Would you have an affair?

[psyche]

think?

I think I have a very male chuvinisted outlook on cheating, and it kind of shames me to even have it, nonetheless it is there...

I beleive cheating is wrong, and I would simply go crazy if I found out another man has touched my wife ( ok I am nto yet married, so future wife)... and I don't think I could forgive her for infidelity. On the other hand through, I want her to, and expect her to forgive mine... This is not to say that I think I would actively seek out extramarrital affairs, but if the opportunity presented itself for some reason, I don't think I would be able to resist. I am weak, I know. I think if I did subcumb to it through, I would immediately tell me wife about it, and feel very badly of what I did, maybe even regret(same thing you say?), and I would expect her to forgive me, which doesn't even make sense to me, and this is my way of thinking...

You think this might be chauvinistic? The only good aspect about your post is that you are honest about it. Your future wife can only hope that your attitudes evolve as you grow up! And at least you know that they are not fair. To me this is the worst of the worst. Men can fuck around because they are biologically weak and have no fucking will power. Women are pure and do not need to fuck so they should resist temptation. Fuck this is the male attitude at it's absolute worst. And then we should forgive you. After reading this I want to go out and fuck as many men as I can until I can't fucking walk. Any fucking voluteers?

 

[Tallfella]

Re: think?

You think this might be chauvinistic? The only good aspect about your post is that you are honest about it. Your future wife can only hope that your attitudes evolve as you grow up! And at least you know that they are not fair. To me this is the worst of the worst. Men can fuck around because they are biologically weak and have no fucking will power. Women are pure and do not need to fuck so they should resist temptation. Fuck this is the male attitude at it's absolute worst. And then we should forgive you. After reading this I want to go out and fuck as many men as I can until I can't fucking walk. Any fucking voluteers?

raises hand lol

 

[psyche]

Re: think?

raises hand lol

Hey baby! Kind of hard to fucking believe isn't it? There truly are days when I believe that we should just be fucking as many people as we possibly can just to make up for the rest of them!

 

[sirhugs]

Re: Re: think?

Hey baby! Kind of hard to fucking believe isn't it? There truly are days when I believe that we should just be fucking as many people as we possibly can just to make up for the rest of them!

the trouble with that babe is that lots of those guys wil be the jerks who think its 'ok" for them, but the " little woman" should stay home and knit.
Best lets stick to the honest ones.
Like me

 

[psyche]

Re: think?

the trouble with that babe is that lots of those guys wil be the jerks who think its 'ok" for them, but the " little woman" should stay home and knit.
Best lets stick to the honest ones.
Like me

Yes, you guys should have some sort of marker on your foreheads or something so we can tell you apart! It's that old angel and whore syndrome, god knows we would never marry the whores that we slept with before we were married. Better to marry the one who plays hard to get - she won't be easy, but then we'll complain when she doesn't want to fuck us either after we're married. So what will we do - go out and play with the whores. My advise to anyone who is not married yet is this - marry someone who likes to fuck if you like to fuck, although in my case that theory takes a major nose dive.

It's too bad there's such a distance between Thunder Bay and Toledo, honey!

 

[exvitermini]

SirHugs and Psycho certainly know how I feel about this. My wife had an affair and after going through that pain and betrayal, I would not wish that pain on my worst enemy. I'm serious. Not even Osama Bin Laden, no human being should ever have to go through the betrayal of their husband or wife cheating on them. Just because a spouse may have a low sex drive, they do not deserve to be punished by having their spouse make love to another person.

No one deserves that much pain. Don't do it. Work it out - or as most of the reasonable people on this thread have said - if the marriage is irreperable, then don't fuck around - just end it in a civil manner and do your thing. But to stay in a marriage and decieve your partner into thinking you are not fucking around when you are - you are causing far more pain than you could ever imagine.

 

[sirhugs]

Re: Re: think?

Yes, you guys should have some sort of marker on your foreheads or something so we can tell you apart! It's that old angel and whore syndrome, god knows we would never marry the whores that we slept with before we were married. Better to marry the one who plays hard to get - she won't be easy, but then we'll complain when she doesn't want to fuck us either after we're married. So what will we do - go out and play with the whores. My advise to anyone who is not married yet is this - marry someone who likes to fuck if you like to fuck, although in my case that theory takes a major nose dive.

It's too bad there's such a distance between Thunder Bay and Toledo, honey!

funny, I slept with my wife we met- and we had sex almost every night - until the stress of the wedding screwed everything up! Fifteen years later, we still are out of whack. Still, " complain" is a harsh word , sweetie- regret, more likely- cause she's still a hottie

( checking my Atlas- hmmmm....Toledo....)

 

[exvitermini]

Re: Re: think?

My advise to anyone who is not married yet is this - marry someone who likes to fuck if you like to fuck, although in my case that theory takes a major nose dive.

I'm sorry to get vile - but that's a pretty fucking shallow way to choose a mate. Let me tell you this much - half the time, the reason someone is not interested in sex is not a permanent problem. You can talk and overcome it. But some people don't want to. They enjoy the thrill and excitment of doing something "wrong". I'm not worried about it, though. Sooner or later, it will all come out. And I pity your husband for the pain he will go through of knowing you were fucking other men behind his back.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: think?

 

[exvitermini]

Re: think?

Men can fuck around because they are biologically weak and have no fucking will power. Women are pure and do not need to fuck so they should resist temptation. Fuck this is the male attitude at it's absolute worst. And then we should forgive you. After reading this I want to go out and fuck as many men as I can until I can't fucking walk. Any fucking voluteers?

That is the most archaic school of thought I have ever heard. Women do like to fuck - and they want to be pleased in more ways than just a big cock sliding in and out of their pussy. You've got a narrow percpetion of what makes you unhappy about your marriage and until you figure out just why you are unhappy - you will never be satisfied. You'll sleep around and "fuck as many men as you can until you can't fucking walk" and still feel that aching hunder inside to be loved and made love to by a man that isn't just sliding his cock in and out of you, but truly making love to you.

If you're incapable of finding this with your husband - get a divorce! You can find the right man, but instead you'd rather do it this way.

 

[exvitermini]

Re: Re: Re: Re: think?

Actually wedding cake is the culprit. Its known for killing a womans sex drive!

LOL that is the secret! Find a woman that is willing to have a wedding sans a wedding cake and you've got your woman! haha

 

[sirhugs]

Re: Re: Re: Re: think?

Actually wedding cake is the culprit. Its known for killing a womans sex drive!

LOL

very good theory- an excess of sugar or something.

But how does that explain the need to fuck other guys? I like her shrink's theory- that she's an " aphrodite woman"- one who seeks to be adored by men, will trade sex for that, but once she has that, moves on. Unfortunately(?), she took the shrink's theory as validation, didn't stick around for the " treatment " phase. Or, perhaps not unfortunately, because now we both have the honesty to be open, not to try to be all things to each other, and are happy most of the time, because we appreciate what we are, not resent what we lack. Works for us, but not necessarily for others.

say- Iowa- is that on the road to Toledo?
As a number of posts point out, its the dishonesty that hurts. Especially when we lie to ourselves.

And its not fair to trash Psyche- Literotica is all about supportiveness, not being narrow minded and judgmental. Perhaps she will be the exception to all the rules. Long may she run!

 

[psyche]

Re: vile!

I'm sorry to get vile - but that's a pretty fucking shallow way to choose a mate. Let me tell you this much - half the time, the reason someone is not interested in sex is not a permanent problem. You can talk and overcome it. But some people don't want to. They enjoy the thrill and excitment of doing something "wrong". I'm not worried about it, though. Sooner or later, it will all come out. And I pity your husband for the pain he will go through of knowing you were fucking other men behind his back.

I don't fault you for being vile, it's your nature. And it's better than choosing a mate because they won't fuck you until after the wedding and then expecting them to fuck you every night after. And he'll have to deal with the pain just like I did went I asked him to fuck me and he wouldn't.

 

[Freya]

Psyche - does he know you are unfaithful? Reason I'm asking is that it maybe would be the incentive he needs to attempt to keep you satisfied. Failing that, if you two have a good marriage in other ways, and is is ok with what you are doing, then I personally see nothing wrong with it.

I have no interest in marriage at this point in my life - faithfulness being one of my concerns. I like variety, not only in partners but in all things sexual, and I have more often heard of marriage killing sex drives then revitalizing them.

 

[exvitermini]

Re: Re: vile!

I don't fault you for being vile, it's your nature. And it's better than choosing a mate because they won't fuck you until after the wedding and then expecting them to fuck you every night after. And he'll have to deal with the pain just like I did went I asked him to fuck me and he wouldn't.

First off - I haven't made any generalizations towards you. I've stated my opinions and that's it. If you choose to generalize me into being vile - that's your choice. I won't be sucked in and I wont call you names no matter how heated this debate becomes.

Second - I never said it was a good idea to wait until after you are married to have sex - or presume to know someone's sexual drive unless you've had sexual relations before marriage. But even if you do, listen to the consensus - you might think that you know your partner before you are married but things change when you enter matrimony. People change.

Lastly - don't even dare to compare the pain of not getting sex when you you want it, to the pain of finding out that someone you love and trust with all your heart has gone and slept in a hotel room with someone else, fucking repeatedly, having them cum inside you, and then coming home and pretending nothing was wrong.

 

[exvitermini]

Psyche - does he know you are unfaithful? Reason I'm asking is that it maybe would be the incentive he needs to attempt to keep you satisfied. Failing that, if you two have a good marriage in other ways, and is is ok with what you are doing, then I personally see nothing wrong with it.

I have no interest in marriage at this point in my life - faithfulness being one of my concerns. I like variety, not only in partners but in all things sexual, and I have more often heard of marriage killing sex drives then revitalizing them.

If you're single - then desiring multiple partners and a "variety" of partners is completely understandable. But if someone desires a committed, married relationship, then you need to be ready to give up all the other partners and commit to the one. I respect you, Freya, that you admit you arent' ready to do that, and thus are not interested in marriage just yet.

And your suggestion is a good one. My wife was unhappy with my sexual performance (ED is a motherfucker) and when I found out about her affair - after we worked things out, I try as much as I can to make sure I am meeting her sexual needs.

It all comes down to this, psyche - the game has got to end. Tell him everything. If he leaves you, then you're free to fuck all the men you want without those sleepless nights of guilt.

 

[Roy Kay]

Very glad I'm Poly

Man, I look at some of the misogeny, then look at some of the monogamy, and am ever grateful that I managed NOT to care about fidelity, and structure a relationship to eliminate the issue.

Really, if you're spouse is supportive, pays their freight, etc. whay would anyone in their right mind begrudge him/her the joys of other relationships? Is it really all that empowering to be able to interdict another person who you presume to (but prbably don't really) love? A relationship is about what you do for each other and I don't see fidelity as being for anything other than possession.

 

[exvitermini]

That's exactly why you've "structured a relationship" such that fidelity is not an issue - because you do not have a concept of putting all your love and trust in one person. Perhaps you are incapable of trusting and loving someone that much - I am not being presumptuous, only stating a possible explanation for your disassociation with the concept of betrayal and infidelity.

It's not about ownership, ego, possession, or any other unrelated concept to a commited, monagamous relationship. If you feel that way - then I won't even bother explaining just why I want my wife to lean on me, as her husband, for everything she needs and not rely on other men to fulfill those needs in my stead.

 

[sirhugs]

Re: Dr Freud, your slip is showing1

First off - I haven't made any generalizations towards you. I've stated my opinions and that's it. If you choose to generalize me into being vile - that's your choice. I won't be sucked in and I wont call you names no matter how heated this debate becomes.

Second - I never said it was a good idea to wait until after you are married to have sex - or presume to know someone's sexual drive unless you've had sexual relations before marriage. But even if you do, listen to the consensus - you might think that you know your partner before you are married but things change when you enter matrimony. People change.

Lastly - don't even dare to compare the pain of not getting sex when you you want it, to the pain of finding out that someone you love and trust with all your heart has gone and slept in a hotel room with someone else, fucking repeatedly, having them cum inside you, and then coming home and pretending nothing was wrong.

" cum inside you ??

presumably, the cum is inside them not you- I perceive that your issue was a loss of respect for the separate identity of your spouse- a sure way to drive them to " cheat" to prove their individuality. And I speak having been there- we had our days of pain- but blame is pointless- solutions live inside each of us, and criticizing others who are in different situations is simply unfair. In my case, I healed by forgiving, where others might not, and learning. I am a stronger better person.

I am sorry for your pain, and hope my pointing out your slip does not recreate it. Have you had counselling? Do you have a friend or priest to talk to? Gotten laid lately?

Perhaps its time to heal and move on. Peace.

 

[sirhugs]

That's exactly why you've "structured a relationship" such that fidelity is not an issue - because you do not have a concept of putting all your love and trust in one person. Perhaps you are incapable of trusting and loving someone that much - I am not being presumptuous, only stating a possible explanation for your disassociation with the concept of betrayal and infidelity.

It's not about ownership, ego, possession, or any other unrelated concept to a commited, monagamous relationship. If you feel that way - then I won't even bother explaining just why I want my wife to lean on me, as her husband, for everything she needs and not rely on other men to fulfill those needs in my stead.

why must love and sex be synonomous? And where is it psychologically, biologically or anthropologically driven that love is monogamous? Why can't we love more than 1? And why, if we love, do we not survive the breach of trust and rewrite the script- seems to me insisting that love = shackles is just the ego and possessiveness you deny. Yes, rules are rules. But rules change. In nature, we adapt or die. Love is the same way.

 

[psyche]

Re: vile!

First off - I haven't made any generalizations towards you. I've stated my opinions and that's it. If you choose to generalize me into being vile - that's your choice. I won't be sucked in and I wont call you names no matter how heated this debate becomes.

Second - I never said it was a good idea to wait until after you are married to have sex - or presume to know someone's sexual drive unless you've had sexual relations before marriage. But even if you do, listen to the consensus - you might think that you know your partner before you are married but things change when you enter matrimony. People change.

Lastly - don't even dare to compare the pain of not getting sex when you you want it, to the pain of finding out that someone you love and trust with all your heart has gone and slept in a hotel room with someone else, fucking repeatedly, having them cum inside you, and then coming home and pretending nothing was wrong.

Vile was your term - not mine (look at your own post!)

That is also my point! My husband knew I liked sex, he did too, and then he changed for some reason and is no longer interested. I am not getting sex at home.

And until your spouse looks at you and tells you they don't want to fuck you - don't tell me what it does or doesn't feel like. And yes, I am in a hotel room with another man and he is fucking me senseless and he cums inside of me and you know what I love every fucking minute of it and will continue to do so.

 

[exvitermini]

I'm sitting here crying now because I cannot bring my mind to understand you guys. You have no idea what you guys are talking about.

Not even the slightest fucking clue.

 

[psyche]

not my intent

I'm sitting here crying now because I cannot bring my mind to understand you guys. You have no idea what you guys are talking about.

Not even the slightest fucking clue.

This was certainly not my intention, exvitermini. I understand that you must have been hurt very badly. I feel for you. Even if we don't agree about any of this, I don't want to remind you of that pain or make it worse. I know that your point is that if my husband finds out that I am fucking someone else it will hurt him, and I know that myself. But he is playing his role in hurting our relationship also.

 

[exvitermini]

I'm only fucking trying to help you guys. But if you don't want to hear, then forget it. I just can't keep reading the insensitive and ignorant remarks. It's just stirring up wounds that are only beginning to heal. It's so fucking easy to tell me to heal and move on, but that just makes it even more obvious to me that you two have no fucking clue as to how bad it hurts to experience what I went through.

The only reason I am posting here is to try and keep someone else from going through what I went through. But I just can't take it anymore. You can try and rationalize and justify your selfish actions all you wish. You're a Psychology Professor and have your PhD, Psyche, you should know exactly what you're doing.

 

[sirhugs]

no tears

I'm sitting here crying now because I cannot bring my mind to understand you guys. You have no idea what you guys are talking about.

Not even the slightest fucking clue.

sorry about the tears. I know you are in pain. Like I've said before, I've had my share. I know each person's pain is unique, but I think I have some experience in the subject generally.

Maybe you would stop crying if you stopped trying to understand us. Our life journeys are our own. I would never have posted here if others had not spouted once size fits all morality. I certainly don't mean to demean you, just hoped that you would accept Psyche's right to determine her own destiny.

I assume ( soory, know thats risky) that you read these threads because you are looking for comfort. There are mainstream (ie, not sex sponsored)web sites that counsel and provide chat rooms for spouses who are " victims" of adultery- perhaps you will find more solace there. In my case, they clarified that conventionalism does not suit how I feel. I chose not to be a victim. I wrote a new covenant with my wife. Probably, they will take you to another place. I congratulate you on your progress so far. Be Strong.

But do not condemn me- I embraced an open lifestyle out of honesty, and remember, in my case, its my wife that had the hard time with sexual exclusivity. I would have lived the hypocrisy of " think but don't touch" forever if she had not freed me to be honest. Fidelity really means honesty. How is that " selfish"? Is it selfish to love my wife openly, honestly, with her needs for outside activity, rather than walk away, or play a victim? If so, up with selfishness.

Be Cool.