upset over porn...

[SkylarFalling]

I randomly found this thread, and I hope to hell you're not still having the problem.

If you are, the porn is the easy bit to sort out. Mutual agreement. He comes to you and sees if you want to play together before he goes and has a wank at the computer instead. You see if there is anything in his porn that you would like to have a go at yourselves. If he has been watching it in porn then he probably likes it.

The bigger problem is him mocking you when you're trying to be sexy. That's bang out of order. If he doesn't realise, and you tell him, and he sorts it out, that is all good. But if you tell him and he keeps making you feel that way, ditch the asshole.

 

[neruda]

Lick Me There-

I usually don't weigh in on threads like this but I think I would like to on this one.

I think that there are several different issues going on here that you have confused as one, or just lumped together as one.

So lets talk about the porn one first: I'm going to take a lot of crap for saying this, but I don't really care. I think if you are in a committed relationship, and porn bothers you, your SO should stop. It's always a conversation I have had upfront with women I have dated and I stick to whatever agreement we make. Up to and including deleting my stories off of lit, and shutting down email addresses I use for that sort of thing. I think when you commit to a person, you commit to their rules also. If you aren't willing to do that, you aren't willing to really commit.

Okay, so the next thing on my list is him making fun of you or mocking you. I can't imagine a situation where this would be okay. I think only a bastard does something like this to a woman, especially when he knows it hurts her, when he knows she is making a special effort. I think that is a serious problem and you need to address it.

Now on to you. You obviously have some self esteem issues, and most people do, but he should know about this and support you, build you up, not tear you down. That being said I think you need to work on your confidence. Evan seeing a therapist may be appropriate.

Finally lets talk about men and porn itself. Men are hard wired to want to copulate with as many women as possible. It's how the species was propagated. So looking at many different women online and masturbating kind of sort of fills that atavistic need that we have to spread our seed, for lack of a better word. So I don't think you can say that just because he is looking at porn that it is in some way a condemnation of his feelings toward or attraction to you.

However if he is hiding it from you, lying to you about it or continuing to do it after you have asked him not to, then I think there are deeper issues of trust there that have to be addressed.

Anyway, I know a lot of these views are not going to be popular, but I wanted to share my opinion anyway.

 

[cowslinger64]

I randomly found this thread, and I hope to hell you're not still having the problem.

.

"Randomly finding" a seven year old thread?? LOL

 

[SkylarFalling]

Pressed the 'view all posts' button by a user and this caught my eye. So it is chance.

 

[neruda]

I feel like an idiot. I didn't realize the post was 7 years old.

 

[LongPenStroke]

Ask him what he finds so attractive about porn. Is there a theme to his collection?

Frankly, it sounds like he has a fetish and is afraid to admit it, or scared to share.

On the other hand, being on here kind of makes having an open sexual mind a must, so I doubt he's looking at something that you can't talk to him about.

Honestly, it sounds like the problem is him, not you.

 

[ilovehugs]

Hi i hope your problems are all sorted now, i have problems with this issue, and i've been told buy a few male friends that all guys look at porn it doesnt mean they think anything less about it, but it is an issue when it effects your relationship with each other, its so bad here that he would rather watch porn than have physical sex. please pm me if you want to chat, id rather not say anymore in here

Hugs