I met another guy I liked, I would be upfront with him about it. After I met Jon, I think it was during the third or fourth time we had sex, I told him about my interest in women as well. OMG did I ever think he was going to fuck me through the bed! That in turn led a few months later to our first threesome with another woman but it was a few years at his urging we brought a second man into bed with us.

We both learned early on we were both highly sexual people with diverse interests in the bedroom. The lifestyle may not be for everyone, but for us it has worked. We have been married for 35 years and still as horny as the early twenties couple we were when we met.

 

[JohnyJ09]

Our transition to non-monogamy came from my realization that the woman who is now my wife, would probably never be able to truly remain faithful. We broke up twice, both times due to her cheating. We reconciled both times obviously, but after the second reconciliation, I not only realized that she would likely cheat again in the future, but also that I actually enjoyed it. So, as part of our reconciliation, I suggested to her that rather than her have to sneak around and me have to harbor secret desires, we might as well try something different and it turned out to be the key to our happiness.

Through our exploration of non-monogamy, I found myself sometimes fantasizing about some of the men that I would share her with. More specifically, I fantasized about playing with their cock and sucking cock. I opened up to my wife about it, and she was not only understanding, but also encouraging. In fact, she's the one who made my first experience sucking cock happened and made me feel comfortable enough to continue doing it. I've never gone beyond oral nor do I have any desire to, but it became something that I absolutely enjoy doing, and that my wife enjoys watching me do as well.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Our transition to non-monogamy came from my realization that the woman who is now my wife, would probably never be able to truly remain faithful. We broke up twice, both times due to her cheating. We reconciled both times obviously, but after the second reconciliation, I not only realized that she would likely cheat again in the future, but also that I actually enjoyed it. So, as part of our reconciliation, I suggested to her that rather than her have to sneak around and me have to harbor secret desires, we might as well try something different and it turned out to be the key to our happiness.

Through our exploration of non-monogamy, I found myself sometimes fantasizing about some of the men that I would share her with. More specifically, I fantasized about playing with their cock and sucking cock. I opened up to my wife about it, and she was not only understanding, but also encouraging. In fact, she's the one who made my first experience sucking cock happened and made me feel comfortable enough to continue doing it. I've never gone beyond oral nor do I have any desire to, but it became something that I absolutely enjoy doing, and that my wife enjoys watching me do as well.

Hey, don’t be a glutton, share the cock with your wife!

In all seriousness, how wonderful for you two!

 

[Vitriolhack]

In our case, I was already bisexual when my husband Jon and I met. I made a mistake in my previous relationship by hiding the fact from my then boyfriend and when I told him to say he "flipped out" was an understatement. Needless to say things ended quickly.

I determined that if I met another guy I liked, I would be upfront with him about it. After I met Jon, I think it was during the third or fourth time we had sex, I told him about my interest in women as well. OMG did I ever think he was going to fuck me through the bed! That in turn led a few months later to our first threesome with another woman but it was a few years at his urging we brought a second man into bed with us.

We both learned early on we were both highly sexual people with diverse interests in the bedroom. The lifestyle may not be for everyone, but for us it has worked. We have been married for 35 years and still as horny as the early twenties couple we were when we met.

Although hard, even very hard, sometimes we get lucky and find the person that is totally adjusted to our particular needs.

Really glad you found yours!

Would love to read that story on lit!