2013 Poem a week comment thread

[Angeline]

GM, I love your poem, Not an Elizabethan Sonnet, which is almost an Elizabethan sonnet but not quite and also modern and funny. This line:

on the Move, Bitch! Garden State Parkway

made me laugh out loud with recognition and understanding. Really nice work.

 

[greenmountaineer]

GM, I love your poem, Not an Elizabethan Sonnet, which is almost an Elizabethan sonnet but not quite and also modern and funny. This line:

on the Move, Bitch! Garden State Parkway

made me laugh out loud with recognition and understanding. Really nice work.

Glad you got the joke about the title.

 

[bogusagain]

You're having an impressive run GM.

 

[Angeline]

Glad you got the joke about the title.

I did and it's a wonderful variation of the form. Reminded me of some of the stuff Ted Berrigan did with his sonnets. Far enough from the form to sound modern, but close enough to echo it. And naming the driver Elizabeth is perfect!

 

[greenmountaineer]

Belated

This is really smart. I copied it so I could read it some more and then comment but forgot about it:


26 - Flat
It's just that sometimes
he tries just a little too hard,
looking foolish in the effort to
impress as he simpers and smiles,
agreeing in his blindness. Keen
to seem deep, intelligent, stepping
on his own toes and tying up his tongue.
Straight-faced we’re careful not to meet
his eye in simulated sincerity in case he sees
the humor. We're not unkind but he does try others,
singing out of tune.


Tess's "Flat"

Great poem. I liked the "growing tumescence" of the lines and then the falling short (ie flat) in the last line; fit the narrative rather nicely IMO.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

This is really smart. I copied it so I could read it some more and then comment but forgot about it:


26 - Flat
It's just that sometimes
he tries just a little too hard,
looking foolish in the effort to
impress as he simpers and smiles,
agreeing in his blindness. Keen
to seem deep, intelligent, stepping
on his own toes and tying up his tongue.
Straight-faced we’re careful not to meet
his eye in simulated sincerity in case he sees
the humor. We're not unkind but he does try others,
singing out of tune.


Tess's "Flat"

Great poem. I liked the "growing tumescence" of the lines and then the falling short (ie flat) in the last line; fit the narrative rather nicely IMO.

Oh, thank you. As you can see from my latest effort, this challenge plus the summer contest has sent my muse screaming for the hills.

 

[HarryHill]

I liked it too Tess, had the distinct feeling you were writing about me. Then again it may be simple paranoia. a lot of your stuff's like that
..
Bogus, Simtex was something to read. S1 made me think of a mad artist, slashing away at a canvas with angry reds and blacks, slung paint flies like the reenactment of a crime scene.
...this is funny '...ear to glass, glass to the wall...'
..
I don't quite understand the last line unless you are talking about explosive sex. good one

 

[bogusagain]

Bogus, Simtex was something to read. S1 made me think of a mad artist, slashing away at a canvas with angry reds and blacks, slung paint flies like the reenactment of a crime scene.
...this is funny '...ear to glass, glass to the wall...'
..
I don't quite understand the last line unless you are talking about explosive sex. good one

You should have said it was a bad last line Harry, which I suspect is what you were thinking and you'd be right! Anyway, I've changed it. For the better I hope.

 

[HarryHill]

You should have said it was a bad last line Harry, which I suspect is what you were thinking and you'd be right! Anyway, I've changed it. For the better I hope.

A puzzling line, but now I see an explosion worthy of the forth...er, for whatever reasons

 

[HarryHill]

26 7/5/13 Sonnet III

How appropriate and clever and sad

 

[Angeline]

How appropriate and clever and sad

It is sad, isn't it? The whole business feels Shakespearean to me.

I'm trying to write six new sonnets to perform an experiment with them.

 

[Angeline]

GM's Angelus is lovely. So musical, and now I want to know why that particular meter makes me think of lyrical poetry and Yeats. It's more than the meter though: the poem doesn't rhyme anywhere (that I noticed) and yet the word endings echo each other so that it almost feels like rhyme. Almost. There is some sophisticated thought behind that little poem. I can tell!

 

[Angeline]

Tess your ant poem is just delightful, restrained and practical with just a soupcon of guilt. I like it all but this~

but we cannot abide in the same abode ​

just made me grin. Clever girl.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Every day I come here and am gob-smacked by the quality of other poets posting in this thread and so many other on-going threads. It's a joy to read you all. Over all -felt thanks and admiration.

 

[HarryHill]

29 - Untitled

Powerful stuff

 

[Angeline]

Powerful stuff

Very much agree. I read it three times straight through cause it just knocked me out. The poetry being produced on the forum these days is the best I've seen in years. We've got great synergy with everyone inspiring each other. I love it when that happens here. I don't know what to comment on first! The new poems have been rocking, too.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Powerful stuff

Very much agree. I read it three times straight through cause it just knocked me out. The poetry being produced on the forum these days is the best I've seen in years. We've got great synergy with everyone inspiring each other. I love it when that happens here. I don't know what to comment on first! The new poems have been rocking, too.

Thank you both. I debated long and hard about the layout, short. broken lines but it makes it breathless, sob-like. so I kept it.
This thread and the five senses thread have really stirred up the poetic juices all round. I can't wait for the Summer contest reveal tomorrow.

 

[HarryHill]

Thank you both. I debated long and hard about the layout, short. broken lines but it makes it breathless, sob-like. so I kept it.
This thread and the five senses thread have really stirred up the poetic juices all round. I can't wait for the Summer contest reveal tomorrow.

..
So sorry you will not see them till the 18th..........

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

..
So sorry you will not see them till the 18th..........

18th? I thought it was the 16th.

 

[Angeline]

..
So sorry you will not see them till the 18th..........

18th? I thought it was the 16th.

Actually I'm going to try to have them up for the first round of voting either tomorrow or Wednesday. There's a lot of submissions (16 or 17 so far) and I have to sort them by the order they came in (not super easy cause some had changes made and were resubmitted) and set up the polls. Oh and make sure the line breaks all transfer correctly. It ain't rocket science but it will be time-consuming.

I'm actually excited for everyone to see them. There's a lot of good poetry there.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

I'm not chivvying you by any means - far from it, you're taking on quite a job. We're all grateful.

 

[HarryHill]

Penumbra

Explain your mood when you wrote this. Loved it by the way.

 

[KatieJones]

Desejo, just wanted to say Thoughts at the Supermarket Checkout resonated with me.

 

[Desejo]

Desejo, just wanted to say Thoughts at the Supermarket Checkout resonated with me.

Thank God it's not only me. I thought it was just yet another sign of me getting grouchy in my advancing years.

 

[Desejo]

Explain your mood when you wrote this. Loved it by the way.

Thanks, Harry. I have no idea how to describe my mood. Somewhere at the nexus of reflective, disappointed and accepting - if that makes any sense at all.