What do you call someone who you find extremely attractive only after being around them?

[BadgirlAmy]

Krystalg said "aura" i think thats probably the word if you need to have just one word to describe it

 

[PapaRomantic]

I think of in terms of a "revelation."

Society was brought up with media definitions of what a beautiful person was - guys strong and buff and handsome, and girls thin and curvy in the right places. Beer commercials of the 70's and 80's drove that stereotype deep into our minds. So I have a feeling many of us had fantasies of pursuing someone who fit that description when we started looking for a life partner.

Then...for whatever reason, our eyes are opened to so many others who don't fall into that category, and when you find the one that suddenly makes you look at life differently, it's a revelation - and you realize your old standards of beauty don't apply anymore. It's too bad that it has to come to a revelation in many cases, because we should have been looking for that kind of person the entire time.

I don't see as many bikini girls in beer commercials as I used to, but then I hardly watch TV anymore, so I'm not an expert on the subject. But I think society is slowly working to show us possibilities of all persons, and in that way, maybe we are becoming better.

I have no proof or statistics to back that up. It's just my personal opinion.

 

[Glassnslate]

I know exactly what you are taking about. Spending some time around and getting to know someone, especially if you are open minded is worth it for sure. This exact scenario has happened to people I know and myself several times.

There are some really fun people to be around if you give them a chance. Fun is where it’s at.


Chemistry

 

[Britva415]

Wait just a GD minute, is this not a common experience that most people have felt at times??

What you’re describing isn’t a trait of the person on the other side of the attraction, it’s the experience of the person being attracted. That’s why there’s no name for the kind of person you’re asking about, there is no such kind of person.

On the other hand, a person who always experiences attraction this way might be demisexual. Sure, many people have probably felt this at times. The demisexual only experiences it this way.

 

[Kittenheels54]

Magnetism
Something you’re just drawn to

 

[PennyThompson]

It isn’t them, it’s you. It’s a Demi thing.

What you’re describing isn’t a trait of the person on the other side of the attraction, it’s the experience of the person being attracted. That’s why there’s no name for the kind of person you’re asking about, there is no such kind of person.

On the other hand, a person who always experiences attraction this way might be demisexual. Sure, many people have probably felt this at times. The demisexual only experiences it this way.

Well... heck.

Yep, I did NOT expect to have a personal revelation on the smut writer's forum today, but carpe diem, I guess

 

[Baneson]

As someone who's demisexual, the label is not really important. The way I see it is how peoples Vibes are. How do they make me feel. Am I being relaxed around this person. How much can I talk about weird things? How drained am being after an interaction? Not necessary feeling lust or love, (but those can deff be present too) but a sense of wellness and trust.

Charisma I think is different as that's something that shines through them, and usually you are not the only one affected. Vibes is how you interpret those in correlation to your own internal compass.

It's absolutely not 100% effective, but there have been cases where someone have felt off for me, and I have been proven very right.

 

[FidelityBoss]

So, vocab and/or description question for y'all...

Have you ever known someone who you don't find conventionally attractive, UNTIL you've spent some time around them, as a friend or coworker or something?

Like, maybe they're a little too fat, or a little too skinny, or a little too plain, a little lopsided, or some other attribute that doesn't particularly get your gears turning. If you just saw them in a crowd or just looked at a picture of them, they would do nothing for you.

But then you start to observe the way they talk, the way they move their body, their smile or their mannerisms or their sense of humor, and suddenly one day you GET IT

Their whole *gestures vaguely at this person* is so much more than the sum of their parts, in a way that you didn't expect and can't articulate?

I think @ElectricBlue particularly does a good job of writing characters like that, especially in his "At the Hardware Store" series

But how would you concisely talk about someone like this? Is there a word or phrase that gets to the core of this experience??

Totally get what you mean! Sometimes charm rewires attraction. ‘Grew on me’ feels too bland, maybe ‘their energy was magnetic’ or ‘their presence lit up the room’? Or just hit ‘em with: ‘I didn’t see it… until I felt it.’

 

[FidelityBoss]

Personally, the harder you try to label it. The more difficult it becomes...
Instant attraction is probably less common than a growing affection... I think that is the way most relationships begin...

We meet and slowly fall in love... Maybe already friends, or perhaps just met. You spend time together, find small things that glue you together... Liking similar things.... Laugh at jokes together... An attraction builds, is it chemistry... Emotion... Love...

To hard to define... but it happens. relationships start like that... A flickering flame... an ember glowing... The fuel triangle is built...
Love at first sight... I think that is probably more unusual...

Cagivagurl

Yeah, I get what you're saying. Love isn't always some instant spark, it’s often a slow burn that grows over time. Shared moments, inside jokes, and little connections build something real. Love at first sight sounds romantic, but lasting relationships usually have more layers than just a first glance.

 

[XerXesXu]

There's no word to describe it because it's a given of our existence. We were born to pair off with 'ordinary' people like ourselves.

The fish asked, 'What's water?'. It's a 'What's water?' question.

 

[Actingup]

(snip)

But how would you concisely talk about someone like this? Is there a word or phrase that gets to the core of this experience??

I think that it's in our word choices. If we're writing a stroke story about a superficial relationship - a one night stand or a group sex scene - we choose words that emphasise the superficial. Breast size, dick size, age, hair colour, and so on. If we are writing about a deep relationship, we discard those as being unimportant, or we use more obviously subjective terms, or describe an evolution of thought.

Stealing from the 'Breasts Again' thread:


Perhaps Jane was having it both ways, because Elizabeth is still objectively pretty. But the shift is still everything. Mr Darcy only starts to perceive Elizabeth as beautiful once he gets to know her. He is still saying 'she's not physically perfect but she's gorgeous', and then shifts his attention to the features that are particularly appealing to him.

 

[PennyThompson]

I think that it's in our word choices. If we're writing a stroke story about a superficial relationship - a one night stand or a group sex scene - we choose words that emphasise the superficial. Breast size, dick size, age, hair colour, and so on. If we are writing about a deep relationship, we discard those as being unimportant, or we use more obviously subjective terms, or describe an evolution of thought.

Stealing from the 'Breasts Again' thread:

View attachment 2518516
Perhaps Jane was having it both ways, because Elizabeth is still objectively pretty. But the shift is still everything. Mr Darcy only starts to perceive Elizabeth as beautiful once he gets to know her. He is still saying 'she's not physically perfect but she's gorgeous', and then shifts his attention to the features that are particularly appealing to him.

After everything I've gleaned from this thread, what I'm hearing is that Mr. Darcy was Demisexual

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I don't think what you are referring to is demisexuality. It's a lot more general in my opinion and not necessarily dependent on emotion. In time, one can begin to see the sexuality in a person that comes from within, in the way they move, the way they laugh or smirk, and the poses they strike, and it can all happen without becoming friends with that person. Sexuality and attraction can be, but it's not necessarily linked to emotion.

 

[Nynah]

Being demiromantic is sometimes conflated with being demisexual and there is some overlap, but I feel like the former is far more common than the latter. Being romantically attracted to someone after getting to know them better and forming a deeper emotional bond is a fairly regular progression, I feel.

 

[zysmith]

So, vocab and/or description question for y'all...

Have you ever known someone who you don't find conventionally attractive, UNTIL you've spent some time around them, as a friend or coworker or something?

Like, maybe they're a little too fat, or a little too skinny, or a little too plain, a little lopsided, or some other attribute that doesn't particularly get your gears turning. If you just saw them in a crowd or just looked at a picture of them, they would do nothing for you.

But then you start to observe the way they talk, the way they move their body, their smile or their mannerisms or their sense of humor, and suddenly one day you GET IT

Their whole *gestures vaguely at this person* is so much more than the sum of their parts, in a way that you didn't expect and can't articulate?

I think @ElectricBlue particularly does a good job of writing characters like that, especially in his "At the Hardware Store" series

But how would you concisely talk about someone like this? Is there a word or phrase that gets to the core of this experience??

A keeper

 

[Noor]

After everything I've gleaned from this thread, what I'm hearing is that Mr. Darcy was Demisexual

A lot of us are.

 

[Cagivagurl]

People are people...
Some are extroverts, and some are introverts.
Some interact easily, often referred to as a "People person" They alk into a romm, and within 10 minutes, they're everybody's friend.
hen it's 2 slightly introverted shy people connecting. It takes time... At first they're comfortable in each others company.
Conversations stutters, but eventually becomes more natural.
They realise, that there are other attributes they enjoy as well ..
Relationships build like that. Gradually over many meetings...
The personality's grow, mesh... The coin falls after time. It's more than friendship... They connect... The chemistry begins to weld them, fusing them melting them into one liquid pool of humanity...
A couple is born... It's not sexual... It's life... Finding another human you can communicate with
Of course the chemistry erodes away enough of the outer coating for the sexual connection...

Call it romance... an unexplainable connection. 2 souls fusing... the chemical elements merging and forming a new undiscovered one...

Cagivagurl

 

[AwkwardMD]

Awful lot of men coming in here telling a woman she doesn't know how she feels.

 

[Audiflex]

So, vocab and/or description question for y'all...

Have you ever known someone who you don't find conventionally attractive, UNTIL you've spent some time around them, as a friend or coworker or something?

Like, maybe they're a little too fat, or a little too skinny, or a little too plain, a little lopsided, or some other attribute that doesn't particularly get your gears turning. If you just saw them in a crowd or just looked at a picture of them, they would do nothing for you.

But then you start to observe the way they talk, the way they move their body, their smile or their mannerisms or their sense of humor, and suddenly one day you GET IT

Their whole *gestures vaguely at this person* is so much more than the sum of their parts, in a way that you didn't expect and can't articulate?

I think @ElectricBlue particularly does a good job of writing characters like that, especially in his "At the Hardware Store" series

But how would you concisely talk about someone like this? Is there a word or phrase that gets to the core of this experience??

Oh yeah, that’s such a real thing! It’s like their presence sneaks up on you and suddenly they’re magnetic. “Slow-burn attraction” or “charisma-based hotness” might fit, but honestly, sometimes it’s just that undefinable something that makes them irresistible.

 

[lovecraft68]

Awful lot of men coming in here telling a woman she doesn't know how she feels.

Is this your first time here?

 

[NuclearFairy]

On the topic of this thread, I'd go with charismatic, or clicking.

On the topic of demisexual, if you need to know and like the person to find them attractive then you might be. But if like me it's certain personality traits that you find attractive then you would still need to at least have a conversation with someone, or watch them interact with others to know if they're attractive, but you could still find yourself attracted to someone you absolutely despise. Which I don't think is demisexual.

 

[PennyThompson]

but you could still find yourself attracted to someone you absolutely despise. Which I don't think is demisexual.

Okay now THAT'S interesting. In theory I can sort of understand this, and I get that "hate fucking," exists as a fetish or porn thing, but it's unimaginable to me in real life

Even like baddies in movies who I can recognize as sexy or appealing are only so because of their personality and "whole package," not just because of their appearance or aesthetic. Is that NOT how most people feel?

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Is this your first time here?

This thread didn't contain any of that. People just voiced their opinions, and the experience the O.P. described isn't related to gender in any way. It's likely that every one of us has at least once experienced what the O.P. described.

 

[MrHereWriting]

What do you call someone who you find extremely attractive only after being around them?​

Extremely attractive.

 

[NuclearFairy]

Okay now THAT'S interesting. In theory I can sort of understand this, and I get that "hate fucking," exists as a fetish or porn thing, but it's unimaginable to me in real life

Even like baddies in movies who I can recognize as sexy or appealing are only so because of their personality and "whole package," not just because of their appearance or aesthetic. Is that NOT how most people feel?

I'm not a normal person so I'm not entirely sure.

But I think to a certain extent yeah. First they're drawn in by something attractive about their physical appearance. (Even for me that's true to an extent, although it's always been the way they smile or hold themselves.) And then as they get to know them better they might fall in love which amps up the physical attraction so that you have the can't keep their fucking hands off each other phase of an early romance.