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What the hell…Chilly’s little spot on lit

Chillygirl said:
I can be fine all day but nights are incredibly fucking lonely. I’m working so hard not to give in to my usual bad coping mechanisms.
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"When your day is long
And the night, the night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough
Of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
Everybody hurts sometimes"

some one posted a video of this song on my FB years ago when i was really low... oddly, i am a massive r.e.m. fan but the lyrics to this never really hit home until then. Maybe, at the time, i dismissed the song, hitting too close to home and it took a few years to sink in. I had even stood in arenas around the world singing along with it, but in that dark moment it suddenly made so much sense.

I am, generally, a night owl and found the silence and stillness hard to get used to again after being denied them. Once "free" again it felt wrong to enjoy the time, but it happened over months/years and now i can still enjoy those moments when the "Streetlight Blues" (as Squirrel Flower sang) come into their own and the foxes own the streets

Reclaim the night.
 
Chillygirl said:
I can be fine all day but nights are incredibly fucking lonely. I’m working so hard not to give in to my usual bad coping mechanisms.
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I can relate to this. I have never had a loss like you but I know that if I loose my wife, the nights will be the worse. The rest of the day will be busy after a while and keep the thoughts on other things.
I have trouble going to sleep when I'm alone one night, so I can imagine that it would be tough.
Chillygirl said:
I keep seeing these videos “I wish I’d never met you…” and I realize after everything I don’t feel that way. I have no regret about meeting, about dating, about being friends. I have no regrets about all the time, energy and love. I just wish it was different.
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The old saying "It's better to have love and lost than never have loved at all" say it well. The alternative is worse even if it feels like shit now.
 
Chillygirl said:
I keep seeing these videos “I wish I’d never met you…” and I realize after everything I don’t feel that way. I have no regret about meeting, about dating, about being friends. I have no regrets about all the time, energy and love. I just wish it was different.
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I feel this is a healthy outlook though, and forgive me if many disagree I will find out later I am sure, but; to be able to look on past relationships, or friendships and to be able to learn about yourself and people habits, is how one grows and becomes a better form of themselves. As long as that is the road taken and not becoming depressed because you don't have them.
 
Chillygirl said:
View attachment 2413361View attachment 2413362
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At one point during my divorce I was so afraid my ex was going to be mad at me and my therapist said “what’s the worst he’s gonna do? Divorce you?” I think that’s what got me through the divorce.

A different situation had me holding a place in my life for someone…I finally asked myself “what’s the worst he can do? Not talk to you? He hasn’t talked to you in a year.” Made it a lot easier to stop holding a place.

I’m not afraid to be alone. I’m not afraid to be left or abandoned. Everything I was afraid of happened. I’m ok. I’m still here.
 
Chillygirl said:
At one point during my divorce I was so afraid my ex was going to be mad at me and my therapist said “what’s the worst he’s gonna do? Divorce you?” I think that’s what got me through the divorce.

A different situation had me holding a place in my life for someone…I finally asked myself “what’s the worst he can do? Not talk to you? He hasn’t talked to you in a year.” Made it a lot easier to stop holding a place.

I’m not afraid to be alone. I’m not afraid to be left or abandoned. Everything I was afraid of happened. I’m ok. I’m still here.
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Elton John, I'm still standing seems fitting.
 
Ok big disclaimer before I post some more stuff. I’m not sad. I’m good. This is just from a series of art I’ve been keeping up with. Things I can connect to or have felt or might be going through. Healing is not linear…sometimes you go backwards a couple steps but overall I’m good!
 
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Hmm I lost the caption…it said “I don’t need people to fix me, I just need people to quit breaking me.”

IMG_7294.jpeg
 
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