An Ecclectic Collection.

[yeishia]

*almost dies laughing*

Yea...you managed to find all of our 'promotional' tourism material that stops arsehole tourists from visiting us.

*gives her a warm hug*

*giggles looking innocently around*

Can I assume that I am NOT one of the arsehole tourists Shy?

I adore spiders I would happily collar the second one from the bottom and bring him home on a leash as a pet. He bites but isn't dangerous right?

*giggles again *

The Koala's do look a little cuter

 

[Last_Rider]

I give you all more amusing and oddly sage wisdom from Foamy the Squirrel.

Bullies

 

[yeishia]

I give you all more amusing and oddly sage wisdom from Foamy the Squirrel.

Bullies

To funny Rider Wonders if you liked the ones I posted?

Here is another

Don't Judge to Quickly
(8 in 1)​

 

[yeishia]

This one is priceless, so perfect!

It claims to be an actual message used in schools on Queensland Australia.

If they actually did kudos to them.




School Answering machine message - Brisbane Australia.​

 

[yeishia]

This speaks for itself

​

 

[Last_Rider]

LOL, you post wonderful things my love

 

[Cheska]

"Do you know what happens to people who underestimate a tiger?"
"No, what?"

"They scream, 'Oh god, Oh Jesus! I am being mauled by a tiger!"-unkown, Vertigo comics.

 

[yeishia]

"Do you know what happens to people who underestimate a tiger?"
"No, what?"

"They scream, 'Oh god, Oh Jesus! I am being mauled by a tiger!"-unkown, Vertigo comics.

*grins*

Welcome to my thread I should have known where that came from in retrospect

The wacky and zany go here and anything you cannot figure out where to put

 

[Cheska]

Oh! well then.

"I am warning you! if my gear is gone when I respawn, I will Fuckstart your brain!" -BDC.

Quotes from RPG's I have played in.

After blowing up an Inn. "I ment to do that! .. really.. all part of some clever plan I do not have yet."

"Funny, she didn't say anything after we gagged her."

"I think that drow really likes you."
"How do you know?! She just cut me, raked her nails along my chest and smacked me with her whip."
"You are still alive.."

 

[yeishia]

The Museum of bad Advertising



This is a hilarious collection of TRUE advertisements from corporations promoting sodas for infants, cigarettes for health, psych drugs for children and much more.

​

 

[Annisthyrienne]

 

[yeishia]

*giggles I so like this one*

Fascination

Isabelli Fontana for Cesare Paciotti​

 

[yeishia]

A bit of Friday night humor.

 

[Last_Rider]

Firstly, you've left me turned on more than once because I deserved it.

That religious one is funny

 

[yeishia]

I simply could not resist.

http://t2.***********/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS1Bk0tWDQHBoxVFgWdzM6n-v6_E3kulCicKFx7roBFG8R4MwWd​

 

[yeishia]

I found this on a random blog called, Functional Ambivalent, posted by someone named Tom and so as I seem to be on a Christmas themed sort of thing right now I have included it here.

Err it’s a bit long

'Twas the Night Before the Twelve Sex Days of Christmas

I have a friend who writes every Christmas letter as a parody of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas." He started this reprehensible tradition long before he was married and had children, so he has no excuse. He is a computer engineer with all the creative gifts that career choice implies, and I swear to you one of his Christmas letters started out like this:

'Twas the night before Christmas/and all through the condo/not a beer was unopened/and I was quite blotto...

He must have missed the day in first grade when they explained rhyming.
Anyway, the "'Twas the night before..." conceit has become commonplace in American folk literature, a field of endeavor that includes everything from photocopied Christmas letters to local advertiser newspapers to -- come to think of it -- blogs. And as bad as my friend's letters are, they are not nearly as bad as the stuff produced by self-styled wits who seek to bring us Christmas cheer by describing their sexual exploits in verse:

'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.

And so the stage is set for a seemingly ifinite number of verses of smutty Christmas tomfoolery.

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the shack
Not a creature was stirring, not even Pam's Rack.

Because, apparently, Pam's breasts occasionally get up and roam the house on their own, so it's worthy of note this particular Christmas Eve that they're staying right there in bed with Pam. Anyway:

Set vertical in the chimney was a decorative spear,
In hopes that St. Nicholas would take it in the rear.

My dog was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of hot poodles danced in his head;
And Jane in her 'Sweater, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's... nap

First of all, I thought he was sleeping with Pam, not Jane. And second, I was completely taken in by the clever use of elipses..."nap"...to imply that what he was settling down for was anything but restful. The careful reader will note immediately that this isn't your regular Christmas poem.

One of the standard things that happens in these parodies is the sudden switch from sex to violence. The above version continues:

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window and without a pause,
I whipped out my rifle and pegged Santa Clause.

What a delightful story! Now, off to bed little ones!

The thing is, it looks so easy, this game of parody. It looks like anyone could do it because almost anyone can, so people with no more sense than a teen-aged ATV show-off assume they can parody the world's most famous Christmas poem even when it's not Christmas, like this:

`Twas the night before Halloween, when all through the Strip
All the creatures were stirring, just to be hip.
The stockings were worn by the hoes and their pimps,
In hopes of finding anything that would make the rest of the world sick.

The rhythm and rhyme scheme break up a tad bit in that last line, but what the hell. When you're as far out of bounds as these guys, you can even try things like this:

'Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned - The dark meat and white
but I fought the temptation with all of my might

There are people far down the evolutionary ladder, dolts and fifth-raters barely able to brush their own tooth, who are attracted to Christmas poetry parody like NBA players to legal trouble. They massage the old poetry gland on the assumption that they, too, can ejaculate wordsmithery. But writing an acceptable parody poem is hard compared to, for example, watching TV, so some don't quite make it all the way to the end. This one, for example, which only goes a few lines before giving up. I present it in its entirety, spelling intact:

Twas the night before christmas and all threw the land
Santas fore skin was wrinkled and so has his hand.
The stockings were hung on his balls by a dare
in hope the elves and K J soon would be there.
I in my laytex and ma with her gag,
had dressed up the dog in summer time drag.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I emptied my Mac into his fat sack!
Good nite

It scares me to think that this person is probably allowed to drive.

The Twelve Days of Christmas is the other great literary convention, and there is no shortage of sexy fun and games that can be had substituting, say, "six girls a-laying" for the more traditional lyrics. People who do this will, of course, burn in hell because the origins of the song are religiously symbolic. The whole thing was crafted in code to help English children remember the Catholic catechism during a period of horrible religious oppression.

But you don't care about that because all you care about is sex. I know you people. Hell, I am you people. So read this list of the 12 days from a website that reveals its comedic sensibility right there in its title: "Minnesota, Pants Off to Thee:"

12 Twats a twitchin'
11 Lesbies lickin'
10 Testes throbbin'
9 Nipples drippin'
8 Assholes gapin'
7 Scrotums swingin'
6 Sacks O' shit
5 Mother fuckers
4 Call girls
3 French ticklers
2 Brass balls
1 And a handjob in a fir (or fuckin') tree!

Sing that in the car on the way to grandma's.

I feel so dirty. This isn't right. This poetry I've been quoting is the kind of rude stuff that the far right uses to justify censorship. It isn't wit or humor; it's the verbal equivalent of going into a freshly remodeled kitchen and crapping in the sink, an easily insulting thing to do that takes no skill. This is just punks and boneheads taking something innocent and wonderful and replacing it with something profane.

So I'm going to try something right now, right here. I'm going to try for Twelve Days of Christmas that are sexy but not horrible. I'm going to use all of my regionally-published, writerly skills to craft a Christmas poem/song parody that will seem, somehow, fresh and orginal rather than just awful. And you're going to witness my whole creative process, so you might want to wear safety goggles. Okay, here we go:

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...a really, really smooth Brazilian wax.

I like that line, but to make this work we're going to have to imagine that I'm an attractive woman, and that's going to take some work because I'm not really either one of those things: Attractive, or a woman. I'm a middle-aged guy with hair in places where I didn't used to have hair and, come to think of it, no hair in places where I used to have lots of hair. Which works well with "Brazilian wax," right? You know about Brazilian waxes, I assume. I think that's a good place to start. Get rid of all that mess down there.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me...two thigh highs, and a really, really smooth Brazilian wax.

I think this can work. I'm thinking from a woman's point of view and I'm going to see if I can develop this as a kind of story. Maybe build up to...what's the word I'm looking for?

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me...three solid spanks, two thigh highs, and a really, really smooth Brazilian wax.

A climax. That's it. I'm going to build to a climax. I mean, not literally. In the story.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...foreplay to burn, three solid spanks, two thigh highs, and a really, really smooth Brazilian wax.

Notice the clever use of "fore" rather than the number "four." I just thought of that right now. That's a handy precedent to set. I think it's going to be valuable when I start running out of ideas. You want to do that kind of thing as your write: Leave yourself some escape hatches in case the format becomes restrictive. That's money in the bank.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...five inch spiked heels!

And I looked good.

Foreplay to burn, three solid spanks, two thigh highs, and a really, really smooth Brazilian wax.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...six drops of wax, five inch spiked heels, foreplay to burn, three solid spanks, two thigh highs, and a really, really smooth Brazilian wax.

You guys get the drops-of-wax thing, right? It doesn't have anything to do with getting a Brazilian wax. Is it getting hot in here?

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...seven sips of Champagne, six drops of wax, five inch spiked heels, foreplay to burn, three solid spanks, two thigh highs, and a really, really smooth Brazilian wax.

I ask because I'm getting kind of warm.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...chocolate on my nipples, seven sips of Champagne, six drops of wax, five inch spiked heels, foreplay to burn, three solid spanks, two thigh highs, and a really, really smooth Brazilian wax.

I'm running out of numbered things. Remember I left myself some leeway back at number "fore"? Of course you do. Also, to tell you the truth, I'm uncomfortable role-playing hot sex from a submissive woman's point of view for this long. Or, to be more precise, I'm uncomfortable feeling the way I do about role-playing hot sex from a submissive woman's point of view. Which is to say: I like the idea of chocolate on my nipples, and that worries me. I wonder if we have any chocolate in the pantry. My wife makes cookies sometimes...

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...nine lashes lashing, chocolate on my nipples, seven sips of Champagne, six drops of wax, five inch spiked heels, foreplay to burn, three solid spanks, two thigh highs, and a really, really smooth Brazilian wax.

Ouch! I deserved that. I was concentrating on my own feelings, not on Master's. I was bad and I deserved that.

On the tenth day of Chritsmas my true love gave to me...ten soothing seconds, nine lashes lashing, chocolate on my nipples, seven sips of Champagne, six drops of wax, five inch spiked heels, foreplay to burn, three solid spanks, two thigh highs, and a really, really smooth Brazilian wax.

Master is so good to me. Those ten soothing seconds seemed like forever in my Master's strong arms. And then, when I really knew I was loved, he...oh, I'll let the song tell the story.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...eleven painful bites, ten soothing seconds, nine lashes lashing, chocolate on my nipples, seven sips of Champagne, six drops of wax, five inch spiked heels, foreplay to burn, three solid spanks, two thigh highs, and a really, really smooth Brazilian wax.

Oh, we're getting close...so close...oh, God, we're getting close...just one more...one more...one...

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...multiple orgasms, eleven painful bites, ten soothing seconds, nine lashes lashing, chocolate on my nipples, seven sips of Champagne, six drops of wax, five inch spiked heels, foreplay to burn, three solid spanks, two thigh highs, and a really, really smooth Brazilian wax.

A holiday to remember, that's for sure.

Just give me a minute here. What was my subject again? Oh, that's right: My scorn for how easy and common it is to put smutty words to Christmas poetry and song. And how much I disapprove of that.

The only thing worse: Doing it under the guise of criticism. You know: Pretending you're writing disapprovingly about something, but really you're just doing that as an excuse to do exactly what you pretend to scorn. I hate that more than anything.

I'll be wracked with guilt after enjoying being a woman for a while. I deserve whatever punishment I get, so maybe I'll go to a mall. Nothing worse than that, this time of year.

See you there! I'll be the guy in five inch spikes.

*giggles*

 

[Last_Rider]

LOL, that's funny

 

[yeishia]

LOL, that's funny

Thank goodness you at least read this my love, otherwise I would be posting in a complete vacuum as I do in most of my threads *grins*

I adore you *pulls you close for a passionate kiss.*

 

[Annisthyrienne]

That one made me laugh. Also, I like the picture of the blonde coming out of Santa's sack in your Bliss thread. It's the look on Santa's face that does it!


(Btw, do I get a passionate kiss too?)

 

[yeishia]

That one made me laugh. Also, I like the picture of the blonde coming out of Santa's sack in your Bliss thread. It's the look on Santa's face that does it!


(Btw, do I get a passionate kiss too?)

*shyly pulls you into my arms and kisses you blushing all the while*

What were you doing in Santa's sack Thyri?

 

[Annisthyrienne]

*shyly pulls you into my arms and kisses you blushing all the while*

What were you doing in Santa's sack Thyri?

*Giggles* Being naughty or being nice, depending on whose perspective we're talking about.

 

[yeishia]

*giggles* my kind of naughty is always nice

 

[Annisthyrienne]

I hope you don't mind if I post this here. I know you like your dogs as much as I like mine. I could almost put it in your Quote of the Day thread, but I don't know who it would be attributed to.

 

[yeishia]

OMG!! That is ..was ... my dog..Bijoux. *hugs you sobbing *

You can post what you want where you want

 

[yeishia]

Well it is that time again

Canadian Thanksgiving followed by the States and others:

So lets get the ball rolling.....

*giggles*



Kinky Thanksgiving Turkey BDSM

I posted this last year but in case someone missed it


Shibari Turkey-truss