Women of Lit: A Safe Place To Share

[redsnowbunny]

It has happened to me too, and at least one of those was someone I had forged a pretty strong bond with. It hurt, but I have no idea what was really happening in their lives outside of Lit. I worry about them, but there's no point in getting angry. People have all kinds of reasons that usually have nothing to do with you, so try not to take it personally.

Yes, that's exactly how I approached it.

Still, let's be honest, it takes very few seconds to send a simple message.
Not necessarily to explain, but just to warn somebody you talked to every day, several times a day.

When something like that happens I ask myself if men here think the women they chat with are just bots....
I find it hard to understand and digest these behaviours.

 

[redsnowbunny]

And , I meant to ask...

How common is it? I'd like to hear from others too...

 

[lil_jenni]

Yes, that's exactly how I approached it.

Still, let's be honest, it takes very few seconds to send a simple message.
Not necessarily to explain, but just to warn somebody you talked to every day, several times a day.

When something like that happens I ask myself if men here think the women they chat with are just bots....
I find it hard to understand and digest these behaviours.

So, I did this myself many years ago. I hit a really dark place and dropped off Lit and basically out of my regular life for a year. I was punishing myself. I was deeply alcoholic and not admitting it. I had sabotaged my engagement by cheating. I had left a job I loved and worked in the sex industry because, in my mind at that time, I wasn't worth anything else. At the time, it didn't even enter my mind that dropping out would hurt my friends here. Hell, I thought everyone I knew would be better off without me. Of course, I thought about what I had done a lot as I got better, and I came back and apologized to several people with whom I had had varying degrees of connection.

It wasn't right, but at the time I was not thinking about what was right. I just needed to get away from everything I didn't think I deserved.

Anyway, I'm sorry it happened to you. I hope you get at least an explanation some day.

 

[genzsub]

Yes, that's exactly how I approached it.

Still, let's be honest, it takes very few seconds to send a simple message.
Not necessarily to explain, but just to warn somebody you talked to every day, several times a day.

When something like that happens I ask myself if men here think the women they chat with are just bots....
I find it hard to understand and digest these behaviours.

I get it, and you're right. I just try to be empathetic. Fear, embarrassment, depression, family drama or catastrophe that they just don't want to have to explain could all be reasons for just not sending that painful message. It's still not right, but it could be an explanation. I know that many if not most of the situations you're experiencing aren't in that category and are just assholes, but if I can't tell the difference, I choose to leave that possibility open.

Even if they are just being inconsiderate assholes, it's still because of something going on with them and not anything about you.

It still hurts. So many hugs for you!

 

[EvaLane]

I find it hard to understand and digest these behaviours.

You’ll drive yourself either mad or numb if you try too hard to make sense of it.

https://media.tenor.com/OZ_JH9VitBoAAAAM/hug.gif
These things can’t be understood because the people who ghost like that rarely understand the root of their own behaviour. That doesn’t mean the pain it causes isn’t real or valid.

Like @lil_jenni , I’ve had to step away abruptly for personal reasons - things that escalated faster than I was comfortable with. I’m glad I did. But anyone I truly connected with? They’re usually just as sporadic and unpredictable as I am.

So whether it’s been 3 minutes or 3 years since we spoke, I’ll always pick up right where we left off.

Most people, even the men, aren’t trying to hurt anyone. They’re just fumbling through life, same as the rest of us. And if there was a reason we chose them to begin with, that matters too. I don’t burn bridges unless I absolutely have to.

But when I do, it feels super justified and righteous

https://i.imgur.com/bhowNiK.gif

 

[stickygirl]

I've never expected or planned to meet someone through Lit for a real life hook-up, so I think of it as a cafe or a bar where people drop in for a blether when they have time. I miss numerous friends who have left the circuit but I know they have other things in their life that take priority.
Ghosting is plain rude... unless they got hit by a bus. There must be a lot of bus accidents though... always look twice for the bus
I like it in this thread though - it's not always busy, but we can each depend on someone who'll listen.

 

[cheekygirl75]

Yes, that's exactly how I approached it.

Still, let's be honest, it takes very few seconds to send a simple message.
Not necessarily to explain, but just to warn somebody you talked to every day, several times a day.

When something like that happens I ask myself if men here think the women they chat with are just bots....
I find it hard to understand and digest these behaviours.

So, I did this myself many years ago. I hit a really dark place and dropped off Lit and basically out of my regular life for a year. I was punishing myself. I was deeply alcoholic and not admitting it. I had sabotaged my engagement by cheating. I had left a job I loved and worked in the sex industry because, in my mind at that time, I wasn't worth anything else. At the time, it didn't even enter my mind that dropping out would hurt my friends here. Hell, I thought everyone I knew would be better off without me. Of course, I thought about what I had done a lot as I got better, and I came back and apologized to several people with whom I had had varying degrees of connection.

It wasn't right, but at the time I was not thinking about what was right. I just needed to get away from everything I didn't think I deserved.

Anyway, I'm sorry it happened to you. I hope you get at least an explanation some day.

I did the same as @lil_jenni and dropped off Lit for a couple of years and even disappeared from outside communications I had with people on here. At the time, I wouldn't have believed that anyone would miss me. Not an excuse and not right to do, but I couldn't see anything else at the time.

 

[Cruel_summer]

Ghosting is plain rude... unless they got hit by a bus. There must be a lot of bus accidents though... always look twice for the bus

This is some solid Monday advice, mostly because I’m sleepy and feel like I got hit by a bus

 

[redsnowbunny]

Thank you @lil_jenni @cheekygirl75 @EvaLane @genzsub @stickygirl @Cruel_summer

I deeply appreciated hearing your voices and your experience, on both sides of the issue.

I always try, but sometimes it's hard, to see things from a different perspective.
This is why I wrote a message, publicly, even if doing so required me to take a step out of my comfort zone.
It's someting I'd had gladly avoided to discuss in public, for everyone to read.

But I think Lit is a bit different than other social networks, it's very nature shape it more as a community, and so I decided to ask the community .
I haven't friends who are girls here, yet, and this thread can fell like a girl-only spa, to rest and relax and reset.

Thank you for dedicating time to this thread and to me, and opening up about an issue than can be triggering or feel too personal to discuss with strangers.

https://64.media.tumblr.com/fe1ad604a25970143dd830318309ca43/65d8489708d0c01e-0c/s540x810/efe8526b4e03e805d387e9c459ef13944f44c9a9.gif

 

[redsnowbunny]

P.S. @stickygirl

Look out for the bus might make a good t-shirt.

https://y.yarn.co/44c5a799-92a6-40e8-a1c0-cf810168f66b_text.gif

 

[Cruel_summer]

This thread is the epitome of girlhood and it makes me happy. Sending love to all of you beautiful souls

 

[redsnowbunny]

I saw this on FB and straight away thought of this post. Imagine some of the messages we could read out

This is Hilarious !!

 

[redsnowbunny]

I feel like it would be much more entertaining than other shows on TV

I agree wholeheartedly.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Hi, I keep seeing this thread, and wanted to stop in to say hello, and hopefully become a part of you wonderful women struggling through this life...

View attachment 2524189

 

[redsnowbunny]

I am Italian, so I keep imagining this:

(substitute mexican with italian in the gif)
https://gifdb.com/images/high/chancla-slipper-talking-back-to-mom-meme-zmhoa802kr8g0o09.gif

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

It's great having a safe place...i enjoy Lit, I have a thread because I'm an exhibitionist.. But I'm a horrible flirt.

It's great finding threads where I can use my skills at discussion..
I miss interacting with women

 

[cheekygirl75]

What would you ladies do if you were questioning the story of a male Litster... it's so hard to determine who is being genuine or not, especially when you haven't seen any evidence of either side on the threads.

 

[redsnowbunny]

What would you ladies do if you were questioning the story of a male Litster..

uhm... sorry..maybe it's because english is not my primary language..

Is this a situation where 2 people are each telling a different version of the same story?
Or are you just trying to determine if someone is telling you a true story?

 

[cheekygirl75]

uhm... sorry..maybe it's because english is not my primary language..

Is this a situation where 2 people are each telling a different version of the same story?

Yes... I don't want to get into too much detail in public, but yes, two people with a different story.

 

[redsnowbunny]

Unless you know them a little ... you really only have their word.

 

[cheekygirl75]

Unless you know them a little ... you really only have their word.

Yeah, unfortunately, you're probably right.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

What would you ladies do if you were questioning the story of a male Litster... it's so hard to determine who is being genuine or not, especially when you haven't seen any evidence of either side on the threads.

I think time will tell..

 

[velona]

uhm... sorry..maybe it's because english is not my primary language..

Is this a situation where 2 people are each telling a different version of the same story?
Or are you just trying to determine if someone is telling you a true story?

Go with your gut!

 

[EvaLane]

What would you ladies do if you were questioning the story of a male Litster... it's so hard to determine who is being genuine or not, especially when you haven't seen any evidence of either side on the threads.

Personally, I lose interest when things start to unravel, especially early on. My outlook is probably a bit twisted, but…

There’s only one thing worse than a liar. A bad liar. How absolutely unimaginative, simple minded, and boring can someone possibly be to contrive stories they can’t keep track of. It screams wishy-washy and that’s just not attractive. It also insults my intelligence in a very non-hot way.

I’m all for playing games here but the guys aren’t very good at them

 

[Lorelei907]

It's great having a safe place...i enjoy Lit, I have a thread because I'm an exhibitionist.. But I'm a horrible flirt.

It's great finding threads where I can use my skills at discussion..
I miss interacting with women

Maybe you’re a wonderful flirt!