Are online d/s relationships a good thing?

[Victoria_2001_02769]

Semi-fascinating thread...

I refuse to be labled as Submissive Dominant or Switch, so my thoughts may be tossed out with the bath water, but here goes... (BTW labels really aren't nearly as important as people online claim they are... what is truly important is what is inside one's soul.)

Online relationships are only as good or bad, committed or uncommitted as the persons involved in them; similarly to real life relationships. Online relationships have their own special brand of stress and pain (distance, etc) that, while an online relationship may be satisfying, makes a deeply fulfilling connection difficult, at best.

Add to that the issues of those who have "online affairs" or get "emotionally involved" without their partner's knowledge, and one ends up stirring a pot of sticky relationship soup instead of fostering a healthy Love life.

While long distance and online relationships can work, I am of the opinion that they are quite fragile and far less than ideal; the potential for pain (of the not good kind) is far too great a risk to take.

As for the wandering tanget re: Sadists...

Sadists have no heart. They don't care one whit about the soul of the person they are tormenting; thus, this poster would never place herself in the hands of a Sadist. It is, however, quite possible to be "sadistic" without being a sadist. There are many things my Lover and I enjoy (in that love/hate/I really don't want to but will for you sort of way) that would make people think either of us are Sadists... we prefer to view ourselves as deliciously and lovingly masochistic.

~ Thank you, *curious*. You touched on a few points that I meant to, but forgot to. And your statement re: wandering target - is: very well said. I like the way you put this:

"Sadists have no heart. They don't care a whit about the soul of the person they are tormenting." That was my point - precisely.

And whle it is true to a small sum of the many, that titles(labels) per se are really not nearly so important as people online claim they are... while I am still so new to this, in my own defense, they are, for now. Who knows? That attitude may well change down the road.

But for now, I am content that it matters - if only to me, for myself as I become more attuned and find my niche.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

yes...sunday is daffodil day!

*giggles* Hug the heart and soul for me, please? And save a BIG one for yourself.

 

[Dale42]

healthy bud dangersous

i think on line relationships can be healthy because they help people explore what they like and dont like.

the real danger i think is when a person starts doing stuff real life. of course, is real life is so much more messy and complicated, and the whole learning process begins again.

 

[raisedSkirt]

Really Good Points

I think that you make excellent points concerning on-line relationships, and I can testify to being hurt many times in such relationships. In a sense, an on-line relationship is somewhat of a contradiction, at least to myself.

On the one part, there is the apparent annonimity of distance, discretion, and virtuality but on the second part, there is a requirement in any type of relationship whether it be on-line or in real life, to give of yourself in terms of feelings, and true emotions.

As a result, you become one part of what you now feel as a meaningful relationship however virtual, to yourself. Now, it is no longer an on-line relationship but one involving human frailty.

Fleure

Semi-fascinating thread...

I refuse to be labled as Submissive Dominant or Switch, so my thoughts may be tossed out with the bath water, but here goes... (BTW labels really aren't nearly as important as people online claim they are... what is truly important is what is inside one's soul.)

Online relationships are only as good or bad, committed or uncommitted as the persons involved in them; similarly to real life relationships. Online relationships have their own special brand of stress and pain (distance, etc) that, while an online relationship may be satisfying, makes a deeply fulfilling connection difficult, at best.

Add to that the issues of those who have "online affairs" or get "emotionally involved" without their partner's knowledge, and one ends up stirring a pot of sticky relationship soup instead of fostering a healthy Love life.

While long distance and online relationships can work, I am of the opinion that they are quite fragile and far less than ideal; the potential for pain (of the not good kind) is far too great a risk to take.

As for the wandering tanget re: Sadists...

Sadists have no heart. They don't care one whit about the soul of the person they are tormenting; thus, this poster would never place herself in the hands of a Sadist. It is, however, quite possible to be "sadistic" without being a sadist. There are many things my Lover and I enjoy (in that love/hate/I really don't want to but will for you sort of way) that would make people think either of us are Sadists... we prefer to view ourselves as deliciously and lovingly masochistic.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

~ Raised skirt, you made valid points as well and you also pointed out the post from *curious*. Thusly combined, you both made excellent points that fit into both sides of the pros and cons columns.

I first came in contact with this thread as an 'assignment' and, after reading, I was told to give my feelings/impressions to the dom in question. Well I did that - and then - thought to post my impressions here as well - which I did.

I am going to amend what I said in that first posting here - to add this:

Make sure the Dom knows what he wants both from himself and of you before you agree to an online relationship. Make sure to ask this upfront - in the very beginning of your conversations. It could, not saying it will; it could save you from angry or hurtful feelings later.

 

[raisedSkirt]

Thank you Victoria

I wasn't really referring to a don/submissive relationship in particular but I would agree that the pros and cons would apply to that type of relationship as well as any other.

Fleure

~ Raised skirt, you made valid points as well and you also pointed out the post from *curious*. Thusly combined, you both made excellent points that fit into both sides of the pros and cons columns.

I first came in contact with this thread as an 'assignment' and, after reading, I was told to give my feelings/impressions to the dom in question. Well I did that - and then - thought to post my impressions here as well - which I did.

I am going to amend what I said in that first posting here - to add this:

Make sure the Dom knows what he wants both from himself and of you before you agree to an online relationship. Make sure to ask this upfront - in the very beginning of your conversations. It could, not saying it will; it could save you from angry or hurtful feelings later.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

I wasn't really referring to a dom/submissive relationship in particular but I would agree that the pros and cons would apply to that type of relationship as well as any other.

Fleure

~ I realized that as I re-read. I really shouldn't post when I'm not totally awake yet. I'm barely even through my first coffee - and I want my mind to think?

yeah - right! ​

 

[WriterDom]

For every one success story there are probably 5 stories of people who moved in with someone they had an online relationship with and realized within weeks or days even that they made a huge mistake.

 

[Recidiva]

For every one success story there are probably 5 stories of people who moved in with someone they had an online relationship with and realized within weeks or days even that they made a huge mistake.

I've done that. When people travel all the way across the country, too, leaving everything and arriving only with their car...that's rough.

 

[WriterDom]

I've done that. When people travel all the way across the country, too, leaving everything and arriving only with their car...that's rough.

How is the new kitty and does he have a name?

 

[Recidiva]

How is the new kitty and does he have a name?

While I read this post he was digging his claws into my thigh (his signal for me to pick him up), so I did.

He's adorable. He's got the most horrid flatulence ever known to Gods or men and so there are air fresheners everywhere.

He likes to hide in wait and jump out, biting or scratching people (everyone but me).

My son named him "Nicey" and for my daughter I changed the spelling to "Nici" so it sounds exotic.

My husband calls him "Little Nicky"

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

I've done that. When people travel all the way across the country, too, leaving everything and arriving only with their car...that's rough.

~ I'm sure that more than a few of us have found that what may be/is felt online - doesn't always transfer over well into reality. Makes a move such as the one you described - that much more difficult to recoup from. It can be done - it just takes a little longer imho.

 

[WriterDom]

must be feeding him the wet food. My cats never fart. The girl throws up about every 3 days.

 

[Recidiva]

~ I'm sure that more than a few of us have found that what may be/is felt online - doesn't always transfer over well into reality. Makes a move such as the one you described - that much more difficult to recoup from. It can be done - it just takes a little longer imho.

I have moved twice for gentlemen I met on the internet, and married them both.

A couple of guys moved for me and didn't do so well.

So I guess the trick is...get me to move.

 

[Recidiva]

must be feeding him the wet food. My cats never fart. The girl throws up about every 3 days.

Nope, dry. Starting to think this is why the little one got abandoned in the first place. I need goggles.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

I have moved twice for gentlemen I met on the internet, and married them both.

A couple of guys moved for me and didn't do so well.

So I guess the trick is...get me to move.

You're a lucky lady indeed that it worked out for you. Best of luck and continued happiness.

 

[Recidiva]

You're a lucky lady indeed that it worked out for you. Best of luck and continued happiness.

Why thank you ma'am, that's most gracious. He's even started posting here, so we can play tag.

 

[FurryFury]

Nope, dry. Starting to think this is why the little one got abandoned in the first place. I need goggles.

LOL!

My little kitty was like that with the gas at first but after we got her on a good diet and she recovered her health, she got better. Now she almost never puts out a bad cloud.

Fury

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

Why thank you ma'am, that's most gracious. He's even started posting here, so we can play tag.

~ Heh heh - I am soooo going to keep the images that come to mind - quiet! And you're welcome.

what type of dry food are you feeding Nici - if I may ask?

 

[Recidiva]

LOL!

My little kitty was like that with the gas at first but after we got her on a good diet and she recovered her health, she got better. Now she almost never puts out a bad cloud.

Fury

Yeah, he has been getting better, his little belly was distended when we first got him, and if he was startled he'd leave a trail...

We're hoping for resolution of this some day, but in the meantime he pretty much only gets to stay on MY lap.

Nobody else is brave enough.

 

[Recidiva]

~ Heh heh - I am soooo going to keep the images that come to mind - quiet! And you're welcome.

what type of dry food are you feeding Nici - if I may ask?

We have three cats, I tried to leave out Iams kitten food, but he wouldn't eat it and they all hated it, so as soon as I finished that bag I gave up. He eats what the other cats eat so I just have a big bowl of something dry and not insane. I try to read labels and get a different bag every time so they don't suffer from ennui.

Treats are worse, read closely and some of them have sawdust in 'em. Someone tell me why "cellulose" is a decent ingredient?

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

Yeah, he has been getting better, his little belly was distended when we first got him, and if he was startled he'd leave a trail...

We're hoping for resolution of this some day, but in the meantime he pretty much only gets to stay on MY lap.

Nobody else is brave enough.

~ Awww - poor baby! I hate to see animals mistreated - and when they're little and defenseless like yours? - it's criminal.

*giggling at the "nobody else is brave enough*

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

We have three cats, I tried to leave out Iams kitten food, but he wouldn't eat it and they all hated it, so as soon as I finished that bag I gave up. He eats what the other cats eat so I just have a big bowl of something dry and not insane. I try to read labels and get a different bag every time so they don't suffer from ennui.

Treats are worse, read closely and some of them have sawdust in 'em. Someone tell me why "cellulose" is a decent ingredient?

Purina Kitten Chow for the baby. It's all mine ate for the first year. No wet food - no treats - very little milk - just enough to fill the inside lip where the cup rests. If the other food he's eating isn't for kittens - that may be part of the 'cloud' problem.

Cellulose? a "decent" ingredient? Since bloody when?

 

[Recidiva]

~ Awww - poor baby! I hate to see animals mistreated - and when they're little and defenseless like yours? - it's criminal.

*giggling at the "nobody else is brave enough*

I'm not permitted to look at kitties any more without an escort. This is my third abandoned animal. I've gotten the three cats.

However, my husband collects dogs and the last one is an 80-pound rottweiler that has to wear a Hannibal Lecter muzzle.

And I'M the softie.

Riiiiight. "But he's so cute!" is what he said to me.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

I'm not permitted to look at kitties any more without an escort. This is my third abandoned animal. I've gotten the three cats.

However, my husband collects dogs and the last one is an 80-pound rottweiler that has to wear a Hannibal Lecter muzzle.

And I'M the softie.

Riiiiight. "But he's so cute!" is what he said to me.

oh yeahhhhhh - YOU're the softie! And if the Rotti is "so cute" - they why does HE wear the muzzle? Hmmm?