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Valentine's Villanelle Challenge

Magnetron said:
No worries ...... there's enough Dingleberry Pie to go around for everyone!





* slaps Harry's hand reaching for sloppy seconds *
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ha, your writing (in the manner you often choose) has your signature all over it :)
 
butters said:
in the pursuit of excellence, i would agree that it's absolutely appropriate to discuss this.

i would also add that there are writers here who quite openly state they lack knowledge or experience when it comes to form. and then there are others who fully understand the form and what might appear an error is more a poetic bending of the rules for the sake of the poem. open discussion can enlighten us as to whether a departure from strict adherence to a form's ''rules'' is deliberate, an 'oops', or an 'i tried but couldn't make it better'!

:rose:
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Good point, butters. "Bending the rules," often seen as taking a shortcut, sometimes is quite deliberate. I'm reminded of Frost's "Death of the Hired Man," mostly in blank verse, as I recall it, but with variation because it was a dialogue between a farmer and his wife. It just would not have sounded right if all the lines were unrhymed iambic pentameter. It's a master work IMO how plain language can become a well crafted poem.
 
butters said:
... there are others who fully understand the form and what might appear an error is more a poetic bending of the rules for the sake of the poem.
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Agreed. All the sonneteers whom I most admire -- Donne, Keats, Shakespeare -- do this.
 
HarryHill said:
..
I'd like to see an example and explanation
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Sure thing -- I grabbed the first Shakespeare sonnet which came to mind:

sonnet CXXVIII

How oft when thou, my music, music play'st,
Upon that blessed wood whose motion sounds
With thy sweet fingers when thou gently sway'st
The wiry concord that mine ear confounds,
Do I envy those jacks that nimble leap,
To kiss the tender inward of thy hand,
Whilst my poor lips which should that harvest reap,
At the wood's boldness by thee blushing stand!
To be so tickled, they would change their state
And situation with those dancing chips,
O'er whom thy fingers walk with gentle gait,
Making dead wood more bless'd than living lips.
Since saucy jacks so happy are in this,
Give them thy fingers, me thy lips to kiss.


It's in iambic pentameter, without question, but there are several lines that deviate:

Do I envy those jacks that nimble leap,

For that to be strictly iambic, one would have to read it as

Do I envy those jacks that nimble leap,

...and there is no way that I, in good conscience, could say "envy" with the accent on the second syllable. So, why did he deviate? I could see it either way -- he really liked the word envy, and wanted it there even though it forces him to break the rhythm; or he liked it so much that he wanted to call attention to it, and therefore he intentionally breaks the rhythm.

At the wood's boldness by thee blushing stand!

Hmmm -- this sounds funny if you read it as

At the wood's boldness by thee blushing stand!

I don't have a ready explanation for emphasizing "the" and not "woods." Why did he do it?

Making dead wood more bless'd than living lips.

He starts this line with a trochee. You can't very well read it as

Making dead wood more bless'd than living lips.

So, the question again is did he do it for convenience, or to call attention to "Making"?

This is typical for Shakespeare. But the exceptions prove the rule -- the other 11 lines are in perfect iambic pentameter.
 
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I like #2 -- the rabbit riff is witty, especially "When hopped up on the blue pill." Harry is my prime suspect.
 
legerdemer said:
Like Harry? :rolleyes: ;)
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i know the piece he's written, and no one's suggested it's his yet - if there's another, i don't know about it :cool: maybe he's having fun! :D

if not maggotty ron, i'm fingering remec for the dirty deed that's no.2 :cool:
 
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butters said:
in the pursuit of excellence, i would agree that it's absolutely appropriate to discuss this.

i would also add that there are writers here who quite openly state they lack knowledge or experience when it comes to form. and then there are others who fully understand the form and what might appear an error is more a poetic bending of the rules for the sake of the poem. open discussion can enlighten us as to whether a departure from strict adherence to a form's ''rules'' is deliberate, an 'oops', or an 'i tried but couldn't make it better'!

:rose:
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Angeline breaks all the rules!! She was a complete Rebel in all my Form Teach Ins and to be truthful Champ is nigh on as bad!
 
butters said:
i know the piece he's written, and no one's suggested it's his yet - if there's another, i don't know about it :cool: maybe he's having fun! :D

if not maggotty ron, i'm fingering remec for the dirty deed that's no.2 :cool:
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Nah...I haven't finished mine yet...busy weekend with bad weather and all...maybe I'll get it done tomorrow after I get in from work.
 
Guesses:
1. Love Charm
2. Rabbits Gone Wild (lol, Trixie... hello
3. Old love ...Annie
4. Love's Dream ...Annie
5. Valentine's Villanelle ...Angeline
6. My Valentine poem ... GP?
7. His Deliverance ...Champers
8. Puttin' My Dingle Berries in your Pie Tin ...Mags
9. Looking Back Across Years ...Tzara
10. Work worn hands
11. In Faith To Be (or not to be... WD also GP, or Mer... I dunno :eek:
12. Valentine Clerihew ...Annie
13. Late-Life Love ...Mer
 
butters said:
in the pursuit of excellence, i would agree that it's absolutely appropriate to discuss this.

i would also add that there are writers here who quite openly state they lack knowledge or experience when it comes to form. and then there are others who fully understand the form and what might appear an error is more a poetic bending of the rules for the sake of the poem. open discussion can enlighten us as to whether a departure from strict adherence to a form's ''rules'' is deliberate, an 'oops', or an 'i tried but couldn't make it better'!

:rose:
Click to expand...

HarryHill said:
Guesses:
1. Love Charm
2. Rabbits Gone Wild (lol, Trixie... hello
3. Old love ...Annie
4. Love's Dream ...Annie
5. Valentine's Villanelle ...Angeline
6. My Valentine poem ... GP?
7. His Deliverance ...Champers
8. Puttin' My Dingle Berries in your Pie Tin ...Mags
9. Looking Back Across Years ...Tzara
10. Work worn hands
11. In Faith To Be (or not to be... WD also GP, or Mer... I dunno :eek:
12. Valentine Clerihew ...Annie
13. Late-Life Love ...Mer
Click to expand...

Nope to any you've attributed to me :)
 
Some guesses

Not sure about any of these, but hey, gotta play to win.

I can't really comment on adherence to forms - I'm not a forms kinda gal, either educated enough or disciplined enough - but I enjoyed several of these a lot. Kudos for all who bravely attempted the forms. Me, I wussed out.

#2 - Rabbits Gone Wild - Magnetron, as others have already pointed out - rollicking fun

#3 - Old Love - gm (or possibly Tzara) - the whole poem has a gentle, rolling feel to it, clinched by the last two lines: "Face lined, flesh soft, and hair now grey/
together love we greet each coming day."

#5 - Valentine's Villanelle - Butters?
#6 - My Valentine poem - Seanathon - loving, wistful and haunting - that second stanza... ; S usually comes and goes and enters challenges unannounced - this poem has what I think may be his stamp on it
#7 - His Deliverance - Sinseria ?

#8 - Only Mags can pitch and rub his Dingle Berries about so lustfully.

#11a - In Faith To Be - UYS
#11b - Valentine Clerihew - HH? maybe?
 
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