The beauty of submissive men

[WeepingSong]

Yeah, I think a submissive actually holds a large amount of power, in that they have the power to give/withdraw their submission. The 'continual seduction' by the Domme is a good turn of phrase, as she hopefully acts in a way that means the sub is happy to keep on giving his submission to her.

Maybe this could be by acting cold at times, within the realms of the relationship this could be what works. I imagine that will be different for everyone. But even by being cold, it's possibly giving the sub what he wants so he yearns to make you warm towards him again.

Or something like that!

 

[Touch_72]

Yeah, I think a submissive actually holds a large amount of power, in that they have the power to give/withdraw their submission.

I think it misses the point to see it that way... as power. It's not about power or the demands of the sub holding their submission over head. That falls way off the mark.

It's about choice, not power. Subs have the choice inherent in consent, but to see that choice as power or a bargaining chip... that misses the dynamic.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I think it misses the point to see it that way... as power. It's not about power or the demands of the sub holding their submission over head. That falls way off the mark.

It's about choice, not power. Subs have the choice inherent in consent, but to see that choice as power or a bargaining chip... that misses the dynamic.

agreed.

when it gets to that point, I think the trust and intimacy foundational to the relationship is being compromised.

 

[kindlykinky]

Love the conversations in here.

 

[WeepingSong]

I think it misses the point to see it that way... as power. It's not about power or the demands of the sub holding their submission over head. That falls way off the mark.

It's about choice, not power. Subs have the choice inherent in consent, but to see that choice as power or a bargaining chip... that misses the dynamic.

You're right, that was the wrong turn of phrase. I definitely didn't mean to imply that subs can use their submission as a bargaining chip, as as you put, it completely misses the point.

I was just meaning to say that I agreed with the idea that it is in the context of each individual relationship how it happens, in some it may be more sensual, it some colder, whatever dynamic works for those people, but in all of them, in different ways, the Domme is seducing the sub into continually giving his submission.

 

[Touch_72]

I was just meaning to say that I agreed with the idea that it is in the context of each individual relationship how it happens, in some it may be more sensual, it some colder, whatever dynamic works for those people, but in all of them, in different ways, the Domme is seducing the sub into continually giving his submission.

Yup. Actively or passively.

Some people are attracted to the cold, too.

 

[eroticspank]

Well said again

I don't know that "continually seduce" necessarily means a constant flow of sensual seduction. I'm not sure whoever first said it meant it quite that way.

I think the overall point being made, at lest in how I read it, is that there is a reason that the sub chooses that Dom(me) and a reason the sub stays with that Dom(me). It's because of something about that D that brings about (ie. seduces from) that sub the desire to serve that particular D, right?

I think sensuality plays big role in it for most to at least some degree - something, after all, sexualizes the relationship somewhere along the line, doesn't it? That's an active form of seduction as we picture it, but not all things that "seduce" us are things actively done by the other person or even intentionally sexual. It's possible to be seduced by a person's character... their poise or air about them... a sleepy tousled look in the morning... different things. So, in some cases, "continually seducing" simply means being true to whatever it is the sub sees in you, whether that includes any active seduction or not.

Once again I completely agree with this above. I think it is very important that the seduction and or sensuality does not have to accompany ANY actions by the Domme, it can be just her being herself. At some point they will end up in the bedroom and again her actions the way she does them, how she does them can be all part of the sub falling for the Domme, her body, her mind, her personality.

However, I do see how this natural sequence of events has been taken out of context, perhaps by the media, and the focus becomes specific acts in the bedroom to cause the sub to submit. The translation becomes IF you don't do these things in the bedroom to your sub, your are not a true Domme. Or a sub comes up to a Domme handing her a "list" of things he would like to see done that will result in his submission. WTF?

Example: I watch 9 1/2 weeks and think I can get any woman to submit to me if I blindfold her and feed her various foods. There is a lot more to that movie than just the "acts" in the bedroom. A good understanding of that, and oneself is what is important.

It is all about the mind, chemistry, and the wonderful connection of two people on that level. Once that happens the bedroom stuff is just the consummation of that relationship, increasing the bonds, closeness. But it still is a big part of the dance.


ES

 

[tanyachrs]

To me it's like "I'll only love you if". Granted that love and submission should come after some trust and time and intimacy, once given they should be given without the constant threat of revocation. I submit when you convince me to do so.

Obviously I'm talking about LTR here not two strangers negotiating a bedroom scene.

 

[Touch_72]

To me it's like "I'll only love you if". Granted that love and submission should come after some trust and time and intimacy, once given they should be given without the constant threat of revocation. I submit when you convince me to do so.

Obviously I'm talking about LTR here not two strangers negotiating a bedroom scene.

I get what you're saying, but I think you're seeing the quote as coming from the same place that WeepingSong's post mis-spoke... "the power in the hands of the sub." In other words, the threat or leverage of it akin to "I'll only love you IF," which brings about demand and condition.

I'm not talking about demands and conditions. I'm not talking about an "I'll only love you if." It's not about demands, conditions, threat of revocation and power for the sub... not about things held over the other's head... it's just simply... choice.

A sub does not wield choice as a weapon or threaten with it, but just like any relationship... it's just simply there. Isn't that what "consent" means? I'm sure you believe that consent CAN be revoked at any point... that the sub has the option to use a safe word to stop play... that a sub can always choose to leave an arrangement for whatever personal reasons the sub may have, right? These things have nothing to do with threat, so let's not make them about threat... choice is just simply there... and if there is no choice to leave or stop or pause, then is it healthy?

Why make the quote about threats or power? It just points out one fact...

There is a reason a sub enters into things... gives consent... CHOOSES. And the nature of that relationship being consensual means that that is a constant choice motivated by some factor... something about the Domme... something in the relationship...

...something that "seduces" them in the sense that it gives the relationship meaning to them.

 

[Veroe]

Its also important to remember that sensuality is a broad subject that means different things to different people.

Also I think that there's a misconception that sensuality must therefore mean softness on the part of the domme. That's not true. I feel it's entirely possible for a domme to keep a hard edge to the scene while exercising her sensuality.

What I was asking was how important a tool is it to a Domme?

About the subject of seduction: One of my favorite authors said that in erotica any scene with kink should be written as if it was a seduction to keep a level of tension that propels the plot forward. Otherwise the plot gets shed just as quickly as an article of clothing and the rest no matter how hot is just wasting your readers time.

 

[Veroe]

Interesting.

care to share which author?

It was an interview with Tiffany Reisz.

 

[tanyachrs]

Veroe, have you read Linger by Lauren Jameson? It's basically the same book as Natural Law but if you liked one, you'd like the other.

Also, some guys have PMd me and although I don't want to be impolite, I'm involved with someone and don't want to even start down the road of personal correspondence with another guy. I'm happy to talk here if there are questions or comments.

On that note, guys who run are hot, but I'll tell you something about guys who climb: climbing is a very small world. I'd be careful.

 

[tanyachrs]

Seduction: as an author it's vital. As a person, it's fun but tiring. Perhaps that's why I reacted to the idea of constant seduction. Sometimes we just want to kick back and be served, yes?

 

[Veroe]

Veroe, have you read Linger by Lauren Jameson? It's basically the same book as Natural Law but if you liked one, you'd like the other.

Ooh I'll check that out as soon as I get enough money. I just bought one from Joey Hill and another Tiffany Reisz one coming out at the end of March I've been looking forward to.

Seduction: as an author it's vital. As a person, it's fun but tiring. Perhaps that's why I reacted to the idea of constant seduction. Sometimes we just want to kick back and be served, yes?

Ask your significant other what about you he finds seductive in a session and I bet you'll find he says its a lot of is the normal stuff you always do and don't even think about.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Yeah, a lot of the seduction that women do, they aren't even aware of it at times, I think. My boss is like that. She has a very seductive manner, just by little things like her laugh and the look that she gets on her face when she is very excited. Another of my colleagues, one of the greeters at the store, has a simple, very beautiful, if shy smile. It's the sort of smile that sets every one of my nerve endings on fire. And there is the cage girl, who jokes around in a very lively manner as well as being rather nerdy in a way that is a real turn-on. With my wife, it's her pout and pleading voice.

I don't know if they're Dom, sub, switch, or vanilla, but they are all definitely seductive.

 

[pensivepoet]

Oh, imho, they're ALWAYS aware of it.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Who knows? Maybe so.

 

[tanyachrs]

Ooh I'll check that out as soon as I get enough money. I just bought one from Joey Hill and another Tiffany Reisz one coming out at the end of March I've been looking forward to.

Let me know if you like one. We seem to have similar tastes. The vampire one was too vampire for me but ok otherwise. I might get the next one in the series for lack of other options.

 

[Torinona]

The beauty of submissive men...

from my perspective, as I'm a switch... for me as much as I find a man incredibly manly when he's topping or dominating me... there is also an incredibly manliness in having a man give me his gift of submission... that quote about weakness not having anything to do with softness is sooo very spot-on.

 

[Veroe]

Let me know if you like one. We seem to have similar tastes. The vampire one was too vampire for me but ok otherwise. I might get the next one in the series for lack of other options.

Try her nature of desire series or knights of the boardroom series then, no vampires, but just as hot bdsm action.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

from my perspective, as I'm a switch... for me as much as I find a man incredibly manly when he's topping or dominating me... there is also an incredibly manliness in having a man give me his gift of submission... that quote about weakness not having anything to do with softness is sooo very spot-on.

As a male switch, I appreciate this a lot.

 

[sereneone4u]

Does it necessarily have one? No, not necessarily. Dominance and submission is the dynamic... whether there's sensuality in it or not, specifically, is an option... and, of course, I'm pretty sure most like for it to be there in one form or another!

I really, really like a quote Serene put up and I've commented on it a few times. I don't remember the exact wording, but it describes a Dom's role as involving the "continual seduction" of the sub's willingness to submit. It was an eye opener for me because it points to the fact that submission is a continually voluntary act of consent.

So, with that in mind, sensuality would play a big role in that "continual seduction" for many people, right? Perhaps not for everyone because each person may have their own motivating factors when it comes to moving into or staying in a D/s dynamic, but I'd wager sensuality plays a big role for most.

For me, yes. I'm not looking for the cold.

I remember that quote and think on it often.

 

[sereneone4u]

http://40.media.tumblr.com/60cf4b1a8f1207ea85f4ae9e84a8b603/tumblr_nbjy7fqkzE1trbpw0o1_500.jpg

I think this is something interesting to contemplate when thinking about dominant women.

Love this.

 

[Touch_72]

I remember that quote and think on it often.

Found the corner I've been hiding out in, didja?

Yes, that quote definitely opened my eyes and made a mark on how I look at things.

 

[tanyachrs]

Try her nature of desire series or knights of the boardroom series then, no vampires, but just as hot bdsm action.

Switchy, are you? I'm only looking for femdom right now but I bought the gay male Nature of Desire one to try. At least it has a male sub.