"To keep the review thread clean..."

[twelveoone]

Hm. Let me rephrase. Can you point me to a poem that had an H, before, and no longer has? I want to read it, please. Thank you.

I don't have to, if you go through the poems the anon comment on the end or next to end are the ones that probably had H's, for some strange reason "Shadow" was left alone. All it takes is a three to take it out and the "sweeper" never touches threes, as best as I can tell. Now that I told you this - the anon probably will go back and hit the rest, even the dogs, and we all have them. I think "red gaze?" was hit when it went up, the "scimitar of pearl" poem - longfellow my ass, I actually went and looked. But really, I don't remember the titles. It is a small price to pay for dishing out ridicule that some richly deserve. And it gives me something to grouse about. See -win-win. Meanwhile the slow creep UP the charts takes place, aided by slow creeps.

 

[Tsotha]

I don't have to, if you go through the poems the anon comment on the end or next to end are the ones that probably had H's, for some strange reason "Shadow" was left alone. All it takes is a three to take it out and the "sweeper" never touches threes, as best as I can tell. Now that I told you this - the anon probably will go back and hit the rest, even the dogs, and we all have them. I think "red gaze?" was hit when it went up, the "scimitar of pearl" poem - longfellow my ass, I actually went and looked. But really, I don't remember the titles. It is a small price to pay for dishing out ridicule that some richly deserve. And it gives me something to grouse about. See -win-win. Meanwhile the slow creep UP the charts takes place, aided by slow creeps.

Scimitar of pearl... you mean your poem "red tint", then, if I remember correctly. Alright.

 

[twelveoone]

Scimitar of pearl... you mean your poem "red tint", then, if I remember correctly. Alright.

"even the waving blades of grass has a reddened tint to eyes upon the setting sun" or something like that, the one with the stone in the sky - yeh the golem comment
FAILURE - did not anchor the stone properly, the formatting on the original kind of buried it, but I could not use it here.
Days before the nightmare. Whine, typical American, a little loss. In comparison a typhoon hits the Philippines 12,000 dead.

 

[Tsotha]

"even the waving blades of grass has a reddened tint to eyes upon the setting sun" or something like that, the one with the stone in the sky - yeh the golem comment
FAILURE - did not anchor the stone properly, the formatting on the original kind of buried it, but I could not use it here.
Days before the nightmare. Whine, typical American, a little loss. In comparison a typhoon hits the Philippines 12,000 dead.

You're the one saying this, not me. You assume too much.

 

[twelveoone]

You're the one saying this, not me. You assume too much.

Seriously fucked me up, but no loss of life or limb or friend, proper perspective, I say.

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks to 1201 for commenting on "Paper Moon-Parody 2".
I posted this in Butter's thread before submitting in NP. The original verse of the song and some performances are
here:

 

[Ashesh9]

thnx to Magnetron for commentin' on Absolute Reality & Twelve-0-One for his Nice , Kind comment on What I really meant to write

 

[twelveoone]

thnx to Magnetron for commentin' on Absolute Reality & Twelve-0-One for his Nice , Kind comment on What I really meant to write

1. If I weren't so adverse to starting new threads around here, I could show why two line poems fail.
2. If you weren't so adverse to listening, you might learn something. (at least three people talked to you about !!!??!!. me, tess and cleardaynow, and three is usually an indication that something is not working)
3. in Level three thread (if you can find it) Senna Jawa has a two line poem that works.
5. I like you better than Senna, so this is not a personality thing, this is a poetry thing.
16. Don't talk to me about nice,kind remember Erectus, he had at least two poems, eh? Fan-boy.
21. editted down from 52 points
29. Tally-ho
ho-ho-ho

 

[pelegrino]

Thank you, Trixareforkids, for commenting on "Real Time Problem".
I am not been lazy with my rhyming here.
"eating grapes"
I had in mind another rhyme also, but I preferred this one as it emphasizes another pleasurable activity (like the three preceding this one), while a bad memory keeps coming back.
Now, the refrain is not well presented. It is meant to be intersected and read between the two 6 line stanzas also, this been a strophic song ABAB. Usually I present a refrain in this way, although I know I should re-write it as many times as it occurs.
The meaning of it is that "the other person" does not believe (yet) that a "week from hell" has taken place, and the only way not to be relived and also to be cleansed of "crimes" is to be believed by that person. Is this a little clearer?
If you take a look in my personal thread "Pelegrino's Perpetual Construction" you will notice that I have nothing published on the chapter "Remembering A Week From Hell". The reason is that I tried to write it in "real time" two years ago and I failed, so now I can only approach it as a memory, (as an "appropriation", as I call it, from within the confines of other chapters like "To Have And Have Not".)
I'm still having great difficulty writing the bloody thing, let alone submitting it.
Thanks for your Interest and comments, any how, I hope my explanation helped a little.

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks, 1201, for commenting on "Real Time Problem" and for recommending in NP for suggestions.
I do need suggestions with songs such as this where already Trixareforkids and Magnetron have spoted weak points.

Thank you also, Magnetron. I thought on the points you made. And I started already my editing.
Gone is that "Cause" that bothered you and I like better the new one I put.
Lines 5 & 6 don’t feel cumbersome to me. It's perhaps that I am used to the flow of the melody in them.
I hope someday to send it to you in mp3 form.

Both you and Trixareforkids have really spotted a problem of incomprehensibility on the chorus. Perhaps the meaning was clear to me but not to others, or perhaps I was thinking in Greek syntactically while writing, so I think you are both right and I have thrown away its melody and started work on it again.

Thanks, Trixareforkids, for your extended comment in my thread. I appreciate you taking the trouble to write more and what I say to Magnetron above about the chorus of the song holds for your observations also. This passage doesn't stand well and it needs changing.
I again disagree with you about the grapes been an easy choice. To me it is a natural choice. Think of this sequence of pleasure activities: Singing, drinking, fucking, eating grapes. In exactly this order. Eating crepes after making love may be a turn on to some people and a turn off to others. Anyhow it's all to do with taste and maybe geographical location, but I never found crepes as sensual as grapes. Furthermore "grapes" is a more natural rhyme to "shapes" but that is a secondary consideration, sensuality been the first. No implication of time and care to feed the narrator is there, only to please him by four activities, not by just one.

Many thanks again!

 

[Trixareforkids]

Thanks for the before and after comments on Clinical Trial. Magnetron, sorry you don't like then ending, for me it's the crux of it. Todski, my kingdom for a proofreader , 1201, thanks again and Cleardaynow your comments are always so lovely, thank you.
EDIT: thanks also to GM, for making me think about my typo. I may let it stand.

To HoneyAdored, thanks for your comment of the other.

 

[Senna Jawa]

links

Please, supply links to the poems which you mention. I didn't see any in this thread. So be it. (At least I enjoyed "Art Blakey & the Jazz Messengers - Moanin' "--thank you Angeline, your music links are superb!).

 

[twelveoone]

Absolute Reality

What I meant to write ...

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=825346&page=2

1995-12-18 miniature
Here's Johnny.....

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks, HoneyAdored, for your kind words on Review 2.

Also, many thanks, 1201 for commenting on the same poem and for the recommendation on NP.
I am considering all sorts of links for this chapter (WEEK FROM HELL). As I tried to explain above to Trixareforkids, it it still largely unwritten and confused and whatever I've written for it is from within other chapters, which in the end, I'm afraid is not going to work well within my bigger structures, but still I cannot approach it on its own right.
Oh, well, time will show.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Belated thanks to those who commented on "Bill Thinks He Sees His Doppelgänger" and "Extra Virgin."

 

[twelveoone]

Thanks, HoneyAdored, for your kind words on Review 2.

Also, many thanks, 1201 for commenting on the same poem and for the recommendation on NP.
I am considering all sorts of links for this chapter (WEEK FROM HELL). As I tried to explain above to Trixareforkids, it it still largely unwritten and confused and whatever I've written for it is from within other chapters, which in the end, I'm afraid is not going to work well within my bigger structures, but still I cannot approach it on its own right.
Oh, well, time will show.

re: question as comment
Arvo Pärt
Musically, Pärt's tintinnabular music is characterized by two types of voices, the first of which (dubbed the "tintinnabular voice") arpeggiates the tonic triad, and the second of which moves diatonically in stepwise motion.
Do you know anything about this?

 

[twelveoone]

Absolute Reality

What I meant to write ...

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=825346&page=2

1995-12-18 miniature
Hereeeee's Johnny.....

हुक़्क़ा

sheesh

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks to 1201 for commenting on my poem "Fusion Breeding Confusion".

re: question as comment
Arvo Pärt
Musically, Pärt's tintinnabular music is characterized by two types of voices, the first of which (dubbed the "tintinnabular voice") arpeggiates the tonic triad, and the second of which moves diatonically in stepwise motion.
Do you know anything about this?

I came over Pärt's music a few times in the 90ies (as part of my compulsory listening for my master's degree in composition). His music is sometimes classified under minimalism but he is not a minimalist in the sense of Steve Reich, John Adams or Terry Riley been minimalists.
Now, my opinion about minimalist music is briefly stated in my poem Music Minimalism 1.
Arvo Pärt, in my opinion, belongs to another reactionary movement of the 80ies & 90ies called "The New Simplicity Movement" which thrived a little after the minimalists. They are both alive and healthy today albeit with diminished impetus and they both have produced some works of fine artistic merit, but in general they are both what their respective names imply: Simple and easy going for the composer and for the listener.
To me they are both unsuccessful North American reactions to the progressive movements of the 50ies and 60ies, see Total Serialism, mixed with mysticism, self preoccupation and religious revival. That is all part of "post-modernity" of course, but that's how it stands today: They have come to the same cul-de-sac as the revolutionaries of the 50ies.
The trouble with people like Pärt is that while been very talented musicians in themselves, in their artistic manifestos they try to make us believe that they have re-invented the wheel.
So, what is so new about tintinnabular music?
Where Part hears his bells I only hear simple arpeggios of the kind that everyone practices on his instrument as part of a daily exercise routine. And what about stepwise motion? That is the usual procedure of most good melodic writing with leap motion introduced for variety. No new invention there either. In his particular case, new and refreshing is his approach, but he owes that to his talent, not to his theorizing or his "inner light."
I believe that what has really happened to most of us is that after tonality died in the hands of Schoenberg and the second Viennese school in the 20ies, we all went "progressive" with some misgivings that not really all had been said in our time honored tonal language, so in the mid of the 70ies we started getting nostalgic about tonality and slowly-slowly, by truly progressive or retrogressive means we are trying to bring it back.
Western Europeans and Americans by forcing upon us Minimalism or New Simplicity canvases, and Eastern Europeans like Schnittke or Pärt by looking back to baroque or to a newly founded spiritualism. (Some English guys like John Tavener who turned into a Christian orthodox in his quest into "immaterial worlds" went far too far into this new spiritualist direction), while others followed a "back to roots" motion and the irresponsible amongst them are the creatures described in my poem Fusion Breeding Confusion.
I hope I am right in believing that tonality is coming back but it cannot comeback in a simple Western Europe only style. That we had and it was the best musical experience that humanity had so far throughout the centuries, but around 400 AD, I believe that something was lost as a chance for all future European music. Around those years Europe borrowed through its church the modal system of Classical Greece as its raw material, but it only borrowed half of it, ie the diatonic genre, ignoring completely the chromatic, while the Arab world 2-3 centuries later borrowed both genres. Therefore The biggest musical civilization that ever existed (Western European) is build on half of its potential.
Well, 1201, Pärt, and all of us belong to the "diatonic" half, but some of us have not given up yet exploring the other half, the "chromatic."
By the way, that's what I'm doing these last two weeks on this piece of yours. When I finish it I'll email it to you for your consideration.

 

[Ashesh9]

Thanks to 1201 , Oldbear & Honey Adored for commentin' on It Happened one Cold Foggy Night ; many thanks to 1201 & Cleardaynow for comments on Oxymorons & also to HoneyAdored for her kind comments on What i really meant to write !

 

[Trixareforkids]

For Acids Stain You, thank you to 1201, Cleardaynow, Ashesh9 and Magnetron for your comments.

For Spirit Canvas and Drugs Cause Cramps, thank you to 1201 and OldBear for your comments.

For Razors Pain You, thank you to Cleardaynow and Oldbear for your comments.

For Considering, thank you OldBear for your comment and favorite.

 

[Ashesh9]

Curiosity

हुक़्क़ा

sheesh

12-oh -1
Howdy manage to write in Hindi on Lit ??!
Anyway thnx for the effort !
---A9

 

[twelveoone]

12-oh -1
Howdy manage to write in Hindi on Lit ??!
Anyway thnx for the effort !
---A9

what no thanks for telling you, you're oxymorons are self imposed???

 

[pelegrino]

Thank you 1201, for comments on Separating the Elements and for the recommendation on NP.

Thank you also, Todski28 and butters for your kind comments on the same poem.
I am well aware, butters, that sometimes I am incomprehensible with some pieces full of references to other pieces. I try to make them as "stand alone" as I can with different degrees of success or failure.
They are mostly parts of bigger structures/stories which are not possible to be submitted in complete versions and that is why I created a personal thread where at least I can put them in chronological order which is the natural order that they should be read. I do all shorts of tricks there like separating in bigger chapters, color coding etc which, I hope, should be helpful, but still is a trial and error process.


Many thanks to linksfun, for favoring Review 2

 

[HarryHill]

Thanks

 

[Ashesh9]

Thnx to Honey Adored for Fave-ing & Liking Foggy London ......Pt 2 & Pt 3 , Old Bear for commentin' on Foggy London ...Pt2 & Bad Newz. & 12-oh-1 for your acidic Witty Ditty on My Feisty Senorita & thnx for all your assorted 5- es in Votes !!!