As a Master How Would You Feel...

[intothewoods]

I have a question to pose to everyone who has given an opinion of this thread.

For those of you who have supported the idea of a Dominant denying his/her submissive permission to talk to other men/women, do you not think it shows a lack of trust?

If Daddy said I couldn't talk to other boys, I'd be asking him why not, because I'd feel like he didn't trust me to talk to other boys without getting up to something.

I wouldn't be able to do it anyway, alot of my friends are male, and there's the small topic of my boyfriend lol.

I'm not exactly denied permission to do anything, but my PYL did exercise a veto power early on about people I "meet" online. I can email them, and exchange messages, or IM, but no phone calls. I had posed it as a question to him initially, because I wasn't sure how I felt about it. These days, I don't IM anymore. I'm not really in that kind of contact with anyone from the boards, and I'm not on any other sites. From his perspective, he was just looking out for me, and at the time, I felt like it made sense. I see it now as a sign of respect, and just where I'm at. I have male friends of course, and I talk to them. It should be said, I think, that it's not a crazy assumption to think that a man who messages a woman on a porn site wants something sexual from her.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I can talk to whoever I want male or female, Dominant, submissive switch watever. I can't be overly flirtatous, send pictures, my phone munber, any identifying information etc--the normal stuff that really I wouldn't do or want to do anyways. I am required to tell my PYL who I am talking to, why and generally what about. It is not a trust or control issue. It is a way of staying in tune with what is going in in my mind. It helps in a LDR.

 

[rida]

Hubby knows everything that I do, who I talk with and so on. I don't need to ask his permission, but often end up asking his opinion. When it comes to o/l, our dynamic is such that he can tell me if he'd rather I do not e-mail/IM or what not with this or that men and I will keep it in mind, while with r/l encounters he has a bigger veto power.

It has nothing to do with being insecure, but with looking out for me. I can get carried away and lose perspective and I trust him to keep me safe. Sure I'm going to argue my case, but so far, the only instances where he opposed someone, it proved out quickly that he was right.

Now if I was in a stronger TPE type relationship, I would find much easier to follow the "because I say so" than any other type of reason, 'cause I would be arguing them to no end. And I would still put in a "but ...". (being there, done that, argued to no end, had to make my decision.)

 

[Netzach]

The shoe's on the other foot here. I really let M have the reins with dating, encourage him to date. He always gets me up to date on people he's been chatting with when it comes to "maybe I should call him?" or if there's a swinger wife I might find interesting or something like that. He has his BF, I don't interfere in it, though I'm happy to give solicited advice, I love being invited over to hang out as I was last night (played scrabble, hardly any hot three way sex there) and that's that.

I LOVE having my night a week to myself, I know he knows which side of the bread is buttered, and it's nice not having rules and regs to worry about in regard to this. I have enough to do. If I hit M with a ton of regulatory legislation, he'd probably never have gotten to date 2 with this guy and I would not have my coveted night a week of CNN and late night housework.

Ta da.

My theory - when someone "wants you to explore" but you have a three page document about what you can and can't do, they really don't want you to.