The Confessional

[Rayne_Clowd]

I confess that I am angry right now and although some of it may be miss placed I cant help but feel this way.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

Oh I know my place, dear.

Ha!

*gropes Angel, licks Vail, winks at Dr. J, blows a kiss at Sixxy, swats Rayne and staggers out*

 

[Vail_Indigo]

WhoWhatWhere????

 

[Dr_James]

Ha!

*gropes Angel, licks Vail, winks at Dr. J, blows a kiss at Sixxy, swats Rayne and staggers out*

Hmmm...So unpredictable...

 

[Ausus_girl13]

WhoWhatWhere????

*gropes vail's ass from the aether* Mmm...

Hmmm...So unpredictable...

Why do I get the feeling that you are trying to figure me out? Good luck with that.

 

[Vail_Indigo]

*gropes vail's ass from the aether* Mmm...



Why do I get the feeling that you are trying to figure me out? Good luck with that.

groans like the needful bitch she is

 

[Dr_James]

*gropes vail's ass from the aether* Mmm...



Why do I get the feeling that you are trying to figure me out? Good luck with that.

Because I am. I can't help myself.

 

[Miss Sixxy]

blows Ausus a kiss back

no ass smack tonight?

grins

 

[Miss Sixxy]

Because I am. I can't help myself.

nods head

he can't help himself....trust me

 

[Ausus_girl13]

blows Ausus a kiss back

no ass smack tonight?

grins

Runs back in... rears back and swats Sixxy's ass

Say it!

runs back out.

And stop trying to draw me in!!! I can't be here!

 

[Miss Sixxy]

Runs back in... rears back and swats Sixxy's ass

Say it!

runs back out.

And stop trying to draw me in!!! I can't be here!

giggles and wiggles her hips

I am fucking sexxy!

 

[dragonrazor]

I confess that something about THIS image stirs my loins at the moment.

 

[Powerdog16]

I confess that of late I have had to deal with a wide variety of issues of late, mostly real life... some online... I realize there are some things that are more important that what goes on inside lit. I confess that I have stepped back from lit to take a snap shot of those important things and have made some major decisions which will effect me in both negative and positive ways. Some decisions I have made are already known and hissed at here on lit. Others... will soon be known. In any case, I am taking a break from lit ... at least for this coming weekend.

I am going to go to Dragon Con. I am going to try and seduce Marina Sirtis into sleeping with me... with my dashing smile and bald head, I think I stand a pretty good chance. LOL.

I confess that I have made some realizations about lit. I am a man who like to talk through my problems. Discuss them rationally. Shave emotions, attitude, anger and fear out of it. That is home I am ... in the real world. Unfortunately, that is not what lit is all about.

It has come to my attention that people in general believe that who ever yells the loudest is right on lit... irregardless of reason, ration, or thought. 'I SCREAM LOUDEST! I WIN!' mindset has been so prevolent in the past that it kind of makes me fill out of place. I realize that here, all people have are the keyboards and words to use so I guess it is not much of a surprise to me.

So with all this out of my system... I confess that emotionally charged individuals... make me feel like walking on eggshells. I need people around me that are logical, rational, and open minded. I have spent way too long walking on eggshells on lit and I am done with it. I thought I could handle it. I thought I could give it the good gung ho! I failed. I could not brush away that feeling... whether those emotions were good... or bad... I still walked on eggshells. It was not that way in the beginning... but as the days wore on... the feeling grew and I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Whether they believe it or not, I am sorry... deeply sorry to those I have hurt in the past... but the actions I have done... I had to do for me.

I confess... that I am also hurt that any anger that was aimed at me was brought into public eye by against. I am sorry to all of you that have had to tolerate and deal with yet another drama match. It was not my doing. Had it been my choice, this would had stayed in the privacy of PM's.

Finally, I confess that I believe too many people take Literotica as the bible and live there lives through this site. As great as this site is, I have to point out that this site is just a website. It is not real life. Get off the computers... get away from the desks and laptops, go outside with your sons and daughters, friends and family and play. This site is all pretend. This site is here for fun... it is not real life... no matter how badly one might want it to be.

I confess... this PD... is out!

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

I confess that of late I have had to deal with a wide variety of issues of late, mostly real life... some online... I realize there are some things that are more important that what goes on inside lit. I confess that I have stepped back from lit to take a snap shot of those important things and have made some major decisions which will effect me in both negative and positive ways. Some decisions I have made are already known and hissed at here on lit. Others... will soon be known. In any case, I am taking a break from lit ... at least for this coming weekend.

I am going to go to Dragon Con. I am going to try and seduce Marina Sirtis into sleeping with me... with my dashing smile and bald head, I think I stand a pretty good chance. LOL.

I confess that I have made some realizations about lit. I am a man who like to talk through my problems. Discuss them rationally. Shave emotions, attitude, anger and fear out of it. That is home I am ... in the real world. Unfortunately, that is not what lit is all about.

It has come to my attention that people in general believe that who ever yells the loudest is right on lit... irregardless of reason, ration, or thought. 'I SCREAM LOUDEST! I WIN!' mindset has been so prevolent in the past that it kind of makes me fill out of place. I realize that here, all people have are the keyboards and words to use so I guess it is not much of a surprise to me.

So with all this out of my system... I confess that emotionally charged individuals... make me feel like walking on eggshells. I need people around me that are logical, rational, and open minded. I have spent way too long walking on eggshells on lit and I am done with it. I thought I could handle it. I thought I could give it the good gung ho! I failed. I could not brush away that feeling... whether those emotions were good... or bad... I still walked on eggshells. It was not that way in the beginning... but as the days wore on... the feeling grew and I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Whether they believe it or not, I am sorry... deeply sorry to those I have hurt in the past... but the actions I have done... I had to do for me.

I confess... that I am also hurt that any anger that was aimed at me was brought into public eye by against. I am sorry to all of you that have had to tolerate and deal with yet another drama match. It was not my doing. Had it been my choice, this would had stayed in the privacy of PM's.

Finally, I confess that I believe too many people take Literotica as the bible and live there lives through this site. As great as this site is, I have to point out that this site is just a website. It is not real life. Get off the computers... get away from the desks and laptops, go outside with your sons and daughters, friends and family and play. This site is all pretend. This site is here for fun... it is not real life... no matter how badly one might want it to be.

I confess... this PD... is out!

I confess that I read this and realize I should let it go but am totally weak to my emotions and can't. I am a real person with thoughts, feelings, fears, opinions and questions, So I voiced them.

You can scorn me for that if you wish. I have always treated everyone as a person first and foremost and text on a screen second, that may seem odd to you but I do not see a computer screen or a keyboard as a reason to be an ass and go against who I am as a person. We also webcamed, voiced chatted, emailed and IMed on a regular basis, so it was hardly confined to just the TEXT based interactions.

All I see from your post is more cowardly actions and you side stepping your blame and wrong doings. I see most of what you have written as hypocritical and exactly what you are accusing others of and claiming to be against. I see this whole post as you trying to play the victim card and trying to place the blame on the shoulders of me while side stepping any of the load yourself.

I am emotional, I am passionate, I am a person who speaks her mind and wears her heart on her sleeve and I am honest about how I feel......this has never been any different and use to be something you embraced about me and claimed you never wanted to change. Anyone that knows me realizes this is part of who I am online or offline it is no different.

You never wanting it to change that about me is the bullshit part, because you only didn't want to change it, So long as I toed the line and never questioned anything you did even if it made me feel like crap or some cheap toy. It was only when your actions where questioned as a master and dom that you walked on egg shells and could not handle or stand up to the pressure. It was only when you lacked the ability to be in total control that you lost it and walked on your self induced egg shells.

What I don't get is these erratic mood swings.....one day I am someone you do not want to loose and you care about and always want to wear your collar that you claim to love....then your distant when support is greatly needed.......then you don't want to be my master any more and can not do it (no reason given you left it at that)......then you basically lash out and abuse me and blame me for it all.......then you email wanting to be friends one day and always cherishing what we had......then your little forum jabs and now this? And yet sit on a high horse and call me emotional like you are not capable of it.

You now claim this to be JUST a site and just for for fun, if this had of been your actions and words over the last months, half the issues would not have existed. You are just as guilty as anyone else I know who has, of stepping past that magical lit barrier and making it part of the real world. You were also fine with that unless it contradicted your desire and your need at the time.

Your being a hypocrite with your carefully worded post that anyone with half a brain reads and realizes that its hypocritical and a total sling at me...your scorning something and then doing it yourself all the while trying to claim to be the better bigger person.

As for things being kept private.....again I tried that, you chose to ignore and not respond and not answer to anything or discuss it, but enjoyed your little jabs and suddenly making yourself very seen around the boards after months of basically being a tiny blip on anyone's radar. You also would not answer any notes from me but would take the time to send pm's to others stating for them to look after me until you return, like I am some toy you can put down and pick up at whim.

So I vented to my friends and to anyone else who cared to read what I posted. I never asked them to choose a side or to comment, I don't even think I mentioned your name. I simply got it out of my head so I could deal with it. Again I have never been any different, its not the first time I have vented about something on lit and I doubt it will be the last. I was seeking closure I got it where I could find it.

The bottom line is if you are not blameless and as someone who claimed to be my best friend, my lover and my master you shoulder far more responsibility then you are willing to claim. You had a duty of care to your submissive that you did not forfill for quite some time, you should have cared for your lover's emotional well being especially during rough times and loved them regardless and offered support, and as a friend at the very least you should have been able to cope with listening even if you could do fuck all to help.

And before you start down the road of me being selfish, self absorbed, insecure or bat shit crazy submissive again.......try to at least be honest and acknowledge that I have been there during times you have needed me, I have listened and shown support and offered help. I had also given to you of myself and trusted you with my care.

I am not perfect in any way and I have never claimed to be but as the saying goes

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure, I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
- Marilyn Monroe

 

[Veroe]

I confess that of late I have had to deal with a wide variety of issues of late, mostly real life... some online... I realize there are some things that are more important that what goes on inside lit. I confess that I have stepped back from lit to take a snap shot of those important things and have made some major decisions which will effect me in both negative and positive ways. Some decisions I have made are already known and hissed at here on lit. Others... will soon be known. In any case, I am taking a break from lit ... at least for this coming weekend.

I am going to go to Dragon Con. I am going to try and seduce Marina Sirtis into sleeping with me... with my dashing smile and bald head, I think I stand a pretty good chance. LOL.

I confess that I have made some realizations about lit. I am a man who like to talk through my problems. Discuss them rationally. Shave emotions, attitude, anger and fear out of it. That is home I am ... in the real world. Unfortunately, that is not what lit is all about.

It has come to my attention that people in general believe that who ever yells the loudest is right on lit... irregardless of reason, ration, or thought. 'I SCREAM LOUDEST! I WIN!' mindset has been so prevolent in the past that it kind of makes me fill out of place. I realize that here, all people have are the keyboards and words to use so I guess it is not much of a surprise to me.

So with all this out of my system... I confess that emotionally charged individuals... make me feel like walking on eggshells. I need people around me that are logical, rational, and open minded. I have spent way too long walking on eggshells on lit and I am done with it. I thought I could handle it. I thought I could give it the good gung ho! I failed. I could not brush away that feeling... whether those emotions were good... or bad... I still walked on eggshells. It was not that way in the beginning... but as the days wore on... the feeling grew and I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Whether they believe it or not, I am sorry... deeply sorry to those I have hurt in the past... but the actions I have done... I had to do for me.

I confess... that I am also hurt that any anger that was aimed at me was brought into public eye by against. I am sorry to all of you that have had to tolerate and deal with yet another drama match. It was not my doing. Had it been my choice, this would had stayed in the privacy of PM's.

Finally, I confess that I believe too many people take Literotica as the bible and live there lives through this site. As great as this site is, I have to point out that this site is just a website. It is not real life. Get off the computers... get away from the desks and laptops, go outside with your sons and daughters, friends and family and play. This site is all pretend. This site is here for fun... it is not real life... no matter how badly one might want it to be.

I confess... this PD... is out!

And there goes a good RPer.

*sighs*

Good bye and farewell PD.

I am not privy to any of the drama resulting in this, and do not care to be embroiled in it. All I know is a writer whose threads I've read and enjoyed has said he's not going to be doing any more and that makes me sad.

 

[dragonrazor]

I confess that I put up with more than enough drama in real life, I don't want any in my forums.

 

[Veroe]

I confess that I put up with more than enough drama in real life, I don't want any in my forums.

Can't avoid it though, razor, Drama is the spice of life on or offline.

this is a good example of that.

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

I confess that I put up with more than enough drama in real life, I don't want any in my forums.

Can't avoid it though, razor, Drama is the spice of life on or offline.

this is a good example of that.

I have no desire to be the spice of life or dramatic and I am sorry if you are offended by my response but I was given no other option for communication despite what he claims and when I saw what he posted I saw red. I will kick myself for it later I have no doubt but right now I needed to get that out before I exploded. If you don't like my posts guys and they bring you down or affect your time on lit you can always place me on ignore or don't read them.

 

[Veroe]

I have no desire to be the spice of life or dramatic and I am sorry if you are offended by my response but I was given no other option for communication despite what he claims and when I saw what he posted I saw red. I will kick myself for it later I have no doubt but right now I needed to get that out before I exploded. If you don't like my posts guys and they bring you down or affect your time on lit you can always place me on ignore or don't read them.

Nah, Rayne, no hard feelings from me. The situation is what makes me sad, not the participants and not your response.

You did as you felt you must given the situation, and no one can, or atleast I'm not gonna, blame you for that.

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

Nah, Rayne, no hard feelings from me. The situation is what makes me sad, not the participants and not your response.

You did as you felt you must given the situation, and no one can, or atleast I'm not gonna, blame you for that.

*gives you a quick hug* thanks

 

[EzraPound]

I have no desire to be the spice of life or dramatic and I am sorry if you are offended by my response but I was given no other option for communication despite what he claims and when I saw what he posted I saw red. I will kick myself for it later I have no doubt but right now I needed to get that out before I exploded. If you don't like my posts guys and they bring you down or affect your time on lit you can always place me on ignore or don't read them.

not offended Rayne..your passion is a big part of what makes you, "you"

I am truly sorry it went this way....you have heard me say it before..

we're all broken here in some way..

I went past the line between RL an online before I ever arrived on LIT..to think that this isn't in some way real is to fool your self in to believing that your mind is not the most powerful thing on this planet..I find my self wondering all the time why I can't have the closeness in "RL" with friends that I do her on LIT with people I have never met in person..the answer is always because we are much more willing to share our thoughts and feelings here..and on LIT we also willing and with out shame share our deep dark fantasies..the ones we don't even tell those closest to us in "RL"..I belive it forms a intimate bond and some ways we're more vulnerable to getting hurt..and yet it is easier to hurt someone because we tell ourselves at the same time..it's only "roll play".

forgive your self then find away to forgive PD..I know neither of you meant to hurt the other...

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

not offended Rayne..your passion is a big part of what makes you, "you"

I am truly sorry it went this way....you have heard me say it before..

we're all broken here in some way..

I went past the line between RL an online before I ever arrived on LIT..to think that this isn't in some way real is to fool your self in to believing that your mind is not the most powerful thing on this planet..I find my self wondering all the time why I can't have the closeness in "RL" with friends that I do her on LIT with people I have never met in person..the answer is always because we are much more willing to share our thoughts and feelings here..and on LIT we also willing and with out shame share our deep dark fantasies..the ones we don't even tell those closest to us in "RL"..I belive it forms a intimate bond and some ways we're more vulnerable to getting hurt..and yet it is easier to hurt someone because we tell ourselves at the same time..it's only "roll play".

forgive your self then find away to forgive PD..I know neither of you meant to hurt the other...

*gives you a cuddle* thank you for your kind words Ezra. I do agree with you have always had a way with wisdom. As for the last.....I don't know I am still raw. *kisses your cheek* I have missed you my friend.

 

[Powerdog16]

First of all... I am taking a break from lit yes... for a week or so... going to dragoncon and going to forget about all this... not gone for good.

Second, Rayne. There was a time I would have done anything I could for you. We did have great times and we both know I know you better than anyone else on this site. There is still a link there whether you like it or not and it is why we both hurt so much. I was wrong about one thing... you have stood next to me when I had challenges. I will always appreciate that. And you have to admit too... that I have stood beside you when few others did... through all your fights with others online, your personal problems, etc....

When I lashed out at you... I did so in anger I admit... BUT.... I did so by PM... not out here in public like you have repeatedly done. So I ask you... if I clearly was talking to you in PM... how can you go out and publicly claim otherwise? You want to vent to me... yell and scream at me... PM me. I promise you one thing... I will let you vent and scream all you want... as I have from day one. No more... no less.

I will treasure those memories I have with you. They mean something good to me and always will. I am sorry they will always be tarnished and stained with the last few days.

I will say this rayne... all I want from you now... is to heal. Find your boy toy and heal all you want... just stop trashing me on here and then getting mad when I have enough and have to voice my own opinion in a place meant for confessions...

And in reference to your little Marilyn quote... you god damned right. I couldn't handle you at your worst... so I don't deserve your best... Maybe someday... god willing... you will find a person who can do both...

 

[Powerdog16]

not offended Rayne..your passion is a big part of what makes you, "you"

I am truly sorry it went this way....you have heard me say it before..

we're all broken here in some way..

I went past the line between RL an online before I ever arrived on LIT..to think that this isn't in some way real is to fool your self in to believing that your mind is not the most powerful thing on this planet..I find my self wondering all the time why I can't have the closeness in "RL" with friends that I do her on LIT with people I have never met in person..the answer is always because we are much more willing to share our thoughts and feelings here..and on LIT we also willing and with out shame share our deep dark fantasies..the ones we don't even tell those closest to us in "RL"..I belive it forms a intimate bond and some ways we're more vulnerable to getting hurt..and yet it is easier to hurt someone because we tell ourselves at the same time..it's only "roll play".

forgive your self then find away to forgive PD..I know neither of you meant to hurt the other...

You have always been the wise one of the three of us... NEVER change! EVER! LOL

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

First of all... I am taking a break from lit yes... for a week or so... going to dragoncon and going to forget about all this... not gone for good.

Second, Rayne. There was a time I would have done anything I could for you. We did have great times and we both know I know you better than anyone else on this site. There is still a link there whether you like it or not and it is why we both hurt so much. I was wrong about one thing... you have stood next to me when I had challenges. I will always appreciate that. And you have to admit too... that I have stood beside you when few others did... through all your fights with others online, your personal problems, etc....

When I lashed out at you... I did so in anger I admit... BUT.... I did so by PM... not out here in public like you have repeatedly done. So I ask you... if I clearly was talking to you in PM... how can you go out and publicly claim otherwise? You want to vent to me... yell and scream at me... PM me. I promise you one thing... I will let you vent and scream all you want... as I have from day one. No more... no less.

I will treasure those memories I have with you. They mean something good to me and always will. I am sorry they will always be tarnished and stained with the last few days.

I will say this rayne... all I want from you now... is to heal. Find your boy toy and heal all you want... just stop trashing me on here and then getting mad when I have enough and have to voice my own opinion in a place meant for confessions...

And in reference to your little Marilyn quote... you god damned right. I couldn't handle you at your worst... so I don't deserve your best... Maybe someday... god willing... you will find a person who can do both...

That is a plain lie and others can contest and have seen that when I speak to you about how I feel about something or how you have done something to upset me you RANT attack get defensive and then up tails and run......

You did the same thing when you decided at the worst possible moment you could that you no longer wished to be my master you dumped the information and ran......you then lashed out in your little private PM and again RAN and have not responded to anything since.

So that is how I can fucking sit back and say without hesitation that I can not speak to you in private and have no closure from you because these two post that you have decided upon today AGAIN before running away I might add is the most you have said or even bothered to try and explain anything.

Yes we had some good times, yes we were there for each other but the man I submitted to and went through all that with is not the same who has put me through the last couple of weeks. And it is you and with those actions that has made me think of our past as tarnished and like I was either blind or lied to.

I was perfectly calm when you ended it, infact I had too much other pain to even really feel it I just wanted an honest WHY as 48hours early you told me something so different. You couldnt give me that why instead left me to cope, process and find my own closure so I think its fucking rough that you now try to pass comment on how I choose to do it.

As for the finding myself boy toy and healing get fucked with your jealous crap,I have seen your posts in others rooms and your own (which reminds me fuck off out of my resort I don't need that in my face). I have never treated anyone as a simple toy or an object to amuse myself with as I see fit and be dis-guarded and I hate that you have the gall to even imply other wise. I have friends who I can lean on who I have fun with if you can not handle that stiff shit you gave up any claim you had on me. So if I wish to fuck the whole of literotica I CAN and WILL.