The appeal of being cuckolded?

[Lifestyle66]

It's kinky and fun for me to have a power exchange dynamic at times, and I'm a switch so I like it both ways, lol.

I totally get being turned off by it though.

For me, power struggles or humiliation is a turn-off. I prefer a strong woman who enjoys sex and knows what she wants. But the husband has to be equally strong and not judgmental or controlling (tough enough to NOT be controlled, so they're equals.)

But we each have our own triggers and kinks for whatever reason.

I've come to realize that people are who they are, and no one person is absolutely right in trying to dictate how others should enjoy their own life. Everyone has a story to tell, and they aren't wrong ... just different.

 

[JuanaSalsa]

For me, power struggles or humiliation is a turn-off. I prefer a strong woman who enjoys sex and knows what she wants.

I am a strong woman who enjoys sex and knows what I want, and part of that is power struggle and degradation. Just pointing it out because when you say you "prefer" right after this sentence it sounds like you're implying the two are mutually exclusive.

I think there is a pretty significant different between humiliation and degradation, but I'm not going into that now.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I am a strong woman who enjoys sex and knows what I want, and part of that is power struggle and degradation. Just pointing it out because when you say you "prefer" right after this sentence it sounds like you're implying the two are mutually exclusive.

I think there is a pretty significant different between humiliation and degradation, but I'm not going into that now.

In my stories, I try to build the strong female going after what she wants. I try to get the reader to understand she's not doing it to degrade or humiliate her husband, and her husband is free to do as he chooses, too. She just gets what she wants ... and she takes care of her husband, too.

I think I did my best job yet in developing her character in my Valentine's Day story "The Real Gift: Her Fantasy". I posted that in Loving Wives, and it's now rated 3.41, even WITH the wife sucking and fucking two other guys in front of her husband! That has to be a record for the BTB lovers!

 

[oneagainst]

If you want to read a really good story series about a relationship (that's much more BDSM coded than cuckoldry coded) becoming female-led, oneagainst's Alena's Game is really solid

Thanks for the shout out, appreciated. Hopefully it was clear (in the last chapter) what cuckolding meant for the main characters - which is a thing I think gets overlooked sometimes: that it's the idea of your partner being free to do it that's enough, that if it's the humiliation aspect that fires you up, then actually going through with it is potentially unnecessary. Just being powerless to watch your SO flirt etc. and never being sure they'll pull back from going through with it is enough.

 

[NoTalentHack]

Thanks for the shout out, appreciated. Hopefully it was clear (in the last chapter) what cuckolding meant for the main characters - which is a thing I think gets overlooked sometimes: that it's the idea of your partner being free to do it that's enough, that if it's the humiliation aspect that fires you up, then actually going through with it is potentially unnecessary. Just being powerless to watch your SO flirt etc. and never being sure they'll pull back from going through with it is enough.

It was. But because a lot of it was about how much the pain/humiliation drove him, I felt it was kind of a good intro to that, with a realistic take on “yes, these people love each other, they’re just kind of fucked from an outsider standpoint, but it’s what works for them.”

 

[NoJo]

I think there is a pretty significant different between humiliation and degradation, but I'm not going into that now.

I'm unclear on the distinction -- do you mean that the words have distinct meanings in the BDSM scene, or just to you?

 

[JuanaSalsa]

I'm unclear on the distinction -- do you mean that the words have distinct meanings in the BDSM scene, or just to you?

Words have distinct meanings in the BDSM scene, but not everyone agrees specifically on the exact division.

Here's my explanation:

Degradation is shame based on social expectations, humiliation is shame based on personal expectations.

The same external actions can satisfy either bucket. I can get sexual arousal from degradation (verbal slurs, piss/spit on, etc), but I don't get it from humiliation (criticism of things I actually feel bad about). However, I can do humiliation scenes that are healing, but there is no sex involved and its an intense cathartic process that requires a ton of trust.

I hope that helps?

 

[nice90sguy]

Degradation is shame based on social expectations, humiliation is shame based on personal expectations.

Ok. Humiliate means literally , "to lower someone, towards the earth (humus)", while "degrade" is kind of obvious.

Looks to me that degradation, the way you use it, is more of a physical thing, and humiliation is more psychological.

My own submissive fantasies aren't aligned in any way with your two definitions. Some of the things (like cuckolding, verbal slurs) are complete turn-off to me, while others get me hard, but it's not a case of "I like degradation but not humiliation", or vice versa.

 

[JuanaSalsa]

Ok. Humiliate means literally , "to lower someone, towards the earth (humus)", while "degrade" is kind of obvious.

Looks to me that degradation, the way you use it, is more of a physical thing, and humiliation is more psychological.

My own submissive fantasies aren't aligned in any way with your two definitions. Some of the things (like cuckolding, verbal slurs) are complete turn-off to me, while others get me hard, but it's not a case of "I like degradation but not humiliation", or vice versa.

Many people simplify degradation to physical and humiliation to verbal. However, that's just incidental.

By another definition (from rhymezone) degradation means to reduce in worth or character while humiliation means to cause to feel shame.

In order to feel shame, I must personally be ashamed of the action. However, degradation does not require me to feel shame. I just enjoy the taboo of it.

Some people would feel shame at being made to, for example, wash feet, it's a physical action but it means something deeply personal to them. This is why humiliation is dangerous territory to mess around in while degradation is relatively harmless.

 

[XerXesXu]

Degradation is shame based on social expectations, humiliation is shame based on personal expectations.

The same external actions can satisfy either bucket. I can get sexual arousal from degradation (verbal slurs, piss/spit on, etc), but I don't get it from humiliation (criticism of things I actually feel bad about). However, I can do humiliation scenes that are healing, but there is no sex involved and its an intense cathartic process that requires a ton of trust.

I hope that helps?

It helps me. That's a rational, understandable and useful distinction.

 

[gordo12]

I don't like the Cuck with humiliation kind of stories. For years I watched the word creep into the swinger's forums and participated in a lot of the arguments that went with that. It pissed me off. Swinging is not cucking! Compersion is the word...a total lack of jealousy over your mate.

But it made me curious. I started reading in cuck forums, studying the psychology. It all culminated in "Cuck Delusions" a story I wrote a while back that got "mixed" reception on LW. 2200 words it's worth a read because it delves into the mind of a cuck. Or at least the fantasies a lot express online. I do wonder though how many of them would embrace the concept if it actually happened.
https://www.literotica.com/s/cuck-delusions