What Are You Thinking? Continued 14

[Sexy_Singer]

Good morning lit.

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

Idk why my cousin persists on messaging me his sermons. I have known him his whole life, I know he's full of hot air. That's why he became a preacher.

 

[Sexy_Singer]

I hope the snow stops

 

[SimplyMsT]

It might be time for some breakfast!!!

 

[Hornymwtxn]

Idk why my cousin persists on messaging me his sermons. I have known him his whole life, I know he's full of hot air. That's why he became a preacher.

I had something similar but called him a phony phuck and problem solved

 

[Cthulhu1138]

I drank it when I was in Chicago... they gave me a sticker for taking the shots

I feel like that says something about me... and you

Folks use it as a right of passage, and not everyone enjoys the flavor.

I like it unironically and drink it by choice . Not sure what it says about me

 

[Hornymwtxn]

Is it too early for popcorn?

 

[Shady_nz]

I can't sleep..

 

[Mtnmike]

I can't sleep..

Sorry about that what do you need to help you

 

[cheekygirl75]

Up to 24” (61 cm) of heavy, wet snow tomorrow. Fml.

 

[_Bandit_]

Up to 24” (61 cm) of heavy, wet snow tomorrow. Fml.

So it was snow you were talking about before.

 

[Shady_nz]

Sorry about that what do you need to help you

A whole bottle of gin.. failing that a hot milk and honey( which I won't get in this dump..)https://www.booking.com/Share-zvJD73
( the property does NOT look like this IRL)
Thanks @Mtnmike
Sorry if I sound like a whiny princess

 

[Mtnmike]

A whole bottle of gin.. failing that a hot milk and honey( which I won't get in this dump..)https://www.booking.com/Share-zvJD73
( the property does NOT look like this IRL)
Thanks @Mtnmike

If I were there I would gladly help you with whatever you needed

 

[ccs29745]

Up to 24” (61 cm) of heavy, wet snow tomorrow. Fml.

Y'all be Careful up there, they say this going to be a bad noreaster.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

Up to 24” (61 cm) of heavy, wet snow tomorrow. Fml.

Wfh at least?

 

[cheekygirl75]

Wfh at least?

I almost always work from home… this is the only thing that kinda sucks about it, because I want a snow day!

 

[EyesOnHers]

I almost always work from home… this is the only thing that kinda sucks about it, because I want a snow day!

Oh no... the snow storm has taken down your WiFi

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I almost always work from home… this is the only thing that kinda sucks about it, because I want a snow day!

 

[smtst5]

What a hockey game!

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I almost always work from home… this is the only thing that kinda sucks about it, because I want a snow day!

Hopefully you don't have to shovel much if any of it at all.
That is hard on a body

 

[Cthulhu1138]

Is it too early for popcorn?

Never too early, not too late

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Does coffee work better right upon waking up?
Or after you've been awake a while?

 

[cocokittysurprise]

Idk why my cousin persists on messaging me his sermons. I have known him his whole life, I know he's full of hot air. That's why he became a preacher.

Oh my gosh, is your cousin my cousin?!? LOL
Like sir, you act like I don't know you in real life; do not tag me in social media posts with your "scripture of the day" baloney.

 

[SissyBrandi19]

Idk why my cousin persists on messaging me his sermons. I have known him his whole life, I know he's full of hot air. That's why he became a preacher.

Poor dear. I was sadly raised in a similar cult....the Baptist church? Gotta sibling...pastor...and like all good bible thumpers a real solid...narcissistic self-righteous hypocritical douchebag! But at least his wife is a cunt. This cousin dabbling in ye olde passive-aggressive behavior? I don't know you but I imagine this cousin knows full well how "receptive" you are. My book coming out has some things to say...the piece (the book is a collection of pieces) titled "In The Beginning" (There was Total Bullshit) where I tell the story of the writing of the Bible. Here! Here's an excerpt to cleanse your palate...(actually I'm secretly engaging in what is called "guerilla marketing" wherein I...wait...how is it a "secret" if I'm typing it out, here?.... D'oh!)...oh well - enjoy:

In The Beginning (There was Bullshit)​

[The following events occurred a minute ago – sometime after Man tamed fire, but prior to the advent of the wheel. This meant the world was a safer place. Sure, there were Mammoths, however, there were no women behind the wheel. On the balance, point, game, match Mammoth-laden, pre-females-behind-the-wheel, society.]

The Earth was fully formed, but rather void of intelligence. Two individuals were walking a path. Suddenly, the sky let out a powerful noise and a bolt of lightning struck, causing a tree to begin burning.

One of the two, the one lacking a Johnsonricharddongleweiner, asked with great fear, “What the fuck?! What…what was that?!”

The other, being male, thought for a moment and answered, “That was…God.”

“What…is a ‘God’?”

“What, you don’t – see and hear God?”

“No, I don’t – I don’t know anything about any…whatever…that can bring fire from the sky! What is God?”

The man hesitated, he felt marginally guilty for the lie he was about to perpetrate, until he remembered all the money he spent on dinner. He would have been happy simply eating at Mammoths-n-Meats but no, that was the “bare minimum” apparently. She, insisting that she deserved “Queen Cave-woman” treatment for the remarkable accomplishment of existing, demanded they try Mammou` where he endured several hours of feigning interest in his companion’s stupid opinions, only to be told he was very nice, but she wanted someone over 6’ tall, with a six-pack, earning at least $500,000 annually. She had standards – she had learned much from her two divorces – plus, she had her kids who would always be her top priority. He looked at his date for the evening, standing 5’2” carrying what had to be a good 185 lb. carriage, penniless. The guilt and accompanying hesitation vanished, instantly.

“God is the one who created everything you see – the Earth, the sky, the animals, you and me – everything. He is The Creator but he also can destroy everything and He is pissed. At you, to be quite honest. That is why that tree is burning and why we need to pick up the pace.”

The other one hesitated, “Can you ask your…ask God, is there anything we can do to make – wait, did you say this God is male?”

The man thought carefully.

“God is not a male nor female, I’m just using a convention of language. God is the invisible but all-powerful, all-knowing creator of the entire universe. He can not only change your life here, but when you die the real you will meet God and you will either live forever in a castle of gold and be waited on by your female friends, because you know they lie and are ugly, jealous bitches, or…live forever in a rat-infested sewer that is hot, smelly and where you must toil for eternity.”

The other one attempted to think, but was overwhelmed with fear – an emotion. Work? Forever? Her 30-hour work week was itself a dystopian nightmare, which is why she quit! Yet the man showed no fear – which for her seemed rather hot. Maybe she had been hasty, prior?

“What must I do to win the favor of God?”

The man smiled, “It is not difficult. Simply obey God, meaning, obey me, God’s mouthpiece. I am writing a book – God told me to and you need to buy it, read it and obey it. Also, God needs 10% of all your earnings.”

The man cringed, having committed his first of an infinite number of faux pax as defined by his Body Positive companion. Women don’t earn! he quickly remembered. Only bring up the 10% when speaking to other men. Thus began “religion” in all its glorious delusion.

Later that evening, the man considered his actions. Fucking great, now I have to write a book, he thought. Looking at the money he received from his companion, he realized it more than paid for the dinner. With that, he determined never to waver until the book was finished. He realized he knew just how the book would start and resolved that this book would be for the guys. If this works out, he thought, we can keep these Neanderthal bitches in their place for at least a few millennia, until they wise up. Little did he realize that his humble and righteously moral goal of subjugating women would be somehow later used against him and his buddies, via a more brutal oppressive ideology, capturing in its net countless innocent victims, meaning, of course, male victims. Had he realized the potential harm in what he was doing, he certainly would have proceeded, undeterred and unbothered.

***​

One of the most profound questions one can be asked by nosy, self-righteous pricks is, “Do you believe in God?” In the history of mankind, there has been no question more profound, and by “profound” I mean disingenuous and wholly lacking in meaning. Nobody in the history of mankind has ever asked the question, “Do you believe in God?” sincerely. Frankly, nobody is even remotely interested in whether anyone else believes in God. They are, however, very interested in whether you believe in their particular God.

[End of excerpt - I know, I know! Well...you'll just have to buy a copy when it finally hits stands!]​

[I know! Where does the brilliant author take this amazing premise? Ah-ah-ahhhh - ancient Chinese secret! Wait...that makes no fucking sense. No, I mean....look for my soon-to-be-released book I Think, Therefore I Offend the book some hail as "the most absolutely hilarious and controversial book of 2026 - perhaps the most important book written since before The Holy Bible!"...well? Okay, I hailed it as that...what? What, I can't hail? My hailing rights are somehow...abated? I don't think so!]

 

[fsa52]

This has been a strange morning!!!