Wife sharing

[TBKahuna123]

Gotta love those double standards. What's the difference between bringing another woman or another man into the bedroom? Are his desires more valid than yours? (Those are the questions I'd be asking)

See this is another very good question. My wife and I are strictly monogamous because that's our choice. While she would be open to bringing another woman to our bed (I think), I would not be open to sharing her with another man. Emotionally I am just too connected to her to allow her to be with another man. Because I know that I would never be comfortable with this, I would never ask her to bring another woman into our sex life. I don't want to promote that double standard.

If I did allow this to happen, I would feel obligated to allow her to be with another man. I know that this would rip me apart and I probably wouldn't be able to handle it. The key is though, we talked about this years ago, and it has never come up. We decided it wasn't for us, and that's where we've stood. This is the key, talk it through and come to an understanding of all the options in advance. IMO, there wasn't enough foresight in Rashashae's situation, and a certain selfishness on the part of her husband. Only the male ego would welcome a FFM threesome and totally ignore the fact that his wife's generousity might ask to be returned at some point.

 

[jethrobodeen]

See this is another very good question. My wife and I are strictly monogamous because that's our choice. While she would be open to bringing another woman to our bed (I think), I would not be open to sharing her with another man. Emotionally I am just too connected to her to allow her to be with another man. Because I know that I would never be comfortable with this, I would never ask her to bring another woman into our sex life. I don't want to promote that double standard.

If I did allow this to happen, I would feel obligated to allow her to be with another man. I know that this would rip me apart and I probably wouldn't be able to handle it. The key is though, we talked about this years ago, and it has never come up. We decided it wasn't for us, and that's where we've stood. This is the key, talk it through and come to an understanding of all the options in advance. IMO, there wasn't enough foresight in Rashashae's situation, and a certain selfishness on the part of her husband. Only the male ego would welcome a FFM threesome and totally ignore the fact that his wife's generousity might ask to be returned at some point.

Couldn't have said it better, myself. Well put...

-JB

 

[Eilan]

Only the male ego would welcome a FFM threesome and totally ignore the fact that his wife's generousity might ask to be returned at some point.

My husband is one of those rare guys who isn't interested in having another woman join us. Which is good, because it's not something that interests me, either. Actually, none of it interests me now, for various reasons.

The MFM scenario would be perfect if I could just clone my hubby and keep the clone in storage when I wasn't using him. I'm just too darn picky.

 

[A_Kefka]

interesting idea Eilan. one thing, if the guys started playing with each other, would that be bisexual sex or masturbation, lol. Horrible joke I know, but I had to say it.

 

[TBKahuna123]

My husband is one of those rare guys who isn't interested in having another woman join us. Which is good, because it's not something that interests me, either. Actually, none of it interests me now, for various reasons.

The MFM scenario would be perfect if I could just clone my hubby and keep the clone in storage when I wasn't using him. I'm just too darn picky.

I think my perspective on this whole thing has changed over the years. While I still find the thought of watchign my wife with another woman, I don't think I'd be all that interested in joining in. Hell I can barely handle my wife, let alone doubling my workload!

 

[TBKahuna123]

interesting idea Eilan. one thing, if the guys started playing with each other, would that be bisexual sex or masturbation, lol. Horrible joke I know, but I had to say it.

No, that would be a bad Robert Heinlein novel.

 

[itismeinnz]

Echoing the advice of many here...

My partner and I have had a threesome once (it was us with another woman though, a friend of hers) and had started with my partner getting rather hot on on the idea after a phone call from that friend (who was openly gay, almost rather than bi). Then as the moment neared she began getting a bit less sure of herself, whereas I was by now to say the least keen. I didn't really pressure, but ummm, well to a degree maybe I did just by appearing so enthusiastic.

Anyway, after the event my partner really regretted it. I think the sight of me going down on another woman flipped her a bit. And for quite a while it came up every now and then as something to throw back at me. But this is where the fantasy/reality lines get a bit blurred, cause quite recently we'd had a night out with another fem friend and blow me down my partner says how nice it would have been to have all slept together for the night etc! Peraps she really desires intimacy with another woman. Not sure...

..but anyway, I'm just saying that it really is so important to check out exactly where fantasy (asuming it is mutual fantasy to start with, else you'd have to be nuts to do it) and reality part company. I know for myself I have a lot of extremely potent fantasies (e.g. to do with a degree of bi-curiosity) that I'm not sure at all would work out in reality. And that leads to a lst point that needs making... all experimentation I think needs to be done on the clear basis that, if we try it and for any reason one or other is not comfortable, we stop it there and then. It needs to be stated and agreed straight up.

Hope that all makes sense.

 

[jethrobodeen]

True confession. It's NEVER HAPPENED that I am aware.

But I wouldn't think I'd be incompacitated by jealousy even if my wife fell in love with another woman. If they started excluding me I would feel neglected and of course go find someone to do some lovin' on. I take that as simply something I can't compete with, and accept perhaps temporary defeat until finding if all was lost. So I am selfish. I admit it. I could not accept as easily as if it were another man. But then, if she preferred another man to me, we probably wouldn't have much left to work with. I know it's wrong from the double-standard view. Fragile male ego....

-JB

 

[bitslinger]

. . .

 

[Eilan]

Just my $.02 to this question. For me this line of thinking is based on what I think is a flawed assumption; that cheating is defined by the knowledge and consent of my wife (and/or myself). In the case of my marriage, at least, I have to disagree.

That's why it's best for every couple to discuss what, for them, constitutes cheating before such situations arise. What works for one couple might not work for another.

interesting idea Eilan. one thing, if the guys started playing with each other, would that be bisexual sex or masturbation, lol. Horrible joke I know, but I had to say it.

That could be an interesting story, I suppose, but I won't be the one writing it.

 

[badface1877]

3somes

Some years ago I was smitten by my partner's wife. She knew I was interested and he knew I was interested. He and I were very effective in our partnership and it wasn't long before he would bring in photos of his wife nude. I would comment in the positive and after a few months of him sharing photos, he told me that his wife was very much interested in making it with me. It took some time (several months) of my partner and his wife coaxing me into a 3some situation. We finally made plans and on the day of our union, we spent it eitirely getting to know each other's sexual appetites and hangups and hangons.

We talked openly about our plans and how we were going to proceed. She wanted to start with her husband and then switch to me and then have him join us. The sex was hotter than I could have imagined. We wound up spending several days together in various forms of dress and sex.

Then after about a week of virtually non stop sex, her dh came to me and said he was beginning to feel guilty about it all. I went to wifey and asked her about it and she could not even look me in the eye to talk to me. Word had some how gotten out to other friends and neighbors and tons of guilt descended upon each of us. My partner and his wife ultimately divorced over the encounter, he and I dissolved our partnership and friendship. It was not an ugly or bad break up but one of humiliation and hurt.

I still see them around from time to time and while our friendships have rekindled, she when speaking of the interlude is always in tears and shame. I came away feeling like I have destroyed not only friendships but a marriage as well.

I know this is probably the extreme in cases but please by all means think this through and talk in depth with your wife and by all means think and talk it through some more and if the decision to NOT pursue this is made make doubly sure it is completley mutual without reservation or hesitation and the same goes if you decide to go through with it.

But by you asking this question I suspect you really deep down don't want to go through with this and really neither does she.

 

[Snowman5933]

Our friend has been here this weekend and its been an amazing time. We had our first MMF threesome and it was incredible. I joined in after he began giving my wife some very good oral.....this really turned up the heat. I kissed her lips and neck and whispered in her ear as he showed off some awesome oral skills. Just as she was getting really wound up I began caressing her body and sucking on her nipples. The combination of pleasures shot her straight through the roof......a super O! There was alot more action and everyone is literally exhausted...we had a great time.

Snowman

 

[vanelane]

Our friend has been here this weekend and its been an amazing time. We had our first MMF threesome and it was incredible. I joined in after he began giving my wife some very good oral.....this really turned up the heat. I kissed her lips and neck and whispered in her ear as he showed off some awesome oral skills. Just as she was getting really wound up I began caressing her body and sucking on her nipples. The combination of pleasures shot her straight through the roof......a super O! There was alot more action and everyone is literally exhausted...we had a great time.

Snowman

Wonderful! I love reading this progression from the first anxious night to this great weekend. So glad you're both (all three, actually) enjoying yourselves. I hope our experiences are as nice as yours.

 

[ripplinsnake]

hi having read through this thread it almost always ends up with problems as stated at the start , although i would love to see my wife with a black guy(we are both white) in a previous relationship she was with a black guy for a few months . i dont think i could handle it and she would not be up for a threesome anyway , her first husband left her really insecure she wont have sex with any lit at all , i have tried to help , but she seems stuck in her ways now , there is a big age gap between us , i am 30 she is 48. i am sure her ex trumatised her alot , although she talks about her black bf sometimes when we have sex it does turn me on , and if we was drunk enough we prob you try something, but i could see it causeing all sorts of problems , thoughts running through your head , esp. for a man to her his wife moaning with pleasure from another man , you will thin , he is better than me , bigger , lasts longer ,she doesnt moan that load with me etc , there are alot of hang ups ,
yes i would love to try it but , well i dont think i ever will .........

 

[amutantman]

we have also talked about this and decided that it just wasnt for us.
who has the right to experience my or my wifes orgasms except ourselfs.
considering that sex,making love or whatever label you wish to call it, is the most intimate act that you can share with someone ,why should it be shared with others. maybe im just selfish.

 

[clutch1]

my wife loves the 2 guys and 1 girl porn it really puts her in the mood. but has said she would never act on it in real life. she just likes watching also said she has a friend who did it and it ruined the relationship

 

[senseeker]

I did this with my Ex (when things were good) and it was very arousing for us both .Trust on all levels is important and so is communication.We were lucky as the other guy was a good friend of mine who I knew was a swinger.I would not consider myself a full blown swinger but the fact he was made it easy for us to talk to him openly not to mention my wife found him quite attractive wich was also very important.My concern was that he understood this was a "fantasy" and not a ticket for him to get off.To be blunt if he wanted to sleep with my sexy wife he had to play along or we were not interested.My point is ,If you're going to do this make sure you have the right guy that will take the time to listen to your needs and be a friend to you both and not just some guy who wants to get laid.The fantasy is for you and your wife and he must keep that in mind and fulfill both your needs...otherwise don't waste your time as it might be a horrible experience........of course...use a bloody condem !!
Good luck

 

[robinator1976]

Huge fantasy of mine to bring another guy/couple into our bed

Thankyou for this post, I appreciate everything that's been said.

My wife and I have had a FFM threesome before with the one limit being no intercourse between me and her, and it was a wonderful experience for all, no regrets. We have a very strong relationship and communication. We've also been to Desire and enjoyed exhibitionism and voyeurism.

Since then however, I have had a fantasy of a MMF threesome, or perhaps MMFF. Over a couple years of thinking about it, this fantasy has only gotten stronger - I don't quite understand why, but I'm incredibly turned on by the thought of another guy fucking her. But it only works with me present, I wouldn't enjoy it if she went off on her own with him (though I can enjoy this in fantasy only). Is this typical of this kind of desire? That it remains a threesome and not a swap?

She's aware of my thoughts on this, and has danced between being very turned on by it as well, and not wanting to talk about it. She shared a fantasy of taking a Gap employee back to the dressing room...She'll make comments about a particular couple or guy that she could do it with, but doesn't seem to respond to actually making it happen. And so I'm not pushing her hard on it because I wouldn't want her to do it just for me. But I still wonder what it is about the fantasy that I love so much. Is it because I want to see her get all kinds of pleasure that is more than just I can give, or is it my own bi-curiosity wanting to see the guy doing her? Ultimately I think it is a bit of both. But I do know that even after I've come, the fantasy doesn't go away - so I know it wouldn't be ruined half-way through when I come and suddenly get uncomfortable.

I know there's many a guy out there who would think I'm crazy, and many another who would volunteer their services but the bottom line is I love her so much that I feel no jealousy, only pleasure from the concept of her getting sexual satisfaction. And I certainly wouldn't reject another FFM threesome either...

 

[tribbles]

There is a message board, like this one, that is about swinging.

www.swingersboard.com

It's NOT for everyone. But for a few, it is great

 

[shecomesfirst98]

How would the future unfold? Had we let infidelity genie out of the lamp and that we may never be able trust the other ever again. Even though we knowingly and willingly engaged in sex with another couple would the temptation of sleeping with someone else behind the other’s back of the in the future be too much to resist and thereby run the risk of ruining our marriage. So far so good but can I be totally certain my wife has remained faithful? And can I be certain that I can resist the temptation to stray? Only time will tell.

There has been a lot of comment on this issue of mutual group play and cheating. Of course they are different but I do feel the need to back up luckyseven on this one. I know it is difficult to explain, and most of you are right that mutual group play SHOULD not have any effect on future cheating, but I expect that were I to do this I too would get the same feeling luckyseven did. Like it might make it easier to cheat or something. Maybe not logical, but the mind can play tricks on us.
In a way, I envy those that can pull this off without any problems. I think It still boils down to a matter of personal preference, but it does speak to your security as a person and the strength of your relationship. I think my relationship is strong, but maybe I as a person cannot handle this.

 

[shecomesfirst98]

My Dh and I have enjoyed two FFM threesomes and they were great, BUT notice there is always a BUT.... I would really like to be with another man and my DH is very against it. There is a guy that flirts with me alot at his work and I have tried to talk him into it, but it makes my DH mad when I mention it. He says that when we talked about the FFM thing that the MMF was never mentioned and if he had known that was what I would want he would not have done the other. Have to admit it makes it very hard not to have an affair. I think when you cross certain bridges it makes it alot easier to cross ones you never would have thought about. Good Luck Though

I hope I am not resurecting an old issue here, but I felt the need to comment on this issue that there has been some discusison about. I think the term "double standard" has a negative connotation, but one of the biggest things that has helped my relationship with my SO is letting go of keeping track of double standards. Of course I mean in a healthy way, I agree- the OVERALL relationship should not be lopsided, but on any given issue two people may see it differently and I see no reason why this shoud be a problem. I treat strangers the way I want to be treated, but I treat my SO the way SHE wants to be treated. If I treated her the way I want to be treated (and vice versa) I think we might hate each other! I can think of a couple of things I do on/for her sexually that she loves but that she would feel wierd doing on/to me, and vice versa. So we don't press it. I imagine many poeple are the same. Since in the end we both feel appreciated and as equals, it doesn't phase us at all that one particular thing may be regarded as a double standard. We just acknowledge that we are different people and that is part of why we are in love. If she were to feel comfortable with or, in favor of, bringing a woman into bed with us that would be treated as a separate and independent issue as us bringing a man into bed with us. This makes sense to me since they are different things.

Yes, I agree it may have been niave on his part not to at least ask if you might want him to eventually return the favor. It should have been fully discussed, but he shouldn't need to be okay with it just becuase you were. I think he might feel equally as duped as you feel.
In fact I don't think he is creating a double standard at all. He said that if he had known that he'd have to return the favor he wouldn't have gone through with the FFM one either. That sounds pretty fair and that is the agreement many people have. If you feel like cheating on him because of this then that is a seperate issue altogether. I would find that offense much worse than what he has done to you. Remember you both agreed to cross that bridge together. Please see his side of it before you do this, you may end up doing something that hurts your relationship much more and you may regret it. If he is worth keeping talk to him, more but realize he may never agree to MFM. Sometimes it helps to hear the other side, I hope you can work this out with him.

 

[Eilan]

In fact I don't think he is creating a double standard at all. He said that if he had known that he'd have to return the favor he wouldn't have gone through with the FFM one either. That sounds pretty fair and that is the agreement many people have.

This is why communication is so important when it comes to nonmonogamous relationships. It's also nice, IMO, if the ground rules aren't set in stone. Of course, the ground rules also shouldn't be changing every week at the whim of one partner, but a little adaptability is nice, too. Obviously, though, it depends on the couple, which is exactly why threesomes, swinging, open relationships, etc, etc, aren't for everyone.

I understand Rashashea's frustration. Truth is, there are a lot of people out there, both male and female, who care more about fulfilling their fantasies than they do about what their partner wants/needs. If my hubby was all about fulfilling his fantasies while mine went ignored, then I'd say that there was a double standard, and I'd probably start to resent him for it.

 

[robinator1976]

fulfilling my own versus hers

That is a very good point about the need to fulfill your own fantasy instead of it being about theirs. It's interesting, many of us have this wife sharing fantasy because we want to see her in pleasure, but really it is our own pleasure that we are after.

However, that said, I feel that if she had a fantasy that maybe wasn't interesting to me, I would be willing to humour it in order for her to have that pleasure. So in practice, if you only ever played out the fantasies that both of you shared 100% equally, most people would be quite limited in their experiences, and may never discover things that they actually like.

I'm not saying that it shouldn't be talked about carefully, boundaries set, and all those things that have been discussed here, but I am just saying "what's wrong with wanting your own fantasy fulfilled". That's a great gift a lover can give to their other. Obviously if the SO was completely not into the idea, then it shouldn't happen, but maybe the best thing we can do for each other is give some serious thought to each other's desires and see if there is at least part of it we could enjoy and partake in. In that compromise, you might both end up very happy.

And with further thought...why do I want to see my wife with another guy? Yes, watching her get pleasure is part of it, but if that's all I wanted we could film ourselves. It's more about wanting her to make new discoveries, find feelings she didn't know she had, and yes, be a little slutty. Knowing that he gets her only the once and will think about her for long after, but her enjoyment of it just drives her even closer to me is a wonderful feeling. And we have a confident and strong enough relationship that no matter how good he is physically (meaning if she discovers she likes his dick size better..etc), I know that she'll still love me best. And this same experience happened when we did a FFM a few years ago. I had a blast, having 2 girls go down on you at once, seeing them lick each other, it was all wonderful and I would do it again, BUT it left me feeling only more love for my wife, and more satisfied by her for so long after.

 

[robinator1976]

going to do it

Well, my sexy wife is gone for a few weeks, but I've decided that when she comes back, after we have a week of fantastic welcome home sex, I'm going to approach her with the idea of this MMF fantasy as something more than just a talked about thing.

I've written a detailed letter explaining what my fantasy is, why I have it, and why I want it to be reality. At least now I'll know that if she doesn't want to do it I'll know it isn't because she misunderstands my reasons or that she thinks I'm bored by her or something.

Wish me luck!