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Your Instant Turn-Offs

asian_princess said:
oh i know, sweaters around the shoulders (men).

I'm sorry if it's cold...but no. I'd rather a man who would rather freeze his appendages off.
Click to expand...
*secretly turns the AC up* Are you cold or they are just happy to see me?
 
Wow...seems like I find something new every day.

Bear with me here:


So, I'm leaving the grocery store headed for home...walking through the parking lot minding my own business, when some schmuck in a BOOM car pulls up right in front of me and blocks my path.

I wasn't really paying much attention assuming he'd stopped to let another pedestrian pass. So I stopped walking and started digging through my purse for my keys.

It took me a moment to realize that he wasn't moving. I looked around...no cars..then I finally looked at him. Oh lord, I wish I hadn't...instant dislike. He was all my turn-offs in one man...plus he gave me a few more to add to my list! Quite an accomplishment, really.

Turn off # 1 - Rude ass people.

He was in this big ass pimp-daddy car. The music was so loud that the windows were vibrating. He was workin' the pseudo-gangsta lean, he had gold chains all over the damn place...AND a gold tooth!!!! With a diamond it in!!! I kid you not.

Turn off #'s 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 - everything in the above paragraph. Easily summed up in the words "tired ghetto ass"

I couldn't figure out why the hell he wasn't moving until he did this little FINGER SNAP thing and called me to him. It took me a minute to respond because I couldn't figure out why his hub caps kept spinning long after he'd stopped moving.

Turn off # 8 - Snapping at me.
Turn off # 9 - What the FUCK is up with those hub caps???

Apparently he wasn't pleased that I didn't respond favourably to his snapping at me so he asked me, "You "death" or sumpin'?

Turn off # 10 - Poor grammar
Turn of # 11 - Too damn stupid to know the difference between "deaf" and "death".

To which I responded, "No, I'm not DEAF (used the emphasis here), your hub caps are just giving me vertigo." "What's vertigal?" he asked.

Turn off # 12 - No explanation necessary.


I rolled my eyes and asked him if he needed something.

Idiot: Licks lips. "Yeah...so....what's a man gotta do to git wit you?"

Me: "Huh???"

Idiot: Licks lips. "How I get yo digits."

Me: "I don't understand" (I did...just hated his guts)

Idiot: "Damn...you speak English, girl?"

Me: Stunned silence. He had HIS nerve!!! I decided to let that one go cause......damn......seriously, man.

Idiot: "Oh I see...you don't speaka de english. What, you one uh dem Puerto Rican bitches?? (clearly forgettig that I had just addressed him in English)

Me: "Si. Soy puertorriqueña. Hablo inglés pero tu eres demasiado estúpido entender inglés! Así que hablaré en español porque gozo insultarle." (Having a family that actually DOES come from Puerto Rico really comes in handy sometimes!!)

Idiot: Undaunted, tries another angle. Licks lips. "How I get yo digotos? You know? uhh....el numberos?....fuckin' fono numbero???"

Me: "I speak perfect English. I'm married. I'm gay. I'm not interested. Your hubcaps are broken. But if you'll wait here, I'll go back to the store and buy you some Chapstick."

Idiot: "Fuck you, bitch".

Me: "Not until you get your teeth fixed and your hubcaps tightened."

Turn-off # umpteen million....LIP LICKERS!!! Ewwwwww!

I swear, I really might have to start batting for the Other team!!!
 
Last edited:
ObsidianRose said:
Oh yeah? How much? ;) :p
Click to expand...

Well, OR, I did see AU selling all his gold chains on the street. He was standing next to his car with the music turned low (but the boom from the bass was still rattling the windows though).
 
ObsidianRose said:

Me: "I speak perfect English. I'm married. I'm gay. I'm not interested. Your hubcaps are broken. But if you'll wait here, I'll go back to the store and buy you some Chapstick."

Idiot: "Fuck you, bitch".

Me: "Not until you get your teeth fixed and your hubcaps tightened."
Click to expand...
hahahaha! awesome! You got to let me use this!
 
ObsidianRose said:
Turn-off # umpteen million....LIP LICKERS!!! Ewwwwww!

I swear, I really might have to start batting for the Other team!!!
Click to expand...
You are my idol. Seriously. I love you. And I was laughing so hard reading this I think I actually broke a rib lol

And yes, lip lickers are god's way of keeping the population in control :D
 
you missed the chance to ask him if he'd ejaculated all over his own lips! LOL That story was so funny...and precisely the tack I would have taken with him.
 
Zmey said:
hahahaha! awesome! You got to let me use this!
Click to expand...

By all means! But I can't even begin to imagine a situation that you COULD use it. I swear, these things only happen to me!
 
ObsidianRose said:
Wow...seems like I find something new every day.

Bear with me here:


So, I'm leaving the grocery store headed for home...walking through the parking lot minding my own business, when some schmuck in a BOOM car pulls up right in front of me and blocks my path.

I wasn't really paying much attention assuming he'd stopped to let another pedestrian pass. So I stopped walking and started digging through my purse for my keys.

It took me a moment to realize that he wasn't moving. I looked around...no cars..then I finally looked at him. Oh lord, I wish I hadn't...instant dislike. He was all my turn-offs in one man...plus he gave me a few more to add to my list! Quite an accomplishment, really.

Turn off # 1 - Rude ass people.

He was in this big ass pimp-daddy car. The music was so loud that the windows were vibrating. He was workin' the pseudo-gangsta lean, he had gold chains all over the damn place...AND a gold tooth!!!! With a diamond it in!!! I kid you not.

Turn off #'s 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 - everything in the above paragraph. Easily summed up in the words "tired ghetto ass"

I couldn't figure out why the hell he wasn't moving until he did this little FINGER SNAP thing and called me to him. It took me a minute to respond because I couldn't figure out why his hub caps kept spinning long after he'd stopped moving.

Turn off # 8 - Snapping at me.
Turn off # 9 - What the FUCK is up with those hub caps???

Apparently he wasn't pleased that I didn't respond favourably to his snapping at me so he asked me, "You "death" or sumpin'?

Turn off # 10 - Poor grammar
Turn of # 11 - Too damn stupid to know the difference between "deaf" and "death".

To which I responded, "No, I'm not DEAF (used the emphasis here), your hub caps are just giving me vertigo." "What's vertigal?" he asked.

Turn off # 11 - No explanation necessary.


I rolled my eyes and asked him if he needed something.

Idiot: Licks lips. "Yeah...so....what's a man gotta do to git wit you?"

Me: "Huh???"

Idiot: Licks lips. "How I get yo digits."

Me: "I don't understand" (I did...just hated his guts)

Idiot: "Damn...you speak English, girl?"

Me: Stunned silence. He had HIS nerve!!! I decided to let that one go cause......damn......seriously, man.

Idiot: "Oh I see...you don't speaka de english. What, you one uh dem Puerto Rican bitches?? (clearly forgettig that I had just addressed him in English)

Me: "Si. Soy puertorriqueña. Hablo inglés pero tu eres demasiado estúpido entender inglés! Así que hablaré en español porque gozo insultarle." (Having a family that actually DOES come from Puerto Rico really comes in handy sometimes!!)

Idiot: Undaunted, tries another angle. Licks lips. "How I get yo digotos? You know? uhh....el numberos?....fuckin' fono numbero???"

Me: "I speak perfect English. I'm married. I'm gay. I'm not interested. Your hubcaps are broken. But if you'll wait here, I'll go back to the store and buy you some Chapstick."

Idiot: "Fuck you, bitch".

Me: "Not until you get your teeth fixed and your hubcaps tightened."

Turn-off # umpteen million....LIP LICKERS!!! Ewwwwww!

I swear, I really might have to start batting for the Other team!!!
Click to expand...


No please don't bat for the other team. If you do can you at least switch hit?
But seriously reading this, I apologise on behalf of all the sane and rational men. Because of idiots like this, we are given a bad name. I thank god that I am a man, and things like this don't happen to me.

If a guy like this stops me, he has some beef with the long haired rocker boy. He likely wants to talk shit at me. And it is perfectly understandable I walk away, or perfectly justified I hit him right in that gold tooth.
 
chronicle_tenko said:
No please don't bat for the other team. If you do can you at least switch hit?
But seriously reading this, I apologise on behalf of all the sane and rational men. Because of idiots like this, we are given a bad name. I thank god that I am a man, and things like this don't happen to me.

If a guy like this stops me, he has some beef with the long haired rocker boy. He likely wants to talk shit at me. And it is perfectly understandable I walk away, or perfectly justified I hit him right in that gold tooth.
Click to expand...

See...this schmuch has taught me something, CT. It's aaalllll about perspective, baby. This guy made your man sandals seem downright sexy! Go head...put 'em on for me!

But ONLY the sandals....nothin' else. ;) That's what I'M talkin' bout! Yeeeaaahhhhh.
 
DUMB ass pick up lines,I mean,,,c/mon buddy,,try a lil bit harder,.One of the WORST ones I got was,,okay,,I am standing there..minding my own business(talking on my cellie) and out of nowhere comes this nasty ass looking crusty fucker.More gold chains than MR T,,pants down to his booty,,,ANd walks by me,,,looks me UP and down.walks back by again..licks his lips(EWWW) and says"Red is my favorite color"(My hair is red)..UHHMM,,okay,,how nice for you..THEN.he says"I wanna drink champagne crack " I wason the phone with my mother who heard HAHAHHA....what an idiot
 
ObsidianRose said:
See...this schmuch has taught me something, CT. It's aaalllll about perspective, baby. This guy made your man sandals seem downright sexy! Go head...put 'em on for me!

But ONLY the sandals....nothin' else. ;) That's what I'M talkin' bout! Yeeeaaahhhhh.
Click to expand...

*feels like a piece of meat.

Alright OR. But you owe me something for this.

*taking off the black briefs I was wearing trudging to the shoe cupboard in the upstairs hall. Digging out his greave sandals and putting them on.

*turning a circle.

Like this?
 
chronicle_tenko said:
*feels like a piece of meat.

Alright OR. But you owe me something for this.

*taking off the black briefs I was wearing trudging to the shoe cupboard in the upstairs hall. Digging out his greave sandals and putting them on.

*turning a circle.

Like this?
Click to expand...

*looks around for singles to stuff between CD's ass cheeks*

Wooo hooo! Come a little closer, baby....I got somethin for ya.
 
ObsidianRose said:
*looks around for singles to stuff between CD's ass cheeks*

Wooo hooo! Come a little closer, baby....I got somethin for ya.
Click to expand...


Looks around for CD's?

Oh mine. Not sure if I should be coming over there, but ok lady.

*Swings his hips as he walks, in the best female model he can do.

(sadly I can do it pretty well.)
 
Rudeness
Inappropriate behavior
Greed
Being Hateful
Ditto on the bad breath
Someone who chews their nails
Drunks
 
ObsidianRose said:
*sniff* *sniff* Mark!! *sniff* Say it ain't so, baby! You have a BOOM car???? *wails*

Please tell me you aren't blasting rap music that makes the windows shake and vibrate. Please baby...tell me you aren't. *sob*

Edited to add....okay...old skool rap is okay....if it's medium loud...just enough to make your head bob.
Click to expand...



Yes, I'm afraid so, I have a BOOM car.

OK, I'm not blasting rap at a volume that makes the windows shake, oh no, not ever would I do that.... :D

Is that head bob from a block away?....... :rolleyes:
 
chronicle_tenko said:
Looks around for CD's?

Oh mine. Not sure if I should be coming over there, but ok lady.

*Swings his hips as he walks, in the best female model he can do.

(sadly I can do it pretty well.)
Click to expand...

LMAO.....only to be made funnier by the fact that a version of "Lets' Get It On" by Jack Black was playing on XM Radio. (Added to the mental image :p )
 
I haven't read any of this thread...but INSTANT TURN-OFFS...

ABUSE OF POWER...................FUCKERS

sorry
 
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