Widows and widowers 2

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I survived another year of anniversaries... The anniversary of our first date, our first time, his passing and our wedding anniversary. All were in July..

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I survived another year of anniversaries... The anniversary of our first date, our first time, his passing and our wedding anniversary. All were in July..

All in one month! oh my I am sorry. My anniversaries are spread from May until August. I am going on a vacation in 2 weeks just to catch my breath and keep my mind off of her passing. I need distraction badly.

 

[Strixaluco]

I need distraction badly.

 

[Strixaluco]

The anniversary of my late husband passing is this Sunday (2 years). My mind is, however, in the anniversary of the first private date with my Dom, this Saturday. Life goes on.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

The anniversary of my late husband passing is this Sunday (2 years). My mind is, however, in the anniversary of the first private date with my Dom, this Saturday. Life goes on.

 

[Strixaluco]

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Well, you know my case isn't a standard one. Not after spring last year...

 

[Bisexguy70]

I think the second year can be tougher for a lot of reasons.
A portion of the people around you think that you should be over it and moved on. Just wait til they go through it...lol.
I was lucky. Before he died he signed up friends including our family doctor to promise to do chores. One gf called me on wednesdays and saturdays, another called every day. My doctor called to check on me. A good friend cleaned my gutters and took me to the hockey games. And on and on.
It took me a year to figure out the patterns.
I was lucky.

If i lived close i certainly would have liked to be one of those people who helped you out. It would be nice to do something for someone and not expect anything in return. However i wouldnt turn down an invite for to help with things…wink wink

Dont judge! Im a guy and thats the way men think.

 

[Noor]

Widowers seem more accepting of ones ghosts. They understand when you get lost of a piece of music or grief unexpectedly washes over you.
I ask a friend when we were out, when does it stop? He lost his wife decades ago and he said it doesn’t, you just get better at dealing with it and it becomes part of you.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I’m still trying to find the new me, the person affected by but now without her. It’s a difficult journey. It’s necessary so I can live and love the rest of my life.

 

[MaryanneB]

Widowers seem more accepting of ones ghosts. They understand when you get lost of a piece of music or grief unexpectedly washes over you.
I ask a friend when we were out, when does it stop? He lost his wife decades ago and he said it doesn’t, you just get better at dealing with it and it becomes part of you.

That's it.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Thanks my friend. I cannot wait for my vacation in 2 weeks. I need a mind and emotional reset. The last 4 months have had one anniversary after another. I loved her but I need to move on. I hope this resonates and helps some of you.

 

[Strixaluco]

Thanks my friend. I cannot wait for my vacation in 2 weeks. I need a mind and emotional reset. The last 4 months have had one anniversary after another. I loved her but I need to move on. I hope this resonates and helps some of you.

When you realise you need to move on, you have already started.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

It’s great you have so down time coming. I believe it’s not true that we ‘need to move on’ it’s that we need to find out who we are after our loss. Here’s wishing you healing

I have learned that it's time I teach my offspring independence now that I'm his only caregiver. I hear him say that his dad taught him a lot, and for that, I'm so glad... But it's almost time he learn finances, independence, etc. I'm all he has, as I have kept most family away due to them being so toxic. We all understand like is too short, and we can be gone sooner than we hope..

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I believe it’s not true that we ‘need to move on’ it’s that we need to find out who we are after our loss.

I probably should have used different words than "move on" which sound like forget and not remember. I will always remember our time together. The last 4 months were remembering from our wedding anniversary in May, the day she went into hospice, the day she passed and her birthday in August. I just need the vacation to clear my emotions and head by just relaxing with doing something on my bucket list which she had no interest. This vacation is the first in my steps to discovering me without her in my life.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I have learned that it's time I teach my offspring independence now that I'm his only caregiver. I hear him say that his dad taught him a lot, and for that, I'm so glad... But it's almost time he learn finances, independence, etc. I'm all he has, as I have kept most family away due to them being so toxic. We all understand like is too short, and we can be gone sooner than we hope..

So true unfortunately that is short and unpredictable. I feel you will teach him well.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

It's a term that mostly I hear for friends telling me to 'move on"

Although they mean well, they do not understand do they? Sometimes I get the other response like how could you forget her? So I give a canned response to those who do not understand and say "I have good days and some not so good". And that is all they get.

For those that understand my grief, I try to explain my feelings and where I am in the process. There are only a very few in my circle of friends and family that I confide in.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Good mornin all y'all

Morning. I am going for a walk today.

 

[saintcero]

I have not officially joined this group but I am of an age where it could happen. We are married now some 48 years. The odds are that one of use will pass before the other and the survivor will have to deal with all the feelings that you fellow posters have identified. It is inevitable.

If I am the survivor then I will move on but at a pace of my choosing and comfort. That is what my wife would want for me and I for her. There will be moments of crushing grief followed by tears and smiles for precious memories. The only way to avoid this is by never loving.

My wife insists that she will pass first. We shall see won’t we.

Prepare for what is inevitable and deal with it as best you can. Live in the present. Cherish all your memories but don’t let them ruin your life.

I’ll say it again, live in the present and enjoy this day.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Thought I would share this with you from a friend who also lost their partner: “ Moving on does not mean forgetting or unloving, it means living. “

 

[Maturelickr]

An update, my Persian lady friend and I are getting closer emotionally as well as intellectually. I agree that having the intellectual connection is very important. Also, my libido has subsided which means I have been more objective about my relationship with her. I feel so peaceful with her and the conversation flows easily. I am not looking anymore. I am sending you warm wishes and care.

Congrats for nearing the end of your journey toward internal peace

 

[Leglover1234]

I’m terminally ill. This thread always makes me cry. I don’t want to leave my family so soon. There’s still so much I wanted to do with them

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I’m terminally ill. This thread always makes me cry. I don’t want to leave my family so soon. There’s still so much I wanted to do with them

Your family will love the times you spend with them now, as well as memories from the past.. I lost my husband suddenly. Others had time to prepare, and there's no better or worse I'm sure.
It's not the doing they'll remember. It's your soul, your heart, your mind, your love.

 

[MM62]

Hello all. Hope you are all well!
This is machine maker had to start a new profile

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I am back from my 2 week vacation and checking in. It did help reset my feelings and emotions. After all, I only thought of my safety when I saw a moma grizzly with 3 cubs and slipped and fell on a trail (no injuries). I also had a dream of my late wife and woke up not sad, but at peace. It felt like she gave me the green light to live the rest of my short life in happiness and contentment.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]