Thoughts on releasing your submissive

[KoPilot]

Yeah, as soon as someone starts using "woman" and "sub" interchangeably that's when I know the rest of their advice is going to really suck.

 

[Netzach]

Actually, I meant it as a legitimate question. Certainly there is hurt involved, and crying is part of how a woman finds closure, but, as you say, “pulling up her big girl panties”, I’m not sure that is will result in healthy closure. It seems to me that could cause her to just bottle up her pain, and to get real closure, I think a woman would have to move past the pain, not carry it around inside. Women seem to be more healthy, (emotionally), when they are able to share their pain. And with that said, I will be the first to admit, I am a man and can only have a limited view of how a woman finds closure. And this is why I asked the question: “How does a woman find closure”, from a woman’s point of view?

Can anyone explain to me how a man finds closure, since his job seems to be primarily making sure that the woman he's trying to extricate himself from is OK OK OK, omg, is she gonna be OK? HEALTHY. NOT.

 

[Netzach]

Oh, I see. Women are so emotional that they run off like butthurt babies the second they are questioned.

 

[Loverskitten]

Oh, I see. Women are so emotional that they run off like butthurt babies the second they are questioned.

No we're all too busy CRYING because CRYING is how all women deal with anything.
God, this TJ person can't get it.

 

[Loverskitten]

Troll

 

[IrisAlthea]

Yes ... but.
I had two relationships this year end in texts ... one was expected. It was long distance 'vanilla' and we each had lives in the states of residence. But that ending was given on my way to work. Trying not to cry all day was an exercise in self control. I blame him only for the timing. He was a gentleman about the whole thing and admitted he was wrong to handle it that way. We are still distant friends.
The second was Daddy ... months of calls, emails, texts, dinners, in my bed, out for lunch, hotels. He took me as His eye to eye, with intent and sincerity. He was 'Blessed to have me', talk was of long term, the future being bright. Then three days of silence ... and release via text in the midst of a work day ... and never another word of explanation. I have begged and pleaded for just the barest of explanations.
Dominant or vanilla ... such behavior is just rude and selfish. He meandered on to greener pastures (I guess) and left me to pick myself up and forever wonder what was wrong with me. How I had offended him.
I do see a greater emotional dependence and intertwining in the D/s relationship than the vanilla ... but Dominant does not give the D a free pass on being a jackass in how he handles the end of the relationship. You accept the emotional aspect of the Dominant role (as my Daddy did), I feel you actually do owe the submissive a bit of a buffer and the time of day to understand the why. You get to accept the tears or the rage. The choice was not mutual and the sub is entitled to be outraged/upset at you. There are consequences for actions. If I had asked for release, it would have been in person ... I would have accepted his feelings.
My opinion is only mine, and may differ from others ... but that does not make it patently wrong.

No, everyone has their own idea about how things should be done.
The discussion arises when people get the idea that there is a patently right way just because it's D/s.
OP asked if there is a proper way and there is no more a rulebook for this than there is for relationships of any kind.

There is no universal emotional aspect of the dominant role. There is no decent and responsible, emotionally mature inherent in dominant.
You still need to get to know someone and find out if this person you may want to have a relationship with has the same view about what to do when ending the relationship and if they are going to actually live up to those standards.

 

[Sebastian_Plz]

Jumping in on this topic pretty late but is not the whole issue simply a matter of Communication? With any D/s relationship (and I am speaking in generalities here based on my own personal experiences/observations) that is the crucial corner stone, along with trust, that any effective D/s must obtain and preserve. When a relationship runs its course, yes, emotions may be involved and give rise to ideas for outside relations beyond the D/s dynamic, but on the whole, both involved parties should be able to express to one another their thoughts, desires, and intentions. One party may be reluctant to end it, but if the other wants to leave, it essentially undermines the whole relationship dynamic if the encounters continue to operate as they presently had.

If one is unable to express their desire to terminate the relationship, even under amiable circumstances, as the other posters have stated, to me, this indicates that the D/s relationship was never truly complete in the first place. Letting a s go, much like any partner, can be a trying situation, but if it is based on honestly, mutual respect, and concern for the other persons well being (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc) then it is a feat that must be accomplished. And a mature and emotionally/mentally secure/stable individual should be able to understand and accept that. Yes, feelings will be hurt and there will be an overwhelming sense of loss where that relationship once filled, but it will be replaced by another or something even greater.

Anyhow, yea, I'm waxing poetic on a matter to which I was not even asked...so just my thoughts. Take it as you wish and as usual, great post with some good responses and honest opinions.

 

[Deacon13]

This, in this case. Both people should be on the same page about contingencies. Contingencies being physical logistical shit like that, not "and you owe me walking away happier than vanilla people walk away." I'd also put a period after "and a slave should have a fall back plan before going into the relationship." Because the best laid plans of mice and men and blah - and if you don't take care of you, no one else can.

Netzach, I agree with this post and your just previous one. I have explained to numerous girls that IT is their decision to submit to Me, not My deciding to be their Dom. Your last sentence will serve good stead for everyone - "and if you don't take care of you, no one else can" - not will, but CAN.