Ask-a-Dom/me

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: here's a couple questions

before you realized or became aware that there is this awesome world of d/s~~ where there can be levels of formality to dominance/submission --- how did you dominate in your relationships? or did you?

i earned a commision in Uncle Sam's hit parade. i think i've stated and explained that in the "how did you get your nick?" thread.

Were you ever in a relationship where you both knew you were dominant~ the other knew he/she was submissive but you as the dominant established boundaries & set up rules by behavior & not words? I realize this is not very clear but neither are my thoughts...

If you refer to bearing, the way you carry yourself, that's an easy one. Has to do with personal space, and quite a few other non-verbal signals. i've mentioned eye contact and not blinking before. As for the intent behind the question, an informal D/s relationship? i'd be surprised if many haven't done that before they figured out what they really wanted.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

What is the one thing which makes a sub/slave stand out (positively) from the rest you have encountered along the way?

Cat

Chuckling ... oh my ...

• Self-awareness
• Self-composure
• Self-discipline
• Directness
• Grace
• Intelligence
• Service

That's the short and quick list.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... What about the growth of a Dom/me's sadistic limits?

~anelize

Yes, they grow. The interesting part is keeping control of them.

May you live in interesting times.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Chuckling ... oh my ...

• Self-awareness
• Self-composure
• Self-discipline
• Directness
• Grace
• Intelligence
• Service

That's the short and quick list.

LOL...now why does this list seem just what I expected from you, and one I can relate to whole heartedly?!!

Catalina

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Re: here's a couple questions

before you realized or became aware that there is this awesome world of d/s~~ where there can be levels of formality to dominance/submission--
how did you dominate in your relationships? or did you?

Were you ever in a relationship where you both knew you were dominant~ the other knew he/she was submissive but you as the dominant established boundaries & set up rules by behavior & not words?
I realize this is not very clear but neither are my thoughts...

I think what happened to me was that I subconsciously sought submissive women, and found passive-aggressive women instead. What a nightmare!

 

[A Desert Rose]

My apologies Lisa, for misunderstanding you. (I seem to be doing this a lot lately. Maybe I need medication... lol.)

But in all seriousness, You are correct and I was wrong.

 

[ethereal~minx]

...Each time that it broke up, it was either because I grew tired of the relationship and ended it or there were incompatibilities in the relationship that I decided weren't worth the hassle of trying to overcome.

looking back, do you think the hassles could have been overcome by your awareness-- or of the label you now wear?

...As such, I did not set forth formal rules, but I did make the things that pleased me known to my girlfriends, and by their submissive natures (see previous answer) they accepted my likes and dislikes as rules to follow, so as to please me.

I hope this was what you were looking for Ethereal!

Have you found it easier, with your new awareness, to define and express your likes and dislikes?


Yep, this is exactly what I was looking for~~ thank you sooo much!!!

 

[ethereal~minx]

Re: Re: here's a couple questions

i earned a commision in Uncle Sam's hit parade. i think i've stated and explained that in the "how did you get your nick?" thread.

If you refer to bearing, the way you carry yourself, that's an easy one. Has to do with personal space, and quite a few other non-verbal signals. i've mentioned eye contact and not blinking before. As for the intent behind the question, an informal D/s relationship? i'd be surprised if many haven't done that before they figured out what they really wanted.

You know AA, I'm with you on that~~~ I too would be surprised if many haven't experienced informality prior to knowing of the dynamics of D/s
however, I don't think it's a matter of not knowing what they want. I'm thinking it's a matter of not knowing there is another way to get it..

 

[ethereal~minx]

What stands out to me is the way that every person moves along an arc of impenetrability to vulnerability in their own unique and beautiful, stirring way.

I groove on that. Some people grab me more than others as they do.

M's responses are particularly moving/sexy/powerful to me.

You are one of the few here that move me~~ oh gawd no, this is not a come on *smiling* but I agree with or feel in many ways the same way you do on many topics.

and this is one of them~~

 

[ethereal~minx]

Re: Re: here's a couple questions

Well, to the first one, before I really "knew" about this I was in a few relationships where I took a more take-charge role...and then I met a girl who wanted to take it further, with me tieing her up, spanking her, etc etc
it felt very natural

I suppose I assume too much at times~~~
I'm thinking it's easier for people that "know" themselves
& know their own boundaries to express themselves & their likes & dislikes clearly--- even prior to 'knowing' of this d/s existence

so, in your naturalness : )
is it safe to assume your actions were in line with your words?
ahhhh, there it is-- integrity, personal integrity.

to say you don't like something but accept it forever then bitch about it & say it's a 'rule' that's been broken is not real consistent and if this dominant person reeally knew how to express & set his boundaries, or rather, really knew himself--- the unspoken rule would have been clear in the first place~~~ I think.

 

[ethereal~minx]

Re: Re: here's a couple questions

I think what happened to me was that I subconsciously sought submissive women, and found passive-aggressive women instead. What a nightmare!

could it have been that they didn't realize the depth of their submission? I wouldn't say that I--ooooh, I guess you could say I was passive-aggressive. I did not know the power I gave, the power they were entrusted with & when I perceived betrayal, I'd pull it back--- not wanting it back, just wanting them to use it properly *laughing* omg! how eye-opening is that!!!

 

[His_good_girl]

Personal lightbulb moment for me here -- The passive-aggressive comment really hit me. i am new to this life-style and have been with DH for 10 years. In the beginning, i was extremely passive-aggressive; it is how i was raised (Mom & Grandmom are totally p-a) and how i thought i should act. i didn't want to fight or argue with DH but tried to make my dissatisfaction known through all sorts or p-a ways. It drove Him nuts. He would tell me he wasn't going to let me become like my mother and treat him as my father (and actually my grandfather too) is treated. Over time i started to lessen my p-a episodes and within the past 1-2 years have realized why i am so much happier. For the longest time i acted like it was me against Him rather than us against the world. Now i see that i needed him to take the dominant role in a much more Dom way. i needed him to tell me to "knock-it-off" and show me my attitude wasn't acceptable. Since i have embraced the fact that i am a sub, i have opened up a whole part of myself that i had been hiding away from him due to pride/fear/insecurity. My vanilla friends would never understand this, but i feel so much safer, more cherished and happier since i have been able to get rid of the facade i had in place before. i am not even sure he understands the depth of how much more fulfilled i now feel.

(sorry for my self-involved rambling post, but how my p-a-ness and my family history created who i am today just hit me!)

 

[ethereal~minx]

...Now i see that i needed him to take the dominant role in a much more Dom way. i needed him to tell me to "knock-it-off" and show me my attitude wasn't acceptable. ...

I love the rambling~~ it's in my family too, this p-a behavior--allllll over the place. it's so much nicer when both sides can embrace their qualities & express them without feeling like they're 'gettin one over' on the other or whatever they may feel.

I understand that some may believe this dominance & submission is 'just nature' but shoot, then LIVE it in all it's glory!!!! it'd make my life a whole helluva lot easier...

 

[TNRkitect2b]

...Each time that it broke up, it was either because I grew tired of the relationship and ended it or there were incompatibilities in the relationship that I decided weren't worth the hassle of trying to overcome.

looking back, do you think the hassles could have been overcome by your awareness-- or of the label you now wear?

...As such, I did not set forth formal rules, but I did make the things that pleased me known to my girlfriends, and by their submissive natures (see previous answer) they accepted my likes and dislikes as rules to follow, so as to please me.

I hope this was what you were looking for Ethereal!

Have you found it easier, with your new awareness, to define and express your likes and dislikes?


Yep, this is exactly what I was looking for~~ thank you sooo much!!!

Ok to your first Q: the hassles were typically items of incompatibility, such as she was not willing to open up to me, or she was at an intelligence level far enough different to mine that we couldn't discuss things. (ie.. she was dumb but good looking, conversations sucked but she was good in bed) The incompatibilities were such that the relationship did not work. On some, I fought them, others I didn't because I could see the problems were insurmountable.
So to answer your Q, no, I don't think the awareness of the labe lwould have helped, as the issues were not with how the relationship was approached, but with us ourselves.

for the 2nd Q: I always found it easy to define and express my likes and dislikes, i just now have knowledge of more things to try

 

[Netzach]

The passive aggressive comments are interesting to me, because I have, if unchecked, a tendency to be passive aggressive, and it's certainly the major MO of the people in my family, male and female. leaders and followers.

Coming to terms with that, realizing that I don't *WANT* to be like that, have been foundations for me, really critical in my development as a Top.

 

[Prof Bill]

What is the one thing which makes a sub/slave stand out (positively) from the rest you have encountered along the way?

Cat

I've always been attracted to very strong subs--women who are highly competent at whatever it is they do, who can stand on their own two feet in the midst of storms. who are also highly developed sensualists with great curiosity.

What's even more amazing than my description is the fact that I've found women like this over the years.

These are non-doormats--women whose submission is a wonderful and valuable gift because it is so obviously a choice they make. Even when they need the fulfillment that can come only through submission, they make a choice to give their submission to me--and that honors me.

Bill

 

[catalina_francisco]

I've always been attracted to very strong subs--women who are highly competent at whatever it is they do, who can stand on their own two feet in the midst of storms. who are also highly developed sensualists with great curiosity.

What's even more amazing than my description is the fact that I've found women like this over the years.

These are non-doormats--women whose submission is a wonderful and valuable gift because it is so obviously a choice they make. Even when they need the fulfillment that can come only through submission, they make a choice to give their submission to me--and that honors me.

Bill

Have to say this is the type sub/slave I prefer to be. I also find that by having lead my life, mostly alone or raising my children alone and through hardship, this self knowledge I have not only survived but excelled where many less encumbered admitted they could not even contemplate doing, has given me the strength and peace to submit fully in my 24/7 TPE relationship. I feel freed, unfettered by occasional thoughts of 'what if' and 'can I make it alone if I have to', and am also able to utilise those life skills for the benefit of Master and our relationship and future. They form part of the service I provide in being his slave.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Given I don't believe one size fits all, are there any Dominants who enjoy a sub/slave who plays victim, that is in ways such as continuously seem to looking for validation by making remarks which hint at their not being worth anything, their thoughts and feelings being of no consequence etc? Do any like the sub/slave who emphasises female helplessness, acts as if they are not able to think straight or seriously? If so, why? Personally I know Master finds this behaviour tiring and boring...fortunately as I would find it the same if I had to feign it....but I am wondering if all Dominants think that way or if some find it attractive and alluring?

Catalina

 

[Mr Blonde]

Hey, remember this thread?

NOTE: Catalina's last question was addressed in this thread:
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=215004


Besides that, this thread is a good chance for any basic questions that lurkers or newbies might want to ask.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... acts as if they are not able to think straight or seriously? If so, why?

Catalina

Quite simply, not worth my time.

The extended version, still short, how do you mindfuck someone if they don't have a mind?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Quite simply, not worth my time.

The extended version, still short, how do you mindfuck someone if they don't have a mind?

I like that one.

Catalina