Are online d/s relationships a good thing?

[SamhainDisciple]

If it makes you happy, then it's a good thing. My big issue is with people who are married/involved and do online bdsm without their partner's knowledge. I have a HUGE issue with that. BDSM is supposed to be about TRUST.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Thank you for the link. That's a really interesting thread. *goes and reads*

there is more then one thread on the topic. my search abilitys suck, so see if cat can find a few for you...she will kow where they are

 

[fieryjen]

If it makes you happy, then it's a good thing. My big issue is with people who are married/involved and do online bdsm without their partner's knowledge. I have a HUGE issue with that. BDSM is supposed to be about TRUST.

I understand that completely. I can imagine though that it can be difficult if your significant other is not interested and you feel a huge need to explore this side of you. So I can to some degree understand why a person would be motivated to do that. Hopefully, such a situation is only temporary and the person doing the "behind-partner's-back-BDSM" realizes that it hurts the relationship - and if the cannot or do not want to live without BDSM, they will have to find a new partner. I think if a person who is only starting to explore BDSM does such a thing, take it lightly on them. They may not yet have a complete grasp of the whole trust issue.

I believe trust is the mantra online submissives need to live by. I have considered myself a pretty good sub so far because I have forced myself to be so honest with my Dom. When he gives me tasks, I could often cheat in all kinds of ways and sometimes just ignore them, but I chose not to, and that is the main reason why my online relationship has been so damn fulfilling. Most of the time, he does check if I completed what he asked of me, and the mixture of checked and unchecked activities he has had me do have lead to a level of trust developing between us. Without that, the relationship would have been crap.

A lot of the time, the online relationships that serve as bad examples of "why online doesn't work" have this exact trust problem, I believe.

 

[FurryFury]

I have recently ended my first online D/s relationship (it didn't last too long, but it was a wonderful experience and I'm very sad it's over). I stated my limits from the start, and they included that nothing may interfere with my grades - I need enough time to do my homework, enough sleep, a bit more preparation time before tests and so on.

My Dom liked controlling aspects of my life, so he had a very accuate schedule of my daily life. Most of my tasks were completed with picture or video proof. Sometimes he asked me to write something and send it to him. I agree with everyone else that you have to be very dedicated for it to work and there needs to be a high level of trust. If you're not going to take a task seriously and just pretend to do it, you might as well forget it.

For me, this was ideal, as I learned so much about the lifestyle, about my role and about myself as well in the short time. I don't know if I am going to pursue another online relationship at any point - it will be difficult to find another Dom who fits this well with me, I think. Even if I decide to take it to real life at some point, the experience will help me a lot.

I'm sorry it's over too.

*HUGS*

Fury

If it makes you happy, then it's a good thing. My big issue is with people who are married/involved and do online bdsm without their partner's knowledge. I have a HUGE issue with that. BDSM is supposed to be about TRUST.

I might have had a problem with this once too. Now I am less judgmental than I once was.

Still, when I hear, my wife isn't into sex, kink or I can't tell her what I'm into, I do tend to think, hey bud, if you put the time and energy that you do online, or where have you into your relationship with your wife then she might be into a lot of things.

Ya know what I mean?

I happen to have a man in my life I can talk with about anything, if I pick the right time, so I'm lucky.

If I felt I couldn't talk with my lover, I'm not sure what I would do. That's why I try not to judge another about these things.

I've never cheated and if I should eventually play with or fuck someone else, it still won't be cheating because he will know it before hand and be okay with it or I simply won't go there.

Is online just like doing things in RL. Hell no. It can be pretty wonderful though particularly if you are not ready yet or are using it in addition to RL scenes. I've had some great learning come from online. I would like more with the right person.

Fury

 

[ObsidianRose]

I don't know that they are a bad thing at all...but I don't think they are for me. I think I would ultimately feel unfulfilled and that would lead to an eventual breakdown of the relationship.

My ideal is to be betrothed to my R/T Master...when and if I find him.

 

[xxxbob]

So how does one go about finding an online dominatrix? I just want someone to play with me, I have no intentions of it getting to a RL situation, but I'm interested in exploring the style and being submissive and having fun - where to start?

 

[mslv4Her]

I've had some really good online relationships as a submissive. I prefer having an online Domme will interact directly with me, not just act out a scene. By this I mean that I am told what to do by Her and I obey it and tell Her how it affects me. Also, I sometimes get assignments that I have to perform for a day or a period of time. These typically involve having to masturbate a certain number of times in a day maybe or maybe not being allowed to cum, tying my cock and balls for a period, inserting a butt plug, or some other type of torment. I do like it best when the online turns to phone. The more direct interaction is really a thrill.

 

[FurryFury]

From what I can tell, it isn't easy for a male submissive to find a Femdom online or in RL.

You could try the personals.

Fury

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Been there, done that. There are some pros, and there are some cons.... The pros were enough that I could consider it again, if the right person came along.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

~ I was given an assignment recently... and it was to read the comments on this thread and to report back. I am pleased to say that I agree with a majority of what has been said up until 27 March.

~ An o/l (online) D/s relationship is safer, yes.
~ It can alliviate a lot of the anxiety for a sub - and possibly help her ease into the role she will be fulfilling if, and when, it goes to r/t (real time).
~ It is a great way to help stem the nervousness that may well occur at an initial face-to-face meeting - on the proviso that both Dom and sub can/do "click" with each other and are comfortable with each other.
~ From this form of 'training' if you will, a level of trust can, and just may, begin to form - again making that initial contact/meeting flow with a lot more ease then just meeting and not knowing alot about the other.
~ This is the ideal time to ask questions, due to an overabundance of nerves, sometimes on the part of both participants.
~ This is the ideal time to ascertain if the Dom/me to whom you are speaking is an easy to please and considerate individual or a Sadist.
~ Granted, one can not 'feel' the punishment if it needs to be eeked out - and the reaction of the sub to such, if warranted, will be part of the 'play' - it will prepare them to be responsive and to think about what it will feel like - and to enjoy the sensations that she feels after the 'punishment' scene. Of course it stands to reason that the sensations will be far more intense in reality - and her body will react far more responsively at that time - in reality... but she will know what to expect - in reality - then not having had a chance to ask any questions that may arise during the online phase.

I'm sure there are more points I have not covered... but these will do for now. I will re-read the responses tomorrow and see if my initial feelings/reactions have changed.

Thank you for this thread. It is, in and of itself, a great 'learning tool.' A very good thing to know is around and is so informative.

 

[mslv4Her]

Been there, done that. There are some pros, and there are some cons.... The pros were enough that I could consider it again, if the right person came along.

That's what I like about Ms Lilith -- straight to the point.

Consider me?

 

[mslv4Her]

~ I was given an assignment recently... and it was to read the comments on this thread and to report back. I am pleased to say that I agree with a majority of what has been said up until 27 March.

~ An o/l (online) D/s relationship is safer, yes.
~ It can alliviate a lot of the anxiety for a sub - and possibly help her ease into the role she will be fulfilling if, and when, it goes to r/t (real time).
~ It is a great way to help stem the nervousness that may well occur at an initial face-to-face meeting - on the proviso that both Dom and sub can/do "click" with each other and are comfortable with each other.
~ From this form of 'training' if you will, a level of trust can, and just may, begin to form - again making that initial contact/meeting flow with a lot more ease then just meeting and not knowing alot about the other.
~ This is the ideal time to ask questions, due to an overabundance of nerves, sometimes on the part of both participants.
~ This is the ideal time to ascertain if the Dom/me to whom you are speaking is an easy to please and considerate individual or a Sadist.
~ Granted, one can not 'feel' the punishment if it needs to be eeked out - and the reaction of the sub to such, if warranted, will be part of the 'play' - it will prepare them to be responsive and to think about what it will feel like - and to enjoy the sensations that she feels after the 'punishment' scene. Of course it stands to reason that the sensations will be far more intense in reality - and her body will react far more responsively at that time - in reality... but she will know what to expect - in reality - then not having had a chance to ask any questions that may arise during the online phase.

I'm sure there are more points I have not covered... but these will do for now. I will re-read the responses tomorrow and see if my initial feelings/reactions have changed.

Thank you for this thread. It is, in and of itself, a great 'learning tool.' A very good thing to know is around and is so informative.

All very good points, Victoria. I'm sure your master will be pleased. I'm so glad you were required to share them with us.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

All very good points, Victoria. I'm sure your master will be pleased. I'm so glad you were required to share them with us.

~ I thank you. His assignment was only to read and then share my findings with Him. I thought it prudent to share here as well. Will that be a possible 'trouble' spot for me? I hope not.

~ We are still in the "finding out about each other" phase at present, but I like what I have 'seen' of His demeanor so far.

 

[MDnavy]

.....................

 

[naxalite0906]

WOW.. I hadnt checked back on this thread for some time, but it is nice to see all of the opinions being voiced.. Please keep them coming as I am sure I am not the only one benefitting from all of this wonderful advice..

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

~ This is the ideal time to ascertain if the Dom/me to whom you are speaking is an easy to please and considerate individual or a Sadist.

Please forgive me my comments in advance Victoria your post comes across as a thoughtful and sincere one , well made however I did get the smile at the comment above. Perhaps its a mere matter of semantics as well though I will still address the comment in same.

I beleive that most Sadists are extremely considerate . Easy to please of course hinges perhaps more on their choice of partner and that ones ability to contend with the expression of Sadism as it manifests quiet individualy to each Dominant.
If anything as you may see from reading statements/conversations on the Board on threads such as 'Delving the Psyche of Sadists' that if anything a Dominant with a strong predeliction to Sadism in this modern world seems to me quite reflective and perhaps due to their own known range within that expression , almost entirely considerate for being so self aware , guarding/restricting that natural expression within themselves and seeking a partner that will not be a victim as would be construed in an apathetic or negative manner.

There are Dominants that may well be about to envisage ripping the flesh from your bones with their teeth, there are also the Dominants that may well know their own potential to pull you apart emotionally brick by brick. These pursuits their pleasure , their 'oxygen' as they know themselves.

So many different applications and yet contended with fairly responsibly considering the potential to a realm that could slide into complete anarchy against the one that serves them. I can't imagine anything more considerate, nor in most manifestations easier to please considering a self enforced regulation stops well short before realising their known/perceived potential than the Sadist in control of their own natural drive.

Well thats my awake past 1am mini rant on an extremely complex topic. I hope a little of it makes sense as to why I personally smiled/laughed a bit in relation to one line in your post.

Delving the Psyche of Sadists Link
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=287554

Ohh adds the mini disclaimer ...........please note that while most of the above is my opinion based on my own first hand experience, reading has enhanced my understanding as well. I do not profess to be '11th Commandment' on the topic, nor do I believe in any shape or form I have spoken in relation to ALL Sadists.
Ahhhh ........ tells myself to get back to bed..........see how compliant I can be at times.....waves/smiles.

 

[Recidiva]

I think this isn't something that really you can look for or establish...someone finds you.

My best online relationship with someone I'd consider to meet this qualification, taught me a great deal about myself, loyalty, patience and self-discovery.

It was very painful at times, it was wrenching to be so far apart or so out of control, but...I rose to the challenge, and by overcoming it, I can't imagine not having had this experience in my life, what he gave me, and what I learned about myself along the way.

They may not all work, but some of them definitely do.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

Please forgive me my comments in advance Victoria your post comes across as a thoughtful and sincere one, well made however I did get the smile at the comment above. Perhaps it's a mere matter of semantics as well, though I will still address the comment in same.

I beleive that most Sadists are extremely considerate. Easy to please of course, hinges perhaps more on their choice of partner and that one's ability to contend with the expression of Sadism as it manifests quiet individually to each Dominant.
If anything, as you may see from reading statements/conversations on the Board on threads such as 'Delving the Psyche of Sadists' that if anything a Dominant with a strong predeliction to Sadism in this modern world seems to me quite reflective and perhaps due to their own known range within that expression, almost entirely considerate for being so self-aware, guarding/restricting that natural expression within themselves and seeking a partner that will not be a victim as would be construed in an apathetic or negative manner.

There are Dominants that may well be about to envisage ripping the flesh from your bones with their teeth, there are also the Dominants that may well know their own potential to pull you apart, emotionally, brick by brick. These pursuits their pleasure, their 'oxygen' as they know themselves.

So many different applications and yet contended with fairly responsibly considering the potential to a realm that could slide into complete anarchy against the one that serves them. I can't imagine anything more considerate, nor in most manifestations easier to please considering a self enforced regulation stops well short before realising their known/perceived potential than the Sadist in control of their own natural drive.

Well thats my awake past 1am mini-rant on an extremely complex topic. I hope a little of it makes sense as to why I personally smiled/laughed a bit in relation to one line in your post.

Delving the Psyche of Sadists Link
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=287554

Ohh adds the mini disclaimer ...........please note that while most of the above is my opinion based on my own first hand experience, reading has enhanced my understanding as well. I do not profess to be '11th Commandment' on the topic, nor do I believe in any shape or form I have spoken in relation to ALL Sadists.

Ahhhh ........ tells myself to get back to bed..........see how compliant I can be at times.....waves/smiles.

~ Under normal circumstance, I by no means consider myself to be as 'thicke as a brick', nor am I as 'thicke as a post'.... I am, however, a fairly smart and intelligent woman. But, mate - the perceptions that you laid down - in spite of the fact that they are 'based upon your own first hand experience/knowledge' .... those few Dom's that I have spoken to - who are indeed Sadists... one of them was truly NOT inclined toward consideration. Consideration was the last item on His list as I saw it.

He was, and is, purely a "pain for the sheer pleasure of it" sort of person... whether His submissive be a newbie or one that is well-versed and well-trained, He was, and is, bent on taking her His way - in spite of His taking the time needed to stretch and prepare her anal channel - she still knew His impending intent once that was achieved.

Somehow - I do not think we are speaking on the same levels here... and while you have felt justified in airing your viewpoint - and while it also may not have been your intent - I do NOT take being talked down to by someone who does not state whether she is a Domme/sub/Switch or a FemDom.

While this may not have been your intent... I find your manner way too haughty for my liking. You need to tone yourself down about four pegs, mate.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

~ Under normal circumstance, I by no means consider myself to be as 'thicke as a brick', nor am I as 'thicke as a post'.... I am, however, a fairly smart and intelligent woman. But, mate - the perceptions that you laid down - in spite of the fact that they are 'based upon your own first hand experience/knowledge' .... those few Dom's that I have spoken to - who are indeed Sadists... one of them was truly NOT inclined toward consideration. Consideration was the last item on His list as I saw it.

He was, and is, purely a "pain for the sheer pleasure of it" sort of person... whether His submissive be a newbie or one that is well-versed and well-trained, He was, and is, bent on taking her His way - in spite of His taking the time needed to stretch and prepare her anal channel - she still knew His impending intent once that was achieved.

Somehow - I do not think we are speaking on the same levels here... and while you have felt justified in airing your viewpoint - and while it also may not have been your intent - I do NOT take being talked down to by someone who does not state whether she is a Domme/sub/Switch or a FemDom.

While this may not have been your intent... I find your manner way too haughty for my liking. You need to tone yourself down about four pegs, mate.

Oh goodness a bit early in the morning for all this. Your way off base with your reply . May I ask before I do return the favor are you Australian ?

Edited to Add : submissive as this label for some reason seems important to you in regards to the context of my reply, I would be most interested to know how that works as well.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

Oh goodness a bit early in the morning for all this. You're way off base with your reply. May I ask, before I do return the favor, are you Australian ?

Edited to Add : submissive as this label for some reason seems important to you in regards to the context of my reply, I would be most interested to know how that works as well.

~ It is important - by the mere title of this thread:

"Are online D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships a good thing?"​

And also for the record, if you have not figured it out, I am a submissive - newly blossomed. My background is inconsequential, thank you.

 

[Kajira Callista]

~ I was given an assignment recently... and it was to read the comments on this thread and to report back. I am pleased to say that I agree with a majority of what has been said up until 27 March.

~ An o/l (online) D/s relationship is safer, yes.
~ It can alliviate a lot of the anxiety for a sub - and possibly help her ease into the role she will be fulfilling if, and when, it goes to r/t (real time).
~ It is a great way to help stem the nervousness that may well occur at an initial face-to-face meeting - on the proviso that both Dom and sub can/do "click" with each other and are comfortable with each other.
~ From this form of 'training' if you will, a level of trust can, and just may, begin to form - again making that initial contact/meeting flow with a lot more ease then just meeting and not knowing alot about the other.
~ This is the ideal time to ask questions, due to an overabundance of nerves, sometimes on the part of both participants.
~ This is the ideal time to ascertain if the Dom/me to whom you are speaking is an easy to please and considerate individual or a Sadist.
~ Granted, one can not 'feel' the punishment if it needs to be eeked out - and the reaction of the sub to such, if warranted, will be part of the 'play' - it will prepare them to be responsive and to think about what it will feel like - and to enjoy the sensations that she feels after the 'punishment' scene. Of course it stands to reason that the sensations will be far more intense in reality - and her body will react far more responsively at that time - in reality... but she will know what to expect - in reality - then not having had a chance to ask any questions that may arise during the online phase.

I'm sure there are more points I have not covered... but these will do for now. I will re-read the responses tomorrow and see if my initial feelings/reactions have changed.

Thank you for this thread. It is, in and of itself, a great 'learning tool.' A very good thing to know is around and is so informative.

 

[*curious*]

Semi-fascinating thread...

I refuse to be labled as Submissive Dominant or Switch, so my thoughts may be tossed out with the bath water, but here goes... (BTW labels really aren't nearly as important as people online claim they are... what is truly important is what is inside one's soul.)

Online relationships are only as good or bad, committed or uncommitted as the persons involved in them; similarly to real life relationships. Online relationships have their own special brand of stress and pain (distance, etc) that, while an online relationship may be satisfying, makes a deeply fulfilling connection difficult, at best.

Add to that the issues of those who have "online affairs" or get "emotionally involved" without their partner's knowledge, and one ends up stirring a pot of sticky relationship soup instead of fostering a healthy Love life.

While long distance and online relationships can work, I am of the opinion that they are quite fragile and far less than ideal; the potential for pain (of the not good kind) is far too great a risk to take.

As for the wandering tanget re: Sadists...

Sadists have no heart. They don't care one whit about the soul of the person they are tormenting; thus, this poster would never place herself in the hands of a Sadist. It is, however, quite possible to be "sadistic" without being a sadist. There are many things my Lover and I enjoy (in that love/hate/I really don't want to but will for you sort of way) that would make people think either of us are Sadists... we prefer to view ourselves as deliciously and lovingly masochistic.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

~ Thank you Darling

Daffodils x 10 = you know why

*Pssst* I've missed you Darling.

 

[Kajira Callista]

~ Thank you Darling

Daffodils x 10 = you know why

*Pssst* I've missed you Darling.

yes...sunday is daffodil day!

 

[passiongirl19]

i think they are good coz it allows you to imagine things and play with ideas that you might be scared of doing real life.