Why do we forgive others?

[R. Richard]

A man does not forget. A man pays his debt.

 

[elsol]

The forget vs. forgive them is interesting because I heard something once which I agree with it (to some extent.

It said;

Men don't forgive, they forget. Women forgive, but they never forget.

Besides the generelization, the interesting about it is that it does show something that I see in male behavior.

When my male friends have been wronged,they 'seem' to get over it, until you remind them of it... then it's like they're right back there feeling the exact same thing at the exact same levels.

That's why I say a lot of the time, what I see is people pretending to forgive someone.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Foregivness is a ruse we use to keep someone off guard while we build a booby trap for them to get even

 

[sophia jane]

Personally, I forgive people for my own good because when I'm angry, I obsess and get bitter and mean. But if someone really, really wrongs me they might not stay in my life because I tend to avoid people who hurt me.

 

[Dar~]

If you can forgive enough not to throw it up time and again, I think that things can move in a positive forwardly direction. Not forgetting is part of the learning process. It is human.

That said, Imp, remember three years ago when you said I was a sarcastic Bytch? Well it really hurt me, and I can't seem to get over it, I don't think we should talk any more.






























*snicker*

 

[impressive]

If you can forgive enough not to throw it up time and again, I think that things can move in a positive forwardly direction. Not forgetting is part of the learning process. It is human.

That said, Imp, remember three years ago when you said I was a sarcastic Bytch? Well it really hurt me, and I can't seem to get over it, I don't think we should talk any more.






























*snicker*

I also said I wanted to fuck you. Guess you've forgotten that. *sniff*

 

[Dar~]

I also said I wanted to fuck you. Guess you've forgotten that. *sniff*

okay, all is forgiven . . .where do you live?

 

[elfin_odalisque]

"To err is human, but to forgive divine". Alexander Pope

Too many of us spoil familial and friendly relationships by taking offence at some supposed slight that, in the cold light of day, was no more than a bit of heated anger.

Without what we see in our everyday lives, isn't the tragedy we see unfolding here in front of our eyes, Colleen, Whisper, Vana and so many more, enough to tell us that our hold is fragile and brief and that others - just as feeble as us - are just as sensitive.

True forgiveness makes us better people.

 

[elsol]

Forgiveness is permission to do it again.

 

[impressive]

Forgiveness is permission to do it again.

Ouch.


True, though.

 

[elsol]

Has anyone actually answered the 'Why?'

Why have you forgiven someone for doing a wrong? Like for instance, why have you forgiven your lover's cheating?

I never have... but I don't see a reason to (Probably that whole permission to do it again view of things). The other person did a bad thing... they had reasons... now there are concequences.

 

[jomar]

Forgiveness is permission to do it again.

I disagree. That's why we don't forget. Forgive but hold accountable.

 

[jomar]

Has anyone actually answered the 'Why?'

Why have you forgiven someone for doing a wrong? Like for instance, why have you forgiven your lover's cheating?

I think the 'why' gets back to the 'selfish' issue. Ultimately we forgive so we won't be consumed by the anger, anguish and all the energy that takes away from more productive living.

 

[elsol]

I disagree. That's why we don't forget. Forgive but hold accountable.

If you've forgiven... how can you hold accountable?

Forgiveness is wiping the slate clean, neh?

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Forgiveness is permission to do it again.

No, definitely not. Forgiveness is the most sacred acts of love that says we are all sinners - big or small - and that my love for you supersedes your fall from grace.

I would not pretend that honesty and repentance play a part but 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone'.

I'm not really religious but I've seen how festering anger can destroy someone.

 

[impressive]

No, definitely not. Forgiveness is the most sacred acts of love that says we are all sinners - big or small - and that my love for you supersedes your fall from grace.

I would not pretend that honesty and repentance play a part but 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone'.

I'm not really religious but I've seen how festering anger can destroy someone.

Do you believe you must "forgive" to let go of that anger?

I find it much easier to let go of the anger (and the hurt) than I do to "forgive."

 

[jomar]

If you've forgiven... how can you hold accountable?

Forgiveness is wiping the slate clean, neh?

Forgiving someone means you've worked through the pain. It doesn't mean you'll let them get away with it again. An affair for example. You can forgive your SO, but let them know you'll leave if it happens again (and then you may have to). Or physical abuse of a SO - you can forgive them but still call the police. Stuff like that.

 

[elsol]

Forgiving someone means you've worked through the pain. It doesn't mean you'll let them get away with it again. An affair for example. You can forgive your SO, but let them know you'll leave if it happens again (and then you may have to). Or physical abuse of a SO - you can forgive them but still call the police. Stuff like that.

So it has nothing to with them... does it?

Forgiveness is internal; it's about how you feel about what they did. If it has nothing to do with them, then you can achieve the same internal equilibrium by removing their ability to do harm... by leaving.

Or maybe even getting even? (I've been a part of at least one woman doing a 'He doesn't have to know... I'm fucking you... it's enough that I know.' Those are scary women too!)

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Do you believe you must "forgive" to let go of that anger?

I find it much easier to let go of the anger (and the hurt) than I do to "forgive."

I think so, though we could get caught up in semantics here.

We all say and do things that seriously upset others. We seek to repair the damage and often don't succeed. Friends, families and groups become alienated because of an inadvertent remark.

We put our pride before our humanity all too often, and the world is not a better place for it.

 

[elsol]

I think so, though we could get caught up in sematics here.

We all say and do things that seriously upset others. We seek to repair the damage and often don't succeed. Friends, families and groups become alienated because of an inadvertent remark.

We put our pride before our humanity all too often, and the world is not a better place for it.

And I would argue that many times, we allow forgiveness to be an enabler.

Because we do not have enough pride to say, "You will not do this to me again."... and the world is not a better place for it.

 

[elsol]

The amusing thing about is the old saying...

"It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission. ~Grace Hopper"

Yeah... and it's a lot easier to get that forgiveness, too.

 

[jomar]

So it has nothing to with them... does it?

Forgiveness is internal; it's about how you feel about what they did. If it has nothing to do with them, then you can achieve the same internal equilibrium by removing their ability to do harm... by leaving.

Or maybe even getting even? (I've been a part of at least one woman doing a 'He doesn't have to know... I'm fucking you... it's enough that I know.' Those are scary women too!)

Yes. You could leave and thus remove their ability to harm. But you could still be hurt, angry, etc. With forgiveness you let go of those things.

 

[jomar]

Do you believe you must "forgive" to let go of that anger?

I find it much easier to let go of the anger (and the hurt) than I do to "forgive."

If you let go of the hurt/anger do you feel you have forgiven (but not forgotten)?

 

[elfin_odalisque]

And I would argue that many times, we allow forgiveness to be an enabler.

Because we do not have enough pride to say, "You will not do this to me again."... and the world is not a better place for it.

Whatever you think, forgiveness is not a weakness. It is a strength.

Taking someone back into your trust - co-worker, lover, spouse, even child, after a betrayal requires the sole attribute of love.

If you really, truly believe, if you you really,truly love, you will forgive whilst honesty survives. If honesty is gone, who would you trust to control the life-supprt machines

 

[impressive]

If you let go of the hurt/anger do you feel you have forgiven (but not forgotten)?

No, I don't. Forgiving, to me, means "as if it never happened" ... and I simply am incapable of that.