The Healthy Obsession.

[CandiCame]

Maybe this is the case for single people. But this is a pleasurable state for me and I'm married. Maybe it's pleasurable because it's as far as a crush can go these days? But it's like middle school and having a crush... Only more sexy fantasies. My problem is stopping the flirting. Apparently dudes don't enjoy being led on.

No, I get harmless flirting and harmless fantasies. That's not what he was talking about. He's talking about building up a mental image of someone you do eventually plan to ask out.

That's what I think is weird.

You can jack off to anyone. But if it's someone that you do eventually plan to ask out, it seems really creepy to me to prolong that process- again, for weeks, this isn't a short period of time, while you build up this image of them in your head that you're not sure they're going to live up to, while you create all these fantasies about a fantasy person projected onto a real person.

That's a very different thing from just thinking about someone while you jack off, someone that you don't ever intend to actually have sex or a relationship with. If that's the case, it's just fantasizing about someone you never intend to go beyond "acquaintance" with then- tbh that's still kinda weird to me, but it seems harmless enough.

 

[isthisdesire]

No, I get harmless flirting and harmless fantasies. That's not what he was talking about. He's talking about building up a mental image of someone you do eventually plan to ask out.

That's what I think is weird.

You can jack off to anyone. But if it's someone that you do eventually plan to ask out, it seems really creepy to me to prolong that process- again, for weeks, this isn't a short period of time, while you build up this image of them in your head that you're not sure they're going to live up to, while you create all these fantasies about a fantasy person projected onto a real person.

That's a very different thing from just thinking about someone while you jack off, someone that you don't ever intend to actually have sex or a relationship with. If that's the case, it's just fantasizing about someone you never intend to go beyond "acquaintance" with then- tbh that's still kinda weird to me, but it seems harmless enough.

Fair enough.

 

[Notcastor]

if it's someone that you do eventually plan to ask out, it seems really creepy to me to prolong that process

Why does it seem creepy?

Some people date for prolonged periods before initiating sex... and they do it on purpose.

Also creepy?

And though the op didnt specify any certainty of approaching the other, you have made that edit and are hanging some part of your retarded argument on this point of misfact.

Why?

 

[isthisdesire]

Why does it seem creepy?

Some people date for prolonged periods before initiating sex... and they do it on purpose.

Also creepy?

And though the op didnt specify any certainty of approaching the other, you have made that edit and are hanging some part of your retarded argument on this point of misfact.

Why?

To throw in my unasked for 2 cents - I think from the perspective of the person being pursued, it's creepy. It puts a lot of unfair pressure on the eventual relationship. But I didn't see anything about actually asking the person out in the OP. I didn't read the whole thread though.

 

[CandiCame]

Why does it seem creepy?

Some people date for prolonged periods before initiating sex... and they do it on purpose.

Also creepy?

And though the op didnt specify any certainty of approaching the other, you have made that edit and are hanging some part of your retarded argument on this point of misfact.

Why?

No, you should never feel pressured to have sex.

Because I asked for clarification and they gave it. I didn't make the edit, they did. Made a LOT of edits.

The OP made it seem like they were literally talking about the few seconds between when they decided to innate the sexual encounter and actually STARTING the sexual encounter, which to me seemed like too brief a period of time to even acknowledge, let alone bask in, so I asked for clarification, and when it was given to me, it was in the form of an anecdote about literally obsessing, using the word "obsession", in the title and several posts, about a woman they worked with, who they were eventually maybe gonna ask out, if they could ever find the balls to do so.

Which is fucking creepy. People don't deserve to be obsessed over for other people's sexual fantasies. This is not a controversial opinion, and as much as you try to spin it, it never will be.

Ask her out or get over it. Obsession is NEVER going to be a healthy mindset. Ever. Full stop. The answer is no. There are no healthy obsessions, but to obsess over a person is way worse than obsessing over like, a movie or someshit. To obsess over a REAL person? It's always going to be creepy.

 

[CandiCame]

To throw in my unasked for 2 cents - I think from the perspective of the person being pursued, it's creepy. It puts a lot of unfair pressure on the eventual relationship. But I didn't see anything about actually asking the person out in the OP. I didn't read the whole thread though.

It took me like a whole page to get him to actually tell me what he was talking about. I swear I think he made it confusing on purpose.

 

[Notcastor]

To throw in my unasked for 2 cents - I think from the perspective of the person being pursued, it's creepy. It puts a lot of unfair pressure on the eventual relationship. But I didn't see anything about actually asking the person out in the OP. I didn't read the whole thread though.

How can it be creepy if you keep it to yourself?

If I chose to have secret truly filthy fantasies about Dolf, for example, how could that possibly matter to anyone, ever?

 

[CandiCame]

How can it be creepy if you keep it to yourself?

If I chose to have secret truly filthy fantasies about Dolf, for example, how could that possibly matter to anyone, ever?

Quote this post if you've ever had a creepy guy eventually tell you that they jacked off to you, that they've been obsessing over you. I don't think Notcastor can ever understand how that experience feels. I don't think that's ever happened to him.

 

[Notcastor]

I don't care how others feel.

If it brightens my mood and does no harm, that simply makes you an idiot.
(bonus!)

 

[LupusDei]

I don't care how others feel.

If it brightens my mood and does no harm, that simply makes you an idiot.
(bonus!)

Wow.

Truth to be told, I have done just that, I have had obsession over another person, both with a completely clueless target and attempt to act on it, but even when I was in high school and really knew no better, I knew very well how wrong it is, intuitive, because basic empathy exist. And funny enough I got the roles reversed too, I randomly hit a girl that turned out have had a silent crush on me already, and I used her rather cruelly, but that helped me understand how I was used; well the whole story would be my personal rendition of Dangerous Liaisons, lol.

But yeah, the point is, it is creepy, but people do that, and likely always will, but they should do that knowing it is creepy, holds risk to themselves and pretty much dooms any chance of a relationship with the target, even if attempted later it likely won't be healthy.

 

[Notcastor]

So, inchoate desire is creepy.

Someone should tell the romance authors.

 

[LupusDei]

So, inchoate desire is creepy.

Someone should tell the romance authors.

Yes, and no. A lot of that stuff is indeed creepy (especially Russian), but also there are a difference, mostly about magnitude and action.

 

[Notcastor]

Yes, and no. A lot of that stuff is indeed creepy (especially Russian), but also there are a difference, mostly about magnitude and action.

Says You, who speaks on behalf of...You.

Who says that most people aren't secretly fantasizing about and thinking of ways to get naked with someone?


And if not...what's wrong with them?

 

[CandiCame]

Says You, who speaks on behalf of...You.

Who says that most people aren't secretly fantasizing about and thinking of ways to get naked with someone?


And if not...what's wrong with them?

The field of psychology. I was gonna leave this thread alone but I got bored.

Most people ask the girl out and move on with their life. Most people don't waste a lot of time and effort turning a real person into a fantasy. Most people don't spend a whole lot of time on sex, because for most people, it's a biological drive, not a life-changing obsession. They have real, meaningful relationships with real life, non-fantasy people and don't need to create wonderland scenarios in their head.

The line in the sand is WAY earlier than "I don't care how others feel." Once you've lost the ability to care about other people you need to back the fuck up. You crossed the line like 8 miles ago.

 

[Notcastor]

Yesterday i started thinking about another woman.

Does that make me fickle?

 

[Que]

No reason at all you can't think of a bevy of them in rotation. Musing is very affordable.

 

[Notcastor]

No reason at all you can't think of a bevy of them in rotation. Musing is very affordable.

No Que, it’s creepy and rapey!

Adrina et al

 

[beew]

Point of discussion:
“Is a little sexual obsession good for one’s general well-being?”

It’s not about the time or physical act; the discussion is around adopting a particular state of being.

I think it is.
It's the " being in the flow" experience (as opposed to concrete reality) that we all chase.

I think that the best way to sustain it is through some form of spirituality, but unfortunately, our society tends to commodify even that part.

So most people chase it through that ethereal je ne sais quoi when you're in love, others through the hive experience by joining groups, soldiers through the adrenaline of battle.
Unfortunately, here reality eventually sets in, so we often end up jaded.

Several people here only the extreme ideological and racist part of BB or LJ.
Yes, there is that too.
But leaving content aside and focusing on process and the OP: I think that both of them are a step above most of us from that pov, and between those two planes. They're idealists and enthusiasts who live most of their day in that dimension.

Yes the sexual tension phase never lasts long enough. Either it goes somewhere soon or it doesn't but that moment pregnant with possibilities is sublime.There is something about the process of arousal which is very focusing. My best guess is norepinephrine.

 

[Notcastor]

Okay, so the healthy obsession I had when the thread started has passed, for now.

No worries, there’s always another one on her way. Maybe the cute nurse who flirted with me yesterday at my office. She has one of this little diamond studs in her lip, she touched my arm without reason, then told me she loved the way my glasses compliment my eyes.

The penis is wise.

 

[Notcastor]

Maybe a should become obsessed with a GB girl; Adrina’s not fat, is she?

 

[toeskr]

Maybe a should become obsessed with a GB girl; Adrina’s not fat, is she?

DO NOT enter her tub!

 

[Notcastor]

i won’t be needing her tub.

Didn’t she post a braless sweater nipply pic of herself one time?

I seem to remember she was quite slim... and because she said she lost her teeth and wears dentures now, I’m thinking gumjob!

 

[Notcastor]

Or maybe KimGordon; I think she has a little porn star bad girl under that bitter armour...but does she still have her teeth?

The thot plickens.

 

[Notcastor]

My penis said to add rainshine’s left breast to the list and he’s right. I’d definitely sell her some fruit.

 

[Aphro]

My penis said to add rainshine’s left breast to the list and he’s right. I’d definitely sell her some fruit.

I had no idea you were a leftist.