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The beauty of submissive men

i_love_myself76 said:
As a femdom it isnt about pain or punishments. It is about trust and control, atleast for me. I just wish that some guys would get that. I had one sub who turned on me and tried to hurt me because he thought I was only playing at being a dom and I really wanted him to take over. Getting tazzed did wonders for him. And I let all the others in our group to watch themselves.
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That is sad he turned on you.

However, even in D/s play the normal dynamics and needs in a relationship are still there. I am trying not to offend anyone here so I use the word "normal" for lack of a better word and I will try to speak in general terms. Example: Women need to feel cared for, safe, secure, and in stable home/relationship. (Not true for everyone, just in general and a example.) Next is how are those needs met in a D/s relationship when the woman takes control? In some cases it is as simple as the woman just takes control in the bedroom. There are many answers or ways these needs can be met. The key IS that they are met as well as the needs for the man--which don't need to be mentioned here--for a relationship to flourish.

I am certainly no expert, but every time I read about a D/s relationship or talk to a couple that have achieved a good relationship with D/s play as their focus they have done the above. I enjoy interpersonal dynamics so when I talk to these couples or read their posts my mind see the needs and how they are met, each couple doing it differently but it is very cool.

ES
 
Veroe said:
That echoes my own tastes in the power dynamic. I'm not really into the degradation or feminization or any of that stuff. (Not saying for those that get aroused from that don't have value-just saying that's not me)

I always thought of a domme as something like an expert racecar driver and the guy is the Ferrari or Bugatti or Lamborghini or any other exquisitely made supercar only she can make reach its maximum potential on the track.

The dynamic between domme and sub I would want is best summed up in one passage in one of my favorite books on the subject.

"Has no woman ever mastered you? Taught you to respond to her slighties touch upon your mouth, guiding your head? Made you give her everything, letting her ride you past the endurance of your great heart? Like a stallion trained to go on until you'd let it explode in your chest rather than fail her."

"That what you're fixing to do love?" He managed hoarsely. "Ride me to the end?"

"No," she said softly. "I want to be certain you'll go that far, if I demand it."

~Joey W. Hill-Vampire's Claim: page 39~​
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Very good words indeed...we are on the same page regarding the power dynamic. It is about finding a woman that craves that kind of control and power. In some cases even the pain is more about control and pushing the sub than the act that the Domme finds erotic.

I like the analogy of the race car, getting every once of performance out of it. I also like the Bull Fight analogy. I feel like most men are this gigantic bull with all this testosterone and sexually energy. When we see a woman in red we go crazy and charge! The Domme is the great bull fighter and pulls the red dress out of the way at the last second, getting us to charge, and charge again until we are exhausted. Then she sticks us in the heart with her own arrow, causing us to follow her, taming us to her needs. The sexual energy and strength is still there, just under her guidance and control. She mounts and rides at will.

ES
 
i_love_myself76 said:
Of course I might be dominate but the true power is in my sub . They know i will only go as far as they can handle.
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But I wonder if the sub sees that as "power"? I imagine most subs see it as safety. Subs are not turned on by power, having it or using it. Now I can't speak for every sub out there, but in general I am thinking subs like the idea the Domme will only go as far as they can handle. It certainly works for me. I would never abuse the "safe word" just to show the Domme I can make her stop. It is more about me not using the safe word and making it to thresholds and areas I have never been to before...led by my Domme. The more I trust her, the further I go without ever using the safe word. I want to be led into areas I have never been before, because it will please her and it is progress for me.

I think it is all in the mind and how you think about things. Two women are both on their knees giving their man a BJ. One sees this act as a way of pleasing her man, she feels submissive in the act. The other sees it as giving her power over her bf and feels powerful and dominant in the act. It is the same act, just each woman is thinking about it differently.

ES
 
eroticspank said:
But I wonder if the sub sees that as "power"? I imagine most subs see it as safety. Subs are not turned on by power, having it or using it. Now I can't speak for every sub out there, but in general I am thinking subs like the idea the Domme will only go as far as they can handle. It certainly works for me. I would never abuse the "safe word" just to show the Domme I can make her stop. It is more about me not using the safe word and making it to thresholds and areas I have never been to before...led by my Domme. The more I trust her, the further I go without ever using the safe word. I want to be led into areas I have never been before, because it will please her and it is progress for me.

I think it is all in the mind and how you think about things. Two women are both on their knees giving their man a BJ. One sees this act as a way of pleasing her man, she feels submissive in the act. The other sees it as giving her power over her bf and feels powerful and dominant in the act. It is the same act, just each woman is thinking about it differently.

ES
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I like this post, and it brings to mind the discussion of being a top vs being a dominant, its not just what you do, but the mental reasons behind it that are also important.
 
Thinking?

eroticspank said:
But I wonder if the sub sees that as "power"? I imagine most subs see it as safety. Subs are not turned on by power, having it or using it. Now I can't speak for every sub out there, but in general I am thinking subs like the idea the Domme will only go as far as they can handle. It certainly works for me. I would never abuse the "safe word" just to show the Domme I can make her stop. It is more about me not using the safe word and making it to thresholds and areas I have never been to before...led by my Domme. The more I trust her, the further I go without ever using the safe word. I want to be led into areas I have never been before, because it will please her and it is progress for me.

I think it is all in the mind and how you think about things. Two women are both on their knees giving their man a BJ. One sees this act as a way of pleasing her man, she feels submissive in the act. The other sees it as giving her power over her bf and feels powerful and dominant in the act. It is the same act, just each woman is thinking about it differently.

ES
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sissy for the most part agrees with this. :)
As a sissy, which is a sub, the trust in your Dom is what matters, there is no power just nature. sissy has never used the safe word in 20 years. :D
The big difference, sissy does not think, sissy follows the natural feeling. :nana:
sissy :heart: Her and will do anything She ask. This is where the trust is She "ask"; She does not command. She knows sissy will do what ever She ask because sissy trust Her and :heart: Her fully. She also understands the amount of will it takes for sissy to want to please Her for this trust without sissy thinking. :rose:
 
amylin456 said:
Enjoyable days ?
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Oh yes :) Sadly, I don't remember specifics, but we were in love, horny, and happy to try everything. I tied him up, he tied me up - fun all around.

The only moderately interesting story I have involves a later boyfriend and a lost handcuff key. :) Fortunately they were cheapo generics, and my roommate's key fit.
 
Wow... it's been so long since I've been here or posted on this thread (I mostly hang out of Fetlife now) - but this thread was the start of me realizing that I could be a dominant woman my way and still be myself.
 
Erochic said:
Wow... it's been so long since I've been here or posted on this thread (I mostly hang out of Fetlife now) - but this thread was the start of me realizing that I could be a dominant woman my way and still be myself.
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Welcome back! Your comments and thoughts have been a treasure to read. I feel like now you have more permanently moved into the Dominant role or at least it is much easier to be in that role.

ES
 
eroticspank said:
Welcome back! Your comments and thoughts have been a treasure to read. I feel like now you have more permanently moved into the Dominant role or at least it is much easier to be in that role.

ES
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Ah... it's not as easy as that. I read back on this thread and I marvel at my optimism.
Life is messy and even though I am much much more comfortable with identifying as dominant I've realised that I am a kind of switch between dominant and vanilla. I got very sick of men pushing their kinks on me. I even tried going back into vanilla dating so I could go out on real dates and talk about regular things.
 
To add though - trying to go to dating vanilla made me realise that I couldn't do it anymore. The vanilla dates went nowhere, and I've found myself now with two BDSM play partners/subs ... a man and a woman.
 
Erochic said:
To add though - trying to go to dating vanilla made me realise that I couldn't do it anymore. The vanilla dates went nowhere, and I've found myself now with two BDSM play partners/subs ... a man and a woman.
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Well let me just say to you and your play partners, good luck and happiness exploring yourselves together, Erochic.
 
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