A serious discussion about BDSM and weight

[graceanne]

Oh, and another good thread about weight.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=453898

 

[Essene]

I'm not at all upset. I took your comments seriously and responded as such. My original post wasn't about people who are moderately overweight. I am specifically talking about people who would be considered clinically obese. I can understand why you might view what I have to say as being judgmental and projecting. You're certainly welcome to that opinion. I disagree. No worries.

Okay. Good. It's difficult to read folks online sometimes. Thanks for clearing that up.

I'm not at all upset by what you said. My statement about the eating was specifically about the food not the people. That's all. If they held the munch at someplace other than a diner type place, I'd be more comfortable. There was little on the menu that interested me. As it was, I had a bowl of fruit and a glass of tea. Even their salads were way too huge for me. It was one of those places whose wagon wheel pancakes actually are the size of a wagon wheel. It wasn't the kind of place I would normally choose to eat.

*nod* Okay.

And so I shall . . .


I have had others tell me that on the East Coast this isn't as prevalent. So maybe I should come there for a visit and you should come to Phoenix.

Well the amount of folks near my neck of the woods doesn't appear to be as great in number as perhaps other parts of the country. I dunno. I have yet to get out as much as I'd like.

Not that I've been looking very hard as I'm not really dating.

The Dominants (some have been truly gorgeous) who have been approaching me online have in their profiles the whole bit about expecting a physically fit gal...even if they don't look like they're holding themselves up to that standard! LOL

Arizona is hot isn't it? *laugh* I don't know if I could handle it. We'll have to get you some nice LL Bean gear for your visit here.

But seriously, I don't think much about the physical attractiveness when I am in the local scene. It is the physical health that gets me. But why would you feel unworthy if they want to play with you? I guess my feeling is that if a Dominant likes me enough to play or to have a relationship, that in and of itself makes me worthy of him. No matter how much prettier he may be than I am.

There are several factors. It's somewhat complex.

Oh I suppose it wouldn't matter that much if they really wanted to play with me.

I'm made anxious when someone (potential dating material) goes on and on about the type of aesthetic that they expect. Part of those feelings stem from a relationship that I had years ago where the person dictated to me what I ate, and frequently told me that I was ugly and fat when I wasn't (all of this happened while I was at my healthiest, but I was very young and was still susceptible to my previous eating issues). I know the impact it had on me, and I can consciously and logically tell myself that I shouldn't worry about it, but it was still damaging.

All told, at this point in my life it doesn't matter that much to me, but I have my own general apprehension because I'm unhappy with myself for various reasons. I'd like to be a healthier weight for both health, and for self confidence.

I am currently going through a bad break up, and the rejection, and fear of subsequent rejection from a new encounter is too much for me to bear. I'm too stressed out and fragile to deal right now. (This pertains to online interactions. I don't know that I'd feel the same way if someone approached me in person. If someone ever approaches me in person I'll keep you posted.)

I internalize a lot though. I'm good at it.

Besides, I met a pretty one for lunch a few weeks ago, and I coudn't stop thinking about how much fun it would be to top him. I had to keep saying to myself "self, don't step on his toes, he may be more than just a pretty face, despite how easy you think it would be to top him."

I've wondered this as well. In fact, it is one of the things that lead me to finally post this after several years of thinking about it. I've just noticed over time that number of larger individuals locally in the scene as increased. I don't know if it's BDSM specific or the US as a whole. But I know in my own extended family of 7 grandchildren, 2 of us had eating disorders. I was anorexic and my cousin was bulemic. Both of us also had issues with depression and anxiety disorder. Related? Probably.

*nod* Personally, anxiety, control issues, and childhood OCD, all aid/ded in making me one hell of an intense person, and we all know that intense people like spankings.

 

[Netzach]

I'm just immediately turned off by someone who goes on and on about the type of aesthetic that they expect.

And why shouldn't you be? This sounds like hell date.

 

[Essene]

And why shouldn't you be? This sounds like hell date.

*sniff* Thanks for the affirmation Netzach, and for quoting me before I could edit that.

Yeah. Hell date sounds about right. Now I'm going to whine about how difficult it is to find suitable dating material in the Boston area.

 

[ataxia.girl]

And why shouldn't you be? This sounds like hell date.

i don't even like this when they are going on and on saying i am what they like. i want them to like me for the things i can own about myself, not the things i just happened to be born with. Its great if they like those things but not if it feels like the main reason they like me.

 

[Netzach]

i don't even like this when they are going on and on saying i am what they like. i want them to like me for the things i can own about myself, not the things i just happened to be born with. Its great if they like those things but not if it feels like the main reason they like me.

I totally get it. I remember my mother urging me to get a nose job when I was a teen. Even at a tender and vulnerable age I remember looking in the mirror and thinking "this is my face" and also that if a guy didn't want to date me because I don't have a WASP nose, I don't want to date him.

 

[Essene]

I totally get it. I remember my mother urging me to get a nose job when I was a teen. Even at a tender and vulnerable age I remember looking in the mirror and thinking "this is my face" and also that if a guy didn't want to date me because I don't have a WASP nose, I don't want to date him.

I think it's incredible that you were so self aware and assure at that age.

I got crap from my parents about everything, including my weight, and I secretly (kept it from them that it bothered me and actually cared to do something drastic about it) let myself take it to heart and affect me.

 

[graceanne]

I think it's incredible that you were so self aware and assure at that age.

I got crap from my parents about everything, including my weight, and I secretly (kept it from them that it bothered me and actually cared to do something drastic about it) let myself take it to heart and affect me.

Yeah. I don't think people realize what kids take to heart. My mom used to jokingly call me fat when she had to pick me up as a little girl, so I always considered myself fat. I only recently realized (looking at pictures) that I wasn't fat. I wasn't even chubby.

One day, when my big girl was about 2 or 3, my mom (still jokingly) said something similar to her. I said that that wasn't ok, and she said (genuinly confused) that she'd always said that stuff to me and miss. I was like 'yeah, and I genuinely thought I was fat all through childhood.' You could see mom's brain working, and she said 'yeah, and my dad said stuff like that to me and I always thought I was fat when I wasn't . . . '

Now she's just as anal as I am about comments to any of our kids about their weight.

So here's something interesting that I've been thinking about. I NEVER make comments about my kids being overweight or whatever, but I have to be very careful not to all my younger daughter things like 'skinny'. I don't want her to be self conscious of her size, either. (FYI she's 7 years old, and weighs 45 lbs. She wears a size 4 clothes - and they're too big around the waist. I buy her panties at a size 2/3 - depending on the brand.) A comment sinn0cent made once brought home that I needed to be just as careful with her body issues as I am with A's.

Kinda like how CM said that her co-workers say she doesn't eat enough and is too skinny. They probably would NOT say something like that to a fat person, but it's ok to say things like that to a skinny person? Their are people who can't GAIN weight, any more than I can lose it. My step mom is 5' tall and has to diet to stay OVER 100 lb's - if she's not watching her diet she drops to 80 lbs QUICK.

 

[ataxia.girl]

i personally haven't noticed any prevalence of obesity beyond the normal population of the few i have played with but its only been a few and i don't go to munches. So far the people i've meet seem pretty average to the population.

Weight used to be a sensitive issue for me. my mother went on about my weight my whole life despite me not being overweight. After i got married and found out that sex actually sucked rocks i packed on a lot of weight and quit wearing makup. i think it was a way to insulate myself from his sexual advances by being less attractive. i was basically frigid the first 7 years. After i figured out there was no all powerful being who preferred me miserable and sexually frustrated and popped out the last baby i lost 50 pounds. i discovered what i've always known, except with a fraction of the guilt this time. i love sex and its very important to me.

Basically i am living someone else's very comfortable, perfect life. One i never would have chosen for myself. Being fat used to be the only way i could rebel. It was an acceptable way to both indulge and punish myself. Now that i can drink and masturbate and get fucked if he happens to be in the mood i prefer to be thin and attractive. Part of it is vengefulness though. i want to show them. i want them to see that now that i am out i am thin and wear makeup and smile and men look at me.

Being such a sexual person living within the constraints i am i don't have a ton of outlets to really feel like i am living MY life the way i would live it for me. The mormon god may be gone but the life i built in his honor is still here and i still have to finish living it and now there are other little people involved. Being as attractive as i can be and dressing as i choose is one outlet i use to express myself. Being sexy at all was always taboo in the circles i traveled. i am very much enjoying finding out how much fun it is.

my Bastard Daddy did help me lose a lot of the weight and i actually love losing weight for my owner. Its something i miss as i do want to lose 20 more pounds and don't seem to be able to do it for myself. I've been pretty programmed my entire life to live for someone else. i don't think i'm really naturally that way necessarily and so there is a big internal conflict there. i'm not sure it can really be sorted out at this stage and perhaps that is for the best considering the other little beautiful peeps i have to live for now.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Yeah. I don't think people realize what kids take to heart. My mom used to jokingly call me fat when she had to pick me up as a little girl, so I always considered myself fat. I only recently realized (looking at pictures) that I wasn't fat. I wasn't even chubby.

my experience was almost identical only my mother told me all the time i needed to lose 10 pounds. i look back at pictures now and i wasn't the least bit chubby and didn't need to lose a pound. i get really angry sometimes at how many years i wasted thinking i was fat when i actually looked really good.

 

[graceanne]

my experience was almost identical only my mother told me all the time i needed to lose 10 pounds. i look back at pictures now and i wasn't the least bit chubby and didn't need to lose a pound. i get really angry sometimes at how many years i wasted thinking i was fat when i actually looked really good.

Amen. I'd KILL to be the weight I was when I got married, but I wasted it hating my body. I looked freaken GOOD then. I was a size 12, and had the exact same measurements as Marilyn Monroe, but I hated it. I was so determined to be tall and skinny I didn't enjoy being short and curvy.

 

[Exogenous]

Based on daily observation I think that the U.S. population, in general, is overweight and unhealthy. All the while the media pushes healthy options (tons of ads for exercise machines, gyms, ways to cook healthier meals, etc.). There is so much publicity about the onset of adult diabetes and high cholesterol, as well as employers “forcing” their employees to live healthier lifestyles (due to insurance premiums).

The company I work for has banned smoking on the premises, even in one’s car in the parking lot. No one (even visitors) is allowed to smoke within 50 feet of the entrance to the parking lot. At the site in which I work we also have a large and well equipped gym, as well as yoga, aerobic, and self-defense classes.

I have struggled with my weight since I was a teenager, yo-yo-ing up and down and it’s been quite frustrating. In my late 20’s I didn’t care anymore and resigned myself to the fact that I would always be overweight and unfit. I was in a relationship in which my partner didn’t seem to care, either, so at that time, I figured what the hell it’s not worth the effort.

It’s only recently that I’ve found out that taking care of myself does not depend on anyone’s point of view or regard toward me, it’s all about how I feel about myself. I always thought that people should just accept me regardless of my weight and health, which (for me, personally) was just a cop-out. Really, I was only hurting myself. The 64 thousand dollar question is, do I accept me the way I am (large and unhealthy)? Honestly, no, I don’t. So, how can I expect others to accept me? That doesn’t mean that being large is unhealthy for everyone. However, in my case I have high blood pressure and (used to) become easily winded and overheated and experience pain in my hips, back, and ankles during any type of activity.

I used to have a house with a backyard and would just put my dog outside for the day. But now, I live in a condo and have to take my dog out for walks (four times a day) for his bio-breaks. These are not leisurely strolls, but rather fast-paced walks. What a huge change for both of us; we’ve both lost weight and I certainly feel better and I think he does, too. And now that I only cook for myself (no longer cooking fast, high calorie/carb dinners for house-mates) I’ve been eating a lot healthier…as has my dog (baby carrots have replaced his dog biscuits and [for the most part] my chocolate, I can’t completely give up chocolate, LOL).

My blood pressure has gone down to a healthy level. My stress level has also decreased as exercise has taken the place of turning to food for relief of that stress.

What it comes down to is my self-esteem (personally and professionally) has significantly increased thanks to all the walking and that is great motivation for me to keep it up and do other types of exercise. I haven’t had a significant other in a very long time because of my low self-esteem due to issues with health and weight. But now that I feel better about myself I think others will see me in a more positive light as well. And I have to admit that I would be more attracted to someone (whether he is large or thin) who takes care of himself and lives a healthy lifestyle.

 

[rida]

I think that may be true as well, Syd. Most of the people I have encountered locally have been from 40 well into their 60s, although there have been some in their 30s as well. And that was one of the things I am curious about. Is it primarily a US phenomenom? Is it something that is area-specific within the US as well?

Of all the places I have traveled to, I can tell you that the place with the most overweight people I've seen has been the US. And more so in suburb type of areas than in cities like San Francisco or New York. So I think that it is indeed mostly a demographic kind of thing.

As for your other questions, it is sometime hard to judge health and physical activities level from the size of a person. My boss hit the gym 3 times a week while I don't do squat, but she is heavily overweight and I am not. Yet I realized I am not in such a good shape when I could not hold myself up on a suspension bar not even for the time it took to get my feet untied

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi BG2, I think this is a very interesting topic and one that you're handling very diplomatically FWIW. Kudos for that.

Personally, I have never been over-weight or had an eating disorder. I am petite at 5 ft and weight about 8 stone (112lb) which is about right for me. My mother (pregnancy notwithstanding) was always a UK size 10 (USA 8) and I wear an 8-10 (6-8). There are reasons why I have not been over-weight. My mother never drove a car so my sister and I cycled and walked everywhere. I have never driven a car because I'm epileptic so I have continued to be active in order to get around. Also, I have food allergies that upset my stomach and more recently, I have become a vegan, which pretty much rules out all forms of junk food. When I was 20, I was very ill and IV/tube fed in hospital for about 3 months. My weight dropped to 6 stone (84lb) and I struggled to regain what I lost. Also, any change in my epilepsy medication usually leaves me nauseous and lethargic for days - hence I don't cook and eat very little. So had I not had those factors in my life, I might well be larger than I am.

Master is over-weight. He's 6ft tall and when we met, he weighed about 15 stone (210lb) which was about right on his burly, broad shouldered frame. He now weighs about 17 stone (240lb) which he knows is too much. He has back problems now and struggles when exerting himself. He snores more and sweats more but Master loves his food and finds it very difficult to diet. He has a desk job but like me, does not drive a car.

Master thought that when he gained weight, I'd find him less attractive but that hasn't generally been the case. I won't admit I haven't had my moments when he has been sprawled across the couch in just a pair of boxers, complaining that he's too hot and too sweaty. The trouble it has caused us lies with his self esteem and sense of his own power but that's not something I really influence. Master has been depressed and when he's down, he comfort eats. He's also a fairly heavy drinker, which adds lots of extra calories.

Master has asked me to help him diet and I do cook healthy food that he enjoys eating. I've dramatically cut the carbohydrate in his diet but whenever my back's turned he eats a packet of biscuits or a family sized bag of Doritos. This has caused conflict because I feel like I'm moderating his diet for no good reason and allowing him to excuse eating crap because he's been 'good' for a few days. A part of me does resent being his personal chef and gently nagging diet monitor because so far, it hasn't really got him anywhere. I know I have no power to influence what he eats and drinks. Also, he then gets the misguided impression that I want him to lose weight. The reality is that I couldn't give a damn how big he is, I just know he's unhappy and unhealthy. Also, his dad has diabetes and so his risk of type 2 is quite high.

I have visited LA and NYC and both times, I saw many more obese people than I generally see in the UK (although people in the UK are also getting bigger). I think I would have trouble falling for a very over-weight man, simply because as a former nurse, I know far too much about weight related health issues and I find it hard to be sympathetic to people who are just plain greedy. My feelings about Master's weight gain are ambivalent at times and I try very hard to be non-judgemental but I can't say I'm always successful. I do often resent that he asks me to wag my finger when he picks up a second helping of something or raids the fridge at midnight and then he completely ignores me and occasionally gets pissed off with me for doing what I've been told to. I get just as exasperated with him as he does with himself at times.

I think there are quite a few larger/obese people on Lit but as it's predominantly populated by US citizens, I kind of expect that demographic. I do think it's a very good thing that we're not all shallow here on the forum and that you don't have to look good in latex in order to be accepted (because nobody does except Angelina Jolie - who's not human). I think it's a great thing that Wenchie is proud of her av and that larger people feel comfortable posting pic threads and so on. I personally would not want to be over-weight but these things are as much a matter of choice as cigarette and alcohol consumption - which are also very unhealthy. Over here in the UK, people can be refused free medical treatment if they are morbidly obese or heavy drinkers/smokers and I think that it's counter-productive much of the time, especially when you consider the contribution that smokers and drinkers make to the NHS in duty on cigarettes and alcohol.

We haven't really got involved in any kind of public BDSM scene, so I really can't comment on how prevalent obesity is in the lifestyle where we live.

 

[YourCaptor]

Of all the places I have traveled to, I can tell you that the place with the most overweight people I've seen has been the US. And more so in suburb type of areas than in cities like San Francisco or New York. So I think that it is indeed mostly a demographic kind of thing.

I know what you're saying, but can one really judge a place by the people you see out and and about? If you look into peoples cars I think you get a better idea of the weight of a population.

I also wonder if this issue is particularly noticeable in BDSM because it is directly to sex, something people will most always go out and do. While you would not see as many overweight people at a club, bar, or just anywhere but home.

 

[rida]

I know what you're saying, but can one really judge a place by the people you see out and and about? If you look into peoples cars I think you get a better idea of the weight of a population.

I also wonder if this issue is particularly noticeable in BDSM because it is directly to sex, something people will most always go out and do. While you would not see as many overweight people at a club, bar, or just anywhere but home.

I'm referring to the people I saw walking around shopping malls. The more suburb like was the mall location, the bigger, on average, the people walking around it.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I'm referring to the people I saw walking around shopping malls. The more suburb like was the mall location, the bigger, on average, the people walking around it.

Yeah, I definitely agree with your observations. Although as a tourist you only ever get a snapshot of a place, my experiences in NYC bore out the impression I took away from LA regarding USA citizens and obesity in general.

Plus, how does a population in a mall differ spectacularly from those driving around a city YC? I can't say I follow your logic there. If anything, I'd say I saw just as many obese drivers - if not more - than those I saw bothering to walk further than the minimum distance from a parking space to a cash register.

I also saw a morbidly obese young woman in head to toe designer clothing, with a ridiculous amount of makeup and hair products, a very expensive pair of shoes on and a designer purse, carrying one of those tiny handbag dogs, which was also decked out in matching designer gear. I mean... why? What's the point of spending a small fortune on your appearance if you're not going to cosmetically enhance yourself by eating a bit less and doing a bit more? I have to say, that lady made me chuckle in an 'only in LA' fashion.

 

[phantom_goddess]

Amen. I'd KILL to be the weight I was when I got married, but I wasted it hating my body. I looked freaken GOOD then. I was a size 12, and had the exact same measurements as Marilyn Monroe, but I hated it. I was so determined to be tall and skinny I didn't enjoy being short and curvy.

for years i've worked really hard to lose weight, diets, counting calories, no sweets, walking 3 miles a day, i ride my bike around town, and now i'm seeing a doctor to help with my weight. but after finding Daddy, and knowing he appreciates me for me, and thinks i'm sexy just the way i am, i'm just starting to appreciate myself, and the way i look.
i've been told since i was a little kid that i was fat. and i hated myself for it. i was always taller and slightly bigger than the other kids my age, but when i look at my old pics, i think wow i was a pretty cute kid. all the negative things i got from my whole family make me a little resentful, and i still get grief for being overweight. but now i tell them that yeah i could lose some weight, but i'm not going to kill myself over it, i'm happy being 5'9'' and 245lbs i think i carry it pretty well

 

[Bandit58]

Some people, due to health reasons, can't lose weight. Like people who've been off and on prednisone for years, are borderline diabetic, and have arthritis so can't do anything high impact.

Sir has chronic health problems including diabetes (Type 1), renal failure, and arthritis. He can walk on a flat surface, but any kind of incline hurts His knees and back. His dry weight is 83kg (183lbs) at 5'9" but He has lost a lot of muscle mass due to the kidney failure. We work together to try and keep Him as healthy as we can, but sometimes it's one step forward and two steps back

I on the other hand have been going to the gym regularly for the past couple of years. I was 76.2kg (168lbs) at a height of 5'8" when I started. I've lost 5.5kg (12lbs) and toned up and got a lot fitter and stronger. Lately I've been doing kick boxing and weights which have kick started my fitness again.

I have to be healthy so I can take good care of Sir, but I also lost the weight for myself. I wasn't overweightbut I was very unfit and felt tired and lethargic a lot of the time. Now I look in the mirror and see my tummy is much flatter, my butt is toned and I have shape My blood pressure is excellent, cholesterol is high but it's the good cholesterol, so the doctor is very happy with me The only health troubles I have are menstrual ones, but they are being managed with medication so all is good.

Our diet is fairly healthy - although we don't eat a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables we make do with frozen, and I have been buying a few oranges and apples for myself. Sir is not keen on a lot of red meat except for the occasional steak and pork chop, so He eats fish and chicken a lot. I love my lamb chops We don't go for takeout much, apart from some seafood occasionally and the odd visit to Subway. And yes we both like chocolate, but it's rationed

 

[Harmony_1985]

Some people, due to health reasons, can't lose weight. Like people who've been off and on prednisone for years, are borderline diabetic, and have arthritis so can't do anything high impact. (See how quick I got my rant out?)

{{Huggle}} for Gracey.

And amen to that girl, I hate the perception that everyone who carries weight is fat because they're a pig who gorges out on fatty and greasy food whenever they can. I myself suffer from PCOS and one of the issues it causes is that it prevents weight loss. I'm in the process of going back to the drs to see the nutritional nurse about getting some weight shifted as I've got graduation in July and I don't want to be the size I am (UK 24/26) on my graduation pictures. I've lost weight before, but I can get so far then I get stuck and can't seem to shift anymore.

I'm obese, I have been since I was about 9 but I've never been skin and bone either, I've always been in the chunky side. At my smallest I was a UK 18 and at my biggest a UK 26. I'm pretty much back to where I was 4 years ago which annoys me lol.

Do I eat healthily? Probably not. I tend to eat what I want, when I want, but then my diet isn't overly bad either. I still eat my fruit and veg, I drink lots of water and chocolate/ice cream etc isn't a huge part of my diet.

End of the day, my man says he'd rather have something he can get hold of than fuck something that he's afraid he'll break LOL.

Am I happy the way I am? Meh, I'd love to be a size 14, but that'll happen when I can get my mind into it.

Is it an issue with BDSM? Nah, I don't think so, I think BDSM'ers come from all walks of life and its just a coincidence that many of us carry a bit of extra weight.

Just means most the sticks are boring I think

 

[VelvetDarkness]

And amen to that girl, I hate the perception that everyone who carries weight is fat because they're a pig who gorges out on fatty and greasy food whenever they can.

I do get this but if I'm really honest, only up to a point. When there's a famine in an African country, the charities don't show shots of 3,000 starving people and half a dozen fat Africans with slow metabolisms or other issues. People have to find their own balance between what they eat, what they do and how much they burn off. I guess I'll get flamed for that but a large part of me does think that there is so much obesity in western countries because we blame it on other things and therefore abdicate responsibility for staying a reasonable weight.

I'm not directing this at you Harmony, or anybody else. It's just my opinion.

 

[Harmony_1985]

I do get this but if I'm really honest, only up to a point. When there's a famine in an African country, the charities don't show shots of 3,000 starving people and half a dozen fat Africans with slow metabolisms or other issues. People have to find their own balance between what they eat, what they do and how much they burn off. I guess I'll get flamed for that but a large part of me does think that there is so much obesity in western countries because we blame it on other things and therefore abdicate responsibility for staying a reasonable weight.

I'm not directing this at you Harmony, or anybody else. It's just my opinion.

Oh no honey, I understand what you're saying, there are alot of people who are overweight who blame their obesity on other factors, but then there is also a huge misconception that every single person who is fat, is fat because they sit there and eat their own body weight in sugar and fats.

There are some people who are overweight because they're lazy and are just not willing to admit its their own fault, but by the same merit, there are overweight people who are that way through no fault of their own and no matter how hard they try, they can't lose weight.

 

[Recidiva]

I've seen some people comment on this, but I see people comment on this in almost every population.

I haven't conducted any surveys and this is only based on my opinion, so please don't contact any corporate sponsors I have to get my show canceled.

Being fat and being mentally or physically ill are about the last minorities that can still be persecuted medically and in the media with no repercussions. The current ideas about "American Populations" being this or being that or otherwise - are easy, judgmental and wrongheaded ways to blame a person for their brain and gastric chemistry. It's not that easy, and I think compassion is required on an individual basis to consider each person as a whole. Yes, there are definitely lazy slobs in the world. No doubt. But the stereotype is dead wrong.

My sister spent most of her life 400+ pounds and at age near 50 got bariatric surgery and dropped about 250 of those pounds. She spent her life struggling and being ostracized.

She's an amazing person and it was never about will. It was however about physical imbalance and a surgical procedure fixed that for her.

I see what I consider to be persecution and stereotyping in every community. And those who consider physical imperfection to be worthy of scorn don't really notice that their lack of compassion or understanding is also scornworthy, if not more. You have a choice, right? Well, there's the question. Does a person really have control over their body or their thoughts? I know it's an ideal of this community, so it gets exaggerated. And certain flaws are minimized or maximized according to preference. I tend more on the forgiving side, as I haven't walked a mile in everyone's stillettos and haven't bothered, again, a perfect survey.

I will say that the BDSM community will tend to have more outspoken judgmental and righteous people in it. Also, with masochists and sadists, all the issues surrounding food become fodder. BDSM people consider themselves to be enlightened and specific, and that's all true enough to a certain limit. Some of the enlightenment is just a preference with a full force of ego behind it, and some of the specificity is the intellectual justification of an emotional individual need, excluding all others as "wrong."

A masochist who suffers for their weight gets brain chemistry "attaboys" and gets reinforced on how "right" it is. And then decides everyone's brain works that way. It doesn't, I'm afraid.

If a masochist could consider that going on a diet for some folks is the equivalent of the maso spending all day at a spa, being waited on hand and foot by their dom and having their dom break down and cry and recite the poetry they wrote about their crush when they were 14 years old on the little redheaded girl, and the only thing on the menu was hot fudge and sugar, maybe they'd get the gist.

End trans.

 

[lushlucid]

don't mean to be a ball breaker here but you can be physically fit and over weight just thought i'd throw that in there.

 

[lushlucid]

Ok finished reading your post, I'm not in the BDSM rhelm but i know personally i would feel more comfortable in a sexual relationship if i wasn't bounded by weight or fitness, and i would assume a BDSM relationship would be similiar.

On the note of "heavy women being able to handle more" I think that's quite silly, you can be well toned and small framed and be able to handle much more than an obese person.

I think you may be more intune to weight and food than other people and this is why it consumes your thoughts more, for example I would never assume that a man who is over weight doesn't have control of other areas of his life, i may think he just has different levels of priorities to you. I think your thread is extremely valid and you're obviously no the only one to have noticed it the Scene and it's definetly something that deserves to be spoken about.

Please don't pounce on me because i don't know too much about the scene but i do wonder if an overweight subs confidence has something to do with the fact that they're in the scene in the first place?