Are most cuckold/hotwife relationships destined to fail?

[Beachsyrf]

I think most cuckhold marriages will fail because there really can be no love or respect for a cuck.

Agree with much of what you said and even this, to a degree. I agree that the humiliation aspect of some cuckold relationships, by definition and practice is "disrespectful" but could be contextual.

I mean, yes ... "You have a pathetic little dick & can't fuck me like "he" does ... " IS disrespectful, sexually, but maybe the cuck in that situation is a loving, caring partner and a good father and provider ... and perhaps IS loved, on that level ... ?

On the other hand, what could be more loving than to allow your wife the pleasure of a nice, big (& different) cock, now and again?

I do agree that with acceptance and agreement the destructive aspects of betrayal and "cheating" are neutralized.

Your arrangement sounds logical and reasonable for those who choose to have this type of relationship ....

 

[policywank]

What most people seem to overlook is that when there is a cuckold humiliation aspect to the marriage it is typically consensual. It is sort of like a form of psychological BDSM. You may not be able to relate to being in that role, but that doesn't mean it is evidence a lack of love and respect between the consenting couple.

It is kind of like saying because I spank my husband and play bondage games with him I must not love or respect him. That is absolutely not true. I do it because he loves it. If I was doing it against his will that would be a whole other thing - that would be abuse.

 

[CuriousinPennsylvania]

You are spot on with the statements that I italicized.

I think most cuckhold marriages will fail because there really can be no love or respect for a cuck. Very different from a hotwife or open marriage but most people group them together. Of course attempts at monogamy in marriage also fail at a rate of over 50 percent. So, staying together takes work either way. But most divorces are due to "cheating" and if the marriage is open and everyone plays buy the rules then there is no such thing as cheating.

Additionally, I read your profile: Very clever and true wording here - "I opened the account and now I will see if my creative juices are flowing. I know guys love it when a girls juices are flowing".

And I love your Lit member name. Oh, and it did dawn on me, that I'd love for someone to say to me: "I saw Dawn on you".

 

[Over50m]

That's the whole problem with the idea of men being cuckolded. Wanting to watch his wife with another man seems to automatically put him into that bracket, and played upon in captioned photos and many stories, when it can't be further from the truth.

 

[magic_rat]

I think most cuckhold marriages will fail because there really can be no love or respect for a cuck.

I think you miss the point by about 15 miles. Cuck relationships work because of love and respect. Being a cuck is not your whole life; it's generally a role you play in certain situations. It's a consensual, shared dynamic.

Same goes for all alt relationships. I enjoy BSDM with my partner. That doesn't make me a 24/7 wifebeater. I'm in an ENM relationship. we swing, we fuck around. Doesn't mean that a large percentage of our time isn't spent doing laundry, vegging in front of the TV, doing all that vanilla shit.

People need to stop judging and defining people by what they do in bed; it's a small percentage of who you are.

Very different from a hotwife or open marriage but most people group them together.

Different, but the same. Consensual and loving. Like other relationships.

Of course attempts at monogamy in marriage also fail at a rate of over 50 percent.

I know one cuck couple really well. I was their bull for a while, now we're just really good friends. They've been together over 30 years because they have love, honesty and mutual respect.

Now can we stop asking stupid questions?

Are most cuckold/hotwife relationships destined to fail?

the answer is the same as

Are most relationships destined to fail?

Some will, some won't, but in my experience kink/non vanilla relationships may last a bit longer.

 

[policywank]

Our society in general has a lot of preconceived notions about relationships that are rooted in very traditional thinking. And part of that artificial construct is that certain things are simply repeated over and over again until they are believed to be true and certain artificial relationships (between behaviour and intent) are created. Overall we are still not particularly enlightened, we have just opened our minds to some things but not to others.

It wasn't that long ago that homosexuality was deemed deviant behaviour and evidence of serious mental illness or dysfunction - not because it was true but because it had been so ingrained in societal thinking that we simply accepted the established views.

Many people still think that any sort of ethical non-monogamy is unworkable and evidence of lack of love. The accepted wisdom is that forsaking all others is the correct way to display our love rather than being a display of jealous selfishness. Meanwhile not expecting our spouse to forsake all others is deemed an act of weakness rather than an act of love. There is no fundamental truth between these two ends of the spectrum, just individual views.

Another example is the way many people will assume that a promiscuous woman is more likely to cheat. There is no evidence to support that premise. We just create the images and choose the anecdotal examples that serve that narrative (while ignoring anything that doesn't).

You don't have to be into BDSM to observe the difference between a man who beats his wife and a couple who engage in consensual BDSM from a place of deep love, respect and trust. That is because society has come to accept that some people really do enjoy BDSM. The cuckold fetish is much the same. We just haven't yet opened our minds to that possibility.

 

[whenagain]

Our society in general has a lot of preconceived notions about relationships that are rooted in very traditional thinking. And part of that artificial construct is that certain things are simply repeated over and over again until they are believed to be true and certain artificial relationships (between behaviour and intent) are created. Overall we are still not particularly enlightened, we have just opened our minds to some things but not to others.

It wasn't that long ago that homosexuality was deemed deviant behaviour and evidence of serious mental illness or dysfunction - not because it was true but because it had been so ingrained in societal thinking that we simply accepted the established views.

Many people still think that any sort of ethical non-monogamy is unworkable and evidence of lack of love. The accepted wisdom is that forsaking all others is the correct way to display our love rather than being a display of jealous selfishness. Meanwhile not expecting our spouse to forsake all others is deemed an act of weakness rather than an act of love. There is no fundamental truth between these two ends of the spectrum, just individual views.

Another example is the way many people will assume that a promiscuous woman is more likely to cheat. There is no evidence to support that premise. We just create the images and choose the anecdotal examples that serve that narrative (while ignoring anything that doesn't).

You don't have to be into BDSM to observe the difference between a man who beats his wife and a couple who engage in consensual BDSM from a place of deep love, respect and trust. That is because society has come to accept that some people really do enjoy BDSM. The cuckold fetish is much the same. We just haven't yet opened our minds to that possibility.

Policywank, bringing insight, eloquence and just the slightest air of sexual superiority to the proceedings.

 

[SlutAddicted]

There are many aspects of being a submissive male that society and men in particular are conditioned to see wrong and undesirable. But the reality is that society doesn't get to dictate what any of us engages in or enjoys in our own relationships. Finding a woman like Policywank who knows how to indulge us and enjoys doing so is a rare and beautiful thing. You want that woman to be genuinely dominant, but not coming from a place of disrespect. In my view, you can only know if that is the case if you are in that dynamic with her. People observing it from outside the relationship through the filter of their own preferences and expectations aren't really qualified to say what is or isn't respectful and loving.

Likewise the premise that the dominant woman will ultimately lose respect for the submissive male and find another man is rooted in expectations about the intrinsic nature of men and women. We don't assume that a dominant male would lose respect for a submissive female. Generally women may be more likely to feel this way than men (not sure how much of that is innate versus social conditioning), but that doesn't make it a universal thing. As a cuckold who enjoys being submissive to my hotwife I have worried about this in the past, but over many years now it is clear that is not a factor for us.

Part of what drives this is that she is fundamentally non-monogamous. That wouldn't change even if she was with a more traditional male. However, that man would be far less likely to be able to adapt to her unique sexuality. So for her the options are to be with me or be with a more traditional man in an open relationship where he is chasing to keep up with her (and failing) and creating instability in the relationship. My submissiveness and her attention to leading our relationship is what stabilizes us. And yes I do enjoy cuckold fetish kinks, but that is the least of it.

 

[policywank]

There are many aspects of being a submissive male that society and men in particular are conditioned to see wrong and undesirable. But the reality is that society doesn't get to dictate what any of us engages in or enjoys in our own relationships. Finding a woman like Policywank who knows how to indulge us and enjoys doing so is a rare and beautiful thing. You want that woman to be genuinely dominant, but not coming from a place of disrespect. In my view, you can only know if that is the case if you are in that dynamic with her. People observing it from outside the relationship through the filter of their own preferences and expectations aren't really qualified to say what is or isn't respectful and loving.

Likewise the premise that the dominant woman will ultimately lose respect for the submissive male and find another man is rooted in expectations about the intrinsic nature of men and women. We don't assume that a dominant male would lose respect for a submissive female. Generally women may be more likely to feel this way than men (not sure how much of that is innate versus social conditioning), but that doesn't make it a universal thing. As a cuckold who enjoys being submissive to my hotwife I have worried about this in the past, but over many years now it is clear that is not a factor for us.

Part of what drives this is that she is fundamentally non-monogamous. That wouldn't change even if she was with a more traditional male. However, that man would be far less likely to be able to adapt to her unique sexuality. So for her the options are to be with me or be with a more traditional man in an open relationship where he is chasing to keep up with her (and failing) and creating instability in the relationship. My submissiveness and her attention to leading our relationship is what stabilizes us. And yes I do enjoy cuckold fetish kinks, but that is the least of it.

Unfortunately there has always been a tendency for people to subscribe to blanket notions about what men/women want or what certain behaviour means. These days that seems to be amplified by social media, podcasts and YouTube shorts (among other things) reinforcing these simplistic notions. Reality is that what they assert may be true for a lot of people or even most people, but it is not as universally applicable as they would have you believe.

Any time someone says "no woman/man wants X" you know they are full of shit. Things just aren't that absolute. And that applies to hotwife/cuckold relationships. Some will fail, just as all relationships do. What is more pertinent is the details of the relationship and whether it was entered into with eyes open and a mature mindset. I think that in any relationship one of the things highly likely to lead to failure is having misguided perception of how things will be.

In that sense I think that a lot of people enter into traditional monogamous relationships with overly idealized ideas of what it will be like because society actually encourages this. Meanwhile I think it actually less likely for a couple to go into a hotwife/cuckold relationship without being fairly aware of the possible challenges. So the latter presents more challenges but the couple is also more likely to be aware of those challenges. Those two things at least partially balance one another out.

 

[MichelleSwan]

My husband and I have been married for 22 years, and we were a cuckold couple before we ever got married. Still are. He says he can't imagine ever leaving me, and I can't imagine ever leaving him.

Same, 40 years now, just as wonderful as when we met.