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WOW! Tumbleweed!

Tatelou said:
Oh, if only Kerry had won, then this joke might actually be more factual... :D

One sunny day in 2005 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Ave, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here. The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same US Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't
you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."
Click to expand...

Haha! That's great. I wish Kerry had won...I voted for him!
 
hello comp|icity!

Was not posting anymore, but did not want to 'appear' to be rude :D
 
Charley! This one's just for you, it's fucking brilliant!!! :D

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast-line. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them."
 
Is there a stooge in the whitehouse?


(in Brit-speak, stooge is a fake, so this potentially works in both our nations ):D

Hello CharleyH, no worries, I keep ducking in and out myself
 
And another one! PMSL!!!

In a train car there were a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought - "That American son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face"
The fat lady thought - "This dirty old American laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him".
The American thought - "That fucking Canadian put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me".
The Canadian thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again".
 
Tatelou said:
Charley! This one's just for you, it's fucking brilliant!!! :D

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast-line. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them."
Click to expand...

And then there's Brittain. :rolleyes:
 
Dranoel said:
And then there's Brittain. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

I knew you yanks couldn't take jokes about yourselves. :D :p

(We're part of Northern Europe, btw, geographically. :cool: )
 
Does a Canadian count as a non-American or does the fact that I'm still a North Americaner bearrs some weight here?
 
Tatelou said:
Charley! This one's just for you, it's fucking brilliant!!! :D

"What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them."
Click to expand...

PMSL!!! :D:D
 
Xelebes said:
Does a Canadian count as a non-American or does the fact that I'm still a North Americaner bearrs some weight here?
Click to expand...

Of course it does! You are as much NOT a yank as me. Have you seen some of the jokes I've posted???

:D :D :D
 
Tatelou said:
Charley! This one's just for you, it's fucking brilliant!!! :D

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast-line. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them."
Click to expand...

Still makes me chuckle, but just to make Dran feel better, the version that ALWAYS makes me laugh the loudest is England and France. And that also applies to the second joke on the train. Englishman and Frenchman.

Old wars die hard.

;)
 
Xelebes said:
Does a Canadian count as a non-American or does the fact that I'm still a North Americaner bearrs some weight here?
Click to expand...

Simple question mate, are you an American?????
 
matriarch said:
Still makes me chuckle, but just to make Dran feel better, the version that ALWAYS makes me laugh the loudest is England and France. And that also applies to the second joke on the train. Englishman and Frenchman.

Old wars die hard.

;)
Click to expand...

Yep, the Englishman/Frenchman is by far the best.

I'll allow Lou that one piece of aristic license!!!!:D :D
 
lewdandlicentious said:
Yep, the Englishman/Frenchman is by far the best.

I'll allow Lou that one piece of aristic license!!!!:D :D
Click to expand...

Why, thank you, my love. Today is special ennall. :D
 
Tatelou said:
And another one! PMSL!!!

In a train car there were a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought - "That American son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face"
The fat lady thought - "This dirty old American laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him".
The American thought - "That fucking Canadian put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me".
The Canadian thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again".
Click to expand...

ROFPML NOW THAT WAS BRILLIANT! :D :D :D
 
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