which woman???

[MattS]

Hi girls and guys. Here is my problem. At the moment there are 2 women in my life. woman A is my perfect woman. Absolutely gorgeous, smart, funny and a great personality. I want her more then anything else in this world, but she says she thinks of me as an older brother/best friend, not as a partner. We call each other every day, talk about anything and everything, share problems etc.
Woman B is great as well. Just like the other one, but to a lesser extent. We have just started going out together.
The problem is, I can't get excited about her. She is sort of second prize, and I dont want to settle for 2nd best.
Any advice from you guys would be great.
Thanks

 

[Lust Engine]

Well, it takes two to tango.

Obviously woman #1 doesn't want to dance. Granted that can actually add to the allure but if she says no, you have to respect it.

Now regarding woman #2, seeing as how woman #1 is still lingering in your lust window, are you truly giving her a fair shake? If she's as good as you say she is, I think she deserves a little more attention.

Obviously they are two entire different & distinct people. I'd quit with the comparisons NOW. You're not being fair to them by doing that and you're not allowing yourself the opportunity to really dive in deep emotionally and devotionally with one.

It might not seem like superb or log winded advice but hopefully my two bits helped.

 

[blue112]

I gotta agree with Lust Engine, A isnt interested and id make sure before you move on and B is so seeing as A isnt a possibility while B is and since B is there already,
basically dont walk forward looking behind you

 

[Mskey]

LE gave you some really good advice Matt.

To be honest with you no woman likes to think she's sloppy seconds, the consolation prize so to speak. From what I'm reading this is what woman B is for you, your consolation prize. Until you stop seeing her in that light you're never really going to give either one of you or your relationship a chance to grown and move forward.

It's pretty obvious that woman A for all her perfection isn't interested in you as more then a friend and you should respect that and move on. Until you do any other woman is going to pale in comparison.

 

[MattS]

More confusion.

OK, i took your advice and decided on plan plan of action. I couldnt go on like thatf orever so I just sucked it up and told woman A what the situation was. ie. I am crazy about her and I don't want to pursue anything with woman B while I was feeling like that. She knew exactly what I was going to say. (you tell me if we are not meant for each other).
I then told her I thought the because of her past bad relationships (she has never had a "good" relationship from what I know) she is too scared to get close to anybody. She admitted to me that she has her issues, but tried to cover it by saying everybody has issues. She ended up in tears.
While I have known her she has gone out with a few guys but has always come up with excuses (not reasons) to stop seeing them. She has always flatly refused to even go on a date with me, and has never explained why, other then the "best friend" excuse.
I think she is terrified to get close to somebody. I am now more lost then I was before.
And in case anybody was wondering, I explained it all to woman B. She didn't like hearing it, but she accepted it.

 

[Metal_Monkey]

Well... Good luck. It sounds like either you need to start planning a mega-seduction campaign, or you need to back off and give your lady A some room.

As for lady B, I'm glad you came clean with her sooner rather than later - and she's glad, too. (Really.)

 

[Willing and Unsure]

just a little tidbit here..... you're never really going to be over woman A if you continue to spend a lot of time with her (if you're looking to move on). I tried that type of thing once before, it doesnt work.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

If you want some advice from a very old lady:

Woman A sounds like she has mega issues! I would RUN away from that. Besides the point that she's not interested in you that way........

And now you've gone and f*#ked it up with woman B by spilling your guts to her about woman A! So you might have lost both as close friends as they were before you started all this.

Keep your friends as your friends and be on the lookout for a more suitable woman. Once you find her and start getting close to her - you just know what will happen. Woman A won't be able to stand it and come running back. At which point you can calmly point out that you feel like a 'big brother' to her... lol

 

[sxylegs]

Hi Matt....
Everybody had great advice.....but what do you really want.....if you believe that woman A is for you then why dont you woo her. take her to play pool....go to the movies......go very slow. maybe her mega issues are that guys rush into the relationship then dump her when they get bored....no stability. see her more ofen each week...make yourself indespenceable......send her flowers......give her little cards.....if you really want her....dont give up until you truly have let her know.
When a guy comes up and just talks to me, i sometimes beilieve that is his dick talking....he just wants to get me into bed. Let her believe that you really want her for her and not just to play. and then if it doesnt work out then you know you tried everything.......I bet you will get her in the end......who could resist....

Good Luck