Are slaves......

[Kajira Callista]

Hmmmm seems like there are a whole bunch of Dom/Masters/Mistresses who have somehow overlooked the thread....wonder if i should go out there and find them?

 

[TheRiddler]

Originally posted by Kajira Callista
Well hello there riddler, thanks for your kind words. I have to say you are one of the sweetest ppl ive met on lit .*hug*

That is quite a compliment coming from such a sweet person. Thank you! Merry Christmas you sexy woman!

 

[Shadowsdream]

You always do put things into words so beautifully Shadowsdream Ma'am. Do you feel a slave is inferior or powerless...i would love to know your thoughts on this. Miss your posts.

Hello again

...is a slave inferior or powerless? I would say that the answer is so complex that it would take hours of face to face talk to dig deeply enough into that paradox to give a semi complete opinion.

BUT...simplifying the thoughts...

The slave is inferior because he/she has an emotional need to feel superiority above them. Their inferiority is chosen by them and if they are really lucky they will match with a Dominant that understands this authentic and deep need. The inferiority is a mind set. In reality an INFERIOR slave would quickly bore a Dominant with any emotions or intellect and it is not likely a long term satisfying relationship would occur.

Powerless? Yes the slave is powerless to do anything but endure, obey and suffer if that is the wish of their Dominant. BUT they came to this position of slavery from a powerful position of free choice. They "give" their power to the One that will own them...so perhaps the answer is yes and no!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Love your answer Shadowsdream....for a circumstance limited answer it describes the slave mindset I believe is right for me no matter how hard it may be at times. The rewards far outweigh the difficulties. Hope your Christmas is a beautiful one.

Catalina

 

[Master_Wiccanman]

Hello again

...is a slave inferior or powerless? ...YES

I agree .. There is a Power exchange given by the slave/sub to their Dominant but it is up to the individuals within that M/s relationship as to what levels of play they mutually agree upon.. I feel Respect is the Key word here.. if a scene goes badly and the slave/sub tells her Dom/me that she didnt like it , then that Dom/me should respect the feedback and either modify the scene in future to suit or no longer indulge in that particular play,,, but there is also the matter of boundaries and pushing those boundaries.. and again I repeat myself,,"with Respect"..

but abuse is a NO, NO..
And.. as Mr Blonde posted ....

1. acting out of pure malice or hatred
2. major loss of respect for the sub/slave
3. major loss of self-control...

then the Dom/me IS just an ABUSER and should not be called a dominant at all.

The Dominant should maintain control of the situation at all times and that includes of themselves

In the wild you never see an Alpha Male attacking his mate/s purely out of malice or loss of control it is simply to assertain dominance ..once done ..***** goes on as normal ...in co-operation and with respect..

But we are Human,, and sadly some are not fit to be part of our species and our legal systems tries its best to deal with abusers,,,yet fails..

If abused...I say Walk ..Hell ,,,Run...and Keep safe

Catalina once posted a wonderful table on the difference between dominant and an abuser.. perhaps she would be kind enough to post it again... some could well do with learning from it..

Merry Xmas and Blessed Be

 

[Shadowsdream]

Love your answer Shadowsdream....for a circumstance limited answer it describes the slave mindset I believe is right for me no matter how hard it may be at times. The rewards far outweigh the difficulties. Hope your Christmas is a beautiful one.

Catalina

Merry Christmas to you and Yours. Mindset is an often overlooked piece of the BDSM puzzle.

 

[catalina_francisco]

[BCatalina once posted a wonderful table on the difference between dominant and an abuser.. perhaps she would be kind enough to post it again... some could well do with learning from it..

Merry Xmas and Blessed Be [/B]

Is this the one? http://www.cufsmaine.org/bdsmvsab.htm

Catalina

 

[Master_Wiccanman]

Is this the one? http://www.cufsmaine.org/bdsmvsab.htm

Catalina

Yes Cata;ina that is thae one.. Thank You for the link again...
I am sure it will help those that need to clafify the differences between Dominant and Abuser..

Blessed Be

 

[Kajira Callista]

Im really glad i started this thread...the responses were wonderful...every one of them...keep them coming ppl , im thinking we as a group have a whole lot of knowledge to share with someone who is learning or might need help. Thank you all

 

[Kataklysm]

Is this the one? http://www.cufsmaine.org/bdsmvsab.htm

Catalina

What an excellent link. Thank you.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yes Cata;ina that is thae one.. Thank You for the link again...
I am sure it will help those that need to clafify the differences between Dominant and Abuser..

Blessed Be

Forever happy to help when I can.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

Thank you Netzach, i read, thought and reread your post...It is all about the Dominants limits...at least to me. I would like to ask one thing though, in your eyes are slaves inferior ppl or powerless. Im not talking about during play or at certain times when its the dominants choice to have them in that position, im talking about in a general sort of way.

No they're not inferior as people or powerless as people, 'course not. But they become that in relation to me once they decide to go there. Once you ask to "be my slave" you are putting yourself into an inferior position with regards to me, bottom line.

 

[Kajira Callista]

No they're not inferior as people or powerless as people, 'course not. But they become that in relation to me once they decide to go there. Once you ask to "be my slave" you are putting yourself into an inferior position with regards to me, bottom line.

Understood

 

[Master_Wiccanman]

No they're not inferior as people or powerless as people, 'course not. But they become that in relation to me once they decide to go there. Once you ask to "be my slave" you are putting yourself into an inferior position with regards to me, bottom line.

I Agree with you... They are not inferior or powerless as a Person..only within the D/s relationship and after the power exchange... perhaps I should have made myself more clear in my previous post.. my Appologies

 

[Master_Wiccanman]

No they're not inferior as people or powerless as people, 'course not. But they become that in relation to me once they decide to go there. Once you ask to "be my slave" you are putting yourself into an inferior position with regards to me, bottom line.

I Agree with you... They are not inferior or powerless as a Person..only within the D/s relationship and after the power exchange... perhaps I should have made myself more clear in my previous post.. my Appologies

 

[Master_Wiccanman]

oops sorry...
some how did a double post in error :{

 

[Kajira Callista]

I Agree with you... They are not inferior or powerless as a Person..only within the D/s relationship and after the power exchange... perhaps I should have made myself more clear in my previous post.. my Appologies

i think we all said the same thing pretty much in this thread.....in a million different ways. I like that!

 

[A Desert Rose]

...in a million different ways. I like that!

Callista, I've told you a kazillion times to stop exaggerating. ;-)

 

[Kajira Callista]

Callista, I've told you a kazillion times to stop exaggerating. ;-)

you always make me smile

 

[Kajira Callista]

Bumping this one because everyone who posted added alot of wonderful info and insight...hope there are more of you out there that want to add to it..

 

[Etoile]

I've really enjoyed reading this entire thread, especially responses from Netzach, Shadowsdream, and ownedsubgal.

My input is regarding the definition of "abuse" - a topic that has come up here again and again.

In a BDSM context, hitting someone out of anger is not necessarily abuse. It can be a very suitable punishment in some situations. Even if it causes injury (which may or may not require medical treatment), it might not be abuse yet. Abuse happens when there is a pattern. I don't mean that it happens more than once, that's not a pattern - a pattern is when it happens consistently for no reason. If the dominant is consistently hurting his/her slave without justification (and inventing a reason, which true abusers often do, doesn't count), that is abuse.

I hope that made sense.

 

[FungiUg]

[...]Abuse happens when there is a pattern - a pattern is when it happens consistently for no reason.

Sadly, from my own personal experience as a child, that's not entirely true. The abuse I suffered from my step-father had a "reason", but was entirely out of proportion.

 

[catalina_francisco]

In a BDSM context, hitting someone out of anger is not necessarily abuse. It can be a very suitable punishment in some situations.
I hope that made sense.

Sorry Etoile, no it does not make sense as abuse is not something I see on any respected site, in any club, or in any community group of BDSMers as having a place in BDSM culture. There is a difference between BDSM and DV, and it angers me when people use this community to try and excuse their behaviour when they are two distinctly different things. In fact, most who are discovered to lose it in anger are outcast and shunned for their non consensual behaviour. Apart from the usual acknowledged motivations for abusing another, it is a loss of control, and when someone hits another while out of control they do not have the clarity of mind or purpose to insure they do not wilfully hurt that person beyond reasonable levels expected and accepted in scening, or death.

I think if you believe abuse is an acceptable part of the scene you need to reevaluate whether you are in it for the right reasons or whether you are perhaps a victim of abuse yourself. Abuse is not an agreed upon code of behaviour such as those in a BDSM relationship where physical pain is an accepted part, and once those behaviours are done in anger they become non consensual and dangerous abuse. Dominants worth their title adhere to dealing with their anger in a safe way before administering any punishment they decide fits the perceived disobedience or disrespect.

Catalina

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Ok, what if someone doesnt fully understand the responsibilites of a Master, if they are just as new as the slave? How do they know where the line they shouldnt cross is?

If they aren't mature enough to handle themselves properly, they have no right being in a relationship...jeez, isn't this stuff really obvious? You have to be at least intelligent enough to understand your own limitations, and the lack of that sort of self-knowledge seems to be the cause of most problems in ANY relationship.

 

[catalina_francisco]

If they aren't mature enough to handle themselves properly, they have no right being in a relationship...jeez, isn't this stuff really obvious? You have to be at least intelligent enough to understand your own limitations, and the lack of that sort of self-knowledge seems to be the cause of most problems in ANY relationship.

Have to agree...it would be hoped before submitting to being a slave you would at least understand what you were getting into, and have discussed the boundaries and limits before accepting that pretty collar that tempts some so easily to submit then run when all is not geared toward their own needs being met.

Same goes for Dominants. They need to know what they are doing before taking on the responsibility of a slave. While everyone learns new things and evolve, the basics need to be there before accepting responsibility for another and a relationship. If they don't they need to learn more before taking that big step.

And both sub/slave and Dominant/Master should have enough common sense and self knowledge to be able to assess before committing that the other person knows what is required, has a sense of responsibility and maturity, and above all can be honest and clear about the whole deal.

Catalina