Am I weird?

[Safe_Bet]

Don't do this. DO NOT mansplain women's business to women.

Lesbians are the ones that define the word, not you. A lesbian is a woman who only loves women. That is the only valid definition.

A "former lesbian" is not now "a lesbian." If she were "a lesbian," she would not be with a man now.

Can we say;

"Bisexual?"

Of course we can!

Thanks, Stella. I just finished doing my Kendo work out and have my sword too handy. You probably saved the life of an innocent kitchen table!

 

[Etoile]

Yeah, I never understood why people said Anne Heche was "a former lesbian" are she hooked up with that guy. Gee, how about she's just bisexual, then and now?

 

[Safe_Bet]

Yeah, I never understood why people said Anne Heche was "a former lesbian" are she hooked up with that guy. Gee, how about she's just bisexual, then and now?

For the same reason that people always start their conversations with queer folk by saying, "I'm straight, but..."

it's that or it's caused by everyone's parents who are STILL hoping that this is just a "phase" and we'll all find a good man one of these days...

 

[none2_none2]

Don't do this. DO NOT mansplain women's business to women.

Lesbians are the ones that define the word, not you. A lesbian is a woman who only loves women. That is the only valid definition.

A "former lesbian" is not now "a lesbian." If she were "a lesbian," she would not be with a man now.

Can we say;

"Bisexual?"

Of course we can!

I don't think it is always about guys defining terms for other groups. It can be, but not 100% of the time. Sometimes it is simply about confusion on the terms. The confusion can come from understanding what the modern definition is of what is a gender.

With transgendered thrown in the melting pot, what constitutes true gay or lesbian desire (or for that matter heterosexual desire)? That is why I think eventually, the easiest thing is to just be sexual and do away with labels. Then we don't have to worry if we are really straight or really gay or lesbian, or whatever in between.

Besides, who cares as long as you are living your life the way you want and not harming others? I think we worry way too much about keeping boundaries that meet our definition of who we are. Think of all the years some of us spent in our youth wanting to be what society considered "normal". Some of us now spend way too much making sure we are "gay" or "lesbian". Why stress over it? We have way too much stress from the majority society to add to that stress. The only reason I really don't like the term "bisexual" for myself is that in my own experiences too many times it has been used by people who simply are incapable of completely loving that particular individual because they want the other life too. If someone is happy with that arrangement, all power to them. However, I wouldn't want to share a partner with an opposite sex any more than I would with another person of the same sex, but then that is just me. For those bi's that are totally in love and committed with whomever they are with regardless of gender, all power to them.

If a non-gender, non-orientation analogy would help explain where I'm coming from, I'd say think of race/nationality. Would any of us really be different if we found out that we were adopted and that our nationality/racial background wasn't quite what we thought? Would we wake up and say "Oh my goodness, I have a drop of ________ blood in me, what am I going to do?" Perhaps that would make for a good plot in a movie from the 30's, 40's, 50's. However, it would be as sensational now-a-days. (It actually happened to me. I always thought I was 1/4 Irish, but now found out two years ago, that actually that side is Scott-Irish. I survived the shock! )

 

[Esperanza_Hidalgo]

it's that or it's caused by everyone's parents who are STILL hoping that this is just a "phase" and we'll all find a good man one of these days...

I hate that thought...here's a pill, you'll be better in the morning.

Religion doesn't help much either. It leaves you with baggage.

 

[blade_rocknut]

Back to the question of " am I weird"- why should anyone feel weird for wanting to do what they have found to feel good to them? The last poster has a valid point; people of all flavors are expending too much energy on making sure they fit their label(s). To hell with the labels if said labels present an obstacle to your own sexual or emotional satisfaction. Is a lesbian desiring penetration that odd? I wouldn't think so ( I don't profess any such knowledge). Does a straight male's desire for anal penetration make him "weird"? No, it doesn't. Do what works the best for you and your partner(s), notwithstanding what the "general" public thinks. Much of the "general" public's criticisms of non-standard behaviors is caused by their own repression-fueled frustrations--" If I have to be a prude, so does everyone; dammit!"--

 

[Stella_Omega]

None2none2, I really like your post, very thoughtful and thought-provoking. But in that particular case it was, absolutely a guy hoping to redefine terms that have nothing to do with him at all.

As far as your qualms with "Bisexual," you're conflating two things; one is fluid sexual preference, the other is your desire for monogamy. Bisexual is bisexual, and it manifests in a hundred different ways. Polyamory can show up in straight gay or bisexual people. It's a different circle in the Venn diagram if you will...

Back to the question of " am I weird"- why should anyone feel weird for wanting to do what they have found to feel good to them? The last poster has a valid point; people of all flavors are expending too much energy on making sure they fit their label(s).

Which, if nothing else, tells us that labels are pretty important to people, yeah? If you KNOW you aren't part of the majority around you in some way, you really want to know what it is you are part of...

To hell with the labels if said labels present an obstacle to your own sexual or emotional satisfaction. Is a lesbian desiring penetration that odd? I wouldn't think so ( I don't profess any such knowledge). Does a straight male's desire for anal penetration make him "weird"? No, it doesn't.

I think we are seeing an overall release from those attitudes. Mostly because of the internet, where people can speak directly, peer-to-peer.

Do what works the best for you and your partner(s), notwithstanding what the "general" public thinks. Much of the "general" public's criticisms of non-standard behaviors is caused by their own repression-fueled frustrations--" If I have to be a prude, so does everyone; dammit!"--

Word to this!

 

[Safe_Bet]

Which, if nothing else, tells us that labels are pretty important to people, yeah? If you KNOW you aren't part of the majority around you in some way, you really want to know what it is you are part of...

Exactly. If I talk to somebody and they say that they are a lesbian, it bugs the hell out of me to find out that their definition of lesbian is "I like to kiss girls TOO".

If they are Bi I'm fine with that but "bi-lesbians" do nothing but piss me off.

 

[Somehowyou]

Agreed. Just like we need a seperation between church and state we also need a seperation between sex and state! Look at James Carvill and Mary something. be like that

 

[blade_rocknut]

Guess I see Stella's point about labels allowing folk to identify, but all the same, many questions arise when you don't quite fit the " definitions". Seems I have been there my whole life, as I'm sure many of you have. All in all, people here ( as in Lit, GLBT specifically) have done more to help me overcome my issues with self more than a lifetime of guilt-ridden introspect. Not saying I've met anyone exactly like me- that doesn't matter much- instead, I've met or just observed people representing the whole wild spectrum of sexuality AND gender. I identify to myself as having gender dysphoria, but I don't want to use that term with others who may take offense because I don't exhibit " enough" behaviors to qualify, or whathaveyou. Therefore, the labeling thing bugs me a bit, but only because I don't fit a group cleanly enough to be proud of it, I guess. What do you call a guy who's worked his lifetime in the construction industry- scars, calluses, and masculine muscled body- who loves the beauty of female form; observing, holding, making love to- when he wants to be that female form himself? Not trying to hijack the thread, just posing a little something different for a minute. All of us ( here) are weird by somebody's standard- live for you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well, every man I've ever had the hots for-- I wanted to be. So yeah, Blade, I know exactly where you're coming from.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Guess I see Stella's point about labels allowing folk to identify, but all the same, many questions arise when you don't quite fit the " definitions". Seems I have been there my whole life, as I'm sure many of you have. All in all, people here ( as in Lit, GLBT specifically) have done more to help me overcome my issues with self more than a lifetime of guilt-ridden introspect. Not saying I've met anyone exactly like me- that doesn't matter much- instead, I've met or just observed people representing the whole wild spectrum of sexuality AND gender. I identify to myself as having gender dysphoria, but I don't want to use that term with others who may take offense because I don't exhibit " enough" behaviors to qualify, or whathaveyou. Therefore, the labeling thing bugs me a bit, but only because I don't fit a group cleanly enough to be proud of it, I guess. What do you call a guy who's worked his lifetime in the construction industry- scars, calluses, and masculine muscled body- who loves the beauty of female form; observing, holding, making love to- when he wants to be that female form himself? Not trying to hijack the thread, just posing a little something different for a minute. All of us ( here) are weird by somebody's standard- live for you.

I'd call that "butch"!

You just described half the stone butch chicks I know!

BTW, have you met Stella??? As I recall she's the one that likes to fist fight in the mud!

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'd call that "butch"!

You just described half the stone butch chicks I know!

BTW, have you met Stella??? As I recall she's the one that likes to fist fight in the mud!

There you go-- you can consider yourself a butch woman-- more butch that you want to be maybe but them's the breaks.

I tend to think of myself as a dandified man... paisley print on my umbrella, that sort of thing.

 

[AmberMoore]

If we're talking about labels, I still label myself as Bisexual even though I haven't been with a man in I think 5-6 years. But on occasion I can still look at a man and go, "Damn, he's hot." Honestly in the future I can't foresee myself having a long term or even a short term relationship with a man. I've exclusively been with women for a while now and they're all I really see myself with.

I get a little bit of flack from the ladies about that too, still calling myself Bisexual when I should probably go ahead and wear my lesbian name tag. I don't think that mentally I'm there yet though. I don't know if any of that made sense or not.

 

[blade_rocknut]

Makes perfect sense to me; you still are sexually attacted to men, you're just more emotionally attracted to women

 

[Safe_Bet]

If we're talking about labels, I still label myself as Bisexual even though I haven't been with a man in I think 5-6 years. But on occasion I can still look at a man and go, "Damn, he's hot." Honestly in the future I can't foresee myself having a long term or even a short term relationship with a man. I've exclusively been with women for a while now and they're all I really see myself with.

I get a little bit of flack from the ladies about that too, still calling myself Bisexual when I should probably go ahead and wear my lesbian name tag. I don't think that mentally I'm there yet though. I don't know if any of that made sense or not.

I think that makes perfect sense. If you can look at a guy and not go "yawn" (or in my case "EWWWW") then I'd guess you are identifying yourself correctly. After all, if you look at the Kinsey Scale, there's a hell of a lot more "2 - 5 Bis" then there are hardcore 6's.

Nothing wrong with being Bi and being exclusively in relationships with women. Just means the right guy ain't caught your fancy recently. Plus if you're a K5 you are still Bi, but your REALLY dig women.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You're a bisexual lesbian, Amber, -- sort of like being South-West, yanno?

There are bisexual heteros too. They might be... North-West, or something.

I call myself a "bisexual dyke with gender dysphoria issues", usually.

 

[blade_rocknut]

Ahh, I just saw the butch comments ( wasn't paying close enough attention to the thread) and it made me kinda smile and sorta not but whatever When I do the wanna-be-a-girl thing, I do try to look as fem as possible- it's not really possible, but that's what I wanna be right then. I do have killer legs and hair, though- for what it's worth Y'all made me smile 2nite, thanks!

 

[AmberMoore]

Thanks Ladies, that actually makes me feel better. Like I said I've gotten some flack about it but it's how I am.

 

[none2_none2]

I still say you shouldn't sweat on labels. Lets say that the love of your life was a 7 out of 10 on some scale of uber-lesbianism. Then another person was a 9.9, but you had little in common. Would it be so awful, if you spent the rest of your life with the 7.0 gal?

Personally, I may wear the gay man label, but I have never had a fetish for penises. Sure I wish I had a bigger one, but when I see another penis, I don't think of how I have to touch it, or put it in my mouth or somewhere else. Unlike many gay guys and cock-obsessed-but-swear-on-Jesus-not-gay-at-all str8 guys, I don't dream of tasting cum (yuck) like it is some fine wine to be savored.

Do I play with penis? Yes. It has to do with loving the man. Unfortunately, men cum with penises. If I were the creator, I would have created a gender that was all man (hairy, muscular, manly), but with a vagina and uterus. My fantasies have always involved around impregnating such a man.

Now, I could spend gobs of money on a shrink, but it wouldn't change my wiring. One of the things you learn as you get older, is so much of this crap that some of us spend YEARS worrying about is wasted energy. I wish I could guarantee you that if you strive to stay pure to some label definition, that you will be rewarded in the next life. However, since I have no proof of what is after death, all I can say is make the best of the one you know you have.

If you want to do something, just do it. If you are in a relationship, sure do consider the consequences. Now if I sound like some wise old sage that has it all figured out, I don't. I just know what seems not to work. My partner and I are very sexually compatible. Sure there are times I worry -- it is my particular nature. I worry that I may fuck him too much and hurt him. I worry that when he says he doesn't have to get off, that he will develop prostate cancer or other such problems. I worry that I'll put too much weight on him or contort him and hurt his chest. (He had 5 bypasses back in late February.) Hell I even worry that if there is an after life, that he'll not want to be my partner then because I've been such a pain in the ass in this life.

However, when all is said and done, I can only go with what I know at the moment. We've been together monogamously for 8 years. (Labor Day was our 8th anniversary.) I may burn in PC gay hell for being an exclusive top for the last 25 years instead of versatile. However, at least I know that I lived this life the only way I knew to do so. My only regret is that kids were not part of the equation. (Being a man, a gay, and infertile, I kind of have 3 strikes against me.)

So if you like to get penetrated, don't worry about it. If you have a partner who worries that you aren't lesbian enough if you like that, then assure her that you are content with her. If she still worries about that, then she'll have to deal with it in her own way. Don't let yourself get sucked in to some idea that something is wrong with yourself. Even if you have an identical twin lesbian sister, odds are you aren't going to think, feel, act just like someone else. Enjoying being your unique self, there will never be someone exactly like you!

 

[maggiemarie]

Which, if nothing else, tells us that labels are pretty important to people, yeah? If you KNOW you aren't part of the majority around you in some way, you really want to know what it is you are part of...

The label is only important insofar as the culture or society makes it so. Perfect example is handedness. Noone really notices much if you are right or left handed, it really doesn't mean anything anymore, but there were times and societies where it did, and was a more important label.

If the society doesn't consider that aspect an important identifier anymore, then the labels go out of use. We can only hope it goes that way for all the old, more and more useless labels (color, religious belief/spirituality, sexual orientation, etc etc).

 

[JustoffCenter69]

Love it all...

I'm a happily married bi-curious female that follows the "If it feels good, do it" rule! I've never made love to a woman, but would LOVE to try it out. I probably have very open (and somewhat mainstream taboo) ideas about what is okay - "normal" if you wish - what is "normal" anyway? Is "normal" the middle of the road kind of sex? Wouldn't that also mean "average"? Who wants "average" sex anyhow?? LMAO!
I want to have the kind of sex that makes me purrrrr afterwards - smiliing like an idiot - and sleep like a baby afterwards... I want the kind of sex that when I think back on it later I can't help but blush and giggle...I want the kind of sex that leaves the "what the hell just happened" look on my partner's face...does it matter who, what, where, when, or how? Sex is the best free gift we have in life - DO IT and ENJOY IT!

 

[blade_rocknut]

I'm a happily married bi-curious female that follows the "If it feels good, do it" rule! I've never made love to a woman, but would LOVE to try it out. I probably have very open (and somewhat mainstream taboo) ideas about what is okay - "normal" if you wish - what is "normal" anyway? Is "normal" the middle of the road kind of sex? Wouldn't that also mean "average"? Who wants "average" sex anyhow?? LMAO!
I want to have the kind of sex that makes me purrrrr afterwards - smiliing like an idiot - and sleep like a baby afterwards... I want the kind of sex that when I think back on it later I can't help but blush and giggle...I want the kind of sex that leaves the "what the hell just happened" look on my partner's face...does it matter who, what, where, when, or how? Sex is the best free gift we have in life - DO IT and ENJOY IT!

Why can't i have neighbors like this?

 

[Hardon4u21]

Retractable penis

I am a happily married man, but I have been fantasizing about other men and especially TS girls. However the strange thing is my penis is retractable. When I get hard my dick gets to a thick 6 inches long. However, when limp it can be between a half inch to 3 inches. When it really shrinks up, I just place my forefinger on it and I can push it inside myself along with my finger. Does anyone elses penis do the same thing?

 

[Hardon4u21]

Thanks Ladies, that actually makes me feel better. Like I said I've gotten some flack about it but it's how I am.

Thank You. Thank You for the stories. They were very exciting.