What stops you from coming out?

[timetotry]

Bet, it is impossible to have a discussion with you because you cannot stay on point. I have stated only that our military is solely responsible for our ENTIRE freedom that we enjoy. Nothing else. Nothing. No disparaging remarks about any group either within or without the glbt community. Neither you nor anyone else can make any argument that is reasonable, that any group other than our nations armed forces have had a greater impact on our individual freedoms. No one. Do you disagree? If so, who or what would you suggest has had a greater impact on our ability to have this freedom? Remember what I said earlier. My only point was that they won and continue to guarantee our right to choose. No other group has given as much toward this right we have.
One last point/question. Had our military not won our freedom from England, how could there even have been a Bill of Rights or a Constitution? If we were not a sovereign nation but rather a colony of a non free republic, how could we even have the ability to choose our sexual orientation if said state did not allow it? These are moot questions because our nations military has won us those rights. No one else.

 

[none2_none2]

I really don't understand the fuss about why it is so important to come out. Sure things can be confining if you conceal to the point you cannot live your life. However, coming out is way over rated.

I came out to my dad back in the 90's. It was no act of love, but actually of hate. I didn't give a damn whether he knew or not. We did make our peace, because from my standpoint the relationship could NOT have gotten worse.

He was a difficult individual to love because he was a person who was totally out. I'm not talking about homosexuality. He wasn't even .0001% gay. What I mean by out is he was so open about all his feelings. He was in-your-face about everything. For instance, a relative told me how some lady had taken a parking spot that they were trying to get. They had to park a few more spots away. My dad got out and yelled and screamed and called her all sorts of derrogatory names. Now I don't know if she deliberatly took the spot or what, but can you imagine living day-in and day-out with someone who kept nothing to themselves? Only the slightest things could have set him off. When I lived with him as a teen, I thought he just hated me. However, as an adult I could see that he was that way with everybody.

Now understand, when he died there was no hate anymore as like I said we made up years ago. However, had he not been my dad, we wouldn't have been enemies, but neither would I have chosen him for a friend. He did try to mellow a bit as he got older, but over all everybody was supposed to adapt to his "authentic" self no matter what he did nor how he conducted himself.

As a result, I APPRECIATE people who keep more of their thoughts and feelings a bit private. I would also add that plenty of times when I was in exclusively gay social events, that I felt JUST as uncomfortable in those groups as I ever had in any straight social circles when I chose to keep my sexuality private.

I feel like if I do need support, it is best when it comes from online. I remember how said I get when I loose an animal - such as a cat. I felt more suport from here than I would have felt from any straight group where I might be closeted or for that matter any gay group where I might be out.

Finally, realize that the very word "personality" comes from the word "persona" which is the latin word for mask. When you meet someone with a pleasing personalty odds are that they can have just as many angry, mean, contemptous thoughts as the next person. However, they have learned to keep it to themselves. They are not "out" about their emotions. I think that it very commendable.

 

[CandiCame]

If we were not a sovereign nation but rather a colony of a non free republic, how could we even have the ability to choose our sexual orientation if said state did not allow it?

Alright, dude. I'm not gonna cover how I'm speaking English instead of Cherokee- I'm not gonna cover atrocities that the military has committed. I'm not even gonna go off in detail about hot military shit is more or less irrelevant in this conversation because you, at the very least, got SB riled up about it, and that's kinda fun to watch.

I will ask that you PLEASE stop saying things like "choose our sexual orientation". This is the third or fourth time, and it's getting annoying. You don't chose who you love- and I can't believe that I'm the first person pointing that out. EVERYONE else let that slide?

Ok- I'm done bitching now. Resume.

 

[timetotry]

Ok let's disect your issues one at a time shall we? So you are american indian? Doubt it. You are a proven liar and a stalker and some of your posts have been simply ridiculous. The one about your being arrested for a trace of pot and going to court ...The very next day......absolute nonsense and many of us shot holes all thru that false drama. Did the us govt make mistakes regarding american indians? yes. Are you going to refuse govt or state help if offered? Doubt it. IF you make it to retirement age are you gonna send back the social security checks? Didn't think so. As to the military shit not being relevant - How do you suppose we got the very freedoms we now enjoy? When Britain sent troops to put down the uprising among the colonists, what do you suppose made them set sail back to jolly old England? Do you suggest we simply told them go home we are independant? The military. How about WWII. Our aid to Britain halted Hitler in his tracks. Want to speak Germain or Russian? Doubt it. I could go on but it won't matter to you now will it? Your last point - ok I will not say we are free to choose our sexual orientation but rather I will say we are free to PURSUE it. Better? According to The International Lesbian and Gay Association, as of 2007 there were 85 countries that have made it illegal to be involved in same sex. Just how long do you suppose we'd last if we were governed by one of those 85 countries hotshot? This discussion would more than likely be illegal let alone the actual pursuit of same sex. If we had no military and all waved peace signs do you suppose that would keep us safe and free? Wake up. Also, the part in your post about me getting Safe Bet riled up. If you enjoyed that I took no pride in it. I gather she is an intelligent and passionate woman. Both are good qualities. It is possible to debate without it being personal.

 

[Chrissi]

Being who you are? What stops you? Why not live the live you were meant to live? Personally, I'm in the closet and its hard to live this way.

Coming out was one of the most liberating things I have ever done in my life. It felt like the weight of a 1000 worlds was suddenly lifted off my shoulders.
Of course, it was not all roses and chocolate, but it was infinitely better than that restricted life I had built around myself and carefully nurtured for years.
That was many years ago, and I have never regretted it. Also the real coming out, was merely admitting to myself that I was gay, thereafter it was a gradual process with some family and friends. Many of whom said things like "duh" and "about time" although there were a couple of surprised family members.

Coming out is such a personal decision with so many different reasons for doing so or remaining in the closet. You have to do it on your own terms, if at all, when you, and only you, are ready. Never feel like you owe it to anyone to do so. You don't.

best wishes.

 

[ignorantslut69]

other than the fact that I am married and would be darn near social pariah. Nothing keeps me from coming out. I would come out at bi vs gay. though at this point, I may prefer cock over pussy. I do not think I can live without pussy

Joe

 

[lindsey4cum]

Not having that man to take me out!

 

[boredVAwife]

I used to give a **** what folks thought but not anymore. My opinion and those I hold close are far more important to me than any stranger that may or may not approve of my lifestyle. I like girls and give a rats ass who doesn't approve.

 

[klippert]

I'm sure Harvey Milk, Matthew Shepard and Stephen Bright agree with that distinction!

(BTW, just so you know, the military cannot, has not and never will protect anyone in the LGBT community from the discrimination, hatred and repression of their own fellow citizens and their own government.

So PLEASE stop trying to make me believe that the military has defended LGBT rights in the US. (Posse Comitatus Act ring any bells, dude)

Your right, the military has not, can not and Should not protected your personal rights....That's not the job of these United States Military...NUMB NUT. Take a minute and read the oath one takes when they sign up as a recruit. It doesn't say Protect the rights of gay, straight or transmogrified.....Try Preserve and protect the constitution from enemies foreign and domestic. Only in recent history has this countries military become a social experiment

You can step down form your rainbow high horse....As a Christian....I have too put up with religious bigotry from every tom, dick and Larry atheist and then take it from militant Gay INC.....Then on the back of my head from every Cuntry Club No Social issues R.I.N.Os......not to leave out every EFFING Socialist on T.V. radio, and politican......

 

[Safe_Bet]

Your right, the military has not, can not and Should not protected your personal rights....That's not the job of these United States Military...NUMB NUT. Take a minute and read the oath one takes when they sign up as a recruit. It doesn't say Protect the rights of gay, straight or transmogrified.....Try Preserve and protect the constitution from enemies foreign and domestic. Only in recent history has this countries military become a social experiment

You can step down form your rainbow high horse....As a Christian....I have too put up with religious bigotry from every tom, dick and Larry atheist and then take it from militant Gay INC.....Then on the back of my head from every Cuntry Club No Social issues R.I.N.Os......not to leave out every EFFING Socialist on T.V. radio, and politican......

Wow.

What happened? Did Fox News have a special???


P.S. Homophobe much, dude?

 

[girlsmiley]

Straight on ignore for having that ugly fucking cock av

 

[boredVAwife]

It sort of looks funny. Like a pin the tail on the donkey. Maybe a pin the weenie on the donkey? Sort of looks like it's stuck on in the wrong spot. Maybe it's me.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Straight on ignore for having that ugly fucking cock av

Good move, especially since this fundy, teabagger makes statements like:

"Since when is marriage a basic human right anyway."

(pulled from one of his stupid ass comments in the GB)

 

[janeyruth]

..you got SB riled up, and that's kinda fun to watch...

It is. They broke the fucking mold when they made her...

 

[Phydeax69]

Mostly? my wife.....

 

[girlsmiley]

It sort of looks funny. Like a pin the tail on the donkey. Maybe a pin the weenie on the donkey? Sort of looks like it's stuck on in the wrong spot. Maybe it's me.

You're right!

Good move, especially since this fundy, teabagger makes statements like:

"Since when is marriage a basic human right anyway."

(pulled from one of his stupid ass comments in the GB)

Uh huh. Some mothers do have 'em!

It is. They broke the fucking mold when they made her...

Hahahahahahahah. Fuck up.

I disabled my avatars the first day of being on this site because I got so sick of that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7CxgpevKuU

 

[TallOne]

Wow. Spoke just like a bi dude that can run right back to his happy ass str8 life when he's done.

And that's a closet said bi dude would be running into by suppressing his true sexuality just as much as you could deny your own. Only they're hiding from hate from both the straight(because they think they're gay) and gay(because they're politically threatening as they give ammunition to same-sex relations being a choice argument) communities. Choosing to deny your attraction to one sex is just as much a denial of who you are as a homosexual choosing to be asexual rather than face society as gay.

 

[CandiCame]

And that's a closet said bi dude would be running into by suppressing his true sexuality just as much as you could deny your own. Only they're hiding from hate from both the straight(because they think they're gay) and gay(because they're politically threatening as they give ammunition to same-sex relations being a choice argument) communities. Choosing to deny your attraction to one sex is just as much a denial of who you are as a homosexual choosing to be asexual rather than face society as gay.

And, just like that- I wanna fuck you.

I have no idea what your gender is.
Weird how that works.

 

[girlsmiley]

And, just like that- I wanna fuck you.

You'd hump anything

someone on this site sent me that video before. mighta' been you. I think it's super. I've sent it to so many guys since. Lololol.

Me? Could've been!

I haven't sent it to any guys though! Haha!

 

[Noira]

Good move, especially since this fundy, teabagger makes statements like:

"Since when is marriage a basic human right anyway."

(pulled from one of his stupid ass comments in the GB)

Personally, I think the use of marriage is just a powerful symbol. It's getting to make hot sweet love with the woman you love (in your case) that's the basic human right. The right is "I am allowed to make decisions for myself including who I want to sleep with, who I want to spend the rest of my life with", marriage is symbolic of that--and I'm not implying homosexuality is a choice, just that the right in question is the right to chose instead of being forced by the State to NOT have the choice.

I've disabled all avatars. I've had them disabled since I joined for one reason: cock avatars. Blah. Last thing I want to be looking at twenty-seven times while reading a post is a horrible shot of someone's cock from a cell phone camera.



candycame, I do understand what timetotry is saying about the military and even "choice", I think it's meant from a different viewpoint: if the State was simply forcing everyone to be heterosexual, we wouldn't have any choice... it would be straight or die. Now we have the choice to be out of the closet, the choice to (more or less) safely pursue romantic partnerships of whatever gender or sex we prefer. If it weren't for the fact that we live in free countries, we would not have that ability to choose.

Never mind the psychological fact that no one chose to be gay. We could still be forced into a very deep closet.

This IS a good time of the year to never forget... whether what you remember is good or bad. People died for freedom and for what they believed in. Whether you agree with what they did or not, there's power in remembering history... so we can avoid repeating mistakes, so we can cherish the power of our ancestors in shaping our countries, whatever you personally want to remember.

Never forget. We can't get complacent about where we are today, because change is made by action and by learning from the past.



Whoops, I'm on a high horse. Original question? I'm in a closet because I live in a very conservative town. I'm a little closer to the door: my sister's at least open and accepting, one of my friends is, another says she has 'gay friends' but that doesn't necessarily mean 'non-homophobic', and one of my coworkers openly supported gay rights (I thiiink one of her kids is gay) and I wanted to hug her to death because I'd been feeling pretty shitty about myself at that point. What stops me? Fear of being even more isolated than I already am; I'm already a geek in a small town. I only have a few flesh-and-blood friends. Once I move somewhere larger (and maybe when my great-grandmother dies... she's a bit of a "prayer warrior" and would probably try to strike the demons out of me) I might come out. Online I'm fairly out, except for Facebook. While I don't wear rainbow avatars everywhere I go, I flirt with the ladies and snuck a pride flag on my DeviantArt homepage and follow sex bloggers and various awesome kinky and gay people on Twitter. Some IRL people could probably find out by watching what I get up to online.

So what keeps people there? Fear of something; if it's not safe to come out due to potential abuse, whether physical or mental/emotional I think all but the bravest of folks would stay in the closet. Canada is pretty safe, but this is a very, very redneck and conservative area. D:

Under a week ago I almost so very almost came out to my best friend. She'll love me forever regardless, she knows I'm a kinkster, she's "out" to me on her own side of the queer spectrum; why is it so hard?

 

[Eastborn]

My job. No way in hell could I work there if they knew. No way.

 

[Jiffylube5701]

My job. No way in hell could I work there if they knew. No way.

Yup. But first, you will gain more exceptance than you think you will and second, people probably already know your status. Third, go on living with that secret, trust me, its not the way to do it. Out gay men and woman have courage that most will never know.

 

[hentaifan]

nothing

You don't like that im bi well you can either fuck off or deal with it, talk shit about me liking to suck cock. Still won't change who I am.

 

[milojames]

I'm not in the closet but I don't exactly go skipping down the street hollering out I'M a homo! I'm a homo! either.
Your sexuality is a personal thing you share with the ones you are interested in.

 

[CJontherocks]

Coming out was one of the most liberating things I have ever done in my life. It felt like the weight of a 1000 worlds was suddenly lifted off my shoulders.
Of course, it was not all roses and chocolate, but it was infinitely better than that restricted life I had built around myself and carefully nurtured for years.
That was many years ago, and I have never regretted it. Also the real coming out, was merely admitting to myself that I was gay, thereafter it was a gradual process with some family and friends. Many of whom said things like "duh" and "about time" although there were a couple of surprised family members.

Coming out is such a personal decision with so many different reasons for doing so or remaining in the closet. You have to do it on your own terms, if at all, when you, and only you, are ready. Never feel like you owe it to anyone to do so. You don't.

best wishes.

One of the best responses I read. And not just because it excuses me from joining the fight, either.

I'm not really convinced that coming out would change my life all that much... other than, perhaps, my current marital status. I don't feel like I need to live a "gay lifestyle." I just live my life.

If I was not married, I would probably be out by now. I've come a long way since I had sex with a man for the first (and even the last) time. But that, to me, doesn't have to mean waving a rainbow flag on my front porch. My sexuality is only relevant to those with whom I choose to have sex. I may also choose to tell other intimate friends simply because it's part of who I am, but I am a pretty closed person anyway so just randomly letting strangers know I like both men and women is never going to be my style.

I do admire the men and women and somewhereinbetweens who have endured the hatred, the discrimination, and everything else, in order to be who they want to be. Acceptance wouldn't be even where it is today if not for these people. So in a way, I'd like to be like you who have said out loud, "I'm gay, get used to it." I'm just not there yet.

I will, however, always correct someone who says bad things about good people.


(ps: I was gonna offer my comments on the whole "military sets us free" thing, but since that conversation seems to have died, I'll leave it alone.)