What do you call someone who you find extremely attractive only after being around them?

[lovecraft68]

its not exactly what we're looking for, but I've always used the expression "Something about her." going by societal 'norms' they shouldn't be that attractive to you but they are.

There's a woman I work with that is like that. I hear guys mention her in the sense of "She's nothing special" but I'll be damned if she doesn't do it for me. She's the "If I were single..." type of inspiration.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

True. I was referring to your comment about men telling women how they feel.

That's SOP here.

It's not my comment. There is more than one "Awkward" here.

 

[YmaOHyd]

Okay now THAT'S interesting. In theory I can sort of understand this, and I get that "hate fucking," exists as a fetish or porn thing, but it's unimaginable to me in real life

Even like baddies in movies who I can recognize as sexy or appealing are only so because of their personality and "whole package," not just because of their appearance or aesthetic. Is that NOT how most people feel?

It doesn't seem that far-fetched, I guess, when you consider humiliation kinks and people who prefer really rough sex and all that. In part it could just be a mild manifestation of that same urge. Hot body and a lot of assertive confidence, even if it's abrasive, aimed at someone who's a little subby -- could have, uh, an effect.

 

[lovecraft68]

It's not my comment. There is more than one "Awkward" here.

Ah...yeah. Sorry the JB I've been sipping on for the last hour is taking a toll. should try to write now.

 

[NotWise]

It doesn't seem that far-fetched, I guess, when you consider humiliation kinks and people who prefer really rough sex and all that. In part it could just be a mild manifestation of that same urge. Hot body and a lot of assertive confidence, even if it's abrasive, aimed at someone who's a little subby -- could have, uh, an effect.

Sex with an ex can be chock full of conflicts--including not liking them anymore, but still being attracted to them.

 

[SissyBrandi19]

So, vocab and/or description question for y'all...

Have you ever known someone who you don't find conventionally attractive, UNTIL you've spent some time around them, as a friend or coworker or something?

Like, maybe they're a little too fat, or a little too skinny, or a little too plain, a little lopsided, or some other attribute that doesn't particularly get your gears turning. If you just saw them in a crowd or just looked at a picture of them, they would do nothing for you.

But then you start to observe the way they talk, the way they move their body, their smile or their mannerisms or their sense of humor, and suddenly one day you GET IT

Their whole *gestures vaguely at this person* is so much more than the sum of their parts, in a way that you didn't expect and can't articulate?

I think @ElectricBlue particularly does a good job of writing characters like that, especially in his "At the Hardware Store" series

But how would you concisely talk about someone like this? Is there a word or phrase that gets to the core of this experience??

I believe the term is "cellmate". You're welcome.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Sex with an ex can be chock full of conflicts--including not liking them anymore, but still being attracted to them.

And that's me earwormed.

 

[SerenaSteeleMonroe]

So, vocab and/or description question for y'all...

Have you ever known someone who you don't find conventionally attractive, UNTIL you've spent some time around them, as a friend or coworker or something?

Like, maybe they're a little too fat, or a little too skinny, or a little too plain, a little lopsided, or some other attribute that doesn't particularly get your gears turning. If you just saw them in a crowd or just looked at a picture of them, they would do nothing for you.

But then you start to observe the way they talk, the way they move their body, their smile or their mannerisms or their sense of humor, and suddenly one day you GET IT

Their whole *gestures vaguely at this person* is so much more than the sum of their parts, in a way that you didn't expect and can't articulate?

I think @ElectricBlue particularly does a good job of writing characters like that, especially in his "At the Hardware Store" series

But how would you concisely talk about someone like this? Is there a word or phrase that gets to the core of this experience??

If they give me their number, I call them on the phone. If they don't, I give them mine and wait to see what happens. Sometimes, I call them, "Hey, you," and wag my finger for them to come to me.

 

[Comshaw]

So, vocab and/or description question for y'all...

Have you ever known someone who you don't find conventionally attractive, UNTIL you've spent some time around them, as a friend or coworker or something?

Like, maybe they're a little too fat, or a little too skinny, or a little too plain, a little lopsided, or some other attribute that doesn't particularly get your gears turning. If you just saw them in a crowd or just looked at a picture of them, they would do nothing for you.

But then you start to observe the way they talk, the way they move their body, their smile or their mannerisms or their sense of humor, and suddenly one day you GET IT

Their whole *gestures vaguely at this person* is so much more than the sum of their parts, in a way that you didn't expect and can't articulate?

I think @ElectricBlue particularly does a good job of writing characters like that, especially in his "At the Hardware Store" series

But how would you concisely talk about someone like this? Is there a word or phrase that gets to the core of this experience??

I don't believe there is a single word that can be used to boil down the essence of a person that strikes me like that. Like all the surfaces of a cut diamond, there are way too many facets that contribute to their attraction than can be encompassed by a word or two. I'm sure out there some where is a single word or maybe two that attempts to describe it. But will it, does it do the thing we are trying to describe justice?

If there is a single word that describes what you have detailed it's a word that many refuse to, are afraid to, or hate to use. I'm a grumpy old closet romantic so I'll just put it out there. The word I mean is "love". What else would you call it if I've been exposed to someone and have gradually come to appreciate who they are, have accepted their faults and want to be around them a lot more?

Way to many people confuse lust with love. I can see a very physically attractive woman and have a desire to have sex with her until I'm exhausted. But after it would be a jump and run. Then there are those that have gradually taken me in thrall, that I want to jump their bones but also want to lay next to after, play with their nipple and giggle and laugh with them. The first is lust, the second is...


Comshaw

 

[PennyThompson]

For what it's worth, this is what I ended up with, for a story to be published for On The Job

I have to admit I find him rather cute. Tall, skinny, brown, awkward but in an endearing way. He looks gangly and uncoordinated, but his hands are graceful and strong and confident when he’s typing or working on hardware. He usually wears a white Oxford button-down with the sleeves rolled up, exposing his veiny arms.

I didn’t think much of him when I first met him, but he’s grown on me like an acquired taste, like the first time you taste black coffee.

 

[SPARTAN047]

IDK if the alphabet people call it being pansexual, sapiosexual or most likely, demisexual.

 

[TheLobster]

For what it's worth, this is what I ended up with, for a story to be published for On The Job

If I may:

(…) like an acquired taste. Sort of like black coffee, though his skin reminded me more of latte cappuccino.

 

[SerenaSteeleMonroe]

If I may:

The darker the man, the more I like him.

 

[Britva415]

There is research demonstrating that people will rate someone's physical attractiveness differently based on purely non-physical factors.

Attraction comes from a lot of different traits. Finding someone funny makes them attractive, finding someone smart can do so, finding someone bold or confident can do so, finding someone trustworthy can do so. Hearing that they're rich can. In experiments, simply being told that other people think a person is attractive can make subjects also rate them as attractive.

So, being around a person long enough to develop attraction for them based on things you didn't know about them when all you knew about them was what they looked like - this literally changes the way you feel about how they look.

I mean, they still have to be attractive. They have to attract you. They have to show you something you didn't see at the beginning. But once that happens and attraction has formed, of course you're going to see them as attractive now.

That goes for both their appearance and everything else which makes up your perception of them. I'm sure most of us understand attraction is not just physical or, for some of us, not even primarily physical. But physical is all we have to go on, until we learn more about them. When we do learn more about them, and the whole person becomes more attractive, then yeah - they weren't attractive before and then later they are.

how would you concisely talk about someone like this? Is there a word or phrase that gets to the core of this experience?

What do you want this for? If it were for a story, I wouldn't condense it. I would narrate the experience, core and all.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I wasn't physically attracted to my late husband when I met him. I liked the way he basically worshipped me from the beginning...
So, after learning about him, after watching his demeanor..i started getting really turned on around him...
He was a virgin when we met, and one of the sexiest men I was ever with.

So.. I hope that answers your question?

 

[Noor]