Widows and widowers 2

[ace195008]

Absolutely

 

[MaryanneB]

Young people often struggle to understand hardships of life. Too often the way they learn is the hard way...

But the situation of that lady is precisely why it isn't a good idea to let the other one handle something totally. Mostly, yes, but so that one keeps some kind of updated idea about handling daily matters.

Men have good intentions. Older men sometimes want to "take care" of the one they love even though it's not a good thing. My husband was ill for 14 years....2 open heart surgeries, 24 cardiac caths, pacemaker and internal defib. There was lots of time but it still wasn't long enough. You can make plans and that's good but when it happens you still don't believe it.
Here's to all of us who lost. It's the price we paid for truly loving someone.

 

[Strixaluco]

Men have good intentions. Older men sometimes want to "take care" of the one they love even though it's not a good thing.

You can make plans and that's good but when it happens you still don't believe it.

I know what you mean with good intentions. There's just that difference between handling it mostly, and letting the other stay totally ignorant about key skills.

I was raised by parents who firmly believe their children must be able to handle all necessities of life. By ourselves. They were raised pretty much the same way - though actually my father made the tax papers to his parents since he was 10... Maybe for precisely that reason he doesn't let mom fall off the bandwagon in dealing with things - he knows how it happens. Yes there's a lot mom would need to catch up if dad died first, but it's doable.

That's also the way he thinks as a retired judge. Some things are worth being prepared for all the time, even when not expecting anything.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Here's to all of us who lost. It's the price we paid for truly loving someone.

I agree. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Leglover1234]

Death just sucks. Whether it’s too soon or suddenly. Just not fair

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Lost my best friend and wife of 35 years three years ago.

I am sorry and no words can take away the sadness you feel. We are here to support you.

 

[Strixaluco]

Death just sucks. Whether it’s too soon or suddenly. Just not fair

Life doesn't even know the concept of fair (Which is why we humans should.)

 

[breakwall]

8 years ago I lost my wife to cancer after a year of battling. She was diagnosed just six months after giving birth to our baby girl. She didn’t make it to see our daughter’s second birthday.

Being suddenly a single parent was tough, but me and my kid have been through a lot.

I don’t get sad anymore thinking about my late wife. I’m very lucky to have had the time with her that I did. And she gave me the best gift ever, my daughter.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

8 years ago I lost my wife to cancer after a year of battling. She was diagnosed just six months after giving birth to our baby girl. She didn’t make it to see our daughter’s second birthday.

Being suddenly a single parent was tough, but me and my kid have been through a lot.

I don’t get sad anymore thinking about my late wife. I’m very lucky to have had the time with her that I did. And she gave me the best gift ever, my daughter.

Thank you for sharing as others may have similar experiences. My therapist said that the sadness never leaves but diminishes as life expands around me and grief. Life, the care of your daughter expanded around you and grief. We support you.

 

[Strixaluco]

Thank you for sharing as others may have similar experiences. My therapist said that the sadness never leaves but diminishes as life expands around me and grief. Life, the care of your daughter expanded around you and grief. We support you.

I remember seeing a good gif about that

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I remember seeing a good gif about that

 

[Strixaluco]

View attachment 2251994

Yes, that's one of them. I've also seen a versionewith something living, like a plant, or a person carrying the stone.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

The long goodbye

Everyday you get further away
Like your slowly fading away

Piece by piece, drop by drop
Fate is stealing the parts that make 'us'

What am i to do? How can i be me without you?

The world does not see what fate is taking from me, life just goes on passing by, taking her away in this long goodbye

D Smith
Jul 16 2013

My wife passed from early onset Alzheimer’s after a 14 yr fight.
Wrote this half way through.
Hope it helps someone going through their own battles

Thank you. I know how poems helps with expressing feelings. I published 2 such poems:

https://literotica.com/p/caregiver-blues

https://literotica.com/p/caregiver-blues

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I understand the I'll never remarry part. not that I wont be with someone in the future. But I will not marry again

Same

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I didn't go through being hypersexual after my wife passed we were still intimate during her illness (dementia) I typically had masturbated daily for years and that continued for some time but now I find its less. I almost feel that it because of her not being in the house. pheromones thing?

It’s different for everyone and then it can start when you least expect it. Chemistry is my theory.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

The first anniversary I was expecting it be be rough. and it was, A hospice counselor told me that often the grief can be worse in the second year. In my case that was true. and it really snuck up on me on the anniversary! It's good you talk about it. Thank you it helps us all

This was the 2nd year after his passing, and I honestly don't remember how I felt last July. But this year is abit rougher.

 

[MaryanneB]

I think the second year can be tougher for a lot of reasons.
A portion of the people around you think that you should be over it and moved on. Just wait til they go through it...lol.
I was lucky. Before he died he signed up friends including our family doctor to promise to do chores. One gf called me on wednesdays and saturdays, another called every day. My doctor called to check on me. A good friend cleaned my gutters and took me to the hockey games. And on and on.
It took me a year to figure out the patterns.
I was lucky.

 

[MaryanneB]

I am lucky to have a small but solid group of friends. But now some of my more casual friends are always trying to fix me up

Hey it's been 10 years since my husband died but even my real estate agent is trying to fix me up!! It's nice that people want you to be happy...lol

 

[Strixaluco]

Good advice! but even the best thought out plans go up in smoke to some degree when it happens

They certainly do, but even just making the plans can be something that keeps you sane. It reminds you that there is still life to be lived.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

But now some of my more casual friends are always trying to fix me up

but even my real estate agent is trying to fix me up!! It's nice that people want you to be happy..

I know they mean well, my friends do too, but we grieve at our own pace. And that means when or if we are ready to "date", is based on our needs and feelings and ONLY at our pace. I had the opposite reaction when I tried to date too soon, people gave me the "ick" look like implying I did not love my wife. They had no idea of our discussions about this topic before she became sick and it never changed when she was sick.

Bottom line, do what feels right for you and ignore other's well meaning or lack of understanding opinions.

Pace, space and grace for your grief.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I am doing ok today and that is all I can ask for.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

You never said I'm leaving
You never said goodbye
You were gone before I knew it,
And only God knew why
A million times I needed you,
A million times I cried
If Love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died
In Life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart you hold a place,
That no one could ever fill
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn't go alone
For part of me went with you,
The day God took you home.
You never said I'm leaving
You never said goodbye
You were gone before I knew it,
And only God knew why
A million times I needed you,
A million times I cried
If Love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died
In Life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart you hold a place,
That no one could ever fill
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn't go alone
For part of me went with you,
The day God took you home.

~ Me 1992

It is beautiful expression of love and grief.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

That was a perfect poem, @machinemaker ..
Today would of been 27 years I was married.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Just stopped to check in, Everybody good?

Sorry I di not respond sooner as July is the anniversary month of my wife's passing.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

It is good to check in on each other as we navigate a journey we never expected life to take us. Hug to all who need a hug today .