RedHairedandFriendly said:
Thanks for saying this.
The problem is that most of the people in the BDSM world have to live their lives even deeper in the closet than our gay friends. America has embraced Ellen and the Fab Five, but we're still just too far out to be acceptable to Joe and Jane Redstate. Personally, I'm going to school to become a certified as a teacher; if the wrong people found about my presence here, that career would be closed to me forever.
Forums like this give us a place that we can relax and let our guard down, and at least pretend that we are alone among supportive people who share our problems and concerns, as well as our kinks. It's an illusion, we know, but a relatively safe one, given the relative real-world anonymity we enjoy here. But to be reminded that our doors are not only open to newcomers, but also to tourists and gawkers--even if you aren't either of those things--is discomfitting.
As I said, taking part in the discussions, even as a visitor, would help. If you said, "Hey, I'm just a writer doing research, but could you tell me why you do this, or how you do that, or how you feel about that other thing?" we'd at least feel interviewed, rather than spied on.
But then, it's 4 am, and my very vanilla mother is arriving from 2000 miles away in less than two hours. I'm very tired, and maybe more than a little on edge because of that. Again, I didn't mean to be rude, I just meant to tell you that your posts were making me uncomfortable and observed in a place where I'm used to feeling secure and relaxed.
No hard feelings, and good luck with your story.
)
